TransGriot Note: One of the things people fail to realize is that when a transperson is killed, it not only ends their life, but has ripple effects with loved ones, family members, friends and all of the people who were acquainted with them. Victoria Carmen White's friend Angela DeRocco writes a heartfelt editorial about her in the Maplewood, NJ newspaper.
I can't even begin to explain the pain that my heart feels. Such a wonderful, caring, loving, woman was taken out of this world—for what reason?
She touched so many lives and so many looked up to her and were inspired by her. She taught us how to live our life to the fullest and how to push drama out of it. She was the sweetest person and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. She was always generous with her money, even though sometimes she just shouldn't have been. But that was my April [a name that some of Victoria's older friends new her by].
She was always caring and worrying about others and making sure her loved ones had what they needed.
But she also knew when to stand her ground and when to get rid of the fake people in her life.
I saw her go through a lot in high school but she always held her head up high and never let the b.s. bring her down. I met her in sixth grade and we were inseparable ever since.
She was there for my family. She was there for me at a time when I needed her most—when my dad died in 2000. She constantly called and came over and made sure we were okay. She always called my mom and
referred to her as "Ma."
Everyone who truly loved her accepted her for who she was with no discrimination. When I needed someone to talk to and I was going through stuff, she was right there on the phone talking to me. And she never judged, she just told me her opinion and was still always there. I know for sure—she never ever let anyone disrespect me. She didn't stand for it, and she was quick to let me know.
She always knew how to turn your bad day around and make you smile.
There are so many memories with April and she made everyone of them so unforgettable. Even just little things---like dying my hair. I look back and smile because we were just crazy together—hanging out in Maplewood Village, going out for lunch.
She was there for me through my pregnancy. She was the one who went to my mom and told her she wanted to set up the babyshower. She took me to go pick out my invitations and told me to pick out whichever ones I wanted—it was my day and she wanted it to be special. And she became my daughter's godmother. Her and my mom made my shower so wonderful. I was such a lucky person to have a friend like her.
She wanted to see me last weekend but I was just so busy that I didn't get to. If I only knew that I would face a day and so soon that I would never see her alive again—I would have run to her without a question. I just can't get it out of my head—me not going to meet up with her. I know it's not my fault, but I could have seen her one last time. I could have hugged her and told her how much she meant to me.
All she wanted to do was see my daughter because it had been awhile. Dammit, I just wish I could change things. I wish I would have been with her Saturday night and Sunday morning. She never would have been
where she was and she would still be here sharing her life with us.
She did what she had to do to get through life and she didn't care what anyone thought of her. If they did think negative, she just brushed it off her shoulders because she knew the ones who truly cared about her wouldn't judge her and would always be there for her.
I love her so much and respect her for keeping true to herself. She worked so hard becoming who she was, and it made her happy. I remember she asked me if I would still love her and be her friend. Of course I
would, I couldn't believe she even had the nerve to ask me that.
Now, I sit here and so many thoughts run through my mind. What did she do to deserve this? How did it happen? What was she doing when it happened? Did she try and fight back? So many questions, most of which I will never get the full and right answers for because I will never get to hear it from her.
The main question—Why? Why would someone want to hurt such an innocent person? Why would you want to take her life from her?
She was so young! She deserved to live her life to the fullest, and some ignorant piece of dirt had to shoot her and take that away from her. They took away her future. They took away someone's bestfriend, someone's sister, someone's grand-daughter. They just took it all. And for what? To prove what?
None of it makes sense.
They took an innocent person's life. I will never get to hear her voice talk to me again. I will never see her and be able to give her a hug. I will never be able to hear about her day. I'll never be able to see her get married.
Most of all she will never get to live out her future.
Victoria Carmen White, I want to thank you for everything. Thank you for being such a great friend, always keeping it real and always being there. All the memories we have will forever play in my mind, and you
will always be in my heart. You were beautiful, loving, outgoing, had a great personality—so sassy—and I loved it. Your attitude towards life was always, and I mean always, so positive. You always found a way to fix it.
I just can't believe that you are no longer here with us. It is just too hard to take in and accept. I told my daughter today that you really wanted to see her, and I realized now you will never get to see her again, and I started crying.
Well, my daughter said to me, "Mommy, but she's in heaven, she will always see me now!"
You are now flying with the angels watching over all your loved ones making sure we took in and will use what you taught us during our course of life. You touched so many lives during your time here and you will continue to do so. I will never forget you!
R.I.P., my love.