Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Canadians Don't Want You Conservafools In Their Country, Either

Sorry to kill your buzz as y'all prepare to celebrate your 145th birthday on the other side of the 49th parallel, but as a good neighbor to all my loyal TransGriot readers on the other side of the long border we share, I thought I should advise you that some of our Ugly Conservafool Americans have expressed a desire to live on your side of the border because of their foaming at the mouth racist hatred of President Obama.

As much as I would love for them to bounce and never come back, I can't in good conscience let that happen with at least giving y'all a heads up.

Since y'all are busy celebrating Canada Day weekend, as a birthday gift to your nation I'll take it upon myself to talk to our conservafools American to American and point out why US conservafools should reconsider their hasty ramblings and empty threats to move to Canada. 

Okay conservafools, let's chit chat for a moment shall we?   Before we get started, there is no industrialized nation or continent in the world that you can to go to escape a government run health care system except sub Saharan African ones, and even they are trying to get to single payer health care as expeditiously as possible
Now y'all have been in sore loser freak out mode ever since the SCOTUS ruling on the Affordable Care Act Thursday surprisingly went against y'all.   Here's just a sample of the tweets y'all composed that we 'libruls' have been hysterically laughing at the wake of your loss.

I don't know why you peeps arrogantly think the Canadians want you to live in their country.  They have their own conservawingers in Alberta and Little Alberta (Saskatchewan) to deal with and damned sure don't want y'all stomping around Banff National Park or smoking up their high quality BC weed.

And hello, if you want to leave the USA because of 'socialized medicine', guess what the medical system is based on in the Great White North?  

If you said socialized medicine, congratulations, you're smarter than the average non hooked on phonics conservafool.  Even your NRA poster girl Caribou Barbie has snuck across the border from Alaska to partake of their high quality socialized medical care that results in Canadians having longer life spans than us exceptional Americans.

You conservapeeps are stuck in your conservamedia echo chamber you'll have to give up once you step across the 49th parallel.  But before you do so, you have to pay all the taxes you owe Uncle Sam leave.  Assuming you meet the requirements for emigration to your proposed new home and native land, you'll quickly discover that Canadians live in a different and reality based world

They don't allow unchecked hate speech or have a network that broadcasts 24 hour conservalies.  Their gun laws are stiffer, and oh yeah, Canada has allowed since 2003 gay marriage, respects a woman's right to choose and has strong, powerful politically active unions.   You'll have to get used to a Canadian Armed Forces that allows transpeople to openly serve in it, and speaking of transpeople, human rights for trans Canadians is starting to make serious progress in the Great White North thanks to the New Democratic Party and fair minded Canadians realizing it's time to do so.

The national pastime is hockey and televised on Hockey Night In Canada.  Football is CFL football, played with three downs, 12 men and on a 65 by 110 yard field with 20 yard end zones and a championship game called the Grey Cup.     .

Your homeschooled kids will no longer be taught Flintstones science, they'll be taught facts based  science in schools that are ranked in the top five in the world in math and science education in addition to a longer school year that ends in late June.  

There's also something y'all hated on called the metric system that is in widespread use north of the border that you and your conservakids will have to get adjusted to.  You'll watch a smiling weatherperson telling you it's going to be a hot 37 degrees in Calgary.  Your speed limits are posted in km/h, distances between cities will be measured in kilometers and you'11 be buying gas for that trip in liters.  . 

Since many of you conservafools have a demonstrated spelling problem, they also use Her Royal Majesty's English north of the 49th parallel as well.

Oh yeah, since you conservapeeps love hating on France, I would suggest you don't move to or visit Quebec where the French language and culture are dominant to the point where the road signs are printed in that language and Francophone Quebeckers are fiercely protective of that French heritage as well.

And yes, Canada is a bilingual country. 

The Sweater Vest and his Conservatives have a majority government now, but his conservafool policies y'all love are pissing off the Canadian electorate to the point that by the time you experience your first Canadian election in 2015 you may be facing the prospect of gasp, you ran from the federal center-left policies of President Obama to the federal center-left policies of the New Democratic Party if the chatter coming out of the Canadian pundit class is correct and another Orange Crush wave to throw the Conservative bums out is building..

FYI, if you move to Ontario, they just passed an anti-bullying law that applies to all schools in the province including the Catholic ones and an anti-trans discrimination one.   If you visit Toronto, it's a world class city with a multicultural population that has people there who look like me.   Nova Scotia has a lot of people there who look like me as well.

And if you're bitching about paying taxes now, wait until you discover on April 30 that Canadians shell out much more of their loonies in taxes to pay for that socialist infrastructure. 

But you will get to eat at Timmy's more often, celebrate Thanksgiving in October, be healthier and drink better beer.

Hell, maybe I should consider moving there, but only after President Obama wins his second term. 

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