Sunday, April 10, 2011

Pam's Ponderings-Most Men Don't Want A Post-Op Transsexual

TransGriot Note:  You asked for her, you got her.  More musings from author Pamela Hayes

Recently, I talked to a pre-op trans woman who is working and saving money to become post-op. She is enthused and giddy about getting a vagina. This girl is striking and she seems to believe that after she has surgery, that men will fall at her feet. Chase her for dates.

“Sweetheart, forget it,” I told her.

“Well, I can attract men,” she said. “Guys look at me all the time.”

“Sure they do because you’re a knockout.”

She smiled. She loved being praised. Who doesn’t? She went on and on about all the hot guys she met. “And after I have surgery, I’ll be able to do something about it. Have sex the way I want. ” She said most guys who liked pre-ops were looking for someone to fuck them.

She’s in for a letdown about things changing after surgery.  Men are not going to be chasing her, wanting to squire her to dinner or a Jennifer Hudson concert or to see a basketball game. She’s lovely and they will be curious about her. And they will want to screw her to see if they can tell a difference between her and a real woman. And most of them will think they’re doing her a favor because they gave her the time of day. Some will want to be rewarded for their troubles. They will want her to buy them things. Give them money. Gifts.

And if he “dates her,” the bulk of them will probably want to do it on the down low. Or undercover, if you prefer. And in some instances, dating her will mean visiting her apartment and watching a movie or listening to music. If that. He may want to come over and drop his pants, get a nut and leave.

But a wise trans woman with standards won't allow that to happen.

A lot of men who are interested in post-op trans women are straight and curious. And sometimes, the desire to sleep with a trans woman will make him question who he is. Because she’s trans, he’s not going to treat her the way he would a natal woman. And if people get a whiff of his interest or involvement with her, he will be ridiculed. And the first thing he will do is toss that trans woman aside like an old issue of Essence and grab the first available genetic woman and parade her around on his arm, so people will know that he is totally straight.

Can a trans woman find romance and love?


I did it and I did it more than once. Nowadays, I am happily married. A man paid for my surgery. I had boyfriends who were generous with me. So, it can happen. But I was rejected more than I was accepted.

And for any girl who plans on going to surgery and thinking she’s going to be as hot and desirable as a Playboy centerfold or music video dancer, forget it. You’re being naïve.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking that after you have surgery your shit will smell like Donna Karan’s, Cashmere Mist. Most men will see you as nothing more than a beautiful oddity that they will not take you seriously.

You can look hot. Have perfect makeup. Have an alluring body. But you’re trans, baby. And that limits you, big time.

Most men would date and marry the ugliest woman alive before he’d have a transsexual.

If you take all this into consideration before you let a surgeon come near you with a scalpel, you will not be disappointed. You will know the score. You will be informed.

Also, when you go to surgery, you may end up with a vagina that does not function. I’ve spoken to many bitter trans women who have useless vaginas. And they are alone and unhappy.

Once upon a time, there was a guy who wanted to screw me, but he didn’t want to date me. He didn’t want to risk someone making a comment about me. Which would reflect badly on him. Back then, I was hot and had I been genetic, he would have gleefully taken me out so his friends could see what he had.

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