TransGriot Note: Another post from author Pamela Hayes about trans life from her vantage point
How Dare You...
by Pamela Hayes
“Glenda,“ a trans woman sent me an email and
gently told me that she was disappointed with my recent Face Book post
about my past relationship with Eddie and how I became violent,
destroying Eddie’s property and fighting him. She felt I should have kept that to myself. Because according to her, what one trans woman does reflects on the entire community.
felt that through my post, I gave people the sense that trans women
were violent and that they couldn’t be trusted to keep a man’s secrets.
She said that she still liked me, but that post colored her opinion of
As Rhett said to Scarlett in Gone with The Wind, frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
So what! Big deal. Her opinion of me has been colored.
appreciate her taking the time to read my books and to read my posts.
I’m truly grateful. But I am a grown woman, with a mind of my own, and I
don’t need Glenda or anybody giving me lessons on how to comport
myself. You may not agree with a choice I make and it is your right to
feel that way, but please don’t instruct me on how to behave.
I am an individual, who just so happens to be a transsexual and I respond to things the way I respond to them.
dumped me for a genetic woman. I became enraged and I destroyed some of
his possessions. I told his colleagues that he was involved with a
transsexual. I did it to embarrass him and to hurt him. He hurt me by
dumping me. He embarrassed me because friends and family knew that he
deserted me. And I wanted to return the favor.
are so concerned with how they appear to people, that they come across
like robots. I have been in the company of trans women who seem like
they have no personality. They are so preoccupied with being sweet and
ladylike that they come off acting like a machine.
times, trans women have been out in public and have been insulted by a
store clerk or have had people to get in their face and utter
pejoratives. I’ve been told stories about siblings and parents insulting
trans women and she says nothing. And then she contacts another trans
woman and talks about her hurt feelings.
Why didn’t you say something to the person who insulted you? Why didn’t you tell them to fuck off or to kiss your ass.
But more than once, I have heard, “But I don’t want to be unladylike.”
don’t think saying something derogatory to someone who has insulted you
is being unladylike. And maybe trans women need to knock it off with
this perpetual ladylike garbage. Sometimes you can’t be ladylike.
Circumstances preclude that.
I recall that Sidney Starr/Chingy
debacle sometime ago. Sidney, a transsexual told everybody that she had
an affair with Chingy, a rapper.
I recall all these silly posts from
trans women prattling on, ad infinitum, about how wrong she was to out
him. Supposedly, he screwed her and then ignored her, so she put his
business on the streets. From the trans community, Sidney didn’t get
much support. Transsexuals were going on and on about how what Sidney
did made the t-community look bad, that men will fear that they can’t
trust a trans woman to keep their secrets.
I was appalled. This
man demeaned, marginalized Sydney, left her miserable and brokenhearted
and she fought back and the very people who should have supported her,
put her down. They stood up for a man on the DL.
men will fuck us and in the company of his buddies and natal women will
ridicule us and call us freaks. Why any trans woman would mess with a
bastard like that is a mystery to me. Her self-esteem is so twisted. She
is so screwed up, she doesn’t even realize an enemy when she sees one.