Sunday, December 12, 2010

More On Stealth From Pam

TransGriot Note:  Another guest post from author Pamela Hayes pondering about trans issues from her perspective.

More on Stealth 
by Pamela Hayes

Earlier I got an interesting email from a gay guy who said he liked my essay about trans women living in stealth. He compared stealth trans women to other secret keepers, like closeted gay men who think they’re on the down low, but people are speculating about their orientation. So, how down low are they?

Or those involved in extramarital affairs. No one may see them in bed, behaving like two porn stars. Or when they’re in mixed company, they don’t flirt and they always make an effort not to come across as involved. But somehow, people invariably know what they’re up to.

And just because a trans woman is friends with a natal woman, and the trans girl has never discussed being t with the natal woman, the t-woman shouldn’t think that the natal woman is clueless about the t-girl‘s situation.

In Renee Richards, tell-all, Second Serve, Renee foolishly thought that no one knew about her. She believed the consensus was that Renee was a big girl who was an ace tennis player. But when her story made headlines, she discovered that many people had ideas about her.

I have a few women friends whom I’ve never discussed my situation with, but I know they have suspicions. We go grocery shopping. To the department stores, looking at clothes, sniffing fragrances. We do lunch, splitting hamburgers, or a container of General Tso’s chicken. We’re girlfriends.

Some of them have introduced me to other friends. And I got the impression that the friend had been told about my t-status. I could see the curiosity in their eyes.

One gal-pal Tasha, said she saw a transsexual on a talk show. She said the t-girl was unhappy about hiding the truth about who she was, which was why she appeared on the show. Tasha said that she didn’t know why she was hiding it in the first place, that her friends probably were aware anyway and didn’t care.

Tasha was dropping a hint. Don’t you think?

When I was a collegian, there were rumors about me on campus, some of my fellow students visited my home and I, theirs. We went out to eat and a number of times, they made comments that suggested they knew and didn’t care. But I refused to confirm anything and I vehemently deny that I am ashamed.

I have opened up to people before and they turned on me.

More on that at a later time.

No comments: