Friday, April 10, 2015

There Will ALWAYS Be Somebody Prettier Than You...Deal With It

Sisterhood should not end when Oprah goes off. Truth be told, there will always be someone prettier, sexier, stronger, and smarter. I'm sorry Boo - that's just the way it is. But that's ok.....just do you!
Robin Bonner, September 23, 2013  Sisters, Let's Stop Hatin' On Each Other

I was talking to one of my trans homegirls recently and the subject turned to what Robin discussed in the September 23. 2013 guest post in terms of sisterhood.  While Robin's guest post was talking about it in general, me and my trans homegirl were talking about how it manifests itself in our transfeminine ranks.
The conversation was triggered by our observations about one of our sisters who has a self esteem problem.   She can't see her own beautiful self because she is so fixated on the other women in our circle that happen to be drop dead gorgeous.  She has used that as an excuse to decline from participating in the ongoing community building and crafting of sisterhood circles we are engaged in here in Houston.

I'm going to borrow and focus on a section of what Robin said in that quote I highlighted at the beginning of this post and say it once again.  

There will always be someone who is prettier, sexier, stronger, smarter, et cetera, and that's life.

o I have some cis and trans women in our community I'm envious of and admire?   You damned skippy I do because I'm human.  But at the same time I'm aware that I have a combination of qualities they are just as envious of and admire about me that inhabit my statuesque body.  

I've also had 20 plus years to evolve and do me, and to borrow to words of my brother Kye Allums, I am enough.

That salient point about the diverse community of women encapsulated in Robin's quote is also reflected in Trans Feminine World.  

The reality is there are always going to be trans women who got the genetic luck of the draw.    There will be trans women who will be prettier
, sexier, stronger, smarter, or have combinations of those various characteristics inhabiting their bodies.

There are going to be increasing numbers of trans women who because they transitioned in early childhood, their teens  or early in life are going to be indistinguishable from the average cis woman. 

And yeah, let's be real, trans women can be our own worst critics about how we look. 

There are those of us in Trans World that will also because of varying reasons that include fiscal ones, be able to avail themselves of surgical enhancements, hormones and GRS to correct or enhance whatever they perceive needs to be corrected on their bodies that results in their personal happiness and satisfaction.

And just like cis women, trans women come in all shapes, sizes, skin tones and body configurations.   There are going to be some of us who have the classic hourglass shape, perfect cheekbones and single digit shoe size.   Some of us will be petite while others of us will be supermodel height.  Others of us will be full figured and have a double digit shoe size or other various combinations of characteristics.  

In Black trans feminine ranks, we come in 24 different shades ranging from light bright and damned near white to deepest darkest ebony in terms of our skin tones.   All of them carry baggage beyond run of the mill trans issues, and all those skin tones are beautiful.
And as my homegirl Joanna Cifredo enlightened me to during a conversation we had in Chicago, trans Latinas also have to contend with the overall cultural beauty standards that cis Latinas have to deal with.

All that  matters is that we get to a point in in our ongoing feminine journeys in which as we get comfortable in our skins, we have personalities that are just as beautiful inside that match or exceed the outside shell.
What is also important as a trans feminine community is that as we evolve toward acceptance of the reality there will always be somebody prettier that we are, we deal with
it by not projecting our insecurities, jealousies and issues onto our sisters be their cis or trans.

We need to be focused on the bigger prize of being about the business of building sisterhood in our ranks..

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