I had an interesting conversation with a trans attracted man yesterday afternoon that inspired me to think about and write this post.
We were discussing some of the issues that put trans women in the position of being their own worst enemy when it comes to getting into and sustaining healthy romantic relationships, and I started talking about the shame and guilt issues we battle that continue to plague us at times.
I also talked about the fact that far too many of us are chasing pseudo cis privilege and trying to be what we aren't going to ever be, cis women.
We weren't born with cis women's bodies, didn't grow up immersed in femininity from birth and will never know what it's like to menstruate or give birth to a child. However, just because we don't have those physiological feminine body experiences doesn't mean we can't evolve to becoming and being the best women we can be.
As Simone de Beauvoir said, women are made, not born. We need to stop chasing pseudo cis privilege and focus on loving ourselves as trans feminine women. When we being to have pride in being trans women, we will begin to take the first critical steps in loving and respect ourselves.
of who we are as trans women is an important component of that.
If you're constantly focused on trying to be a ciswoman when you aren't and chasing that pseudo cis privilege, there's little to zero room in your life to developing your own womanhood and focusing your precious time on being the best person you can be.
And yes ladies, the fellas notice when you lack confidence in yourself. It's a turnoff to them.
The cis man I was in a conversation with is so secure in his masculinity he not only doesn't care what the genitalia configuration is between her legs, he is secure enough to take the trans women he dates to meet his mother.
He cosigned it when I commented nobody is going to have any clue what the genitalia configuration is between your legs when you're out and about on the street, how much you paid to have SRS or what SRS surgeon did it.
So stop tripping about it. The only time that is going to become an issues is when you are going to get intimate with that person, and that should be discussed up front when you meet said person what genitalia configuration they like or don't like. If he's not down with trans women, move on until you find someone who is.
He also pointed out to me he doesn't date a trans woman unless she is secure enough and loves herself enough to be able to love others.
You have to develop the self confidence and self love to know that you are not only the finest thing walking on Planet Earth, that no sane person would turn down a chance to spend quality time with you.
And no, it's not easy to do that. Even I struggle with that at times. But it's something I must do and constantly work on regularly in order to be the best Moni I can be. I have to be able to look in the mirror and love Moni before I can reasonably expect someone to love me back.
Speaking of loving others, we need to also consider expanding our dating horizons to include trans men in the equation. There are some trans brothers out there that make me stop, turn my head and say DAMN! when they walk into a room.
Trans men need to be a serious option in our dating mix and you never know, that trans man could be the soul mate you're looking for.
We are part of the diverse mosaic of human life because God created transpeople, too. We exist. We need to love ourselves and each other. And somewhere out there is a soul mate that will love us for who we are and won't care what the configuration of the genitalia between our legs is.
But only if we open our minds and our hearts to loving and respecting ourselves first so that we are capable of opening our hearts to others.