Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day Musings

TransGriot Note: photo of the painting 'In The Garden' by Keith Mallett

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Like most people I'm part of that percentage of the population that is single. It's not that I choose to be, I just am.

I'm a bit of a romantic, and that's the toughest part of being single on Valentine's Day. Enduring the endless commercials that are pushing jewelry, candy, flowers, et cetera. The romantic movies that get dusted off and broadcast. Ironically I was up until 2 AM this morning reading a Kayla Perrin romance novel and spent most of yesterday afternoon writing my own.

One of the things that I factored into my decision to go ahead with transition was the fact that I could possibly be spending a lot of Valentine's days alone. But I love myself far too much to allow myself to wallow in the unhappiness that was part of my life prior to transition.

Maybe there is a special person out there for me, maybe not. I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it. I know what's it's like to be in love, albeit from the other side of the gender fence. It's one of the hard facts of being transgender that love isn't any easier to find or deal with than some of the other life issues we grapple with. We all realize that it is gonna take someone that is secure and confident in their personality and their own lives to love us. That love is tougher to find when the genitalia between your legs doesn't match up with the rest of your gender presentation.

Then there are the misconceptions that potential suitors have about us. News flash to the peeps that want to step to me or any transwoman. I'm not one of the fellas. I look at life, romance and love through a feminine prism. To get with me will not break your bank account, but a prerequisite is treating me like any other sistah you want romantic attention from. (that means flowers, chocolate and my fave perfume)

Another thing that's a must is that some of the things I like to do require you to take me out during daylight hours. If your ego can't handle being talked about by society for having me on your arm, then don't step to me, period. I want the person I love to be just as proud of being seen and being around me as I am of them. If you can't meet that simple requirement, step.

Finally, I am not a booty call or looking to be the other woman. I do believe in karma. I'm not going to deliberately be the cause of any discourse in a stable relationship. I don't want any relationship I eventually get into vulnerable to the reverse spin of the karmic wheel because I disrespected somebody's relationship or their marriage.

So as you can see I haven't and won't give up on love. I have much respect, admiration and a little twinge of jealousy for those people in the community and beyond who are in stable, satisfying relationships or who have experienced the heady rush of having someone worship the ground they walk on. Maybe that will happen for me one day.

In the meantime, what time is the next showing of Daddy's Little Girls and the closest place I can go to get some chocolate to scarf up?

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