Tuesday, February 17, 2009

We Don't Want No Scrubs, Either

A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)

I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time and (no)

I don't want no scrubs
A scrub is guy who can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me

Well, another Valentine's Day has come and gone with me munching half price candy, playing my Luther CD's and observing giddy lovestruck couples enjoying Valentine's Day dinners and quality time with each other while I was out and about this weekend.

While I ain't mad at y'all who are hooked up in serious long term relationships (and to be honest a tad jealous and envious at the same time) I was painfully aware of the fact that one of the downsides of transition was the possibility I could spend the rest of my life alone.

But as someone who's working on becoming a quality Black woman, that doesn't mean that I or my transsisters don't have high standards when it comes to the person that we wish to spend my romantic quality time with either.

Too many times over the years I've seen some nice looking transwoman hooked up with some questionable men just so they can say they have a 'husband' or boyfriend. These busters they hook up with are either running roughshod over them in the process, or doing it, then cruelly dumping them for cisgender women after they've had their fun by playing the 'you can't give me a baby' card.

Yeah, I like to get my freak on, but not at the cost of my self respect, health or dignity. Your femininity as a transwoman does not and should not depend on having a man on your arm or engaging in hoochiesque behavior.

We're not booty calls, one night stands, or some 'exotic' plaything you treat like a vampire and only take out at night, if at all because you're ashamed to be seen with us or afraid of what your homeboys are gonna say if they find out you've hooked up with a transwoman.

The point is the minute you decide to get with me or any of my transsisters, you inherit all of the societal baggage that comes with dating a transwoman as well. In addition to all the societal crap that's heaped upon women, we get a extra helping of hateraid for trying to be who we are from society as well.

So if you're not sure you can handle that or the extra TLC it will require for you at times to date us, then don't step to us. That goes double for all you trifling, non-ambitious, womanizing, fugly, abusive, habitually criminal, wannabe playa playa's out there as well.

Read my lipstick coated lips. If my biosisters don't want you, then don't think we're gonna jump through hoops and beg for your company just because you have a penis and we may be alone at that moment. Some of us have them as well, and you and your fragile egos may be shocked to find out when you pull our panties down that it's bigger than yours.

We're looking for quality relationships just like our biosisters are, and just because we're transwoman doesn't mean we aren't worthy of or don't deserve having quality people to share our lives with.

So no, we don't want no scrubs, either.


Gina said...

R.I.P. Left Eye.

Gina said...

Monica, good post! What I think a lot of women in the trans community don't talk about is how many "chasers" are actually attracted to the low self-esteem a lot of transwomen have (our frequent feelings of being 'broken goods' or 'less than'). Guys are into the power and sense of control they get from manipulating that (and, as you said, gives them license to be a dog). Our societal vulnerability bestows on them a higher social position than us and that's a big turn on for a lot of very insecure men.

Monica Roberts said...

Gina, amen.
This was basically as you can tell aimed at the 'chasers'.

There are guys who sincerely want transwomen in their lives as friends and lovers, they're just harder to find.

rioTgirl said...


I have been mulling these ideas over since TDOR where I noticed a decided lack of participation from (non-gay)men. In my own life I can point to any number of guys who seem to be under the impression that I should be grateful for their time and attention. When I demand respect, I am promptly "put in my place" (well the few times I let it get that far).

I recently posted on a forum by and for guys who like teh tranz my observations in this vein a couple guys mentioned that everyone gets beaten and murdered (nullifying the need for TDOR) and "How DARE you be so sanctimonious as to call us out like this - maybe we should just stop dating you and see how you like that." - shrug

Nichole said...

I agree that chaser and others should be aware of that. But the "unsaid" piece of the whole matter seems to me to be sisters who feel that the end all and be all of their lives is "finding a straight guy."

I'm sorry, but being able to encouch a penis isn't a huge trick that cannot be done by any but the very best women!!

I mean, get real, girls.

My sisters' esteem and validity problems have a whole darned lot to do with the state of affairs as well, Monica.

Surely women of transsexing histories should be well aware that possession, in any fashion, of a penis isn't necessarily the end-all-be-all of human accomplishment!! :)

Thanks for another great post!

Chloe Prince said...

Hi Monica, I moved my Blog to Private. If you still wish to follow it, Please email me directly and I will add you. I just need your email.


Gina said...

Nichole, when you say 'encouching' a penis, do you mean getting a guy with a penis to lie down on the couch? That's not so hard to do, just give him the remote control, a dish of ice cream and stoke his hair (if he has any). Works like a charm.

And Monica, I totally agree not every man who is interested or open to relationships with transwomen by any means deserves the tag of "chaser" any more than I would deserve the tag of "penis chaser!" :-)

Nichole said...

Ah, Ms Gina, cute as ever. :)

Yes, I prefer my men with their remotes intact! :)