Does My Black Trans Life Matter, Pageant and Ballroom Community?

TransGriot Note: The deaths of five Black trans women during the month of February and three during the weekend without  much outcry or chatter from many of the organizations that we intersect and interact with has many of us in Black Trans World doing some hard solid thinking about our place in Black TBLGQ World.

This is a guest commentary from Erica Christian articulating her thoughts about the silence of the pageant and ballroom community about the sisters we've lost and how it's making her feel as a trans woman who has been in and repeatedly shown up for that community

It was originally on her Facebook page, but needed to be signal boosted as a example of the across the board sentiment in Black Trans Feminine World that no one gives a rat's anus about us being slaughtered.

And now,  here's our guest commentator Erica Christian
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I have decided to be silent and see exactly what my so called LGBTQ national pageantry systems, and ball systems community are going to decide to do about our trans women of color being killed in numbers within a matter of days.

I guess we are nothing to you but a show queen for entertaining you.  An extra letter in the community acronym.  A soft skinned, natural, unclockable piece of fishy/cunty/pussy/woman

What was l thinking?   I'm so f***ing stupid for thinking my life matters in this LGB Community.
At this point, at this very moment, l'm mad as hell and l can't stop crying.  I get up every morning and report to work, advocating, outreaching, connecting, supporting and giving everything of myself to take care of and make a difference in my community that's stricken with poverty, homelessness, HIV/STD infections, without any biases or regret because l love you, and it will always be my purpose in my lifetime.

Yet still l don't matter, nor do the rest of my beautiful transgender sisters of color matter..

How am l supposed to feel? .We are being slaughtered and this is okay for you?

I guess l will continue to do what l have had to do for the past 50 years  Survive the best way possible and continue to live with no expectations, no disappointments.

If you are offended by my statements, please unfriend me.  Oh wait, like it even matters that I'm still alive for now.   Does my Black trans life even matter to you, pageant and ballroom community?
I wonder, would it matter if l was killed or slaughtered because l am a trans woman of color?

God, l ask for guidance on dealing with this pain and sadness.

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Yes Erica, it does matter.   Your life matters to me, your trans siblings, and all who love you.  But I am interested in hearing and seeing the answer to the question you posed.