Safety First - Especially When Dating

So far this year we've had four transwomen killed. Ebony Whitaker, Saneshia Stewart, Simmie Williams and now Angie Zapata.

Outside of the common denominator that they're all transwomen of color, the other thing they had in common is that all these transwomen were under age 30. Two of the four, Saneshia Stewart and Angie Zapata were killed by people they were out on dates with.

I realize that if they are attracted to the opposite sex, that a large part of living a normal life for these transwomen so inclined to do so is dating. I and everyone who's fighting for our rights want all transpeople to live as normal a life as possible and I will continue to unswervingly advocate for their right to do so.

I know that my young transsisters are no different than young biowomen in many ways. Like young biowomen, some of my transsisters not only are attractive and stunningly so in some cases, they have no problem garnering the attention of the opposite sex. They also want to test their ability to attract their attention and wish to explore their blossoming feminine sexuality as well.

But if you're going to date, you have to be cognizant of the fact that as a woman, you have to be more aware of your personal safety since you no longer have the male strength level to defend yourself you once had. Once you start taking female hormones, your muscles start elongating to create those feminine curves on your body. That results in a reduced strength level. I'm 6'2", but after 15 plus years of being an estrogen-based lifeform I have the strength level of a strong woman my size, not a 6'2" male.

If heaven forbid, I'm in a situation in which I find myself trying to fight off an assault, if they catch me by surprise, I will have a hard time fighting off a determined attacker. So one thing I learned early in my transition is that like my biosisters, for my own personal safety, I must have a heightened hyper awareness of my surroundings at all times.

That is something that biowomen grow up with from birth. It's a new experience for transwomen. Failure as a transwoman to think about your personal safety 24-7-365 (or 366 in a leap year like this one) can result in being assaulted or worse.

The dating rules also change, and you have special addendums to those rules as a pre-op/non-op (or even post-op) transwoman. You also have to extremely careful about online dating as well.

While there are some biomen who are secure enough in their masculinity to enjoy our company and appreciate us in all our varieties and flavors, there are far more out there who don't wish to date transwomen period, pre, non-op or post-op.

Some of those biomen who fall into the 'don't want to date transwomen' category are emotionally insecure about their own sexuality. They are the ones who will react negatively, even violently to a revelation by you deep into the date, relationship or before or after sexual relations that you are a transwoman.

So if you're going to date, the best policy is to let your potential date know upfront that you are a transwoman. It is vitally important to do that if you like this person enough to want to start a relationship with them.

If you want to get busy with them, you need to tell them before you fall into bed with them. Waiting until he slips his hand inside your panties and feels a neoclit tucked between your legs is too late.

I was once upon a time a teenager with raging hormones, so I understand that things happen. I'm aware that a young or newbie transwoman has the powerful desire and eagerly wants to test her ability to attract the opposite sex just like some biowomen do. Some of it is because she really likes the person, some of it is for ego boosting purposes, some of it is because she sees it as the ultimate test of their femininity, and sometimes it's simply to get her freak on. Sometimes it's all of the above or a combination of the above reasons.

But just as our biosisters have to be cognizant of the fact that they could get raped or worse if they aren't careful about the situations they put themselves in, transwomen have all the other security concerns of a biowoman and more.

One of the things that a transwoman has to be aware of, no matter what her age, is that we face a heightened risk for physical violence and assault. While it's most likely to happen in a dating situation, it isn't always the case. Amanda Milan had her throat slashed seven years just because she was standing up for herself seven years ago at a New York bus terminal.

There are transphobic people out there who think we 'deserve' what we get directed at us violence wise or that we're 'deceiving' them for living our lives. That's what makes dating for a transwoman dangerous and can possibly result in you getting seriously hurt or killed.

If they aren't already, young transwomen, and transwomen in general need to start being aware of the fact that they must take common sense precautions in order to avoid being added to the 'Remembering our Dead' list.

That's not 'blaming the victim', it's stating a fact.