My Sisters, I Want You To Grow Old

It's a subject I've talked about twice in the over 10K posts on the blog, and the deaths of two thirtysomething Black trans women just days apart from each other has me thinking about it again.

Growing old and celebrating birthdays  beyond your 35th one as a Black trans feminine person..

We've heard that statistic about the average age of a Black trans person being age 35, and much of it has to do with the unacceptable levels of anti-trans violence aimed at us.

While there are some things that we can do on our end to help ensure we reach advanced birthdays, much of the heavy lifting in this case is going to have to be done by our society.

It is past time for people to stop attacking the humanity and existence of trans people.   We're not going anywhere, so y'all need to get over it.   Our trans lives are not subject to political or theological debate.

We exist.  Deal with it.  We are part of the diverse mosaic of human life.

That means that it's not acceptable behavior for you as a cis male to hurt maim or kill us if you happen to find out that the attractive woman that you got a hard on for in the club or as she was minding her own damned business and going about her day is transgender.   .

It also means cis women, that it is not acceptable behavior,just because you are jealous of that trans woman who is getting more male attention than you, to set her up for a hate crime by shadily whispering 'that's a man' in some brother's ear.

My sisters, I want you to know what it's like to be my age, Tracie Jada O'Brien's, Justina Williams', Gloria Allen's or Miss Major's age.   I would love to see some of y'all with gray hair. or how fab you will look when you hit 35, 40 or 50.   I want to see how your fab trans lives evolve,   I can't be a mentor to you if I don't have you around to pass down your history and some of my life experiences to.as was done for me by my trans elders

I want my Black trans sisters to be able to age gracefully, have and experience the amazing lives I know they are capable of having.

I want to see you grow old.   Is that too much to ask for, society?    

Will My Transsisters Have The Pleasure Of Growing Old?

I hit the Big 5-0 last year and I'm four weeks from hopefully reaching another Cuatro De Mayo celebration and turning 51.  

But that knowledge that I'm cruising toward another May 4 birthday has been jolted by two murders of African-American transwomen in the span of 48 hours in Baltimore and Orlando.

29 year old Kelly Young and 30 year old Ashley Sinclair will not only never celebrate another birthday, they will never get to know what I felt when I hit age 40, much less age 50. I'm also thinking about the fact that had I not made the correct decisions one night back in 1996, I may not have made it to my 40th or 50th birthdays either and this post much less this blog wouldn't be here for you to enjoy..

The details of the Young and Sinclair murders are still being sorted out by the police departments in the cities they resided in, but we can presume that both of them being girls like us is probably a contributing factor to them being killed.   Their deaths have ripple effects not only for their families and friends, but all the people whose lives they touched.

I recall a conversation Janet Mock, Kimberley McLeod and I had during OUT on the Hill last year in which we talked about me hitting that milestone.  I was ambivalent about it until Janet reminded me it was a blessing for me to be this age and as an African descended trans woman I'd beaten the odds stacked against me to celebrate my 40th and 50th birthdays. (And if I continue to be blessed with good health, I hope to be around for my 60th.)

That was a sobering though that shook me out of my ambivalence toward hitting 50.  All of a sudden realizing as I did before that OUT on the Hill trans woman town hall that I was now an elder stateswoman that the girls like us of Janet's generation and younger were counting on for leadership, to pass down their history to them, be a mentor and most of all be role models as to how a trans woman can age gracefully and still be a fierce warrior for trans human rights.

As I write this post I'm thinking about Miss Major, Sharyn Grayson, Cheryl Courtney-Evans, and Tracie Jada O'Brien,  They are the trans elders I look up to, admire and I have the benefit of calling them when I have questions, concerns or simply wish to bask in their wisdom.  I would be thrilled to have the opportunity to do the same with Gloria Allen in Chicago.  

Speaking of opportunities, I'm angry that I'm not going to get the opportunity to meet or talk to Kelly or Ashley someday.  I'm disappointed I won't be able to do for them what the trans elders in my sistahcircle have done for me.  It's why I take time out of my life to converse with my trans younglings when they hit me up on my Facebook page to chat about whatever they wish to talk about or call me on the phone to do so..  

The trans younglings get a big kick out of talking to the legendary award winning TransGriot, but I get just as much enjoyment and knowledge out of these conversations as they do.

I wish I'd had that ability when I was their age to have approachable trans feminine role models to just ask questions of and soak up the knowledge about how to navigate the world in a Black trans feminine body and avoid the pitfalls, traps and snares that can sidetrack you to achieving that quality life you deserve.

I'm beyond sick and tired of being sick and tired of the near genocidal levels of anti-trans violence that are taking away far too many under 30 transwomen of color before they've had a chance to live their lives.  We are not only losing them, but their potential contributions and talents toward building all the communities we intersect and interact with.  Our young transkids who are in elementary, middle and high schools now are also losing the people who could have one day potentially become their mentors.

But frankly, the one thing I want most for my trans younglings besides having trans human rights laws on the books and being able to live their lives relatively free of anti-trans hatred and bias is deceptively simple. 

I want to see them be able to grow up to reach my age and beyond.

Will my trans sisters be able to have the pleasure of growing old?  I sincerely hope so.

Report States Eldercare Providers Ill Trained To Help TBLlG Seniors

TransGriot Note:  Photo is of another one of our distinguished trans pioneers Miss Major 


I wrote back in October it was past time for the trans community to start serious discussion on and come up with a plan now for dealing with the issues transgender senior citizens will face as we age.

Um, can y'all hear me now?

According to a report from the University of Minnesota and the PFund Foundation, an organization that specializes in gay rights issues, eldercare facilities are ill equipped and trained to help TBLG residents

Gee, why am I not surprised about hearing that?

According to the Twin Cities Pioneer Press, while agencies surveyed for the study say they treat clients in this population equally and are open to specialized training, funding for the training presents a challenge,

But as we know from painful experience already, it isn't enough for agencies to say they treat everyone fairly and equally.   We TBLG peeps know the policies have to be cast in concrete with clear penaltes for violating them up to and including termination.

The PFund Foundation suggests in the report that organizations supports GLBT seniors be created in addition to seeing more LGBT people sitting on the boards of social service organizations that serve seniors  
 

How Do Bugis Divas Grow Old?

TransGriot Note: In the 50's, 60's and 70's, the undisputed home of the most beautiful transwomen in Asia was Singapore. Ground Zero to find them was the various clubs on Bugis Street.

In the mid 80's the Singaporean government tore up the area to build a subway station. The reconstruction of the area put an abrupt end to the world famous nightlife that had evolved over the past three decades. In the process, Thailand became the Asian capital for transgender nightlife and as the Singaporean government discovered, grabbed the tourist dollars that came with it.

Here's an interesting article about some of the ladies and how they are gracefully aging.

DEATH OF AN AUNTY 'LADYBOY'
HOW DO BUGIS DIVAS GROW OLD?

We rely on one another, say transvestites

By Mindy Tan
June 30, 2008
from Electric New Paper - Singapore

IN the mid-1980s, she was a model, and then a fashion coordinator, and later, she took the stage as a performer at the Boom Boom Room.

Now, at 42, she says: 'Darling, those days are over.'

Miss Amy Tashiana, a transsexual, looks you in the eye and is perfectly open about discussing her life.

She said: 'We have gone through the extremes to get to who we are, fight to live as who we feel we should be. So it is natural that we grow over the years to become very tough and fiercely independent.

'In order for a man to come along to match that and share companionship, you need someone who is really, really big.'

Does that mean loneliness as they grow older?

Some of the first generation Bugis street transsexuals and transvestites are in their 60s today, like Mr Abdul Khalid Othman, the 61-year-old who was murdered, allegedly by a lover less than half his age.

One transsexual in her mid-50s said: 'When you grow older, sex is no longer important. Like normal people, we seek companionship.'

Some from Bugis Street left to open clothing and jewellery shops, but return occasionally to visit the 'sisters'.

When this reporter first met Miss Tashiana in 2001, it was at a talent management company. Then, everyone called her a diva.

But when The New Paper on Sunday met her again last week at a hawker stall, she looked very different.

She was tidying up the food stall, pushing a cart, with curry stains on her white T-shirt.

When asked how come she looked so different from her days of glamour, she replied: 'No lah, just helping my friend out at her stall for a few days.

'Still glam!'

She laughed, pulling at her cream-coloured shorts.

And she added: 'This is Prada, leh.'

So, was she once the queen of Orchard Towers?

She explained: 'Orchard Towers is a beginning for many of us. Everyone has a beginning when they learn to be a woman.

'Some were teenage girls in secondary school having crushes on boys, learning how to wear heels and put on make-up, and slowly maturing to become a woman.

'We don't have that luxury of time. So we jumpstart our lives at Orchard Towers, dressing flamboyantly, wearing every accessory we can, eager to show breasts and other assets. But that is just the beginning. Nobody wants to be there their whole lives.'

Where, then? With a man?

'After all the people I met in my life, I would find typical Singaporean men extremely boring,' she said.

'We would have nothing to talk about. I need someone bordering towards the extreme.'

There are those who find love.

Said Madam Fiona, 55, (not her real name), a transsexual happily married to a Singaporean: 'The men have to be very strong to stand for his right to love whom he wants.'

Some have gone overseas. In Europe, for instance, they find more acceptance in society.

Another transsexual, Madam Shanu Rekha, who is also in her 50s, is married to a European man 20 years younger. They live in Denmark with two adopted children.

Miss Tashiana herself has been single since 2005, after two serious relationships of three years with a Singaporean and an English man. Around the time of her last breakup, she bought herself a three-room flat in Eunos. Owning her own place is a dream come true.

It's a neat and cozy place, with dark wood furniture, where she lives with at least two well-fed cats.

She has paid off her breast implants and sex-change operation. And now, she is gaining in years gracefully.

Discos don't gel with her lifestyle any more. She said: 'I don't hit Zouk. I stay home and relax, go to photo exhibitions and art galleries. My health is the most important. I do intend to have a boyfriend but I am more fussy about letting a person into my life.'

There is no such thing as 'auntiehood' according to Miss Tashiana.

'I live my life to the best of my ability. Depression can hit anyone, even married women. If you go along with it, you will age,' she said.

She does not crave having her own family but thrives on the support of a tightly-knit group of middle-aged transsexual friends, much like how the characters from Sex And The City lean on each other and value their friendships as they near 50.

'And I am thankful I don't have to deal with things like pregnancy, menstrual cycles and menopause,' she said.

But like so many of the Bugis Street transsexuals who have gone overseas, she too is planning to venture abroad for love, perhaps when she hits 50.

'I just have to give myself a chic, short crop and I will look younger than most people my age in a European city. Singapore is too small,' she said.

'Look at the older Singaporean men looking for China women or going to Batam to look for mistresses.

'What about me? I can go to Europe, find someone younger than me by 20 years.'

Referring to Mr Abdul's murder, she added: 'Don't isolate him in his situation. The chee ko pek (Hokkien for dirty old man) exists in everyone. Not just transvestites and transsexuals.

'People mix with those who are younger to make themselves feel younger. You want to buy a product that's better than yourself.'