As y'all know Cuatro De Mayo, AKA Moni's birthday is rapidly (with an emphasis on the rapid part) approaching. The annual birthday introspection I do in the month leading up to it has become more acute since 2012 happens to be a milestone one. Been thinking a lot about my life lately and some of the things I'm happy about, some of the areas I need to improve upon, and about my ongoing mission in trying to be the best person I can be.
And yes, as a person of faith, I've also been taking stock of my many blessings. In addition to relatively good health, I've had some old friends reenter my life in the past year and made some new ones. I've thought about some of my past milestone birthdays. Some were good, some not so good but the thing I can be most thankful about was I still reached them.
I've also taken some time to think about the people that were in my life who are no longer around either because they passed on or various circumstances have removed them from contact with me on a regular basis. They were just as instrumental in their own ways to shaping the person I am today and had lessons to teach me good, bad and indifferent. Some I'd love to see and talk to again even if it's just for a few hours in one phone conversation, while others are in the good luck and good riddance variety.
And yes, I've pondered my pre-transition life and wondered what it would have been like if I'd taken the opposite fork in the road if I had a chance to revisit that point in my life. However, nothing I can do about that now because I had to make that snap decision at that time and time travel isn't possible at this point so i can get a do-over.
As the saying goes, you only get one shot in life and this ain't no practice run so Moni 2012 has to suck it up, pull up the big girl panties and work with the ramifications of those long ago decisions to the best of her ability.
I've also thought about the ladies who at various times liked my 'twin' enough to consider me marriage material and what they're up to now. While I know the fates of four of them, there are others I haven't been in contact with for a while. I wonder if they finally found someone worthy of them who appreciated the beautiful women they were inside and out, hopefully were smart enough to realize it and give then what I couldn't.
Nice segue into the trans part of my life. There were some special women cis and trans who popped into my life in the early phases of my transition and taught me more than a few things about what I call quality Black womanhood. I also have some cis women in my life now who are building on those early lessons and helping me gain a deeper understanding about what it is to be a Black woman in the 2k10's
Thank you all for being there for me and I am blessed to have a sistahcircle around me that helps me to evolve, thrive and keep me intellectually stimulated. You taught me the valuable lesson that not all cis women are a trans woman's mortal enemies and gave me the tools to know the difference.
When I was a kid I spent some time pondering what my life would be like at this stage twelve years into the 21st century and boy was I way off the mark. I knew that I needed to transition at some point, but I didn't in my wildest dreams imagine that I'd be considered a major thought leader in this community and have the respect I do here and internationally. It's also humbling that people consider me a role model as well
Transition has been an exhilarating emotional roller coaster ride at times but one I haven't regretted getting the party started on. I'm enjoying the ride and my post transition life with the only regret I have about it being I didn't start it sooner. But before I start going down that road, I also have to consider that being a trans teen in the 70's and one in the 2K10's are light years different in terms of societal understanding and acceptance of trans issues.
So yeah, only nine more days to go.
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