No Always Means No

In the wake of all the conversation being generated about the #MeToo hashtag that gets people who feel comfortable doing so to talk about sexual assault and sexual harassment, just have to remind some peeps before I get to the heart of what I want to talk about in this post that trans masculine and trans feminine peeps are also dealing with this issue as well.

#TransToo

What the hashtag created by a Black woman (Tarana Burke) has done is got me thinking about a conversation that my late father had with me and my brother when we were teenagers concerning sex and dating.

He told us that the line between a sexual encounter and being charged with rape was a very thin one, and that if we didn't want to be going to jail, we'd better be paying extremely close attention to what the girl was saying at that moment, not what she was doing.

He illustrated his point by laying out a scenario for us in which the girl in question was in her underwear and intimately touching and kissing you, then suddenly says."No."

My dad's matter of fact blunt advice about that scenario was this:  If that no happens, she meant it.  So at that moment you get up, thank her for a lovely evening, and come home to take a cold shower.

It was advice that kept up both out of dating trouble, and I realized later was his way of explaining the concept of 'No Means No' to us.

Far too often I heard conversations in which guys claimed that a 'no' meant you hadn't closed the sexual sale with the person in question.   This 1989 episode of A Different World  entitled fittingly 'No Means No' makes it quite clear what it is and what's gonna happen to you legally if you ignore that no.

 


No always means no, and that lesson needs to be taught by parents before their kids hit puberty.

If they don't, then they will be watching that child being tried for a sexual assault and being put on the sexual offender list.

Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment Happens To Trans People, Too

I've been checking out the messages across social media in the #MeToo campaign in which people have been talking about their experiences with sexual assault and sexual harassment.

This campaign has revealed just how huge the problem is in the United States.  It shouldn't be a surprise when you have someone who admitted they did so on tape and he still becomes president.

Because as a media person I know there are times I need to keep stuff quiet until it's ready to be released, and my elder status in this community, I have had people come to me and tell me some of their most intimate secrets.

Some of those intimate secrets have been sexual assaults and sexual harassment related . And yes, some of the people telling me about those incidents have been trans masculine and trans feminine people

So for those of you who believed Dan Patrick's and Lois Kolkhorst' lies in this recently concluded Texas legislative session, news flash for you, trans people are far more likely to be the people preyed upon.   Of the 1,490 Texas trans folks who responded to the 2015 US Trans Survey, 1% of them reported being sexually assaulted or physically attacked while in a restroom.

In other revealing information points from the 2015 US Trans Survey, nearly half of the respondents to it (47%) reported being sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime, and (10%) reported they had been sexually assaulted in the previous year (2014) .

The trans respondents who have done sex work (72%) who were experiencing homelessness (65%) or who had disabilities (61%) were more likely to have experienced sexual assaults in their lifetime.

That's before I start talking about the far too numerous stories about my trans family who were sexually harassed or assaulted by law enforcement personnel, or while they were incarcerated in prisons or ICE facilities by guards and other inmates.

And yes, can't forget the Crocodile Dundee movie in which a trans woman was sexually assaulted when her crotch was grabbed in a NYC bar by Dundee and that scene was played for laughs.

Sexual assault isn't a joke, and I'm not laughing about it.   Because scenes like that can escalate quickly into anti-trans hate violence,  and murders

It is a serious issue that happens to far too many of our people, and even happened to yours truly on a METRO bus.

So yes, sexual assault and sexual assault happens to  trans people, too

My #NotUpForGrabs Story

In the wake of Trump's reprehensible 2005 comments about groping women, I wanted to point out that trans women once our bodies morph to their feminine shape, are subject to the same drama and BS our cis sisters experience, up to and including groping and sexual assault.

In the wake of the Trump comments, women across the country have been telling their stories on social media about the first time they were groped by men.

To point out it happens to trans women as well, I'm sharing my #NotUpForGrabs story

***

I was two years into my gender transition, and  I was on the bus headed to work. Our CAL uniforms at that 1996 time had a walking shorts option, and I was wearing mine on that hot July summer day.

I was asleep against the window of the 65 Bissonnet bus on the first leg of my work commute when I was jolted out of it by a elderly Black male hand feeling the inside of my left thigh. When I woke up I saw him drawing his hand back, so I decided to fake going back to sleep to catch him in the act.

When he thought I was asleep again his hand once again started feeling the inside of my left thigh. He got closer to my crotch before I quickly looked in his direction and once again caught his hand moving back.

So I turned my head once again against the window to feign sleep, and this time he got a surprise when he got to my crotch area.

He was shocked because he was grabbing something he wasn't expecting. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Yes, that's 100% beef you're holding. And if you don't get your hands off my crotch you're about to find out how much testosterone I have left in my system when i kick your ass for touching me without my permission."

I was pissed off about it, but I consoled myself on the remaining part of my journey to IAH that it hopefully would make him think twice about doing it to some other woman.

Sadly I have the feeling it probably didn't

Trans Woman Sexually Assaulted At Stonewall Inn

To cap off last week being one of the worst weeks for trans kind in the US with the passage of the unjust HB 2 and anti-trans legislation percolating in Kansas and Minnesota, comes word out of New York that a 25 year old trans woman was sexually assaulted in the Stonewall Inn.

Yes, the same Stonewall Inn in which trans women jumped off the modern TBLG rights movement and is a national historical landmark

The 25 year old survivor told police she went into a single person stall at 11:40 PM EDT Saturday night and a man barged in behind her claiming he needed to wash his hands.  The man then groped the trans woman and sexually assaulted her before running out of the Greenwich Village area bar.

But when you hear right wing fundies, the TERF's, GOP legislators, FOX Noise and other conservafool media pundits flap their loud and wrong gums to demonize us, it's trans women who are the predators.

Um no.  This is just one concrete example of trans women being the prey, not the alleged sexual predators.

This waste of DNA is being sought by NYPD in connection with the crime.  The NYPD Special Victims Division has interviewed the survivor, several witnessed and gotten video sufficient enough to identify the perpetrator of this crime.

 Note the sexual predator wasn't in drag when he committed his heinous crime either.

According to my NYC area trans peeps, the perp also frequents another New York area club called The Hangar.

If you have any information like that which will help speed up the apprehension of this criminal, please call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577 TIPS (8477)

Hopefully this sexual predator he will be sitting in jail soon for his crime, and I'll keep you apprised of this story as i get mere details.

We Had An Attempted Bathroom Assault At UHD....

And thanks to timely assistance by a UHD professor, it ended before it became far worse.   And ammosexuals, it didn't require the use of a gun to stop it.

Professor Frank Vela  heard a female student screaming after a man with a knife followed her into the restroom.  The perpetrator was tackled by Professor Vela and held down until UHD police arrived to arrest the perp and cart his azz off to jail.

And naw, Dave Wilson, Dave Welch, Debbie Riddle, Max Miller, FOX Noise 26 and 'errbody' else pimping that discredited anti-trans bathroom predator lie, the perp wasn't trans* or a man in a dress.  




The perp in question  shared your ethnic background.  His name is 35 year old Daniel Griffing, and appeared before a judge yesterday.   It wasn't his first time in the criminal justice rodeo or committing the crime of sexual assault. Griffing was convicted in 2000 of sexually assaulting a small boy and was sentenced to 15 years in state prison. 

He's being held in the Harris County Jail without bond.

This is also a textbook case of what we in Trans World and our allies have been trying to point out every time the Right Wing Noise Machine deploys the demonstrably false bathroom predator lie they use every time to attack any human rights law that attempts to cover the transgender community.

And yeah, we trans women are just as concerned about people like this running loose in H-town and elsewhere in the state and country.because far too often, trans women are the prey, just like our cis sisters are.

If a man wants to get into a women's bathroom to commit the crime of sexual assault, just like Griffing. he isn't going to waste time getting in drag to do it.

Falsely demonizing and attempting to criminalize the lives of trans people isn't the way to stop sexual assaults.  So it's past time media peeps and the rest of you folks who need to 'ejumacate' yourselves about trans lives need to buy a vowel and get a clue that people like Griffing are your perps you need to be concerned about.

Not the trans woman who is simply trying to live her life to the best of her ability, and just needs to pee in the bathroom without being harassed about it.

British Trans Woman Gets Justice For Sexual Assault After Her Death

(TRIGGER WARNING:  This post discusses a sexual assault) 

Anna Vincent finally got justice for what happened to her on a horrible January 23, 2001 night.  Too bad she wasn't alive to see this day happen.

She was 36 at the time and on her way home inebriated from attending a birthday party.  Just outside the Camden Town tube station she was snatched by Mohammed Salim at approximately 10 PM and dragged by him to a nearby alley.   He tried to force her to perform a oral sex act on him before forcing himself on her, anally raping the post operative trans woman, vomiting and running away from the scene.

At first Vincent wasn't going to report the sexual assault because she felt the police wouldn't care, take it seriously or do anything about it because of her transfeminine status.  She was persuaded to report it anyway and did so the next day.

Good thing she did.  Semen was found in that alleyway, but the case remained unsolved until a cold case review took place in 2011.  
   
With the ability to now do DNA testing on the semen sample, it came up as a billion to one match for the 43 year old Mohammed Salim, who was arrested and charged with her rape and two counts of indecent assault.  

The initial trial for Salim at Old Bailey in June resulted in a hung jury, but in the retrial that started July 8 Salem was convicted and sentenced to eight years in jail for the assault on Vincent. 

Unfortunately Anna Vincent didn't see her attacker get brought to justice because she died in 2006. 

The London Metropolitan Police suspect that Salim was involved in other sexual assault cases and are asking for people to call their Serious and Complex Case Team on 0208 217 6526. To remain anonymous call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

We Must Do Our Part To End Anti-Trans Violence

When I left for my family reunion trip to Denver a few days ago I was discussing along with many people in the DC local and national trans community the attack aimed at Bree Wallace in which she was stabbed up to 40 times.  

Michael McBride, the perpetrator of the attack aimed at her was arrested on another unrelated charge and in DC Metro police custody.  He has been additionally charged with the attack on Ms Wallace. 

But unfortunately as Washington DC endures another sweltering summer, the trans women who live in The District have been subjected to another wave of violent attacks with the spillover effect affecting the G and L end of the community, too..

A trans woman was assaulted on the 500 block of Eastern Avenue, NE. at approximately 6:00 AM EDT on Friday by two men and was shot by one of the suspects as she attempted to run away.   According the DC metro police reports she was treated for her injury at a local hospital.

The second occurred Saturday in the 300 block of 61st Street, NE at approximately 3:30 AM  when a trans woman accepted a ride from an unknown male and was sexually assaulted inside the perpetrator's vehicle.

Less than an hour later two suspects attempted to rob a trans woman in the area of 5th and K Street, NE at approximately 4:05 AM.  She was shot and taken to a local hospital with non life threatening injuries.

I said this in my post in the wake of Bree Wallace's stabbing and it needs to be repeated. 

While there is a culture of anti-trans violence aimed at trans women in the Washington DC area that needs to be addressed, getting the word out about these attacks is a great start but it's not enough..

The DC trans community (and by extension, trans communities across this nation) are going to have to deal with the reality that as Black and Latina trans women, we like our cis sisters are walking targets for anti-female violence and sexual assault. 

The failure to consistently pass that message home to our trans younglings has resulted in far too many of our sisters being killed, sexually assaulted or injured.  

We not only need to talk about that more often,  we transwomen must begin to consistently talk about the need for hyper vigilance about our surroundings and the situations we can potentially end up in.   That needs to begin being drilled into our heads the nanosecond we begin living our lives as estrogen based lifeforms.

We need to talk about that issue in our support groups, our sistah circles and in our video and written blogs.  If nobody else wants to talk about it because it's not a happy-happy joy-joy topic, then I'm more than willing for the sake of saving people's lives to have that discussion.

As my old endocrinologist Dr. Lee Emery used to tell me over a decade ago during my checkups, you get the good and the bad with a feminine gender transition   Having to deal with being a potential target for anti-female violence is part of that bad stuff. 

Any small lapse in security awareness of your person can result in serious injury, a sexual assault or you having your name read at the next Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial ceremony. 

I believe a step toward curbing and dismantling the anti-trans violence culture in Washington DC is calling a public meeting possibly at City Hall with trans community activists, the DC Metro Police and other interested parties to repeat this message until it burns into the consciousness of transpeople in DC and elsewhere. 

If one of our community's stated goals is to make Transgender Day of Remembrance events obsolete, a significant portion of the solution to combating anti-trans violence rests on the trans community to do internal things that don't require police or governmental involvement.  

Yes, the police will play a role.  Our trans brothers can help us in that regard.  So will local organizations that serve our community.  But anti-trans violence is not just a Washington DC, Chicago, or Los Angeles problem.   It can happen anywhere and at any time.  This is an opportunity for trans feminine communities to work intersectionally not only with our trans men but our cisgender male and female allies to help combat this problem.  The work must begin now to tackle the problem before we lose more people to anti-trans violence.

Some of it is common sense stuff.   Try to make sure you're not walking alone in the early morning hours.   Be aware of your surroundings.  Don't accept rides from people you don't know.   If you're in a club situation don't leave your drink uncovered and go with a friend or group of friends.  

Each individual member of our trans feminine community must do their part in getting that message out there that we do have a personal responsibility piece to helping curb the anti-trans violence aimed at us and curbing the spike in anti-trans violence