The Race And Everyone Else Enters With Me As Well

On this 23rd anniversary of the 1994 day I nervously clocked in for work one month before my birthday to begin the public coming out as moi in the middle of IAH's Terminal C, one of the quotes that has  stuck with me through this journey in this part of my life is one from sociologist, civil rights leader and educator Anna Julia Cooper.

'“Only the black woman can say 'when and where I enter, in the quiet, undisputed dignity of my womanhood, without violence and without suing or special patronage, then and there the whole Negro race enters with me.”

That's true for me as well, but I also have a few extra groups tagging along as I get the blessings and opportunities to blaze trails on behalf of myself and the communities I represent in this six foot two inch tall intersectional body.

Everywhen and anywhere I go, the race enters with me as well.  I'm always cognizant of that as a Black trans woman.   I'm always acutely aware that my presentation must be on point, I must be knowledgeable about many subjects, and fearless about speaking my truth in a world determined to silence or shut down my voice

And it's a role that I have gleefully accepted since that day I stepped into Terminal C and haven't looked back.

Welcome To The International Trans Fam, Gauri!

"I want to tell the world it's not always easy to be who you are, but you must stay true to yourself'
-Gauri Arora

As I like to continue to remind you TransGriot readers, trans people are part of the diverse mosaic of human life and we inhabit every continent on this planet except Antarctica.

And wouldn't be surprised if one day, we hear about a trans scientist doing some research at the bottom of the world.

During a web surfing session to find some interesting things to talk about, discovered the chatter coming from India about our trans sister Gauri Arora that started back in late September .  

Before her transition, the 24 year old had come out as bisexual on Indian national television, was a six foot tall model with a Men's Health magazine cover shoot to her credit with 8 pack abs, and had appeared on Season 8 of the reality television show MTV Splitsvilla. 

Now the chatter in India is about Arora's metamorphosis to the person she knew she always was and how she is adapting to her new life.

She talked about her transition in this October interview with the Hindustan Times.

 “I have the guts to come out while many don’t. I know that fame and money, I can make anytime as I’m ambitious and capable. This is me, this is my journey and my journey is all about Gauri Arora, who is moving from being the cover model of Men’s Health with eight-pack abs to the new me. Now I want to be on the cover of a women’s magazine. I have gym mates like Jacqueline Fernandes and Sonam Kapoor and they appreciate me like anything. I have a lot of fans and everywhere I go people come up and talk to me. But no one does anything to directly help. I feel there are many people with me but no one with me really. I can’t tell people please accept me, please love me. They take me as a glam thing. But deep down, I’m a girl, and I want a man in my life. And when I’m a woman, I want to adopt a girl child.”

We feel you, Gauri.   many of us have been there with the family rejection.  They may or may not come around, but you are not alone. You are part of an international family now, and we welcome you with open arms to it.

Happy 21st Transition Anniversary To Me!

Today is the day 21 years ago I began the very public phase of my transition journey when I walked into my job on April 4, 1994, one month before my birthday and clocked in for work as moi.

Little did I realize at the time that this small step would lead to a giant leap in the quality of my life I was living up until that point.   I also look at it as the day my life began.

The activism wouldn't come until a few years later, because at that point in time I was fixated on just being the best sister I could be at the time and fulfilling my vow to my cisgender sisters at IAH who had my back  to be a compliment to Black womanhood and not a detriment to it.

Have I lived up to it?  I believe I have, and so do many of the women who are in my life cis and trans. I'm considered a possibility model as a writer and award winning activist with a widely read and GLAAD award nominated blog. 

I don't just talk about how to be an intersectional trans leader, I do my utmost to role model it. 

But there is always room for personal improvement and evolutionary change.

I've also seen a societal evolution over the last 21 years as a Black trans woman.   I have seen us go from not having our voices heard in either cis, SGL or trans ranks to becoming major respected thought leaders.   I have seen girls who share my ethnic background do everything from write New York Times best selling memoirs, perform at Carnegie Hall, to ripping runways and getting the lead role on an upcoming legal drama series. 

I have also seen trans women succeed in any job they are given an opportunity at from working in retail to being doctors and lawyers.

But just as I have seen some things dramatically change over the last 21 years, there are some that sadly haven't.   My sisters are still facing genocidal levels of violence. 

Instead of gay and lesbian politicians opposing our human rights march, it's now the conservative movement with anti-trans laws they are attempting to pass in Florida, Missouri and my home state of Texas to dehumanize and criminalize our lives.

Far too many of our people are choosing suicide rather than getting their best revenge against trans oppression by living their lives well.

Just last month I had the amazing experience of going to the White House for a historic Trans WOC policy briefing.   I talked to Angela Davis in Chicago, and the Rev Dr William Barber II.  I took a photo in Philly in front of the former Dewey's Lunch Counter 50 years after the trans themed sit in that happened there, went to Austin to talk to our state legislators, saw Tona Brown perform for the first time, talked to our Harris County DA Devon Anderson, met the amazing Mia McKenzie and Gloria Allen, and got to meet and spend quality time with many peeps I'd known online for years.

What will this month have in store for me?   That's a good question.   But it's a question I can ask because I'm alive to do so and see where this amazing journey takes me next.

So happy 21st Transition Anniversary!   Looking forward to seeing where I am when my 22nd transition anniversary happens next year.

Today Is My 20 Year Transition Anniversary!

Today is the day 20 years ago I walked into Houston Intercontinental Airport's Terminal C to clock in at my then seven year old airline job to begin my first nerve wracking work week evolving into the Phenomenal Transwoman you see today.

It had been a long road to get to that April 4, 1994 day.  I'd had my first appointment with my gender therapist Dr. Cole just two months earlier.  

That first work week was filled with me having one on one emotional conversations with my airline co-workers spelling out why I was handling my transition business.   Some of them led to tell it like it T-I-S is revelations and epiphanies.   Others were simply people wanting to know what the process was like as I would evolve in front of their very eyes.

The now 16 years and counting of activism around trans human rights issues started four years later, but from 1994-1998 my thirtysomething self was more focused on becoming the best woman I could be.  

I felt at the time I was going from zero to femininity and needing to play catch up with the other cis sisters in my peer group, my workplace and elsewhere around H-town. 

On that April 4, 1994 day I was facing the task of needing to have the acquired knowledge of a thirtysomething Black woman and not having three decades to learn and make mistakes while doing so.   I also accepted the mission of going through a body morphing second puberty with a wide variety range of reactions from friends, family and society ranging from unconditional acceptance to virulent hostility.  Add to the body morphing and other changes bumrushing me at that moment at a dizzying pace the frustrating at times documentation and paperwork changes combined with rolling down I-45 south to Galveston every few months for check ups and chats at the gender clinic with Dr Emery and Dr. Cole.

Some of those challenges I encountered were quickly learning that sexism, misogyny, and the straight up hatred aimed at Black women is no joke. 

I also received an early reminder of the transmisogynistic hatred trans women face inside and outside our community when Tyra Hunter died at the hands of a transphobic Washington DC EMT a mere 15 months into my transition.  

I had a scary 1996 incident that taught me paying attention to my personal safety was a must and that any lapse in attention could result in severe injury, sexual assault or my untimely death 

I discovered the wallet in my purse was going to take a bigger hit now that I was on the femme gender side because of the added expenses and the new wardrobe I was having to build from scratch. 

I also discovered that the weight gain you pick up after starting HRT is no joke either.  

I already knew this from sitting in locker rooms during my teen years, but it got it reinforced as an estrogen based lifeform just how much men can be pigs at times.

There were humorous and sometimes touching moments along the way as I adjusted to my happier life as Monica. 

I built my network of cis and trans sistafriends who broke down the evolving feminine journey I was on.  They praised me when I was handling my business and put their foot up my ass when necessary to give me that needed motivational kick.  

My sistagirls (and they know who they are) stayed on my behind to make sure that I not only continued to evolve to be a better person, I kept my promise to evolve to be a complement to Black womanhood and not be seen as a detriment.to it.  

And yes, my transbrothers have played their parts in helping me become the person I needed to be. 

Because I stepped out on faith and did so, I have been afforded some amazing opportunities.   I get to travel and participate in discussions about trans and other issues at various conferences and college campuses in Houston and around the country.

I have a blog that has been visited by 5.5 million people around the world since I started it in January 2006.  It has led to a new column at Black Girl Dangerous and being published at EBONY.com, Loop 21, the Huffington Post and a long list of other blogs

I have gotten to meet wonderful people inside and outside the trans community I probably wouldn't have come in contact with otherwise had I continued to unhappily muddle through my pre-transition life.  My network of friends and chosen family encompasses the United States and the world.  

And the question I asked at the beginning of my transition has been emphatically answered in 2014.   The girls like us who share my ethnic background are all across the African Diaspora.   I have also gotten the opportunity to meet and befriend beautiful, smart and talented transwomen of all ethnic backgrounds and ages.

I have had the opportunity to be a witness to the last 20 years of trans history, helped shape some of it, and meet some of the people who made that history before I transitioned like Phyllis Frye, the late Sylvia Rivera and Miss Major.   I get to unearth chapters of our Black trans history as one of the missions of this blog.   

I would be remiss if on this day I didn't mention all the transwomen who started that journey around the same 1994 time with me that for various reasons fell by the wayside and didn't continue their evolution, passed on far too soon, or lived their lives well and are now watching over me with the ancestors like Dana Turner and Roberta Angela Dee.

I also need to acknowledge the people cis and trans who popped in on this journey with me for a short time who had lessons good and bad to teach me but who are now out of my life for various reasons.   

There are some things that have happened in that 20 years I didn't foresee.  Becoming an activist wasn't in the original 1994 plan, that just happened because of my strong social justice leanings that were there long before I swallowed my first Premarin tablet and a jacked up IFGE Tapestry article   The nearly nine years in Louisville was something else I didn't see coming, but overall was important to my growth and development as moi.  

I also didn't foresee at the time having a generation of young trans people who see me as a iconic leader and role model, a fact I got reminded of during Creating Change 14.  That amuses and humbles me at times.   I'm honored that people think highly enough me to not only nominate me for and sometimes give me awards, but actually name them after me as BTAC did.

I  keep that iconic status in mind when I have the conversations with them about the history I've made and seen (and I'm still making) as I encourage them to fearlessly be the best girls and boys like us they can be.

I've seen some amazing progress for the trans community here in the States and internationally over the last twenty years, but we are not done yet.  There is still a long way to go before transpeople have full societal equality in my nation and around the world.  

My transition started 20 years ago today, but it is still an ongoing evolutionary journey that won't end until I'm meeting the ancestors. 

And you better believe I'm deliriously happy I took that first small, nerve wracking step in 1994 that has resulted in a giant leap in the quality of my life.  

Thanks To My Trans Sistas, Too

Tomorrow will mark the 20th anniversary of the 1994 day I began the very public coming out phase of my gender transition.   I wrote a post thanking the cis women in my sistahcircle who were there at various points along the way cheering me on and helping me evolve to become the Phenomenal Transwoman you see before you today.

I could have said it in the April 1 post, but as I wrote that post I took it out because I felt the influence of the trans community on my development needed more than just a paragraph or two, but needed to be in a separate post of its own. 

It wasn't just my cis sisters that had a hand in pushing me to become the best woman of trans experience I could be, trans women of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and nationalities had a hand in it as well. 

Transwomen were also during these last 20 years teaching me the good, bad, and ugly lessons I needed to learn at various point in my transfeminine journey.  From those first TATS meetings I attended in various locales around Houston from 1994 until I moved in 2001 to Da Ville, the first group of trans women who had active influence in shaping the person I am today were the ones who came in and out of TATS during that period.  

There are others here and elsewhere who I can't name who have chosen to non-disclose, but who had wisdom to pass on to me as well about life, love and generally dealing with many of the issues that only another transwoman would be able to break down.  

There were my activist mentors and possibility models like Phyllis Frye, Dainna Cicotello, Sarah DePalma, Vanessa Edwards Foster, Josephine Tittsworth, Dawn Wilson, A. Dionne Stallworth and Dr. Marisa Richmond who not only reawakened my interest in politics, but reminded me that as someone who has been blessed with great talents, leadership skills and the ability to have been able to transition, we needed to give something back to our community.  

There were trans women in the Louisville area I have much love for as well who helped me feel at home during my Texan in exile years and also had more lessons to teach.

There are international trans women who not only helped 'ejumacate' me about how trans issues are evolving in their parts of the planet, they have also become wonderful friends and colleagues in the trans human rights struggle.  

The new kids on the trans block, the Generation X, Generation Y and Millennials who even though I'm old enough to be their mom or Big Sis in some cases, have qualities that I admire and inspire me to step up my game.  Some of them at times like my little sisters Jordana LeSesne and Tona Brown have not hesitated to give Big Sis a much needed motivational kick in the butt when necessary. 

My trans elders are also part of the equation.   They are kicking that trans herstory to me along with their hard earned and won wisdom.  They are also giving me and everyone else in the transfeminine community examples of how to age regally and gracefully.

I have much love for the transkids like Jazz, Natalie Maines, Tracey Wilson and countless others who are fighting these inspirational battles to be themselves at the elementary, middle and high school levels.   I not only envy and admire them for being able to do so at such young ages with the help of supportive families, they remind me and my generation that the primary goal of the activism we do in our time on the planet is so that when the younglings get to our ages, they'll hopefully have less societal drama.

There are my trans sisters in the pageant and drag worlds who while on their own evolutionary journeys, made time in their busy lives to help straighten a sistah's presentation out and look her gender best..  

The transbrothers have had their input from the late Alexander John Goodrum to the men of BTMI.  They have reminded me that I have been just as much an inspiration to them as they have been to me.     

Just like the cis sisters who have been or still are a part of my evolving feminine journey,  some have been here with me the entire two decades. 

Some were only here for certain parts of it to teach me lessons I needed to know at that time and have moved on to live their own lives, while others came in a bit later but are hanging with me now. 

And sadly, there are the people who I met along the way like Lois Bates, Dee McKellar, Christie Lee Littleton Van de Putte, Michelle Myers, Roberta Angela Dee, Sylvia Rivera, Dana Turner,  Jaci Adams, Tracy Bumpus and Nakhia Williams who have passed on. 

So to the girls and guys like us out ther who had a hand over the last 20 years in helping me become the best Moni I can be and own my power while doing so, thank you. 

Moni's Coming Out Story

Been reading a lot of people's coming out stories today, so thought I would have you TransGriot readers jump into the DeLorean Time machine and take a trip back in time to my own coming out story.  

I not only came out as trans in April 1994, but the initial stages of it happened in the middle of Houston Intercontinental Airport's Terminals C and D.

It was like transitioning in the middle of a fishbowl.  At the time we had 30,000 people per day transiting that IAH hub airport, I worked the gates and I was the topic du jour on CNN (Continental News Network, Monispeak for the company gossip mill)

I handled it the only way I could by basically busting my butt at work getting my flights out on time, delivering outstanding customer service and treating people with the same dignity and respect I expected to be reciprocally treated with.. 

In between those flights, for the next three months I had Trans 101 conversations with my coworkers in my department, Maintenance, Inflight, Flight Ops, the Houston Airport Police officers I was in contact with, the support personnel who worked there and anyone else who wanted to know stuff about trans issues except the 'who am I sleeping with' question.

Some of the conversations I had with my co-workers led to some interesting revelations and insights. I had two emotional meetings during that early coming out period with Jessica Starnes, our trans pilot who was based in EWR at the time.  The other emotional one was with Gloria Villar, one of my fellow employees I worked on the gates with.  She later transferred to IAH Inflight and came out as part of the lesbian community.  I let her know at the time she came out I had her back, and now she let me know she had mine.

I  had the support of some caring coworkers and friends in the Houston community. I was challenged by Maxine Farrington, Deborah Murray-Hill, Karen Miles, several other female co-workers and my mentors to become the best person I could be. They role modeled in their own lives what they expected of me and I hope I more than exceeded their expectations. I also had many people that I looked to at IAH and elsewhere in my life for inspiration, wisdom and guidance as I embarked on this new chapter in my life.

There were also some bumps along the way and some humorous moments as I got adjusted to living life in a Black female body and all the other stuff good and bad that goes with it.

I made it through the initial nerve wracking day and eventually the week. Then I made it through the month. Then the next month.   Before I knew it an amazing year had passed and I haven't looked back.

So if I can come out as trans and transition in the middle of an international airline terminal, what's holding you back?

Many of you know the rest of the story.  I eventually became an activist in 1998, helped start a trans rights organization in 1999 called NTAC and was its first political director. 

In 2001 I became a Texan in Exile in Louisville for almost nine years, sat on the Fairness Campaign and C-FAIR boards while I was there, was the keynote speaker for the inaugural 2202 TDOR in Louisville and the 2003 edition of Louisville TDOR among other things.  I won the IFGE Trinity Award in 2006 and started some little award winning blog called TransGriot.  I was a member of the first ever all trans panels in 2012 at Netroots Nation and OUT on the Hill and was honored by BTMI in March with an advocacy award named after me. . 

I am one very happy for the most part camper who is comfortable in her skin and is enjoying her evolutionary feminine journey.  And yes, I'm still a huge sports fan. 

Now if I could just stop wandering the dating Sinai, everything would be gravy.

National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person

'I don't want to underestimate how liberating it is for a trans person to come out to family, friends and allies.  It does wonders to lift the burden of carrying that tremendous secret off our psyches so we can begin to openly and honestly live our lives.' --TransGriot October 11, 2012 

Today is National Coming Out Day.  Congratulations if you did so on taking that first giant and scary step towards evolving to become the person you needed to be.  

And yes, if you don't feel strong enough today to do so, don't worry about it.   You don't have to do it amidst all the hoopla of this week and this day.  Only you know when you are ready and emotionally strong enough to handle it and the challenges that will come your way after you come out.
 
If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world.  

We get to be hated on and resisted by a depressingly long list of societal haters.   

And what I said about coming out as trans last year still applies.

That's your mission once you realize you are trans and decide to accept the fundamental truth that it's absolutely essential for your quality of life, health, sanity and future happiness to transition. 

For the vast majority of us it's a decision that once made and executed, we wonder why we didn't do so sooner as our bodies and minds align and everything else falls into place once we get the gender issue resolved. 

You become part of a brotherhood and sisterhood that expands across the globe.   You begin to realize that we transfolks are part of the diverse mosaic of human life.  You discover that we have a proud history.  We have had and do have some amazing leaders at the local, state, national and international levels.   We are accomplishing some groundbreaking things and doing our part to uplift the communities we interact and intersect with including our own.

We trans people can do and accomplish anything we wish to do if we're just given the opportunity to do so.


With trans kids coming out as early as five and six, trans teens breaking new ground every day, and in many cases being agents of their own trans liberation, we trans elders are motivated to keep busting our behinds to create a world in which your human rights are respected and protected.  

The world we want for you is one in which all you'll have to do in addition to ensuring those rights stay in place for the generation of trans kids behind you is to dream your big dreams and make them happen.

But it all starts with that first scary and exhilarating step out of the closet after you come to the epiphany that you are trans*.
  
Everything else we can handle together one day at a time.


TransGriot Note: photos are of Dr Kortney Ryan Ziegler accepting the inaugural Authentic Life award from the Transgender Law Center and Cheryl Courtney-Evans in front of the Stonewall Inn where the TBLG movement began in 1969.

Transition Is An Ongoing Journey

There is a mistaken belief in the trans community that transition is a finite journey with a fixed beginning, middle and endpoint.  

Some people think it begins when you swallow your first estrogen tablets or take your first testosterone shot and ends when you have some kind of surgical intervention or the morphing into the body that matches your brain gender map is complete. 

But I submit that's not the case.  Transition may start when you take that first estrogen or testosterone shot, but the endpoint is when they close the coffin lid on you.

The middle between those two points is the life you live and how you define it.

Like life itself, transition is a constantly evolving series of events that are part of the totality of your life until it's done.  It is a just battle for the self determination of your own identity to paraphrase what my little sis Jordana has eloquently said about it.  It is a long journey of self discovery that at times can be a pain in the ass.   There are periods of introspection and analysis you'll have to go through in terms of whether you're living up to the goals you set for yourself when you began your transition.   Sometime you do that hard solid thinking that comes with that honest assessment of where you are in terms of your transition goals on your own, sometimes it's a group exercise in concert with others. 

My personal guiding transition principle and has been since 1994 was wanting to be a compliment to Black womanhood, not a detriment to it.  

When I sit down and do hard solid thinking on where I am in terms of reaching this goal, it is with this guiding principle in mind among many others. 

But as you're on this journey, you want to strive to live a quality life an which you are happy in your own skin.  How you define that happiness and what a quality life means is up to you.

Project Runway Season 8 Finalist Is A Girl Like Us!

2012 has been an interesting and groundbreaking year so far when it comes to the trans community and we're only halfway through it.   In addition to progress on the trans human rights front in several nations, we've had a celebrity trans coming out in rocker Laura Jane Grace. 

We can add another celebrity transition in the person of Hawaii native and fashion designer Nong Ariyaphon Southiphong. 

Back is Season 8 of Project Runway she looked a little different as fashion designer Andy South and made it to the finals of that season's competition.

The now 25 year old Nong acknowledged her transition in a February interview in the Hawaii's Expression magazine.   Pictures of her started appearing on her Facebook page back in March.

She recently made the gender code changes on her Facebook page in addition to leaving this June 3 message on it.

"Thank you to my fans and friends who have supported me all the way," she wrote. "Much has changed in a year. I am blessed to be accepted and welcomed just the way I am. May that love flow through me and onto many others. Live in love for the world needs it."

Welcome to the community and the #GirlsLikeUs ranks, Nong.   We're glad to have you.with us!