You Are Beautiful, Black Trans Women

'I defy any doctor in the world to prove that I am not a woman.  I have lived, dressed, acted just what I am, a woman.'-Lucy Hicks Anderson

One of the things that we all struggle with at times as Black trans women is dealing with the dysphoria that whacks us from time to time.

Yes, we know that we are women, too, but whether you're pre, post or non op, there are times the 'that;s a man' insults that seems to come at you from all directions stings harder on some days than others.

And yes, we trans women can be some of our own harshest critics when it comes to scrutinizing ourselves and how we stack up with our trans sisters

You come in 24 different skin tones from light bright and damned near white to deepest darkest ebony.  Your fine brown frames come in all shapes and sizes.

It also doesn't help that we cis and trans Black women are also dealing with a beauty standard that never had us in mind when whiteness and white supremacy decided to elevate white women as the penultimate example of beauty, femininity and fertility that all women should aspire to. 

Deep breath, everyone.

I know it is a challenging time for us and the trans community.  We're under sustained attack by the Forces of Intolerance with a hostile Republican controlled federal government in place.   We have Black cis women in our own ranks sounding like white cis feminine TERF's.   You have days when your mood goes up and down with your hormones, and you feel like you can either conquer the world or wish you could just crawl back under the covers and not deal with crap today.

But remember, you are Black trans women.  You can accomplish anything you put your minds to.

You helped kick off a movement at Stonewall.  You stood up to oppression repeatedly at Compton's Cafeteria in 1966, Dewey's Lunch Counter in Philadelphia in 1965, and Cooper's Donuts in LA in 1959.  Sometimes you did it alone, sometime in coalition with others.

You have Black trans women who blazed trails and defiantly fought for your right to exist from Mary Jones to  Lucy Hicks Anderson  to Marsha P. Johnson    My generation picked up that leadership torch from and are now carrying it for you until it is time for y'all to accept it from us.

One of us got elected to a state legislature in 1990.   One of us is about to be featured in Playboy as their first ever playmate.   You are cutting edge thinkers, leaders, educators and trailblazers in this movement.   You stylishly rock fashion runways and red carpet.   You write New York Times best selling books like Janet.  You slay pageants and balls.  You grace our television screens like Amiyah and Laverne and you sing like angels all the way to Carnegie Hall like Tona Brown.

You have Black trans women who are not only running for office in Minneapolis, you are making trailblazing steps to shape the direction in which one of our major political parties will go as Marisa Richmond will do as a DNC member.   You are handling your business when it comes to getting your education, and you are desired and wanted as a life partner in a long term relationship.

You are all that and ten bags of barbeque chips.   And our Black trans feminine teens like Trinity will do even more amazing things as they grow to adulthood and I hope I'm around to see it. 

And yes, I need to say it, since Black trans women don't hear it enough.   You are beautiful, my Black trans sisters.   You are enough, to borrow your trans brother Kye Allums' words.

You are valid.  You are part of the diverse mosaic of human life.  You undeniably exist no matter how many times our right wing and TERF opposition try and fail to denigrate our humanity.

You are fabulous and you are my sister, no matter where you live across the Diaspora.  Whether you live in Brazil, the Caribbean, the USA, Europe, or on the African continent, we are connected through our DNA, history and being Black on a planet that universally reviles Blackness.

Never forget that.  Never forget  that you are beautiful, Black trans women.

Do You Want Trans Women In Your Ranks Or Not, Divine Nine Sororities?

I would hope that if a qualified #girllikeus decided she was down with the historic mission of Alpha Kappa Alpha, Delta Sigma Theta, Zeta Phi Beta, or Sigma Gamma Rho. loved that sorority's history, was qualified to be a member, and wanted to be a part of building their legacy for a new century of service she would be invited to do so and not disrespectfully turned away
-TransGriot,  December 5, 2012  

I've been talking about this subject for over a decade on this blog concerning the need for the Divine Nine sororities to emulate the evolutionary steps they took in admitting Latina, Asian, white, bi and lesbian women in their ranks and consider finally admitting trans women.

It's highly likely there are non disclosed trans members of Divine Nine sororities right now, but I would like to see out trans women have the ability and the option become available if they desire to do so to join. .

I would rather they do this unilaterally because as they realized in admitting Latina, Asian, white , Bi and lesbian women, it was the right thing to do.  Because if you as organizations claim to embrace all women, then by default all women includes transgender women as well

I'm bringing this subject up again because DL Hughley's wannabe Que Dog behind was stoking the hellfire flames of transphobic bigotry yesterday by posing the question should trans women be allowed to join Delta Sigma Theta or by extension, any of the Divine Nine sororities?

The resulting comment thread as you probably guessed was a festering pustule of transphobia.

That's a problem because these four iconic and historic Greek letter organizations, with nearly a million members worldwide and over a century of service and achievement on behalf of our Black community, comprise the largest organized group of professional college educated Black women in the world.

Divine Nine sorority members are prominent in the fields of business, government, legal, medical, media, sports, the arts and the armed forces, and it's troubling to me as the child and sibling of AKA's that elements of the Divine NIne are sounding like white TERF's when it comes to discussing transgender women.

That's a major problem for Black trans women and our Black cis feminine allies that we need to address right now.  .

So let's get this salient point established right now.  Trans women exist, trans women are women, some trans women are college educated, and are an undeniably intertwined part of the Black community.   Black trans women have been standing up for yours, theirs and everybody's human rights for decades in addition to being trailblazing members of the trans community

We are not only handling our business in being the best people that we can be, we are doing our part to uplift Black womanhood and be the intersectional allies and sisters that you can rely on.

And yes,.trans kids exist, and news flash for y'all, some of those trans kids matriculating in elementary, middle school and high school classrooms across this country are Black.

Some of those amazing trans kids in our ranks will eventually go on to attend college.  It is also possible that some of those kids, like I did, are growing up under the positive influence of members of a Divine Nine sorority, are down with the mission of that particular sorority, and as a result of their positive interactions with that Divine Nine sorority elder would love to join.

The question you'll  have to answer is will you turn that trans feminine child away like every other institution in society is doing to that trans feminine child right now?   Will you Divine Nine sororities and elements of your membership send the message to her (and her trans feminine non-Greek elders) that you're rejecting her femininity and her existence by not including her in your esteemed ranks?

What we need to hear from you right now or in the near future Divine Nine sororities is an unequivocal answer to that question.  

We need you Divine Nine to state one way or the other that either yes, we recognize trans women as the women you are and would love to have you join us if you qualify for membership or no, we don't want you even if you do qualify so we know where you stand.

The reality is you'll have to make that choice sooner or later because Black trans women aren't going away, and we're not going to stop asking this question.  
 

Trans Women. Stop Hatin' On Your Trans Sisters

In a time in which trans women are being killed at record rates, we trans people are fighting for recognition of our humanity, our human rights are under assault from haters who are using the legislative process to try to criminalize our trans lives, haters like the TERFs are attacking us because they are let's be real, straight up evil vanillacentric privileged wenches, and the conservative moment because they need somebody new to hate on after their catastrophic loss on marriage equality, one of the things that pisses me off is when I see it is elements of the trans community hating on other trans sisters.

And it needs to stop

So what is hatin' for the context of discussion in this post? 

*Hatin' is when you disparage another sister for no reason other than because you're jealous of her.

*Hatin' is when you engage in non-constructive criticism or throw unwanted and unjustified shady comments at your trans sister 

*Hatin' is deliberately outing her and putting her in a potentially dangerous situation in which she could be assaulted or killed.

*Hatin' is any action on your part specifically designed to negatively impact her life like outing her at her job to a boss or co-worker that you know is transphobic and you are aware of the fact she is low to non-disclosed about her trans status on that job.

*Hatin' is colluding with the enemies of the trans community like conservafools and TERFs to impede the human rights progress of the trans community for your personal gain, comfort or you just wanna be a nekulturny azzhole.

There are many of my sisters who are successful, accomplished women and they look damned fly when handling their business.  To borrow the line from Melissa De Souza's Shelby character in the movie The Best Man Holiday, 'Don't hate, emulate'

When I see see my sisters at a White House event, Eden Lane on CNN, Janet Mock on MSNBC guest hosting the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, Laverne Cox's face on ESSENCE and other magazines, Geena Rocero and Isis King strutting down catwalks, Jazz and her family on TLC, Ruby Corado running her now three year old center in DC, Angelica Ross handling her TransTech business, Precious Davis searching for the perfect wedding dress as she and her fiance Myles role model what Black trans folks in love with each other looks like, and Nikki Araguz Loyd and her business partner Meagan Gillett stylishly handling their Gallery Girls business, why should I be hatin' on that? 

There are many trans women in this community that  I admire and look up to for many reasons   All of us are beautiful and have qualities that make us so.  The women I admire and look up to I do so not only for their beauty, their intelligence, their creative talents, their trailblazing leadership qualities, their on fleek sense of style, or some combination of all of the above, they also add into that mix of qualities being genuinely good people  . 

I see these women, some of who I am proud to call my friends, what they have accomplished, and I'm inspired to step up my own personal game.  Instead of hatin' you should be taking notes and trying to replicate what she did to arrive at that point of success you are so green with envy about.  

Is it your trans sister's fault if she hit the genetic lottery and her family DNA hormones were extremely good to her? She busted her ass to get her education?  She has amazing music talent that she has worked hard to hone?  That she has a significant other who is not only proud of her, but loves her?   That she's successfully getting paid and working in a nice job?  

#StopTheShade because frankly, in this critical moment for our community,  we don't need trans sisters hatin' on each other.  We have more than enough cis folks out there ready and willing to line up to not only hate on  us and challenge our very humanity, but who are willing to take that hatred to the next level and oppress and kill us.

We also have serious human rights work ahead of us that will take all of us working as a unified team doing different tasks to make real the promises of democracy for trans kind.
 

So keep that in mind the next time you wish to pop the top on that Haterade and spit it back out at another trans sister.  .

Chasing Pseudo Cisprivilege

One of the things that sends the transsexual separatist crowd into a frothing rage is when you point out the cold hard reality to them that no matter how much they want to deny it, how much money they spend,  how much surgery they do or try to erase that history, we were all born with male bodies and spent some time on that side of the gender fence.

And pointing out that simple fact sets them off.

Something else that sets them off is when you point out their obsessive quest to regain the cisprivilege they lost when they transitioned and try to exercise it in the new gender role.

Cisgender bodies of either gender exist with privilege and general qualities assigned to them by the parent society.  And what is cisgender privilege you ask?   It's according to Kristen Schilt, 'the set of unearned advantages that individuals who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth accrue solely due to having a cisgender identity and presentation.' 

For example, it is presumed by society that if you are a cisgender female, you have been one from birth, you have XX chromosomes, you possess a uterus and other internal reproductive organs, when you hit your teen years you began to develop into your adult feminine body, you began to have periods in a regular cycle that occur on average every 28 days, you will one day get married, bear 2.5 children and as you move deeper into adulthood will experience menopause.

You also have societal advantages and human rights above and beyond those of trans women based on that cisgender status. 

These cisgender characteristics are presumed as universal and immutable, but nature has a way of throwing curveballs at our nice, neat binary assumptions concerning gender   There are ciswomen who don't have XX chromosomes or meet some of those benchmarks society says they should meet to be considered women.

And when ciswomen want to sling their privilege around, they will deploy in a heartbeat misgendering insults based on those memes like a weapon at women they don't believe measure up  So will the TS separatists when you remind they came out of mommy's birth canal in male bodies.      

Moving on.

Two months into my transition that began in April 1994 I had a discussion about it with one of my white fundie co-workers in the breakroom near our northside Terminal C gates.  I was aware that she had been part of a small cadre of women in my department who went to my duty manager and tried to deploy the bathroom meme to keep me out of the women's bathrooms and failed so I was on Defcon 2 intellectual alert when she approached me.  

At the time I transitioned I was seven years into my airline career and she asked me why I was transitioning and not being the male person in her mind God made me. After blowing up her faith based arguments, pointing out God made transpeople and discussing my lived experience, she deployed the 'you'll never be female because you can't have children or menstruate' argument that was common with trans opponents in the early 90's.

I quickly pointed out there are women who can't have children, can't have periods for various reasons, and then pointed out that her narrow definition of womanhood based on physiological characteristics would erase her own mother who was going through menopause at the time from the ranks of womanhood.   

I would have another encounter with a co-worker two weeks later that continues to resonate with me as well
.

I was having a conversation with a Newark based African American flight attendant co-worker of mine while we were seated in the lobby area waiting for the plane to arrive.

We were seated away from her crew and at the time POC airline employees treasured those moments when we got to talk to other POC employees because the airline business is still a predominately white world. 

She asked me how my transition was going and as I told her about some of the frustrations I'd encountered, she smiled and matter of factly told me I was just like her.   


"What do you mean I'm just like you?" I exclaimed. "You were born and raised as female from birth and no one mocks or questions your gender identity or presentation."  

'That's true," she replied. "But despite being born with a uterus,  I'm unable to conceive and can't have children. That's makes me in society's eyes just like you."  

She then proceeded to break it down that even though I wasn't going to have periods or give birth to a child, like her I would still experience all the drama that female bodied people get dealing with a male-dominated society.  I was still going to face sexism, sexual harassment, have to cope with people discounting my intelligence, and that's before we even get to the set of circumstances and the unwoman meme Black women have to constantly fight.

And while she broke it down I had the epiphany that pretty much guides my post-transition life.  If I continued to chase pseudo-cisgender privilege and pile on self imposed pressure to pass 100% of the time as female, it would be as futile and frustrating a quest as Don Quixote jousting windmills. The windmill would always win. 

Not even ciswomen pass as female 100% of the time, and if they tell you they do they're lying to themselves and to you.  Contrary to the lie the radfems like to pimp about transwomen, the cisprivilege I had in a male body I lost once I transitioned and it will never come back.  Neither would I experience feminine cisprivilege at the level ciswomen do because I wasn't born female and the virulent hostility and ignorance of society aimed at transwomen for now ensures I won't.  

So from that day forward I focused on being the best Moni I could be.  Yes, I am a proud African-American trans woman and I'm now on the feminine side of the gender fence where I needed to be.  

But the reality is I spent some time on the other side of the gender fence.  My body morphed on the outside to my current femme configuration to match the gender identity between my ears and I express my femme self quite well, but like every trans woman I still have a prostate gland that has shrunk due to HRT.  I have a skeletal structure that makes me heavier than a comparable 6'2" ciswoman. 

There was and still is resistance to accepting me and my transsisters as the Phenomenal Women we are in sectors of our society based on the fact we did spend time on the other side of the gender fence.

So trying to deny that reality is an exercise in futility.  Those of us who transitioned in the 60's, 70's, 80's and early to mid 90's won't be able to produce pictures of ourselves as little girls blowing out birthday cake candles, being members of the Girl Scouts, cheerleaders, discuss the age we had our first period or began developing breasts, joining a sorority or some of the other female rites of passage.    

So far from lamenting it and trying to come up with cover stories to hide it in a futile chase for pseudo cisgender status that will evaporate the nanosecond your trans status is revealed, I and increasing numbers of transpeople are being open and honest about being out and proud transwomen. 

I know I'm far happier and more well-adjusted because my evolving feminine persona has a rock solid base of reality undergirding it and not the quicksand.of shame, guilt and obfuscation.
 
So yes, it's time for transwomen to stop chasing pseudo cisprivilege and consider pondering this gender conundrum in another more constructive way..

It's time for us to be out and proud about being Phenomenal Transwomen secure in ourselves, our self-images and our own bodies.