TransGriot Note: I had my say about Blake Lively's latest use of the t-slur, now it's Renee of Womanist Musings turn
I am starting to believe that
Elle simply courts controversy in
the hopes of selling magazines. It engages in actions that are so
clearly problematic, that I don't believe for one moment that they are
not aware of what they are doing.
This month, Blake Lively appears on the cover of the magazine. Included
with her cover, is of course a the obligatory cover article. I would
like to focus on a snippet of what Lively had to say regarding
motherhood.
"I hope to have a few girls one day. If not
girls, they better be trannies. Because I have some amazing shoes and
bags and stories that need to be appreciated." (source)
Where
to even begin with this hot mess? I suppose the obvious place to start
would be her callous use of a trans slur. Blake joins
Neil Patrick Harris and
Lance Bass
as celebrities who have recently very publicly used this slur. There is
never a reason or situation in which it is acceptable to use a slur.
The T word is not obscure, and trans* communities have been very vocal
in making sure that cisgender people are aware that this term
constitutes a slur and causes harm. To use this word is to purposefully
attack and degrade trans* people. In the case of Bass, he made a point
of saying that his trans friends who use this term, and that he
therefore felt that he had the right to. This very much reminds me of
when White people decide that it's okay for them to say nigger or nigga,
because some Black people do. The basic rule of thumb should be that
if a slur does not apply to you, and it cannot specifically debase your
humanity, then you have no right using it, or commenting on how the
effected community chooses to negotiate it. If that were not enough,
Bass went on to say that he did not get the memo, which reflects his cis
privilege. It is not an excuse to say that one did not know that the T
word constitutes a slur, when trans*people have been saying so loudly
for a very longtime. If he didn't know it's because he actively chosen
not to listen.
I am the mother of two sons, and have made no secret of the fact that
when I got pregnant that I wanted girls. I have since dedicated myself
to raising womanist sons and could not love and respect my boys more. I
do not understand Lively's claim to want to have trans children, if they
are not born cisgender girls for the purposes of having an accessory.
This is not positive, nor does it deal with the issues of rejection that
defenseless trans children face everyday. You don't wish for a trans*
child so that you can have a pet, or a captive audience. To carry this
idea one step further, I also feel the need to point out that this yet
another example of Adult privilege. Lively's comments show a complete
disrespect for children and their ability to teach us, even as we help
to guide them on their journey to adulthood. It is also worth noting
that if the only reason you want a girl is to teach or how to dress up
pretty, then a lot of work needs to be done understanding the nature of
patriarchy.
I truly hope that when this woman does eventually have a child, that the
child is cisgender, because her comments prove that she is the last
person who should be interacting with a trans* child, let alone be
responsible for raising and guiding one. There are precious few images
of trans* people in the media to counteract the negative messages that
she would impart. If anything, I believe that she would simply base her
ideas on a reductive stereotype of what it is to be trans* and then
expect the child to play out that role on a whim to suit her fancy.
Even with a cisgender child, Lively's attitude shows that she will pass
on cissexist ideas, because she clearly has not even begun to process of
decolonizing her mind. As a cis mother, I can tell you that even when
one has begun the journey to decolonize one's mind, it is a constant
battle to challenge cis privilege, and to have your children see you do
it. There is a constant battle to mother in a manner that supports the
equality of all, because all of the agents of socialization are
determined to send your children the exact opposite message. The fact
that Lively's problematic assertion appeared in
Elle is just one example of the medias investment in the diminishing historically marginalized people.
When I came across this story, one of the things I feared is that it
would lead to yet another round of discussion, as to whether or not the T
word constituted a slur. Unfortunately, as expected, there are a few
suggesting that trans* people need to simmer down, as well as the
suggestion that no harm was done. To be clear, each and every time you
use a slur,
harm is done. Trans* people don't have to be nice
reacting to slur, and in fact, any anger they express should be
validated and expected. If you are not in the group being targeted, you
don't get to debate how someone should respond, or whether or not the
word is a slur. The determination of harm needs to be made by the
community the word is directed at.
I sometimes wonder how long we are going to continue to have these 101
conversations? I also wonder how many marginalized people think that
it's fine to diminish transphobia or their cis privilege? As a Black
disabled woman, all I have to do is think about how angry I would be if a
slur was aimed at me to identify with the rage felt by the trans*
community when something like this happens. Instead of spending so much
time trying to embrace our various privileges, in the hope of moving to
the top of the social pyramid, I think we would all be better off
trying to align ourselves with historically marginalized people outside
of the groups that we belong to. The real strength is in numbers, not
in the ability to oppress others at will. I know it's cliche, but
walking a mile in someone else's shoes, is sometimes the best way to
understand how we are oppressed and how we at the same time oppress.
'Let me drive this point home once again. You don't get to make the call as to what words are or aren't offensive to my community. WE make that call. If you respect our community as you claim you do, then heed our repeated request to simply NOT use the offensive slur words.' 
This is bigger than the slur words. It's about the trans community owning its power, drawing a line in the sand and telling friend, foe, frenemy and the world what is and is NOT acceptable to us. 
