Trans Community, We Need To Be Better Friends To Each Other

One of the things that jumped out at me while reading my Facebook feed was one transsister not wanting to go out on New Year's Eve, but expressing her wish of just wanting to quietly usher in 2015 at her place with a friend and watch the New York ball drop on TV because she really wasn't feeling being in a club that night.

I feel her on that.  She was also aware that because it was New Year's Eve, her mission to find someone who wouldn't be out clubbing or at somebody's house party would be tough.

She managed to get in contact with another trans sister at home that night, but Person B as I'll call her declined. 

To be fair to Person B, she could have had a rough day that played into her decision to decline the invite and had no intention of hurting the person in question's feeling.

But Person B declining that invite led the person to question whether she actually had any trans sisters as friends in the community in which she lives that cared about her.

I know the person in question, and she is a warm, funny, and sweet person who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside..  I would have loved to have spent a few hours on New Year's Eve (or any time) in her company since the last time I was in her presence I enjoyed it so much.

And on New Year's Eve I was at home alone myself and looking to spend some quality time with somebody that evening, so that story she recounted on her Facebook page resonated with me.

The reason I'm mentioning this is because I have a bigger point to make as it relates to transkind and the current spike in suicides we are experiencing. 

One of the reasons I believe we have the suicide problem in trans circles is because for the most part, we tend to be loners to begin with. 

I have had to fight that loner tendency myself.   You combine that with rejection from family and friends because of the trans issues, add a dash of isolation and depression, and you have the perfect storm of conditions to grease the skids for a suicide attempt.

To me, one way to combat that is simple human contact with people who love and care about you and your well being..  Facebook chats and phone calls are fine, but nothing beats sitting with your homegirls at their home or yours chatting about whatever issues pop up in your mind.  Or if that's not your speed, going to lunch or dinner with a friend.   Going shopping.   Going to a movie.  Going to a museum.  (insert fave activity here)

Human beings are social animals, and we need regular contact with other humans on a frequent basis. So transpeeps, go do something you like in which you have regular contact with another human being.cis or trans.

And one thing we trans folks need to do a better job of is hanging out with other trans people.   I love my cis sisters and have learned much in my own feminine evolution because of the conversations and  quality time I've spent with them over the years and will continue to do so because every trans woman needs sistahfriends in her life.

But there are times when you have to have conversations with other trans people who have gone through the drama of living life while trans.

And some of those trans people you can learn things from are trans guys.

It's not like this is a new idea I'm suggesting in terms of being better friends with each other..  I've talked about the importance of sisterhood for years and it being a necessary component of building a strong community.    With this outbreak of recent suicides, the message about reaching out to other transpeople and forming lasting lifelong friendships needs to be repeated once again.

So in the spirit of fixing society as Leelah urged in her final words, let's do this.   This is one of the easy things we can do as a community that doesn't require legislation and we can expeditiously implement it.

It's also necessary for us to do so because our only sane response to a world hostile to transpeople is to close ranks, hold each other tight, and love each other and the allies who love us.

And yep, I have a few people in mind I'd love to do that with in 2015.  

How Good Of A Sister Have I Been?

This status message has popped up on a few of my friends and my own Facebook page recently.

This is I LOVE MY SISTER week. If you have a sister who has made you laugh, wiped your tears, hugged you tight, watched you succeed, saw you fail, cheered you on and kept you strong, copy and paste this into your status. Sisters are a promise that we will have a friend forever!!

That comment led me to examine my own sister circles and wonder just how good of a sister have I been to the people who are not only part of my sistahfriend circles, but who have graciously allowed me in theirs?

I've been told on a few occasions by some of  the cis women friends I have in my circles that I have been far more supportive as a transwoman of them at times than their fellow cis women.

On one hand that makes me proud on one level to hear that and shocks and saddens me to hear that on another   On the pride front, it says to me that I'm doing my job in terms of one of my stated goals of being a compliment to the sisterhood and not a detriment to it.

But I'm not going to rest on my laurels either.   There's always room for improvement    I need to do a better job of staying in contact with my sistahgirls, make more time in my schedule to do things with them and call them more frequently, even if I don't do anything except spend five to ten minutes saying 'hello' and 'how was your day?'  

.So how good of a sister have I been?   That's up to my sistahgirls, cis and trans to let me know..  

Renee-Happy Birthday, Eh!

Y'all know I had to show some love to my favorite Canuck and wish her a happy birthday. She's all that and three large bags of ketchup flavored potato chips.

You also got a year older today.

I'm definitely blessed to have her in my life and I'm looking forward to the day when I can finally knock on her front door, give her a big hug and spend some quality time in beautiful Southern Ontario with her and her family.

As you know she's a wonderful writer and the creative genius behind Womanist Musings.

Many times over the last year and a half we've gotten to become sistahfriends we've had some thought provoking on both sides deeply philosophical conversations that cut across a wide spectrum of issues.

Those conversations at times have had us chattering away deep into the wee hours of the morning.

Here's hoping the unhusband bought you that Coach wallet for the Coach purse you own.

You so richly deserve it for putting up with the ongoing drama of being the only estrogen based lifeform in a house full of testosterone based beings, including the undog.

If he doesn't, let him eat cake. Preferably this one shaped like a Coach purse.

Happy birthday, sis. May it be stress free, filled with abundant blessing for you, and may you have many more.