Advice To A Young African-American Transwoman

TransGriot note: This morning one of the peeps on the TSTB list asked this question.

I want to know from others what makes you complete or would leave your life fufilled? Should it be something more than a relationship, career or status? Whatever it is how do you go about getting there?

I hope for people it's something more/deeper than just SRS. Because I've seen my fair share of unhappy, bitter post ops

This was my response:

Are those bitter post ops you meet WHITE ones? White transsexuals go through a different transition path than we do. They are coming from a situation where the world revolved around them as white males. Many of them bitterly lament losing that WMP status.

I've been transitioned for over a decade. My life is far happier and better AFTER transition than it was BEFORE transition.

It's not about money, power or fame. It's about living life honestly, openly, being comfortable in your own skin, being happy and being the best person you can be. It's about trusting the feminine intuition and gifts you've been given and getting in tune spiritually with them. It's about discovering who you are and what type of woman you want to be.


In a nutshell, you're about to repeat your teen years all over again, but this time you're preparing to be the woman you know you are inside and should have been from birth.

You may want to get a subscription to Essence to help you get in tune with your genetic sisters and the sistah inside you. Another suggestion would be to find a genetic sistah as a loyal friend who will honestly assess where you are, have your back and break down the mysteries of womanhood to you from the perspective of someone who was raised from birth to fulfill that role.

Ordinarily your mother or other female relatives would ideally do that, but at the moment she ain't inclined to pass those lessons on to you. You have to have that knowledge in order to grow.

Don't fall into the rhetorical trap or let anyone tell you that because you don't have a uterus and a vagina and can't give birth to a child you aren't a woman. Women are made, not born. There are genetic women who possess a uterus and vagina and CAN'T give birth. Do they think of themselves as anything less than a woman?

No they don't. Neither should you.

Once you achieve that and it's an ongoing process, frack errbody else and their unsolicited opinions about whether being transgender is 'wrong' or whatever other word they use to cover up their disapproval of our lives.

Remember, being a woman, especially a Black woman is serious business. That's the way our biosisters see it and that's why many of them are real hard on us when we first transition. They want to know that you aren't trivializing their existence and they know when someone isn't serious about it.

As they see it, you are joining the ranks of the mothers of civilization. The standard bearers for our race. And you got to have a little flava as you navigate through this process.

While this is an ongoing, serious process, evolving into a Black woman, enjoy the ride. Laugh at the mistakes you make along the way. Take time to enjoy the things you like to do. Cry if you feel the need to. You are no longer bound by masculinity's rules.

You are a Phenomenal Transwoman. Enjoy the journey.