Friday, December 07, 2007

You're A Mean One, Barney Frank


sung to the tune of You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
by Dr. Seuss
Copyright © 1957, Dr. Seuss.


TransGriot Note: In the spirit of the season, dedicated to the Grinch Who Stole Civil Rights for transpeople.



You're a mean one, Barney Frank.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Barney Frank

You're a bad Congressional banana
With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Barney Frank.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain's got convoluted logic,
You've got transphobia in your soul.
Barney Frank.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.


You're a vile one, Barney Frank.
You have duplicity in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Barney Frank.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crocodile.

You're a foul one, Barney Frank
You're a nasty, cantankerous skunk.
You cut transpeople out of ENDA
Your soul is full of gunk.
Barney Frank

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a liar, Barney Frank
You're the king of sinful snots.
Your Mattachinesque plot
Accelerates your moral rot,
Barney Frank

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.


You nauseate me, Barney Frank.
We'll scream about it till were hoarse.
Your crooked legal jockeying
Triggered this negative discourse.
Barney Frank

You're a duplictous lying transhating scumbag.
That's par for the course

Houston Drag Queen National Anthem

I love Anita Baker and can listen to her music for hours (especially when she puts new stuff out, hint hint.)

But there's one song of hers I heard so much when I attended H-town talent nights or local preliminary pageants I got to the point where I started calling it the Houston Drag Queen National Anthem.


That song is No More Tears, and it's on one of Anita's early albums called The Songstress. It's a slammin' album, and of course I have it in my collection. But after I attended a Talent Night one evening at Rascals I was tempted to break the CD in half after I returned home.


For the uninitiated into the world of female illusion, talent nights are basically when the wannabe and future drag legends get to perform at a GLBT nightclub. Think small scale Showtime at the Apollo minus the Sandman or the raucous New York crowd. Just like its progenitor, the winner is determined by popular applause. In some cases the Talent Nights are a series of eliminations that lead to a Finals Night in which all the winners for that cycle compete for a paid one night booking in the main drag show with the club's regular cast.

Those Talent Nights do find future legends from time to time that eventually take the Illusionist or pageant worlds by storm. But you also have your GLBT versions of William Hung who are performing just for their five minutes in the spotlight until the next Talent Night.

This particular one had sixteen people performing in it. It's not unusual to have maybe two people do the same song during these competitions since no one knows until the night of the show who's going to do what song until they hand their music to the DJ. The order of performance is determined by either drawing names or the Show Director makes a list based on check in time. But this night we had SEVEN people performing that same song.

It was okay when the first two girls did the song. But after the third one did it eyebrows were raised. When the next three performers in a row also did No More Tears, that was a bit much. One club patron after the sixth girl walked off the stage yelled, "Do these girls own another CD besides Anita Baker?"


Cookie LaCook cracked a joke that got everyone laughing until the next contestant was introduced. The now overly familiar opening notes of this song were being played for the seventh time with an audible groan from the club patrons.

I caught up with Cookie later that night when it was over and joked, "Can y'all put in a rule for future Talent Nights that no more than two girls do the same song?"

Ever since that night, every time I hear No More Tears (and I like the song), I automatically refer to it as the Houston Drag Queen National Anthem. I also agree with that patron. Can some of y'all illusionists please diversify your music collections?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Transwoman Seeks To Succeed Lawmaker


Beyer could replace Maryland delegate who died

By JOSHUA LYNSEN | Dec 4, 2:44 PM
from the Washington Blade

A transgender woman is among the candidates seeking to succeed a Maryland state legislator who died last week.

Dana Beyer, who lost her bid last year to become a state delegate, could become the nation's first transgender state lawmaker if chosen Dec. 11 to fill the vacant Montgomery County seat.

"It's not how I wanted to become a delegate, but it is what it is and you make the best of what you have and you move forward," she said. "And that's how you honor the memory of those past."

Beyer is among the candidates vying to succeed Democratic Del. Jane Lawton, who died Nov. 29 after giving a presentation before a federal agency. Lawton, 63, joined the Maryland House of Delegates in 2005.

"I always wanted to serve with Jane," Beyer said. "I didn't want to replace her."

The Montgomery County Democratic Central Committee, which is collecting applications for the House position through Monday, will choose Lawton's successor during a Dec. 11 meeting. There is no public vote.

Simon Atlas, the Central Committee's treasurer, estimated that five to 10 candidates would seek to succeed Lawton. Among the applicants this week were Alfred Carr, a precinct vice chair, and Oscar Ramirez, a Central Committee member.

"I'd like to think the Central Committee will replace a strong woman with another strong woman," Beyer said. "I think that's what June would have wanted, but it's not my call."

Lawton was a staunch defender of gay civil rights. She scored perfectly on Equality Maryland's 2006 candidate questionnaire, pledging to oppose a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage and support a bill to make marriage licenses gender neutral, among other stances.

"I believe that same-sex couples and all persons have a right to enjoy the same civil rights under the law and that sexual preferences should be respected and supported," she told the Blade earlier this year.

Dan Furmansky, executive director at Equality Maryland, said Lawton will be missed.

"She was a special, warm, caring person who very personally supported LGBT equality and never failed to show up for a big Equality Maryland benefit or event to lend her support," he said. "I'll miss her hugs. She gave great hugs."

But he said Beyer, an Equality Maryland board member, would bring an important voice to the legislature.

"Dana Beyer is without a doubt an exceptional candidate for the House of Delegates who would bring an advocacy background, county policy experience, and years of practice as a physician to her work in the General Assembly," he said. "She would be the first statewide transgender elected official in the nation and would completely alter the dialogue about who transgender people are and what they contribute to our communities. "

Beyer, who last year placed fifth among eight Democratic House candidates competing for three District 18 seats, also scored perfectly on Equality Maryland's questionnaire.

But her campaign was not limited to gay issues. A retired doctor, Beyer has called for universal, government-funded health care. She also has sought improved public education and advocated for workers to earn a living wage.

Beyer said this week that her 2006 campaign issues remain a priority to her.

"Those are still the issues that matter," she said. "I've been working down at the local level, and I think the state can truly make a difference."

Although her 2006 campaign web site remains active, Beyer said she would not heavily campaign for the vacant seat.

She also noted the expedited pace by which the Montgomery County Democratic Central Committee is working to fill the seat likely would preclude others from campaigning.

"The reason this is happening so quickly is because this is the last regularly scheduled meeting of the committee before the regular [state legislative] session begins next month," she said. "Considering the tragedy that has led to this, that may be a good thing, because it doesn't allow for any campaigning or lobbying."

Beyer said she knows many of the Central Committee's 23 members from local party functions and would "be in contact" with them again before next week's vote, but had no plans to mount an official campaign.

"I don't think there's time to do anything," she said. "And I don't think it would be appropriate to do any more."

Beyer, who works for Montgomery County Councilmember Duchy Trachtenberg and worked to help pass a local measure last month that bars discrimination against transgender workers and residents, said she might make passing reference to her distinction as a transgender woman at next week's meeting.

"It isn't an issue and it shouldn't be an issue," she said. "I'm just going to do what I've been doing. This is a very strange 'campaign' — campaign in quotes. It's nothing I ever planned on doing. I'm just going to represent myself as best I can.

"I just hope there are 12 people on Tuesday night who think I can be the best representative for the district."

Joshua Lynsen can be reached at jlynsen@washblade. com.

Scottsdale, AZ Passes LGBT Rights Ordinance



TransGriot Note: Another local jurisdiction passes GLBT protections. One of the things I feared as a result of Barney's ENDA BS cropped up during this debate. Opponents tried and fortunately failed to strip the gender protections out of the ordinance, citing the transgender-free ENDA. Their argument was that if the fedeal ENDA didn't have gender identity language, why should we have it locally?

Scottsdale Passes LGBT Rights Ordinance

by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff

Posted: December 5, 2007 - 1:00 pm ET

(Scottsdale, Arizona) In a 4-3 vote the Scottsdale City Council has enacted an ordinance that extends workplace protections to LGBT city employees.

The move amends the city's equal employment opportunity ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity.

Mayor Mary Manross was among those voting for the the ordinance.

"Despite facing strong opposition, Scottsdale's elected officials demonstrated leadership by putting into policy the inclusive practices of this diverse city," said Equality Arizona Executive Director Barbara McCullough-Jones.

The vote came as the state legislature prepared to consider a similar measure to protect LGBT state workers.

In September Manross met with members of the gay community to address concerns over a series of attacks.

In August a 22-year old man was attacked ago outside a Scottsdale bar. He was beaten and nearly lost an eye. His attackers yelled homophobic epithets at him during the attack he said.

The man also said that while he was at the hospital being treated he was belittled because of his sexuality by Scottsdale police officers.

A month earlier a gay man had his jaw cracked when he was attacked leaving a gay bar with a friend. Nicholas Gearing, 27, said at the time he felt police were not taking the assault seriously enough.

Last year a gang of men who attacked a gay couple outside a Scottsdale restaurant. One of the men needed more than a dozen stitches to close wounds on his head and face.

In November a dispute between a transsexual woman and a local bar over the use of a washroom was resolved but only after a formal complaint was lodged with the Attorney General's Office.

Michele de LaFreniere, the chair Scottsdale's Human Relations Commission, was kicked out of the club for using the women's washroom.

LaFreniere said she was told at the time by Tom Anderson, owner of Anderson's Fifth Estate "I don't want your business or your kind here."

Anderson finally agreed to turn one of the bar's bathrooms into a unisex facility.

Equality Arizona said now will work to have the ordinance expanded to include protections for all of the city's LGBT community in housing and employment.

(c)365Gay.com 2007

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

GLBT In Newark Ain't Pretty


In A Progressive State, A City Where Gay Life Hangs By A Thread

By ANDREW JACOBS
photos by Richard Perry

Published December 2, 2007
from the New York Times

NEWARK, Nov. 30 — To live in Newark often means grappling with unrelenting poverty, the anesthetizing lure of drugs, murderous gangs, a lack of decent jobs.

But for gay men, lesbians and transgender people, there are additional obstacles that are seldom acknowledged: gay bashings, H.I.V., open hostility from many religious leaders and sometimes callous treatment by the police.

When venturing outside his Central Ward neighborhood, Tyrone Simpson, 19, stays on main thoroughfares and steers clear of the men in gang colors looking for easy quarry. Dynasty Mitchell, 21, an aspiring poet who works at a supermarket, has learned to blend in by stretching a do-rag over his head and adopting a thuggish gait in public.

“If you’re not prepared to fight, you’re not going to survive in Newark,” said Mr. Simpson, who is unabashedly gay.

New Jersey has become a national beacon for gay equality. It boasts some of the toughest anti-discrimination laws in the country, and recent legislation makes it one of only three states that recognize same-sex civil unions. Gay marriage, some say, is just around the corner. Across the state, same-sex couples and their children have become integrated into suburban life.

But here in the state’s largest city, gay men and lesbians might as well live on another planet.

“You wouldn’t know that Greenwich Village is 10 miles away,” said James Credle, 62, a Vietnam veteran who is working with about a dozen other activists to revive the Newark Pride Alliance, a group established three years ago after a 15-year-old lesbian, Sakia Gunn, was stabbed to death by a man who, the police said, was infuriated that she had rejected his advances. “People here feel like we don’t deserve to be alive.For us, it’s about survival,” Mr. Credle said, “and all this talk of gay marriage is just a luxury.”

The city has no gay community center, no gay pride parade, no established gay organizations; there are no bars devoted exclusively to gay or lesbian clientele. “Newark is like one big closet,” said Ron Saleh, a consultant to the John Edwards presidential campaign, who moved here two years ago. “And there’s nothing going on for gay people. It’s like a desert.”

There are, however, a few hints of change. In June, Mayor Cory A. Booker became the first public official to embrace the issue by hoisting a rainbow flag over City Hall in recognition of Gay Pride Month. Yesterday, Gov. Jon S. Corzine was expected to attend a World AIDS Day event here. Last year, voters elected Dana Rone to the Municipal Council; she became the city’s first openly lesbian official when a newspaper, after her inauguration, reported on her sexual orientation.

And while many gay men and lesbians complain that they have been ridiculed and intimidated by the police, Garry F. McCarthy, the city’s police director, has begun requiring sensitivity training for all members of the force as part of biannual sessions that focus on sexual harassment.

Even those steps have met with resistance. When he presided over the raising of the rainbow flag, Mayor Booker said, he was stunned by the flood of angry phone calls to his office. “There’s a lot of silent pain in the city of Newark, and perpetrators of this pain — those who promote the bigotry and the alienation — must be confronted,” he said.

For a handful of gay activists in the city, the schoolyard shooting of four young people in August was a measure of that pain, if not of bigotry. They have been pressing law enforcement officials to investigate the shootings as a possible bias crime.

Mr. Credle, an organizer of Newark Pride Alliance, said that one of the teenagers arrested after the killings attended the same high school as three of the victims and may have thought they were gay because they hung around an openly gay crowd.

The police have said the killings were carried out during a robbery, but the Essex County prosecutor, Paula T. Dow, said investigators were still working to establish a motive.

James Harvey, the father of Dashon Harvey, one of the three who died in the schoolyard shootings, dismissed the suggestions that antigay bias played a role. “That’s so baloney, I don’t even want to give it a thought,” he said. “I’m just trying to get over my son being buried and gone from me.”

In some ways, the lack of a vibrant, organized gay community mirrors many other aspects of civic life in Newark, a city stunted by poverty and lacking the kind of comfortable middle class found in cities of similar size.

“We are an underdeveloped community in every area, so it is no surprise” that homophobia persists, said Ms. Rone.

Many churches in the city remain openly hostile to homosexuality.

Gary Paul Wright, executive director of the African American Office of Gay Concerns, a group that provides education and counseling on H.I.V. and AIDS, said his five-year effort to dispense AIDS educational material at local churches had been universally thwarted.

“There’s a whole lot of preaching about homosexuality and sin,” said Mr. Wright. “It really hurts and it makes me mad, but it also reinforces the stigma associated with H.I.V. and AIDS, which makes our job that much harder.”

Such institutional antipathy drives many people into lives marked by secrecy. Some turn to the Internet for connections. One site that is popular among black and Hispanic men here, Adam4Adam.com, has more than 500 active members in Newark; on a recent night, nearly 200 of them were online.

Not everyone feels the need to stay in the closet. June Dowell-Burton, 38, a social work student at the Newark campus of Rutgers University, said her neighbors did not seem bothered that she and her partner shared an apartment, a car and grocery shopping forays. “We don’t hide anything, and no one seems to mind,” she said.

Sharrieff Baker and his partner, Edwin Rosario, who own a house in the North Ward, said they had a very different experience when one of their tenants found out they were a couple. Last month, they said, the tenant tore up a shared bathroom, called them “faggots” and threatened to blow up their house. When they called 911, they said, Vincent Cordi, the responding police officer, appeared unconcerned and agreed only reluctantly to take their complaint. Back at the station house, they said, Officer Cordi sniggered with co-workers as he typed up the paperwork, at one point blurting out, “How do you spell ‘faggot’ ?”

When they returned home that day, they were attacked by the tenant in the hallway, they said; Officer Cordi responded to their 911 call and arrested all three men. Mr. Baker, who lost a front tooth in the skirmish, was charged with aggravated assault, as was the tenant; they both spent the weekend in jail. Mr. Rosario was not charged. Neither Officer Cordi nor officials in the Police Department responded to requests for comment.

Mr. Baker, who has filed a complaint with the internal affairs department, said he was especially angered by the Police Department’s refusal to designate the incident antigay. Newark, unlike many cities its size, does not compile data on antigay violence.

The day after he filed the complaint, Mr. Baker said, his car was towed from in front of his home. He suggested it was an act of vengeance; the police said it was removed for street cleaning.

Mr. Baker, 32, a real estate broker who moved to Newark from Jersey City last year, said that because of the incident, he and Mr. Rosario, a schoolteacher, want to move away. “I came here because I wanted to be part of Newark’s renaissance, but now I’m afraid even in my own house,” he said.

The Booker administration’s efforts to help establish a gay community center have been largely hamstrung by what veteran gay activists acknowledge are internal disagreements.

Then there is the apathy. When Laquetta Nelson tried to start a Newark chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, she gave up after a few months. “In the end, no one came to the meetings,” she said.

For now, the only refuge for gay people is in a nondescript building on the outskirts of downtown. Project Wow, as it is called, is a no-frills drop-in center run by the North Jersey Community Research Initiative, an organization that devotes most of its resources to research on AIDS drugs and free medical care. Project Wow draws a few dozen young people each night who come for counseling and H.I.V. prevention advice but mostly for the camaraderie and shelter from the city’s unsympathetic streets.

Alex Williams, Project Wow’s director, asked that the center’s location not be printed, noting that 15 of the center’s employees and clients had been attacked on their way to or from the building in the last six months.

Sitting in the lounge at the center, Tariq Pickens, 23, recalled how he and a friend dressed in drag were ambushed on the street by a group of men and women three years ago. During a few hellish moments, he said, they were slashed, punched, robbed and doused with lighter fluid, although the fuel failed to ignite. “I’ve had so many friends killed, beaten, raped, I can’t even count,” he said.

Kira Henry, too, has felt fear. Ms. Henry, 20, who is transgender, is taking a cooking class. When she walks to school in the morning, she said, she tries to look straight ahead and meet the inevitable taunts and catcalls with a forced smile. But when the bottles and bricks fly, she said, she knows how to fight — or sprint in six-inch heels.

“If you beat me up or shoot me,” she said, “I’m still going to be me.”

Like many of Project Wow’s clients, Willie Harden, 20, is homeless and jobless. He is also effectively orphaned, although his mother, a drug addict, is reputed to be somewhere in Jersey City.

Since aging out of foster care two years ago, Mr. Harden has lived at a series of shelters, the latest being Covenant House. He said he tried to hide his sexuality from strangers. The last thing he needed, he said, was more ridicule, or an uninvited beating.

“It’s hard living a double life,” he said. “It sounds crazy, but one day I’d like to walk down the street holding my boyfriend’s hand with nobody saying one bad word.”

Monday, December 03, 2007

WHAS-AM Regresses

I was shocked to find out that WHAS-AM dismissed 4 employees and longtime talk show host Joe Elliott on Thursday night. For 14 years Elliott has ruled the 9 PM-midnight shift at the station with his moderate brand of talk. The dismissial of Elliott has generated an avalanche of negative calls and comments.

Elliot is one of those sweet success stories. He was told on two separate occasions by a college professor and a radio/television personality that he'd never make it in radio. The other interesting thing that many of us discovered only with his termination was that he is blind.

He replaced another Louisville legendary radio personality in Milton Metz, who pioneered the radio call in show format. Elliott started by filling in at the station in 1988, then getting a full time show later. There are times he pissed me off, there are times he pissed the other side off. But that's better than what Clear Channel (who owns the station) is going to replace him with: Michael Savage.

A reasoned, thoughtful moderate is going to be replaced by a gay-hating transphobic bigot. Gee, what an improvement. No wonder your ratings are headed to the toilet. But it's a sad commentary on the state of radio these days. Local shows are falling victim to corporate cost cutting. The sad part about it is that WHAS-AM's 50,000 watt signal covers 40 states and can be heard in much of Canada as well.

According to Doug Profitt's WHAS-TV blog, Elliott’s currently working on a severance package with Clear Channel. He also says that they've offered him part-time work to continue as host of the Sunday morning talk show, which he's still mulling over.

Milton Metz told WHAS-TV late Thursday night he was sad, saying the show he created served a purpose for people who wanted to express their opinions in a neutral field, on the air.

Thank God we have an award winning NPR station here in WFPL-FM and its excellent State of Affairs program. Buying an XM radio just gained a higher priority for me next year as well.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

How's Rutgers Women's B-Ball Doing?


The 2007-08 NCAA women's basketball season has cranked up. As usual Tennessee and Connecticut are not only running 1-2 in the national rankings, they are both undefeated and are favored to win their respective conferences. The Lady Vols have seven players, including all-world junior Candace Parker back to help them defend their national championship.

But as we recall a few months ago, the Lady Vols winning that seventh NCAA title was overshadowed by Don Imus' derogatory comments about their opponents, the Rutgers women's team, that generated a firestorm of controversy and cost Imus his radio gig.

The class that the Rutgers women exhibited in responding to the idiotic comments was memorable. But now those returning players have an opportunity to play ball, go through a tough Big East schedule and try to get back to the Women's Final Four in Tampa, FL.

Coach C. Vivian Stringer's Scarlet Knights started the season picked to finish second in the Big East and ranked #3 in the AP and ESPN/USA Today college rankings. A heartbreaking 60-58 home loss to Stanford that was nationally televised on ESPN dropped them to #7.

They've won 4 straight ballgames since to climb back to the #5 ranking and play #3 Maryland on ESPN2 tomorrow night.

Considering all the drama these ladies went through last year, it would be poetic justice if they did get to not only make it to Tampa, but ended up cutting the nets down as national champions. But they have a lot of basketball to play to get to that point.

DJ Monica's In The House


House of worship that is.

Last night as part of my church's activities for Bardstown Road Aglow, I got to dust off my DJ skills and play Christmas music with flavor from 6-10 PM.

I also threw in some James Brown at my pastor's request and Michael Jackson's Thriller to commemorate the 25th anniversary of that album's release.

Bardstown Road Aglow is a now 22 year old tradition in Da Ville that takes place on the first Saturday in December. All the businesses and churches on the Baxter Ave-Bardstown Road corridor either open their doors or stay open until 10 PM and do various events to help usher in the Christmas season. Edenside Christian Church has been an enthusiastic supporter of the event and we've even done an art show around it in previous years.

In addition to DJ Monica being in the house, we had Jackie Pair singing Christmas songs in the sanctuary, the locally acclaimed Terpsichore Dance troupe perform and the Louisville Scottish Association Bagpipe band make their annual appearance at our event as well. My pastor Rev. Sally McClain is a member of the group.

We also had arts and crafts going on in the basement for the kids and served the peeps traipsing up and down Bardstown Road who ventured in hot coffee, wassail and cider. We also were blessed with temps in the 40's for Bardstown Aglow to give it a real Christmasesque feel as well.

Two trolleys filled with Santa’s elves rode up and down the Bardstown Road corridor. There were street vendors and Santas walking up and down Bardstown Road along with tons of peeps taking advantage of the shopping available that evening. To add to the flavor a Holiday Decorating Competition was being conducted as well.

It was a fun evening as it always is, and I enjoyed spinning Christmas music for several hours as well. But now I gotta get dressed and get ready to slide into Edenside.

The 12 Days Of Kwanzaa


TransGriot Note: For those of you who still cling to the fantasy that Shirley Q. Liquor is funny, more evidence that Chuck Knipp is a Klansman in blackface drag. It's sooo humorous that this is posted to white supremacist websites.



A Famous Traditional Song of duh Season By Shirely Q. Liquor

On the first day of Kwanza...
My childrens asked me, "mamm, what is Kwanzaa for, anyway?"

On the second day of Kwanzaa...
Some lady bothered me. I cursed her out and I say "no, I don't wan't no Olan Mills pictures and quit calling here!"

On the third day of Kwanzaa...
I went out to the store. I needed beer and cigarettes but they was closed, so I smashed out the windows, did a drive-by and cursed em all out.

On the fourth day of Kwanzaa...
I turned on the TV. Young and the Restless, All of My Children, One Life to Live, and then "Oprah" at 4 o'clock.

On the fifth day of Kwanzaa...
My check came in the mail. AFDC! "Thank you Lord" I said, "come on kids, let's go to the store for some collard greens, hamhocks and some cheese."

On the sixth day of Kwanzaa...
The police rang the bell. They served a warrant, I nearly passed out! But it was ok, some woman had said I stole her wigs, but I told em all I was gonna give em back anyway.

On the seventh day of Kwanzaa...
I poured myself a drink. I drank 40 ounces, got really full then lost my mind. I drove down the street cursing out everyone I saw. Then I bashed the Cadillac upside a Dairy Queen.

On the eighth day of Kwanzaa...
I bought a TV Guide... not much had happened. I was hung over from a bad headache from Schiltz Malt Liquor Bull. I tried to stay home and be quiet, take my nerve pills... you can just feel Kwanzaa in the air.

On the nineth day of Kwanzaa...
I painted all my nails. Two shades of purple, one shade of turquoise, throwed on some glitter, did em up real nice... I had looked good! Then I drove on down to Popeye's, bought me some chicken and I stayed home and looked at TV.

On the tenth day of Kwanzaa...
Shoplifting was the thing. 10 Now or Laters, 9 little candies, 8 cans of tuna fish, 7 little niknaks, 6 pack of Budweiser, 5 Lee Press-On Nails, 4 pieces of gum, 3 large fries, 2 days back in jail... it was Kwanzaa, so what the hell?

On the eleventh day of Kwanzaa...
I got out on parole. I rolled a big joint, went down to church and talked all out of my head. Got happy and shouted, passed out and hollered. They called 911 and the Lord set me free! Gave my testimony, stepped on home, didn't even remember where I stayed, I woke up real hungry and confused.

On the twelfth day of Kwanzaa...
My childrens gathered around me. Lincoln, Alow vera, Gyne-Lotrimin, LemonJello, OrangeJello, Tinactin, Tempasia, KMartina, Fallopia, Shi'Thead, Shameka-Vonquishia, Salmonella, Chlamydia Champagne, Democtorius, Saskatoon, Cheeto and Skuketia...
And it had really started to feel more like it was getting near Kwanzaa

Arkansas Republican Apologizes For Racist E-mail


TransGriot Note: This kind of bull is one of the reasons why I can't stand Repugnicans

LITTLE ROCK, ARK. — An Arkansas legislator apologized Thursday for an e-mail in which he wrote that "we are being outpopulated by the blacks" and "we are being overrun" by illegal immigrants.

But state Sen. Denny Altes insisted the comments in the e-mail he sent earlier this month to former Fort Smith Mayor Bill Vines were not racist.

"I apologize and I am sorry if it hurt anyone's feelings. ... I'm sorry if it offended anyone, but I didn't consider it a racist remark," Altes told The Associated Press Thursday.

Altes, who is white, wrote in the e-mail that he was in favor of returning illegal immigrants to their countries, but "we know that is impossible."

"We are where we were with the black folks after the Revolutionary War," Altes wrote. "We can't send them back and the more we (anger them) the worse it will be in the future. ... Sure we are being overrun but we are being outpopulated by the blacks also."

Altes said he was responding to an inflammatory e-mail.

Arkansas GOP chairman Dennis Milligan criticized Altes, a Republican from Fort Smith, for the comments.

"They are disrespectful and denigrating to the practical concerns of how we truly address illegal immigration," Milligan said in a statement released by the party.

A spokesman for Gov. Mike Beebe said the Democratic governor was glad Altes had apologized.

"Controversial topics require level-headed, civil discussion, not divisive and insensitive remarks, such as those made by Senator Altes," Beebe said in a statement released by his office.

The League of United Latin American Citizens called for Altes' resignation, but Altes said he doesn't plan to step down.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Addicted To Blogging? Moi?

70%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?



Well, seeing that I have 400 plus posts this year compared to the 125 I did in all of 2006, hmm. maybe I am. But I wouldn't call that an addiction.

I just simply like to write, have a lot to say about various things going on in the world around me and have a lot of fun doing it.

Friday, November 30, 2007

My Might Have Been New York Life

There are times in your life in which decisions you made or didn't make affect your future either negatively or positively. There are also times that decisions your parents make can affect your life as well.

Sometimes I reflect on one of those parental decisions that may have taken my life in another direction. A while back my dad told me about a job offer he'd gotten in the 70's from a New York radio station that he seriously thought about taking. For peeps in the radio world, while my dad's AM drive time show in H-town wasn't exactly bush league, working in a major market such as New York is a big deal.

It had gotten to the point in my parents decision making process that they were researching the cost of homes in Brooklyn and other areas of New York. Mom was making inquiries about what the New York State requirements were for continuing her teaching career there. Dad, like myself is a native Texan and native Houstonian, and he thought long and hard about the pros and cons of it before he said no.

There are times when I watch Paris Is Burning and play the 'what if' game. I start thinking about how different my life would have been if Dad had said yes to that job offer.

I probably would have been spending my teen years in Brooklyn or somewhere in the New York metro area. I could see myself hanging out on the Chelsea Piers in Greenwich Village, just like I hung out in Montrose after my high school graduation. I can see myself being drawn to and probably getting involved in the ballroom scene instead of reading about Carmen Xtravaganza in a mid 80's Village Voice article on a Houston bookstore.



Then again, just as I wonder from time to time what my life would have been like if I'd been born female, all this is doing is exercising my brain cells. A lot of what makes me the Phenomenal Transwoman I am was shaped by the fact I grew up in Texas. Taking me out of Texas in my teens alters some of the life experiences that form my worldview and how I look at the world.

Being in New York for the emergence of hip-hop and house may slightly alter my music tastes, but I don't get to experience the denial of my voting rights in 1984 that fuels my passion as an activist. I trade seeing Kirk Whalum live in Houston jazz clubs and trips to New Orleans for the pleasure of seeing Phyllis Hyman perform live in the Village. I don't get as much face time with my grandmothers and my godmother who are important to the development of my love for Black history, my spirituality and political views. But that negative development is offset by the Schomburg Institute being a subway train ride away for me.

When I was trying to decide in my senior year where to attend college, Howard was one of my final two schools but I opted to stay home and attend UH. I probably end up at Howard since I'm now a five hour drive down I-95 or an Amtrak train ride from that campus instead of halfway across the country. And probably because I'm in Washington on a premier HBCU campus I get more immersed in politics and have opportunities to work as a congressional aide.

So yeah, sometimes I think about those interesting permutations my life could have taken, but the end result is that I most likely would have still ended up being the TransGriot and blogging about my life experiences as a proud transwoman.

They just would have been from a New York perspective instead of a Texas one. ;)

Thriller...25 Years Later


On November 30, 1982 an album was released that would make Michaal Jackson an international superstar and break ground on so many levels.

That Quincy Jones produced album was called Thriller. It was Michael Jackson's sixth album, and boy was it a monster. 104 million copies sold worldwide. It spent 80 weeks in the Billboard Top Ten Chart, spent 37 weeks total at the number one spot and 17 of those weeks were consecutive. It was the first album to spawn seven Billboard Top 10 singles (the others are Springsteen's Born in the USA and his sister Janet's Rhythm Nation 1814) and the only album to be the top seller in the United States for two consecutive years (1983-84).

It also spawned videos that forced MTV to break their embargo on African-American artists and reintroduced African-American artists to mainstream pop radio stations for the first time since the 70's.

In 1984 Jackson won a ton of awards thanks to Thriller. He was nominated for 12 Grammys and won eight. Seven were for Thriller including the Best Album of the Year, the eighth was for the ET Terrestrial Storybook. He also took home eight American Music Awards and three MTV Video Music Awards.

Thriller is ranked #20 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time and in 1989 was rated #7 on their list of the 100 greatest albums of the 1980s.

I agree, that album was the bomb on so many levels. Twenty five years later I'm still jamming to it.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Experts Question HRC's ENDA Survey



TransGriot Note: Seems like the TransGriot isn't the only person who thinks that the HRC survey that came out in the middle of the ENDA debate is shady and bogus.

Researcher says methodology 'doesn't make sense'

By JOSHUA LYNSEN | Nov 28, 4:47 PM
from the Washington Blade

Polling experts are questioning a recent Human Rights Campaign survey that asked gays about the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.

The survey's results, circulated last month by HRC when many gays were locked in heated debate over the measure's lack of transgender protections, show most people who responded support the bill as written.

But John Stahura, who specializes in survey research and directs the Purdue University Social Research Institute, said the survey's methodology is problematic.

"They're playing games," he said after reviewing survey excerpts at the Blade's request. "It doesn't make sense."

Conducted for HRC by Knowledge Networks, the survey shows most respondents believe national gay groups should support ENDA despite its lack of protections for transgender workers "because it helps gay, lesbian and bisexual workers and is a step toward transgender employment rights."

According to survey excerpts, about 68 percent of respondents chose that scripted statement among three offered lines to best represent their "point of view."

Another 16 percent of respondents indicated national gay groups should oppose ENDA "because it excludes transgender people," and 13 percent wanted groups to take a neutral stance "because while it helps gay, lesbian and bisexual workers, it also excludes transgender people."

About 3 percent of respondents refused to answer the question. The survey offered no margin of error.

Stahura said he "never would" structure a survey to include such explanatory clauses "because what you're asking people to evaluate is the because."

"I don't know why they didn't go with a straightforward, 'Here's the act. Should we support it, should we oppose it, or should we take a neutral stance?'" he said.

Brad Luna, the HRC communications director, said each scripted statement included explanatory clauses to focus respondents on the measure's omission of transgender protections.

"With complicated proposals such as this, if you don't link opposition to a reason, you might get people opposing for a variety of reasons," he said. "We chose this method because we wanted to know specifically if people supported or opposed ENDA because of the transgender exclusion."

The survey, conducted Oct. 2-5, polled a roster of people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual, and were previously located by Knowledge Networks through random-digit- dialing methodology.

Among the survey's 514 respondents, 246 are male, 262 are female, five are female-to-male transgender and one is male-to-female transgender. Survey excerpts provided to the Blade by HRC did not disclose the sexual orientation breakdown among the respondents.

Luna said HRC is confident in the work that Knowledge Networks performs.

"While all surveys have limitations, Knowledge Networks surveys are very high in quality," he said. "They have a stellar reputation, and I have full confidence in their work."

But experts said the survey could have been done better, and the excerpts released earlier this month by HRC left some questions unanswered.

"I don't know based upon this response that you could say how the community — the gay, lesbian, bisexual community — feels about the legislation, " Stahura said. "I don't think those questions give you that answer."

Christopher Barron, a Washington political consultant Log Cabin's former political director, who is gay and does survey interpretation, agreed. He said the methodology, which he described as "bizarre," might not allow the results to be projected nationally.

"It may be that it's completely and totally sound," he said. "But there's nothing there that tells us that it is, so you can't assume it's a nationally representative sample."

Luna told the Blade this week that the survey is nationally representative.

Barron and Stahura, who reviewed a two-page memorandum and three data sets prepared by Knowledge Networks and provided to the Blade, also noted they could not determine whether the survey is scientific. Both experts said that lingering question would preclude them from using the survey's findings in their work.

"I would not approve it for publication, " Stahura said. "I think with the 'becauses,' you're really pushing people toward particular responses in this instance."

Luna disagreed. He said there was "never any intent to influence survey respondents. "

"We wanted to gain an understanding as best we could of where people were on the issue," he said. "A number of voices were claiming to speak for the LGBT population, but no one in fact had done the research to know."

Joshua Lynsen can be reached at jlynsen@washblade.com

A Little Girl's Christmas

As much as I love the Christmas season, I have to admit that sometimes I do get a little down during the run up to that magic December 25 day.

Part of it is because I miss my family back home. I get homesick during the holidays, and it seems as though the 1000 miles between Houston and here are measured in light-years instead of interstate highway markers.

But that's not the only reason I feel down. One of the regrets I have in terms of transition pops up during this period. Just as I will never get to experience my high school prom as a female, I'll never know what it's like to experience a little girl's Christmas for myself.

Because I have two sisters, I did get a sample of what I missed out on as part of the Santa's Helpers Corps. I ended up losing sleep assembling their Barbie Dream Houses, their bicycles, hunting through multiple toy stores for African-American Cabbage Patch dolls or Barbies, and driving Mom to various Houston area malls in search of additional gender specific gifts and clothes for them.

And feeling envious and jealous at the same time,

I got my fair share of Christmas goodies back in the day, so I'm not complaining about that. It's just when I look back on it I wasn't feeling being a 'boy' at the time. I was simply playing one for public consumption.

On one of the nights it was my turn in the rotation to do KPFT-FM's 'After Hours' with Jimmy and Sarah, she mentioned on-air what her sweetie had done for her one Christmas.

After a major knockdown drag out argument with her father, she was depressed for a few days. C-Day arrives and Sarah is urged to get out of bed by her partner. She grumpily complies, and after turning the corner into the living room is blown away by the surprise that was unleashed on her.

The tree was decorated with ballerina and Barbie ornaments, pink ribbons and other feminine trimmings. She opens one of her gifts and its a Barbie doll. All her gifts had a feminine theme to them and after she hugged her partner she started crying. Needless to say Sarah forgot about whatever drama she'd had with her father a few days earlier.

For the most part I muddle through my day to day life as a Phenomenal Transwoman okay despite the occasional slings, arrows and shade. But every now and then I long for and am envious of my genetic sistahs who got to experience things in their childhoods or young adult periods that I unfortunately never will.

Christmas is a not-so-subtle reminder of that as well.

Christmas Songs With Soul


One aspect of Christmas I enjoy is getting to hear all of my favorite Christmas songs with soul.

Whether it's Nat 'King' Cole's classic version of The Christmas Song, Eartha Kitt's diva Christmas anthem Santa Baby (one I rewrote in 2006), Merry Christmas Baby by Charles Brown, This Christmas by Donny Hathaway, a pint sized Michael Jackson singing about mommy kissing Santa Claus or Kurtis Blow's Christmas Rappin', it's four and a half weeks of auditory pleasure and repeated trips down the memory lane of Christmases past.



Those classics have been joined by albums from newer artists such as Destiny's Child, Christmas albums by my favorite gospel singers such as Yolanda Adams, or new renditions of the classic Christmas songs by old and new school artists.

To me it just isn't Christmas unless I'm hearing these songs in heavy rotation on my fave R&B-classic soul station, be it Majic 102 or KYOK (before it got bought by Disney, boo hiss) in Houston or Magic 101 here in Da Ville.

It's a reassuring sign that no matter how old I get, how much the world changes for better or worse, or how the words 'some assembly required add a new layer of terror and stress to my holiday, I can flip on the radio or stereo and hear Christmas songs that not only reflect my culture, but take me back to those carefree days when my only worries were would the toys I wanted be under the tree when me and my brother got up at 4 AM to open Christmas presents.

Now I'm up until 4 AM wrapping presents instead of opening them.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Schoolin' Rev. Coleman

Guest commentary by Jaison Gardiner
This was printed in the Louisville Courier journal November 27, 2007



Rev. Louis Coleman of the Justice Resource Center was quoted in the November 16 issue of the Courier-Journal that 'he worries that expanding our school district's harassment and employment policies to protect against sexual orientation discrimination will open the door for gay and lesbian employees to push their beliefs onto students.

"I just don't think policies should be put in place to protect habits or behaviors."

That's news to me since he was a Fairness supporter back in the day.

Fellow Frank Simon-flunkie Rev. Charles Elliott said that the fight for equal rights for LGBT people is nothing like the struggles of black folks during the civil rights movement. "We were fighting a race problem back then, not a habit or behavioral problem… Being (gay) is a choice. We didn't have a choice to be black, we were born that way,” he insists.

Being LGBT isn't a 'choice' as he disrespectfully put it either.

Mike Slaton, organizer for the Fairness Campaign of Louisville, said no one is suggesting that anti-gay bias is the same as racism. "Hate hurts no matter who it is directed at. We all deserve fairness regardless of our race, sex, creed, sexual orinetation or gender identity. No one chooses to be the object of discrimination."

While Mr. Slaton’s attempts at mitigating the gay rights movement are admirable, he is only half right.

Anti-gay bias is indeed the same as racism, sexism and the other isms. The fact is that all oppressions are linked and injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

In our society, the heterosexual, middle-class, white Christian male is the benchmark against wich all others are measured. Generally speaking, the less one of us measures up to this standard, the lower we find ourselves on the totem pole of social justice and public opinion.

As long as some people believe its okay and have the misguided idea that their religion makes it's okay to discriminate against people, then it will be necessary for political leaders to pass civil rights protections for the low people on the societal totem pole.

Changing this negative paradigm demands that we all work in coalition with others (yes, even gay folks) in the social justice movement without leaving anyone behind.

LGBT people have no more of a choice in deciding our identity than black folks, heterosexuals or women. The only 'choice' we make is either to hide who we are or to live openly as gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Religion and political affiliation are choices that are currently protected by JCPS nondiscrimination policies, so why are Coleman and crew getting upset about the proposed addition of sexual orientation and gender identity to those policies?

I’d like to point out to Rev. Coleman and those who think like him the story of Bayard Rustin, an influential black civil rights activist who did much of his work behind the scenes. Rustin was the principal organizer of the 1963 March on Washington in which Dr. King delivered his famous 'I Have A Dream' speech.

Bayard Rustin injected Gandhi’s non violent protest techniques to the Black civil rights movement and helped sculpt Dr. King into the iconic Nobel prize winning national symbol of peace and nonviolence that he would became.

Only one problem. Bayard Rustin was gay.

Some of Rustin’s contemporaries in Dr. King's inner circle decided that Rustin’s audacity to be true to himself as an openly gay man overrode his blackness and diligent work for the movement and was a liability. Then-Senator Strom Thurmond and the FBI attempted to raise public awareness of Rustin’s sexuality and even circulated false stories that Rustin and King were romantically involved -- all inan effort to undermine the civil rights movement.

Those scare tactics worked in 1963. NAACP Chair Roy Wilkins wouldn’t allow Rustin to receive any public credit for his major role in planning the March.

It’s time that black LGBT people stand up and refuse to be the Rustin to Frank Simon’s Thurmond and Louis Coleman’s Wilkins. It’s time that black LGBT people
refuse to be silenced, bullied, overlooked disrespected or disregarded simply because we have the audacity to live in our own truth.

Black LGBT people need to recognize our individual and collective power as a community. Gay and straight folks alike need to recognize that black LGBT people have always played and will continue to play important and indispensable roles in the struggle for the rights of all people, whether it be the labor movement, women's liberation and, even for the rights of blacks and Latinos in America.

It’s time that religious conservatives stop skewing the Bible to justify their hatred, fear and loathing of LGBT people.

And time’s up for all the cowards who sit idly by and don’t speak up against injustice and bigotry in our country. After all, as Edmund Burke eloquently said, the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.

A year before Bayard Rustin died in 1987 he said, "The barometer of where one is on human rights questions is no longer the black community, it's the gay community because it is the community which is most easily mistreated."

Actually, I think it’s both communities that are human rights barometers, and there are more similarities in their struggles than either would care to admit.

An Ugly Win


And I do mean ugly.

There were 50 speakers on both sides of the issue, a cantankerous overflow crowd of 400 people and hostile comments from both sides, but in the end a little after midnight the sexual orientation addition to JCPS policy passed on a 4-3 vote.

While I'm not happy we got cut out of it, I still got my shots in for gender identity coverage and some snide shots at the Reichers as well.

This was a long day for me. I went to the Fairness office to participate in a 3 PM EST press conference, then headed over to the Van Hoose Education Center to prepare to do battle with the Forces of Intolerance and their faith-based hatred.

Hater Tots were on the menu for the anti side, washed down with 55 gallon drums of Hateraid. Rev. Jerry Stephenson slithered out of his cave along with several other Black ministers on the anti side. Of course I got my chance to speak 40 people into it and laid the verbal smackdown on the anti side and their selective use of scripture. I also pointed to the irony that the kids were more enlightened on the issue than the adults were.

The anti sides speeches were the usual gaybaiting Reicher talking points that I won't waste valuable bandwith repeating. Every time I heard on the anti speakers, I closed my eyes and imagined that I probably would have heard these people say the same thing about Black people 40 years ago.

Strike that. Many of this crew were the 'necks from deepest darkest Okolona and the South End of Louisville. Many of them forgot their pointy hooded choir robes.

This was more entertaining than some of the reality shows on TV, but sadder still because the raw hatred and ignorance of many peeps was on display tonight.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Showdown At The Van Hoose Education Center

I haven't been posting much over the last few days because I've been doing research getting ready for the big school board meeting tonight at 7 PM EST.

Tonight the Jefferson County school board votes on whether to expand the employment protection policy to cover sexual orientation. There are 5 votes according to the Louisville Courier-Journal to pass that part of it. Larry Hujo, Joe Hardesty, Linda Duncan, Debbie Wesslund and Steve Imhoff (my rep) told the C-J they will support the proposal. Carol Haddad said she is undecided and Ann Elmore, who is the lone African-American member of the board and is part of the committee that recommended the policy change, did not want to comment.

"I believe it is my obligation as an elected school board member to provide a safe workplace that is free of harassment and discrimination," Hujo said. "Harassment and discrimination in any form is intolerable in today's society."

Superintendant Berman told the C-J's Antoinette Konz that he thinks the district is behind the times on this issue.

"This is not new, and it is something that has been a long time coming."

The problem is the gender identity part. We want it to cover gender identity so that transgender employees are covered as well. Dr. Berman and a few board members are wavering on that part.

We've pointed out that out local Fairness ordinance covers gender identity, the language has been tested and upheld in the US Sixth Circuit Court, the most conservatiove of the US federal circuit courts, so I fail to understand why they don't used that language to cover 'errbody'.

The Forces of Intolerance will definitely have more people there tonight than the nine people they had at the hearing back on November 13th. One of the people that's on the anti side is a disappointment, the Rev. Louis Coleman.

He has been on the front lines for decades here in Louisville for social justice issues, but he joined the wrong side for this one.

Rev. Louis Coleman of the Justice Resource Center wrote in the November 16 issue of the Courier-Journal that 'he worries that expanding our school district's harassment and employment policies to protect against sexual orientation discrimination will open the door for gay and lesbian employees to push their beliefs onto students.

"I just don't think policies should be put in place to protect habits or behaviors."

Excuse me? You helped PASS the Fairness Ordinace back in 1999.

Despite the nattering nabobs of nekulturny negatism, here's hoping that the JCPS board does the right thing and votes to covers all of us.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Becoming A Man


from The Huffington Post blog
by Nick Mwaluko
Posted November 20, 2007 | 04:07 PM (EST)

All I wanted from this country was to live as a man.

I grew up in a rural Tanzanian village with no electricity. We couldn't go to school unless we fetched water from the river, milked cows, let them graze for the day. Our chores reminded us that we were disciplined but poor so school was a privilege. School took place in the late afternoon, children of all ages sat under a tree into the early evening learning lessons that had little if any relevance to our daily lives. My father could not afford the mandatory uniform so every year I went to school for three weeks in the semester until the teacher dismissed me.

I didn't care; well, I did but I didn't let it show. I hated poverty; I hated its limitations. Stupid me because all around were golden fields of wild savannah, the sun set against the plains.

In those days, I knew I wanted to live as a man so I walked with my shoulders hunched so my chest was hidden deep into my back. My father scolded me, thinking I was ashamed because we were so poor. He told me to take pride in what little we had so that future blessings would shower our lives in the next life, if not this one.

I was never ashamed of him, ever. I loved him deeply. He was all I cared about but there was no room to say such things to your father. Respect meant little or no eye contact; speak only when spoken to; measure your words carefully with pointed, brief answers. One side-glance from my father ensured all pretense was lost: I straightened my back, held my head high, chest forward, hoping some day he might respect me, too, maybe even love me as a man in much the same way I loved him for being one.

Then the voice of God came to me, reassuring me that I'm already a man. But by nine my chest betrayed me and, more importantly, betrayed (my) God. By 13, my whole body was in revolution. Blood came between my legs once a month; little hills spurted into huge mountains on my chest. I couldn't afford a razor so I shaved my chin with dry leaves. Still, very little hair grew and the hair that did was faint, wispy compared to the mane on my father's handsome face. My sisters -- over six feet tall and less than one hundred pounds -- were all arms and long legs with little or no hips. I looked more like my brother: short, stubby, limbs stunted by family standards with no sign of future growth besides a slight bump from a permanent potbelly. Worse: boys walked barefoot until twenty-five to make sure their sisters wore sandals, "Jesus slippers" we called them in my language because they opened at the mouth. The slippers were an aphrodisiac to showcase the streamlined beauty of a woman's feet; they made me wear them.

Enough was enough. Rather than go to the edge of the village to consult with the witchdoctor -- a spiritual mediator between this world and the next -- I broke with tradition, going directly to my mother's grave for answers. I figured my body was going crazy because she was jealous that I looked nothing like her. My large chest, high-pitched voice, smooth delicate skin was her violent attempt to embarrass me into womanhood. So I waited. Nothing: stillness at her grave. So I asked my other ancestors. What did they do? Send a torrential downpour of such magnitude that I thought about wearing a dress for months.

I was scared but made plans to leave for the United States because I knew I could live as a man when there. I knew the money I made would help my family get electricity, running water at home, regular school fees for the kids, no more worries about the basics: food, clothes, shelter. Yes, I could play the man who provides for a family in need in much the same way African men abroad bankroll their families on the continent with comforts they could not afford otherwise. In America, I could have control, independence to manipulate money how I wanted.
Maybe marry American, buy a house, a dog, build a kidney-shaped swimming pool in my big backyard.

So when I arrived in the States my first thought was to get a job, which I did but left, right and center people referred to me as "miss," "she," "her," and "lesbian." I was baffled: were these people blind? My manly spirit, my quiet resolve, the firm will that dignified my actions were undeniably male. All they saw were the curves on my hips and chest that butchered the man in me.

I needed money but I also wanted to be seen as a man by society. With the little money I saved, I did the unthinkable, broke all ties with my family for hormone therapy for years. I sent small trickles of money here and there when I could, but I made sure I always had enough for my shot, a needle of testosterone taken bi-weekly, the cost amounting to school fees for two children in my village. Every month I robbed my village; every month I became the man I am today.

Am I selfish? Or should I live life miserable in the wrong body to support a family that will never support me? Make no mistake, no monthly contribution is large enough for them to accept me should I decide to return to Tanzania today in my new body. So I stay stuck to the same concerns I had as a child: where can I find my home? Not in white America where little old ladies hold their handbags the moment I come close. By home, I mean a place where memory is butchered by the present and future so the past sticks to my shadows, stays dead. And now I know something of death and resurrection, now that my old body died to give birth to a new one. With that experience comes an intense yearning for a resting place, a home where my new body can settle in peace, a village full of people from my tribe who are the same but
different.

On November 20, the Transgender Day of Remembrance, I embrace my transgender brothers and sisters in an adopted family in an adopted land and I acknowledge what it means to be part of a diverse social fabric. I do so because their struggle for acceptance touches me like a love-song, one that provokes sincere discomfort and deep joy. I listen for their music: silence. Then one note, neither male nor female but golden, separates itself from the sonic pack to rise higher and higher. Now look -- heaven.