Transgender Christian-Not an Oxymoron

I was baptized at my home church on August 2, 1972. Ever since that day, just like other African-Americans my faith has been an important cornerstone of my life.

I have strived to as much as humanly possible live my life and treat others that I come in contact with as my Christian beliefs dictate that I should. While I haven't been 100% compliant in living up to that lofty standard, I continue to diligently work toward trying to achieve it. So I fail to understand why peeps who call themselves 'Christian' would harbor so much vitriolic hatred for GLBT peeps that they would do whatever it takes to make our lives miserable.

I'll deal with that in a future post. Job One of this post is to help transpeeeps and others understand that being transgender and Christian are not mutually exclusive.

How many times did you say the Transgender Child's Prayer growing up? You didn't know there was one? It's short, sweet and is a one line sentence usually tacked onto the end of the Lord's Prayer. Sometimes it's said as a stand alone one.

Lord, please let me wake up tomorrow and be a (girl/boy) forever.

I said that one more than a few times myself.

Let's fast forward into adulthood. Being transgender is an exercise in faith. You have the knowledge and conviction that you're gender and body doesn't match. You believe that somehow, someday and someway you will make body and mind match up irregardless of what the world says, thinks or does to you. You will also take steps to make that a reality. The saying 'The Lord helps those who help themselves' definitely applies to transpeeps.

That rock solid conviction that you have as a transperson is the same level of conviction that you need to have as a Christian. Just as you feel the euphoria of finally living in your birth gender, you feel the same calming, peaceful effect when you accept Him as your Lord and Saviour. You become a better person as you learn to trust in the Lord, study the Word or attend chruch on a regular basis. (unless you join the Traditional Values Coalition or the Hi Impact Leadership Coalition)

I remember when I reached a point in 1993 when I was fed up and ready to start transition. I was hesitant that I was doing the right thing and prayed for signs that I was supposed to be female.

Boy did they come fast and furiously after that.

One day I randomly opened my Bible and found myself reading Matthew 19:12. I work a San Antonio flight and see female illusionist Maya Douglas on it. I work a New York flight two days later and see a girl returning from having her facial feminization surgery with Dr. Ousterhout in San Francisco. I'd been having problems reconciling my height with the gender issue. I see one girl I knew from hanging out in Montrose proudly strutting her 6'4" frame through downtown Houston streets in daylight hours a few days later. I get home and discover I have a call on my answering machine from my fave cousin Karen inviting me to come out to Los Angeles for a visit.

After I arrived in LA we ended up at a church watching TD Jakes speak. One part of his hour long sermon struck me like a thunderbolt. I recall him saying. "There are times when you will be placed on a path in which your friends and others will revile you, your family will turn away and you won't even understand it. Keep the faith and God will guide you through it." It was like he was speaking directly to me about the emotional tug of war I was having about transition.

But it took me having a recurring dream for three consecutive nights before I finally made that appointment at the clinic that started me on the road to transition. As Christine Daniels has mentioned in her blog, I've also discovered that my spirituality and faith has been enhanced by transition, not diminshed by it no matter what our misguided detractors have to say.

There have been times during my transition when I've had setbacks, trials and tribulations. I was frustrated, felt alone and wondered if I had the strength to keep pushing forward with my desires to be the best person I could be. My faith played a major role in helping me get off the canvas, stop feeling sorry for myself, dust myself off and get back in the game of life.

TD Jakes was also right about keeping the faith. It's definitely led to a better quality of life. The amazing part about it is that I don't think God is finished with me yet.

Transgender Teen Free To Be Herself

By DEBRA DENNIS / The Dallas Morning News
debdennis@dallasnews.com

photos by Ben Sklar / The Dallas Morning News

12:00 AM CDT on Sunday, May 20, 2007



FORT WORTH – When Rochelle Evans chooses what she's going to wear to Eastern Hills High School each day, her choices aren't solely fashion statements. To Rochelle, her flats, makeup and women's jeans represent a hard-fought right to express herself.

And a subtle declaration about transgender teens everywhere.

The 15-year-old transgender sophomore, who started high school as Rodney Evans, recently fought a public battle against school administrators over wearing women's clothes and her reaction when confronted by school officials. As part of the deal, Rochelle is addressed as a female and gets to use the nurse's bathroom to avoid
any awkward scenes in the boys' or girls' restroom.

I just felt more comfortable being a girl," she said. "I'm not asking for any special treatment."

For a while, she attended classes wearing both male and female attire but said that felt like a compromise.

She got herself suspended when asked not to wear her wig, fake breasts and short skirt to school.

Her attorneys met with school officials this month and hammered out an agreement that got her back in school. And Rochelle must attend summer classes to make up for missed classes.

"There was never a day when I was Rochelle for the whole day," Rochelle said. "I love makeup. I started wearing makeup because it helped to complete me more. It made me feel more like a girl. With the help of makeup, you can create your own kind of life."

She has learned to make the six-block walk to school in high heels.

Her schoolwork is tucked inside a large book bag that doubles as a purse.

Rochelle says she willingly toned down to less flashy attire – going from skirts to jeans – but wants the dignity of her pronouns.

"I have earned them," she said.

Transgender teens are demanding acceptance in all facets of society including school, said Simon Aronoff, deputy director of the National Center for Transgender Equality in Washington, D.C.

"Ten years ago, a transgender teen would not even consider being true to their gender while at school," Mr. Aronoff said. "But now we have youths who are coming out to their parents and wanting to go to school in the gender they feel more comfortable in. Sometimes, the younger generations are more accepting."

Lenora Felipe, Rochelle's mother, sides with her, although her support was not easily won.

"I admit I was confused," Mrs. Felipe said. "She's always been very feminine. I thought, as long as I keep putting him in boys' clothes, he's a boy. Well, that didn't work."

With counseling, Mrs. Felipe said she was able to better understand that her son is a transgender male who cross-dresses.

"I had to accept that," said Mrs. Felipe, a barber who has two other children – an 11-year-old girl and 14-year-old boy. "I was still being educated, but when it all came to the surface, I didn't understand. Why fight it? I support and love my child and try to make her safe and happy."

But that did not mean acceptance by all.

Mrs. Felipe said she was bombarded with calls from school administrators who said Rochelle's dress was disruptive.

They also complained that she skipped classes and used curse words when confronted by adults.

Rochelle's attorneys, Jerry W. Simoneaux and Phyllis Randolph Frye of Houston, worked out an agreement with school officials.

"They were addressing her as 'Rodney' and as 'he,' " Ms. Frye said. "Transgender is nothing new. It's gone through the schools. If it helps her to be able to deal with all of the problems that teens go through, then she should be allowed to say how she wants to be addressed."

Fort Worth school officials say they are committed to ensuring the safety of all students.

"The district vigorously enforces the student code of conduct, especially when it comes to harassment and bullying," said Chuck Boyd, the district's director of secondary school leadership. "We assure that all students are going to be treated safely and fairly. Our mission is to afford anyone a fair and appropriate education."

Rochelle and her friends say that her transformation has caused only a few problems at school.

La'Star Hardwick, 16, has been friends with Rochelle since both were in seventh grade.

She still calls her "Rodney" – a habit she has yet to break.

"Most of the students are cool, but there are some boys who act like they're uncomfortable," said La'Star. "But it's just a few, and they are not bullies."

Rochelle said she hopes to promote an understanding about transgender issues. She said she felt bullied mostly by school officials, not by classmates. Her classmates are asking questions and seeking answers, she said.

"I look at the world now and everyone knows there are transgender teens in Fort Worth," Rochelle said. "Some students thought I was gay, and I would say I'm not gay, I'm transgendered. They had no knowledge what it meant.

"They are trying to understand what it means and understand how I feel," she said. "They are asking me questions, doing their own research. They're on the Internet. In some ways, I'm a teacher."

Back To The Hill-The Lobby Day Report

Got back yesterday evening after spending two days in Washington DC taking part in NTAC's portion of Transgender Lobby Week.

AC, Dawn and I shoved off from Louisville at 6:30 AM Tuesday morning. We arrived in Washington DC about 4:30 PM after driving eastward across Kentucky, West Virginia and Maryland. Had a lobby training session at IFGE headquarters a few hours after we arrived at our Silver Spring, MD area hotel. We were also stunned to hear after we flipped the XM to the Randi Rhodes Show about Jerry Falwell's death followed by Yolanda King's the next day. We also found it interesting that the Newsweek article on gender was published just before we left for DC.

At IFGE headquarters I was reunited with my fellow Houstonians Vanessa Edwards-Foster, Jackie Thorne and Josephine Tittsworth along with a few other peeps in the community. Dawn, Vanessa and I had a blast acting out various lobbying scenarios and listening to AC's briefing laying out our strategy for the upcoming two days of lobbying. We were concentrating on HR 1592, the Hate Crimes Bill which passed the House before we arrived, HR 2015, The Employment Non-Discrimination Act or ENDA for short, and HR 1117, the Real ID Repeal Act that removes Title II from it. It's an issue of major importance to transpeeps because Real ID reverts our gender codes on licenses back to birth gender irregardless of how long we've been transitioned.

My task along with Dawn's was to hit as many of the 43 Congressional Black Caucus offices as we could visit, with priority on the CBC leadership, those holding committee chairmanships and subcommittee chairmanships. The other lobbyists were also told not to hit a CBC office without us. Too many times over the years we've had instances of non-African Americans hitting CBC offices and saying stupid crap like African-American transpeople don't exist. NTAC also targeted other key members of the House and Senate delegations as well. While we didn't have the numbers or star power that the NCTE peeps had for their one day event, we had far more experienced and politically savvy people who'd done multiple lobby days to pair our newbies up with.

Over the next two days (Wednesday and Thursday) we hit many of the CBC offices and a few others in the House and Senate. We had substantive conversations with many staffers concerning the issues important to transpeeps. I even got to take a photo with my birth state senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX) along with Vanessa and Jo. We also talked to Senator Hutchinson's staffers about the reason I'm living in Louisville now along with a few other issues.

It wasn't all hard work. We did get to make our traditional lobbying pilgrimage to the place where NTAC was born in 1999, Bethesda's La Panetteria Italian restaurant. We also chowed down at a Tex-Mex styled place in Silver Spring. We spent a lot of time in between lobby appointments and drop ins talking to various peeps on Capitol Hill and each other. AC and I also hopped into the van and took a mini-tour of DC. We drove past the Howard U campus, parts of downtown, Chinatown, the Smithsonian, the Spy Museum and The Mall. They've also finally broken ground for the construction of the Martin Luther King Memorial as well and I'm looking forward to seeing that when it's completed.

I also noted the major change that has happened since my 1999 visit to Capitol Hill besides the new Visitor's Center under construction: the ramped up security. Capitol Police armed with M-16's patrolling the grounds and armed Capitol police officers at the checkpoints and crash barriers. If you're riding the subway repetitive messages remind you to immediately report to Metro Transit police if you see someone leave something behind on a train or in the stations.

I got a firsthand taste of why former rep Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) went off on the Capitol Police officers last year. I had several packets in hand as I entered the security checkpoint in the Longworth Building and I was held up at security. After they took down my name and had me identify who I was with I was told moments later I'd have to throw them away.

When I asked when this policy had been changed and wanted to know under what statute they had the authority to order that the officer produced a white folder. I was pissed off after having to not only throw those packets away but embarrassed about being profiled like that in front of a bunch of white peeps also trying to enter the building. The thing that also upset me was that it was an African-American officer jacking me up at security. He apologized for it and I told him he was only doing his job but it didn't get my lobbying day off to a great start.

I was just calming down from the leftover pissivity I had about being profiled at the checkpoint when Dawn came back from her forays in two offices and reported that the senate version of the ENDA bill Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) was about to introduce didn't include transpeople. That caused us to immediately shift our Senate talking points to deal with this possibility. We'll see in a few days whether the Kennedy bill (S.717) gets introduced without the House ENDA bill language.

Despite the bull feces at the checkpoint, I did enjoy my trip back to the Hill even though I didn't get to see my own congressmember John Yarmuth (D-KY). I'll have to rectify that on my next trip. I hope that while I was in the various offices the staffers and members saw me as just another fellow American exercising her constitutional rights. I also hope that the first timers who were lobbying with us enjoyed the experience and reveled in the self-esteem boost that it gives you.

Now I'm just finishing up the rest of my lobbying reports and waiting for my photo to hit the mailbox from Sen. Hutchinson's office.

Transgender Prom Queen

TransGriot Note: photos-Crystal (Johnny) Vera after being crowned, Toby (Cinthia) Covarrubias tux fitting, my classmates Jimmy Hernandez and Michelle Baines from the Jesse H. Jones 1980 prom, Crystal Vera and friend in official photo.

Remember when I posted the AP story last May about the drama Kevin Logan underwent in Gary, IN last year? The African-American transgender teen spent her entire senior year living as a female but was denied entry to the prom.

What a difference a year makes. Nice to see this inspiring story from the Fresno Bee concerning transteen Crystal (Johnny) Vera. Vera was crowned prom queen at Fresno's Roosevelt High School less than a month after Toby (Cinthia) Covarrubias' newsworthy run for prom king at Fresno High School.

Covarrubias didn't win but said at the time of his candidacy that he hoped to break the ice for other students who are transgender. Looks like that just happened, but I am saddened to hear that Toby has had much Hateraid thrown his way since the story broke on CNN.


Seeing all this news about proms made me recall my own back in 1980. I remember how out of place I felt sitting at the table with my friends in a powder blue tux secretly envious (and jealous) of my female classmates who were wearing their prom dresses. I liked growing up in the 70's but there are times that I wish that I was growing up as a transteen right now.

It reinforces the points that me and other transpeeps made on the Hill over the last few days.

We're here and we're Americans too. Just like anyone else we want a fair shot at contributing our talents to helping build our country and living quality lives. We aren't going away no matter how much screaming comes from the christobigots and haters.

Statement By Bishop And Elders Council

Statement By Bishops And Elders Council
September 11, 2006


On September 11, 2001, some leading Christian extremists portrayed the tragedy of 9/11 as God’s judgment on America for the presence of gays and lesbians. The intervening years have witnessed an alarming escalation of religion-based, anti-gay attacks by both political leaders and religious groups.

“Today, on the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, we, as leaders representing organizations that touch the lives of 98 million Americans, are united in our rejection of all forms of fear-based religion, all political manipulation in the name of Jesus, and governmental hostility toward gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender persons, especially that hostility that uses Christianity as an excuse to divide society and demonize minorities.

“Today, as Christian leaders who have gathered in Council in Dallas, Texas, we proclaim that discrimination, rejection, scapegoating, and oppression of gay people and their families are incompatible with the Christian ethic of love - and are not spiritual, democratic, patriotic, or fair.

“Today, we announce that the anti-gay agenda against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender is effectively over. Thanks to a rapidly growing movement of churches and faith leaders in communities across the United States, thousands of churches now embrace Jesus’ message that “whosoever will may come,” and open their doors in welcome to same-gender-loving people of faith. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Christians, along with their families and allies, now have the option of nurturing their spiritual lives in faith communities that celebrate and welcome all of God’s creation.

“Motivated by our Christian faith and to further our nation’s founding goals of justice and equality for all, we call upon all people of goodwill to work actively for an end to discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons by:

“Realizing that the relationships of same-gender loving couples are equal in every way to heterosexual couples and are worthy of both the right to civil marriage and the rites of Christian marriage;

“Reaffirming the rights of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons to full equality under the law, including adoption rights, employment and housing protections, and the right to openly serve in the U.S. military;

“Refusing to cooperate with or support political or religious leaders who caricature and condemn the lives of gays and lesbians;

“Refuting the ex-gay notion that sexual orientation and gender identity can and should be changed.

“As unified followers of Christ, reclaiming our faith, we commit to speak boldly with our own communities and the larger culture from out of our experience as those who have been both oppressed and oppressor. We will communicate God’s incessant call for justice, wholeness and peace and work to equip ourselves and others to take concrete action to achieve God’s loving shalom.

“The Bishops and Elders Council further commits to continued work on behalf of all people oppressed or marginalized by poverty, immigration policies, HIV/AIDS, addictions, classism, sexism, ageism, or violence.”

The conference was co-chaired by the Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson, Moderator, Metropolitan Community Churches, Bishop Yvette Flunder, The Fellowship, and Rebecca Voelkel, Program Director of the Institute for Welcoming Resources.

Besides Soulforce, the Fellowship, and MCC organizations present included GLBT and allied Christians from DignityUSA (Roman Catholic), More Light Presbyterians, That All May Freely Serve (Presbyterians), United Church of Christ Coalition for LGBT Concerns, Lutherans Concerned, Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists, Brethren Mennonite Council for LGBT Interests, National Baptist Conference of Welcoming and Affirming Churches, Reconciling Ministries Network (United Methodist Church), the Evangelical Network, the Intern-Denominational Conference of Liberation Congregations & Ministries, Reformed Catholic Church, Universal Anglican Church, National Black Justice Coalition, Room for All, The Fellowship, and HRC’s new Religion and Faith Program, and the National Religious Leaders Roundtable of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force."

On The Road Again

Well peeps, in less than 12 hours I'll be rolling toward our nation's capital to lobby in favor of ENDA and hate crimes.

So why am I taking a few days out of my schedule to lobby for these bills? Well, one of my guiding principles is to leave the world in a better position than when I arrived on the scene. I want the transkids who are now six and seven years old to have it better than we did. I don't want them having to wade through all the intolerance, ignorance and bull that we've have to endure. It's up to my generation to make sure that happens.

To borrow Dr. King's eloquent words, I want them to be judged on the content of their character. I want them to be able to achieve their dreams. I don't want them to be afraid to dream or live their lives like I was because I was fearful of what would happen if my gender issues were discovered. I want them to be able to contribute to American society without facing the resistance and limits that we've struggled to overcome. It's also another way I use my talents to give back and help build the community.

As much as I'm eagerly looking forward to lobbying on a Capitol Hill in which the Democrats are in control, it's the road trip I'm really psyched for. I've always liked road trips as I've stated on numerous occasions. In addition I relish the opportunity to see some old friends from around the nation and meet some new ones.

II think every American needs to get to Washington D.C. at least once in their lifetime. You need to see for yourselves how the legislative process works. There's nothing like being in DC and sitting in a hearing or a House or Senate session, watching the debates or talking to your congreessmember or senator. I've done that at the state and city council level but I really need to try to do it for the federal government level as well.

If I get access to a computer I'll try to update the blog and report to you TransGriot readers what's happening during Transgender Lobby Week. I'll be putting on my journalist cap and conducting a few interviews while I'm there as well.

Now I need to finish washing this last load of clothes and get some sleep. Got a long drive ahead of me.

Why We Hate On Gays

photo-Alison Aucone
Penn State student Shawna McCalla confronts Michigan based traveling preacher Tamika Venyah on the PSU campus October 3, 2006 about Venyah's anti-gay views.

'Why We Hate On Gays'
sung to the tune of ‘Why We Sing’ by Kirk Franklin

Someone asked the question
Why we hate on gays?
It has nothing to do with Jesus
It’s how my church gets paid

Someone may be wondering
Isn’t hating on gays wrong?
We’ll quote scripture out of context
And do it all day long

(Chorus)
We hate you ‘cause you’re happy
Don’t want to see the day
That you peeps can get married
That's why we hate on gays

Glory
Hallelujah
Looking for new ways to screw you

Glory
Hallelujah
That’s why we hate on gays

We'll keep on jacking with you
To that we'll say Amen
Get your butts back in the closet
‘Cause you know it is a sin

And if somebody asks you
If you hate gays rich or po’
Lift your hands and be a witness
And tell the whole world
Yo!

(repeat chorus)

When we go to Colorado
To hate on gays some more
We will write more checks to Dobson
The one that we adore

I Won't Vote For Republicans

TransGriot Note: It's Moni's song rewrite time. This one's dedicated to my leat favorite political party. So break out the iPods and sing along with the fresh new lyrics as you head to the polls.

I Won't Vote For Republicans
(sung to the tune of 'I Didn't Mean To Turn You On' by Cherrelle


Gonna vote, no doubt
Know what the GOP's about
Oh yes I did
Y'all are not gonna steer me wrong

Election time, it's on
You tell me, 'Look what I have done for you'
I'm sorry baby, I won't vote for Republicans

You read me wrong
In my home Fox News is not on
I read and think
So I won't vote for Republicans

You read me wrong
In my home Fox News is not on
I read and think
I won't vote for Republicans
Yo, in 2008 you'll all be gone

I know you thought I bought that song and dance
When I refused, you didn't want to understand
I told you twice, you GOPers aren't real nice
Really aren't real nice
So, I won't vote for Republicans

You read me wrong
In my home Fox News is not on
I read and think
I won't vote for Republicans

Why do you insult me 'cause I vote for
'Cause I freely vote for Dems
And I won't for Republicans
No, No, No, No...I

I won't vote for Republicans
Bye bye bye bye
I won't vote for Republicans
Bye bye bye bye
I won't vote for Republicans
Y'all screwed the country, baby
(repeat until fade)

Sakia Gunn Anniversary

Today is the fourth anniversary of the hate crime murder of 15 year old African-American lesbian Sakia Gunn.

During the early morning hours on May 11, 2003 Sakia was returning to her hometown of Newark, NJ from a night out socializing on the Chelsea Piers with several friends. It's been a popular hangout in the New York metro area for young GLBT peeps of color for so long even some scenes from Paris is Burning were shot there.

After getting off the train fron New York the group was waiting for a bus on the corner of Broad and Market Streets in downtown Newark. Two men approached in a white station wagon around 3 AM and propositioned them. When the girls rejected their advances by declaring that they were lesbians one of the men got out of the car and attacked them. Gunn fought back and was stabbed in the chest by Richard McCullough who fled the scene. One of the friends flagged down a passing driver to take the mortally wounded Gunn to nearby University Hospital where she died in her friend Valencia's arms in the emergency room.

The murder set off a wave of protests in Newark and sparked outrage from the local GLBT communty. More than 2,500 people attended Gunn's funeral on May 16, 2003 and in the wake of the tragedy an LGBT advocacy group called The Newark Pride Alliance was formed. They are putting presure on the city to make good on the promises made after Sakia's death by then Newark Mayor Sharpe James to establish a community center for gay, lesbian and transgender young people in Newark, so young people don’t feel they have to go to New York City to have a safe place to hang out. The GLBT center idea is also supported by current US Representative Donald Payne (D-NJ). That promise so far has not been fulfilled and they are still working diligently to make it happen.

On the same day that Gunn's funeral was held McCullough turned himself in to authorities and was arrested in connection with the crime. He admitted calling the girls "fags" and "dykes" but claimed that Gunn died after she ran into his knife. He dropped that story after the judge threated to revoke the plea bargain deal and order a trial. McCullough also continually referred to Gunn as a "little dude."

The murder charges were dropped as a result of the deal and on March 3, 2005 McCullough pleaded guilty to aggravated manslaughter, aggravated assault and bias intimidation. He was sentenced on April 21, 2005 to 20 years in prison.

Gunn's murder also raised questions from her friends and family about a 2002 campaign promise made by then Mayor Sharpe James during that contentios race in which he defeated current mayor Cory Booker. At the corner where Gunn was killed there's a police booth that is supposed to be manned 24 hours a day but wasn't on that fateful night. Gunn's family and others in Newark contend that if an officer had been posted there Sakia would still be alive.

The Gunn murder also pointed out the glaring disparities in reporting and reactions when African-American GLBT peeps are bias-crime victims vis-a-vis white GLBT peeps like Matthew Shepard. Shepard's case was plastered all over the media while Sakia Gunn's case (and sadly others like JR Warren, Rashawn Brazell, Michael Sandy and Erica Keel's) received scant attention.

The editions at the Internet journal The Gully noted the tone of coverage in those few articles that were written on the Gunn murder. The reporters tended to highlight the scuffle that occurred between Gunn and implied that if Gunn and her friends had not only announced their sexual orientation, the men would have lkeft them alone. The Gully's editors argued that it is "far more likely that the men only propositioned Gunn and her friends because they knew the girls were lesbians and a sexual advance would provoke some kind of exchange."

Professor Kim Pearson at The College of New Jersey discovered after doing a media analysis that in the seven month period after their attacks there were 659 stories in major newspapers about Shepard's murder compared to only 21 articles about Gunn's. Pearson also noted the disparity in the speed of the justice system in response to those bias crimes. Shepard's attackers tried and convicted within seven months after his murder. It took seven months for Gunn's attacker to even be indicted.

Recently a group called The Sakia Gunn Film Project began work on a documentary. It is the filmmakers hope that they can not only shine a light on what happened to Sakia but point out the negativity that African-American GLBT people are exposed to in our communities that lead to these tragedies.

May they have much success in compiling this film. It would also be fitting if they could debut it on May 26, Sakia's birthday.

Christine's Rebuttal to A Reader

Some of you may have heard about longtime LA Times sportswriter and syndicated columnist Mike Penner's April 26 announcement that he was beginning his transition to become Christine Daniels.

Christine is still working at the Times and is now maintaining a blog on her transition called 'Woman In Progress'. She recently had a christobigot write in and here was her response.

---------------------
Email from the edge

Now that I've changed my email address, I'd like to address my email.

Or, rather, one email in particular.

Ninety-nine- point-and- then-some percent of the messages I have received in the last week, my first week out as Christine, have been supportive, sympathetic, encouraging, understanding, touching, and moving-- basically, the most overwhelmingly pleasant shock of my life. I would like to individually thank everyone who has written, but if I did, I'd get even less sleep than I did before my concerned psychiatrist wrote me up a prescription for a sleeping aid on Tuesday.

I never expected anything close to this sort of response.

In fact, on the eve of my coming-out column's publication, I feared I would be hit with more of the kind of email Mike from Rancho Santa Margarita lobbed my way a couple days ago.

From Mike:

"I have long considered the Times' sports page to be the best in the state, if not the nation. However, I am appalled and disgusted at your column on Thursday, April 26. To say that humans are 'wired' that way is just denying absolute truth. I know that in today's secular progressive society, we're taught to 'accept' everyone, but this is going beyond acceptance. We are being asked to accept something that is morally repulsive. In no way is this anywhere near normal human behavior.
I have prayed for you, and will continue to do so. I have always admired your writing, but I will no longer read any article written by you. I am by no means advocating your firing. Instead, I felt it necessary to make you aware that your actions are Biblically unacceptable. "

Dear Mike,

I don't know what Bible you're using, but you might want to check the pull-date on that one. My Bible is the same one used by my pastor, who has counseled me throughout the early stages of my transition, helping me to stay on track and continue moving forward, because that is the plan God has s for me.

My transition has rekindled my spirituality, I am happy to say.

Often, too much focus gets placed on the physical changes brought about by a transsexual's transition -- through hormones, electrolysis and surgery. More than anything, my transition has been a spiritual journey, soul-searching and intense introspection accompanying every step of the way.

Why is my soul filled with so much feminine energy?

Why was I given such an agonizing burden to carry?

Did God simply decide it was time to draft a high-profile journalist with communication skills and a powerful platform for the task of spreading the message of transgender tolerance and acceptance_ a message that was long and painfully overdue?

Who can say? I do know this: God loves transgender people. He created transgender people. In some cultures - the world does not begin and end at U.S. borders, despite what our current administration thinks _transgender people are considered closer to God. They are revered as "two spirited" by these cultures, who often turn to transgender people as their spiritual healers and shamen.

I attend church every week. My church and clergy are more than supportive of my transition. In fact, they have encouraged it.

My pastor has told me repeatedly, "Christine, God created you the way you are. He made you a special person. He put you on this journey for a reason. By completing your journey and becoming the person God intended you to be, you are honoring Him."

Secure in my spirituality,
Christine
May 04, 2007

Copyright Los Angeles Times

Thank You Tyra

I was moved to post this comment on The Tyra Banks Show website after running across a few less that enlightened comments posted in response to a show Tyra did that was broadcast yesterday called 'In Love With A Transsexual'.

I have to thank Tyra and her staff for consistently tackling transgender topics with the respect and dignity they deserve. She's been one of my role models in terms of the type of sistah I wanted to be and project to the world. It makes me happy to hear that one of my role models considers herself a friend of the transgender community. I hope that one day I get to tell her how much I and other transpeople appreciate that in person.

My posted comment:

One of the things I get so sick of hearing as an African-American transwoman who transitioned a decade ago is the sanctimonious bigoted comments of people that either profess to be 'christians' or 'supporters' who arrogantly assert that transpeople aren't 'real women' or 'real men'.

I am a Big 'C' Christian and I know that God loves me as much as you folks who were fortunate enough to have your gender identities and bodies match up at birth

Transgender people are just trying to live quality lives with the hands we are dealt and could do a lot better job of that without the ill-informed, intolerant attitudes and ignorant moralizing that overwhelmingly comes from people who claim to be 'christians'.

It's past time some of you quit cherry-picking scriptures and wake up to the fact that gender identity is between your ears, not the configuration of the genitalia between your legs.

Thank you Tyra for all you've done to help educate people to the fact that transpeople are human beings, too

UCLA Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

UCLA Scientists Find Genes Organize Male and Female Brains Differently; Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

Refuting 30 years of scientific theory that solely credits hormones for brain development, UCLA scientists have identified 54 genes that may explain the different organization of male and female brains.

Published in the October edition of the journal Molecular Brain Research, the UCLA discovery suggests that sexual identity is hard-wired into the brain before birth and may offer physicians a tool for gender assignment of babies born with ambiguous genitalia.

"Our findings may help answer an important question - why do we feel male or female?" explained Dr. Eric Vilain, assistant professor of human genetics and urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a pediatrician at UCLA's Mattel Children's Hospital. "Sexual identity is rooted in every person's biology before birth and springs from a variation in our individual genome."

Since the 1970s, scientists have believed that estrogen and testosterone were wholly responsible for sexually organizing the brain. In other words, a fetal brain simply needed to produce more testosterone to become male. Recent evidence, however, indicates that hormones cannot explain everything about the sexual differences between male and female brains.

Vilain and his colleagues explored whether genetic influences could explain the variations between male and female brains. Using two genetic testing methods, they compared the production of genes in male and female brains in embryonic mice - long before the animals developed sex organs.

To their surprise, the researchers found 54 genes produced in different amounts in male and female mouse brains, prior to hormonal influence. Eighteen of the genes were produced at higher levels in the male brains; 36 were produced at higher levels in the female brains.

"We didn't expect to find genetic differences between the sexes' brains," admitted Vilain. "But we discovered that the male and female brains differed in many measurable ways, including anatomy and function."

In one intriguing example, the two hemispheres of the brain appeared more symmetrical in females than in males. According to Vilain, the symmetry may improve communication between both sides of the brain, leading to enhanced verbal expressiveness in females.

"This anatomical difference may explain why women can sometimes articulate their feelings more easily than men," he said.

Overall, the UCLA team's findings counter the theory that only hormones are responsible for organizing the brain.

"Our research implies that genes account for some of the differences between male and female brains," noted Vilain. "We believe that one's genes, hormones and environment exert a combined influence on sexual brain development."

The scientists will pursue further studies to distinguish specific roles in the brain's sexual maturation for each of the 54 different genes they identified. What their research reveals may provide insight into how the brain determines gender identity.

"Our findings may explain why we feel male or female, regardless of our actual anatomy," said Vilain. "These discoveries lend credence to the idea that being transgender --- feeling that one has been born into the body of the wrong sex -- is a state of mind.

"From previous studies, we know that transgender persons possess normal hormonal levels," he added. "Their gender identity likely will be explained by some of the genes we discovered."

Vilain's findings on the brain's sex genes may also ease the plight of parents of intersex infants, and help their physicians to assign gender with greater accuracy. Mild cases of malformed genitalia occur in 1 percent of all births - about 3 million cases. More severe cases - where doctors can't inform parents whether they had a boy or girl -- occur in one in 3,000 births.

"If physicians could predict the gender of newborns with ambiguous genitalia at birth, we would make less mistakes in gender assignment," said Vilain.

Lastly, Vilain proposes that the UCLA findings may help to explain the origin of homosexuality.

"It's quite possible that sexual identity and physical attraction is 'hard-wired' by the brain," he noted. "If we accept this concept, we must dismiss the myth that homosexuality is a 'choice' and examine our civil legal system accordingly."

The UCLA study was supported by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the National Science Foundation and with start-up funds from the UCLA Department of Urology. Vilain's co-authors included Phoebe Dewing, Steve Horvath and Tao Shi, all of UCLA.

Raven!

Another installment in my ongoing series of articles on transgender and non-transgender women who have qualities that I admire.

Back during the heyday of The Cosby Show I used to enjoy seeing this adorably precocious three year old who played Olivia Kendall. She went by the name of Raven-Symone and it never failed that when she was in a scene, she was usually stealing it. She was a Ford Model at the ripe old age of 2 with numerous television commercials to her credit when she auditioned for a role in the Cosby produced Ghost Dad. She was too young for that part, but was cast on the Cosby Show instead.

For a while it seemed as though she disappeared off our TV sets once Hanging With Mr. Cooper ended its run on ABC. Just as I began to wonder what was going on in her life she popped up in the 1998 Disney remake of Dr. Doolittle and a 2003 Disney Channel TV show called That's So Raven. I began watching it after Debbie Allen started directing it. As of this writing it is the Disney Channel's highest rated and longest running show. Raven's also blossomed into a very attractive young woman since her Cosby Show days.

Today Raven-Symone Christina Pearman is what Ebony magazine recently described in their March 2007 issue that she was on the cover of as the $400 million dollar woman. She is a multi-talented entertainer who has graced various Disney productions, a six time NAACP Image Award winning actress and has also won two Nickelodeon Kids Choice awards. You can hear her voice on various Disney cartoons such as Kim Possible (one of my guilty pleasures), see her sing and dance in The Cheetah Girls movies and hear her sing on various CDs, including her own solo efforts.

Not bad for someone who's 21 years old.

The thing I'm impressed with about Raven is that she went to public school in the ATL area during that time period. She seems pretty down to earth about much of what she's achieved as well. She's cognizant of being considered a role model and proud that she's one of the few African-American Disney stars. Raven's also proud that she's a 'thick' sista with curves. The fact that she's a young African-American woman doing it in Hollywood makes me even prouder of the little girl I first watched on the tube back in 1989.

She's gradually moving toward doing more serious roles and was one of the many peeps who auditioned for the role of Effie in the Dreamgirls remake. I have no doubts that one of these days Raven will be gracing the silver screens in a movie that doesn't have a Disney logo all over it.

Happy Birthday To Me, Kimora Lee Simmons and Dawn Staley

Today is my favorite day on the calendar next to Christmas. My birthday!

It's the one day of the year that is uniquely personal because it's the day you arrived on this planet. In my case that was at 10:45 PM back during the Kennedy administration. ;)

It's a day filled with mixed emotions. One of prayerful appreciation that I've lived an additional 365 days (366 after a leap year) to see another May 4 roll off the calendar. The reveling in the specialness of the one day on the calendar that is truly yours. At the same time, in my case I tend to treat my birthdays like mileposts to check my quality of life progress. I spend the weeks leading up to it assessing where I want my life to be by the next one and what direction I want and need it to take to achieve my goals. I'm also thanking God for allowing to be here and for some of the blessing that I have now. Family that loves me, loyal friends and various people who love and care about me.

I'm about to step out of the house and head down I-65 to Nashville for the day. The Blue Bell Anniversary exhibit is set up at a mall down there and I want my free pint of ice cream. ;)

I was bummed when they set up the tour and Nashville was the closest city that the traveling exhibit was going to hit. They started selling Blue Bell here in Kentucky after the tour itinerary was set up. We're also rolling down to hang out with our good friend Marisa Richmond.

As for the other women who share my birthday, WNBA great, Olympian and Temple coach Dawn Staley, Kimora Lee Simmons and the late actress Audrey Hepburn no wonder I've always liked them. They are stubborn, determined Tauruses just like me.

Happy birthday to all the people around the world to whom May 4 is a special day for them as well.

T-Minus 48 Hours To Birthday

I'm less than 48 hours from getting another year older.

While I'm not disappointed that I am close to seeing another May 4 show up on my calendar, I'm not as giddy as I used to be in my childhood when I would impatiently wish that April would be gone with the quickness so we could get to the first week of May.

As I get older, from April 4 to my birthday I tend to get introspective and reminisce about how I got to this point, lament missed opportunities and congratulate myself for some of the things that I did step out of my comfort zone to do that improved my quality of life.

I get to do a road trip to Nashville Friday, hang out with my friends and enjoy the scenery of the two hour drive to there and back. They also like to spring suprises on me. I need to be very afraid what AC and Dawn may have cooked up when I am in their presence tomorrow.

That reminds me, need to get a camera. ;)

Reclaiming A Legacy

The Derby parties are in full swing here in Da Ville along with all the other events around town that comprise the Kentucky Derby Festival. Celebrity sightings are on the rise around town and even Queen Elizabeth II will be here in the Bluegrass State to watch one of her horses run. It's capped off by "Ladies Day at the Races", the Kentucky Oaks on May 4 and the "Fastest Two Minutes in Sports" on May 5.

But once upon a time the Kentucky Derby was a Black thang. African-Americans once dominated the horse racing game so thoroughly between the Civil War and the turn of the 20th century that when the first Kentucky Derby was run in 1875 thirteen of the fifteen jockeys at the starting line were African-American. The dominance of the sport also extended to and included African-American horse owners, trainers, exercise riders and stable hands.

The first Derby winner, Aristides, was not only ridden by jockey Oliver Lewis but was trained by African-American Ansel Williamson. Jockeys Alonzo Clayton and James Perkins were both 15 years old when they won the Derby. The dominance was so thorough that 15 of the next 28 runnings of the Derby were won by African-American jockeys, 5 of those winners were trained by African-American trainers and one of those was owned and trained by Dudley Allen. The last African-American jockey to ride in the Derby finished 10th aboard an 80-1 longshot in 1921.


Jockeys were the elite African-American athletes of the 19th century. The best was Isaac Murphy. He was the first jockey to win three Kentucky Derbys (1884, 1890, 1891) and did it in record setting style. Murphy also holds the distinctions of not only being the first jockey to win consecutive Derbys, but riding the only African-American owned horse to date that has won the Derby, Dudley Allen's Kingman in 1891.

Before his career was cut short by his untimely death from pneumonia at 34, Murphy won 628 of his 1,412 starts, an astonishing 44% of all the races he rode in. He was the first inductee into the Jockey Hall of Fame when it was established in 1955. His record hasn't come close to being matched by modern day greats as of yet. Hall of Fame jockey Eddie Arcaro said of Murphy's record: "There is no chance that his record of winning will ever be surpassed. Willie Simms is the other African-American jockey that has been inducted into the Hall of Fame. He is the only African-American jockey to win all the races comprising the Triple Crown (The Derby, the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes)

Jimmy Wakefield was the last African-American jockey to win the Derby in 1901-1902 and due to lack of opportunity in the United States ended up moving to Europe in 1903 to continue his lucrative career. Wakefield became fluent in several languages, rode for Czar Nicholas II of Russia and had over 2300 wins to his credit before he retired from the sport at age 48 and purchased a horse farm outside Paris. When France was overrun by the Germans in 1940 he and his family escaped to the United States in 1943. When World War II ended he spent a few years in the States before returning to his beloved Maisons-Lafitte farm where he died in 1974.

So what factors combined to change the horse racing era of African-American excellence? The major ones was White resentment of the Black dominance in a sport that was considered in the late 19th century the national pastime and the fact that the jockeys were making salaries three times what most whites were earning in that time period. Klan intimidation, collusion to deny Black jockeys and trainers work and access to US tracks were factors as well. In addition the mass migration of African-Americans from the farms of the South to northern cities combined to ethnically cleanse horse racing of its African-American presence by the turn of the early 20th century.

It would be 79 years before another African-American jockey was present to ride at the Derby. Lafayette, LA native Marlon St. Julien, a successful jockey in the Texas and Chicago racing circuits was tapped to ride Curule in the 2000 Derby. "I think we're here to accomplish something, not just to be here," St. Julien said in a CNNSI interview. "I was put here to be a race rider and I'm going to be the best that I can be." Curule finished seventh in that Derby. St. Julien also made history by becoming the first African-American jockey to ride in the Kentucky Oaks in 103 years when he guided Zoftig to a fifth place finish.

St. Julien is part of a return of African-Americans to their horse racing heritage. MC Hammer's Oaktown Stable owns the filly Lite Light which won the 1991 Kentucky Oaks. Motown's Berry Gordy has been moderately successful with his horses. St. Julien's goal is to ride Breeder's Cup and Triple Crown winners and has eagerly embraced the legacy of the pioneer jockeys. Trainer James Jackson has 2000 career wins to his credit and in 2005 became the first African-American trainer to saddle a Kentucky Oaks starter when Gallant Secret galloped to a third place finish inthe Run For the Lillies.

Our departed horse racing pioneers would be happy to see us back in the Sport of Kings to win, place and show once again. It's time to start building on their legacy of excellence and reclaim it in this century.

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 4

TransGriot Note: It's no longer a secret. Many biowomen and transwomen do form and are willing to do the work to not only have each other as friends, but willingly exert the effort to sustain them. As Jackie mentioned in Part 2, there's a lot we still need to discuss on both sides to keep the positive momentum going. We all benefit when we do our utmost to promote healthy friendships with one another.

photos-Paiige, Miriam Rivera

Joann
TS sometimes forget that Genetic Women interact with each other (as friends) a lot differently than how Genetic Men interact with each other.. In general (full grown) Genetic Women do not like being around a bunch of other women especially ones they do not know nor are they keen about making a whole lot of new female friends.

It takes most women a long while before they can get comfortable enough with another woman to even want to spend a whole lot time hangin out with her or even to see her as a friend.

Whereas Men can become best of buds while waiting in line at the carry out. It don't matter, they don't care. The more Buds the better. And if you put 10 men in a room...(that is any room other that a jail cell)...LOL

Most of the time they will start playing get some kind of dumb A** game until a fight starts or somebody gets hurt, which ever one comes first. After that everybody will grumble 'bout it for a while, then call it a day..end of story.

Now..Put 10 women in a room under those same conditions and you will get a fight right of the bat. Then they will separate into groups and start with the verbal assaults ...there will be some rolling of the eyes.....and a few "naw she didn't"...then Somebody’s weave will get called a dead muskrat.. and somebody's baby pictures will get call a baboon like ...the food will run out and the party will break up and all will go home .....Upon disbanding various pairs will link back up... via the phone and renew the nights verbal assaults..this will last for bout 8 hours mininum...non stop ...and it will go on every day for like..ever!!!!

...Sorry I digress......LOL

Angelica Ross
Here’s my 2 cents Monica, hope you can use it!

I think if some of us were honest, I believe on both the side of genetic women and the side of transsexual women there is an element of intimidation. Women who are around beautiful transsexuals compare themselves by thinking "I'm a real woman, and I don't look like that." or "I'm a real woman, you're just pretending to be one."
And as transsexuals we sometimes are intimidated believing that they are indeed "real" women and we are not. So sometimes we over compensate for the things we believe we lack in being a "real" woman. When we both transsexuals and genetic women find a comfort zone within our own womanhood, that cannot be defined or destroyed by anyone else, then we can begin to build a true sisterhood between all women.

Traci
What we possess in common is gender. Therefore, it's fine to discuss topics that share certain points of interests in common between us.

Topics related to childbirth, menstruation cycles, cramps, nursing infants, and the like, can be like chasms of the Grand Canyon if the GG discusses them in a condescending manner.

Regardless, as to how close my relationship may be with a GG. I am always some how reminded of the "genuineness" possessed by the girl. They will usually say or do something that reminds me of how distant I should consider myself from being real. While this reminder is usually served by one who wears velvet gloves carrying the message on a silver platter, the message is still sorely received. It cuts like a knife!

Well, so much for the barriers. On a more positive note, we should both bring to the table a willingness to understand each other and an honest desire to unite against male chauvinism. They should comprehend the fact that we can be very formidable allies when it comes to deciphering the male ego. They should also know how deeply we desire to bond with them as the true sisters that we all need to be.

We should all come to the table with the proper attitude and willingness to understand one another. All discussion should take place with a spirit of respect and compassion.

Lexi
Just a few thoughts that I had.

I have to say that I think the issue in relationships between transwomen and natal women is multi-dimensional. I think Angelica said it best when she wrote about the insecurities that both sets of women feel around the other. So, in my opinion, that is the first and probably biggest factor.

Another factor would be that women in general tend to be catty and jealous. I think as transwomen, we haven't dealt with this as long as natal women. When I see someone with nice hair or clothes, I compliment them. I have noticed that women at work never compliment me on anything I wear or my hair--only the guys. People at my office don't know and I imagine the cattiness and snide remarks are how they treat everyone--even their friends. Women generally don't like each other. Why should we be treated any differently?

Something else to consider is the negative image in the media that continues to dominate coverage about us. We have to take control of our image in the media in order to repair some of the damage that has been done.

Now I am going to put this out here...Some women probably loathe us because of a man in their lives that has "been" with a transwoman on the sly. The fear of the DL has a lot of Black women scared as hell. And, to them, we embody that at its very essence. Think of it through their eyes. Plus, there are those of us who will sneak around and sleep with guys that are married and/or involved. I've done it in the past--that's why I am saying it. Honestly, we need to respect ourselves enough to demand more out of a relationship than two o'clock in the morning dalliances in a poorly decorated motel room.

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 3

TransGriot Note: I ended up running out of space in Part 2. Question 4's responses in their entirety are posted here.

4. TransGriot: What are the advantages/disadvantages to both parties in cultivating friendships with the other?

Audrea
I say that the more diversity one is exposed to, the better. I don't see any disadvantages developing when involved in an open, adult friendship. I appreciate my transwomen and men friends just as much as my genetic friends. When choosing friends what gender one is should make no difference. I'm happy to say, for me it's a non-issue.

Jazz
The advantage is in being more tolerant of people as a whole and their feelings. The disadvantages are missing out on knowing truly beautiful human beings. Being closed minded doesn't help anybody and hurts the whole human race.

Joann
Advantages... from a GG’s point of view...Trans women can be loyal to a fault once you have gotten gained trust.and will rarely let you down. Many have military or paramilitary backgrounds so they understand the value of a friend, what it means to be a friend and how important it is to be a supportive friend. It does not hurt to have a girl friend who is 6 foot tall and has been trained in hand to hand combat either..

Advantages....From a Trans woman point of view . .By having a GG as a friend means that you will probably share a lot of shared interest.. Therefore y’all will be able to connect on levels that you may have missed out on as a man.. She will be able to help you separate out a lot of myths about being a woman. Sometimes we be having things so messed up bout being a woman..... a GG friend will be able to tell you when it’s time to step away from the blue eye shadow.

Disadvantages .......from the Transwoman’s side....GGs talk a lot about nothing ...sometimes I think they just talk to hear they head rattle... this will drive you nuts but you have to listen because you are their friend and talking is so very important....it’s a bonding thing I guess. GGs go psycho once a month ...so you got to learn how figure out when they are on their period. .sometimes their head will rotate 360 degrees during this time of the month but not always so ya need to be paying attention ...If ya GG friend miss a period y’all done got too close. she knocked up and being a Transwoman not gonna get you out of child support....another down side.

Disadvantages .......from the GGs side...Her best girlfriend is 6 foot tall and has been trained in hand to hand combat....and has been taking hormones !!!.. There she will always have the last say over the remote control... In most cases you will not be able to borrow her clothes...but she will be able to stretch yours into some unrecognizable form. The GG will be mistaken for a TG on a regular basis. so she will have ready to deal with all the crap that comes along with that association.... For example, some men may not want to talk to her cause they may not be sure bout her true gender...

Tia
While I don’t see any obvious disadvantages, the advantages I see are learning how to interact with other women as a woman, gaining advice on how they feel and how they feel the world relates to them, learning that some women are born with a penis and have their own unique set of struggles and that we can learn a lot about ourselves by learning about others.

Jackie
Transwomen can have a lot to offer. Having been in the place of perhaps trying to fit in as boys/men and having the perspective of what is expected of men, transwomen can have a unique and interesting view to bring to a friendship. We are the stronger for having friends with differences.

Biowomen interacting and being friends with transwomen would promote understanding and progress in general and in areas such as the workplace and schools. I'd imagine a teacher who has a Transgender friend being more able to recognize, nurture and protect Transgender children. I just think we should have each others support.


The series continues with Part 4

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 2

TransGriot Note: After the original May TransGriot column got sent to my editor I discovered a few e-mails from both sides of the debate that it was too late for me to add to the article after my deadline. The other problem I ran into was having to edit some very interesting and well thought out responses in order to fit it into my column's word limit. So in this post I'm going to continue the discussion.

photo-transwoman violinist and singer Tona Brown

All the panelists are African-American and ranged in age from 25-55. They are residents of East Coast and Midwestern US cities. The transwomen in terms of transition time range from a few months to 20 plus years.

In addition to transwomen Joann, Traci, Lexi and Angelica and biowomen Audrea and Jazz from the May TransGriot column, Part 2 will add the comments of blogger Jackie to the mix along with transwoman Tia.

I tried to keep as much of the flava of the original e-mail responses as possible but some editing was done for the sake of clarity.

The Questions

1. TransGriot: What do we transwomen need to bring to the table to make friendships between us and genetic women work successfully?

Jackie
First of all I am glad to see this being addressed. I will try not to be too wordy.

Although I know it's important for transwomen to have their own community, I absolutely feel they should be understood and included as women, period. I think we would both be stronger for it.

One of the problems is Transgender visibility. After transition many transwomen disappear into stealth mode. I certainly understand that. But it's damaging, when the only supposedly Transgender people visible are on the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show. I hate that. So one thing transwomen can do is be out there in the world honestly. Interact with biowomen but do it honestly. Many non trans people don't know the difference between RuPaul doing her drag thing and a Transgender woman working in an office.

Remember that biowomen never think of gender, they don't have to. So the thing transwomen need to get across to biowomen is that the thing that makes you a woman is the same for both. It's not genitalia but how you are wired. If you are wired in your mind, spirit and psyche as a female there is nothing that will change that. Then find common ground we all have as women, our similar challenges and triumphs. Be open to friendships.

Joann
OK,OK ......seriously...... Assuming we’re talkin’ bout a friendly capacity and not romantic.

Trans women need to bring nothing...Just themselves...Most of the Trans women I have meet personally are pretty decent people... some are not quite sane ...But that’s ok neither am I

I think many Transwomen have a lot of emotional baggage which puts a lot of people off.. We can be overly critical and too quick to judge...and times this can be rough to deal with...even for me and I am well aware of all the reasons behind it.. Transwomen can be very guarded when it
comes to dealing with people outside of our community...some is justifiable some is not. In either case for a person, GG in particular who does not know a person is trans guarded behavior comes off to them as the TG acting flaky.. My thinking is that if many Transwomen could figure out how to not bring all that bad attitude to the table when we meeting genetic women for the first time things may work out a lot better..

Audrea
I feel that communication and honesty are important parts of any friendship; regardless of the friends' appearances or backgrounds. Personally, I feel that transwomen and genetic women are the same essentially, and they should all be treated, as such. Some women may feel threatened or resentment towards transwomen, but those feelings are based on fear and ignorance. These things have no place in a true friendship.

Tia
What has worked for me so far has been not being forceful about being included in whatever activities or conversations are going on. I usually wait until an offer to join is extended. I don’t try to take over anything that’s being discussed. I tend to start off by listening first and then finding areas where I can make a comment or two. I think that this has caused them to feel comfortable around me and include me in whatever’s going on. It’s resulted in being invited to lunch every day, shopping trips, parties, dinners, picture sharing and trips to Virginia Beach & Puerto Rico. It’s only taken a short time to feel included.

Jazz
I would think that you should just be you. Be open and honest about yourselves and who & what you are. But this does not mean that you have to bend over backwards. To fit just because you were not born a genetic women.

2. TransGriot: What do genetic women need to do to make it work?

Jazz
I think genetic women should just be open to getting to knowing transwomen.

Joann
I think many need to learn the truth about what we Transgendered Women are and are not. It’s time to let a lot those old misconceptions about us go. It seems that a lot of our Genetic counterparts are a still very far behind the times in this respect. Some Bio women look at Transwomen as being some kind of threat to their femininity and they get very resentful to any and all Transwomen, especially one who can put herself together better than she can. This bugs the hell out of some Biowomen because it makes them feel that they have some how been neglecting themselves and that’s when we called a whole bunch of "Fake Bitches" by you and stuff. This sort of stuff needs to stop because it's not right on so many levels when you have to make some one else feel bad in order to make yourself feel good.

Jackie
Understand that a transwoman is a woman. Not a man dressed as a woman. Not a man who chose to become a woman. Interact with transwomen as we would any woman but, appreciate the journey any transwoman must have had. Be open and don't stereotype.

Audrea
I feel that if genetic women educated themselves more thoroughly about transwomen and the trans lifestyle, they would be much less likely to enter friendships or relationships with transwomen with stigmas and fear in their hearts. Being a transwoman is not so different from being a genetic woman, as far as feelings are concerned. If more genetic women realized this, this would not be in question.

Tia
Patience and understanding that I haven’t been at this as long as you have and will make some mistakes. But, don’t assume I am a total novice or that I don’t understand “any” of what your saying or feeling. In fact, don’t assume anything. Just treat me as any other woman but know that I may ask a question that you’ve known since you were a teenager.

3. TransGriot: What in your opinion are the mistakes that both parties make that create barriers to forming healthy friendships and what can be done to avoid them?

Tia
The mistakes we as transwomen make are “demanding” to be included in women’s social groups without first being invited and then being disruptive and argumentative when we get there and also not learning to communicate and socialize as women.

The mistakes biowomen make would be seeing us as “men in women’s clothing” and not understanding what it really means to be “trans”.

Jackie
Transwomen be honest. People don't like to be fooled. Of course it is an individual choice to reveal (and when to reveal) one's background information but it is difficult to form healthy friendships not based on honesty.

For biowomen, be respectful. Do not ask stupid, invasive personal questions. Respect gender presentation. Regardless of where a transwoman may be in her transition, pre-op, post-op or no-op respect her, get to know her.

Audrea
Education, education, education. The more one knows, the less likely it is for us to make harsh comments, and see people for who they truly are. People. Everyone is different. So, if we all try to make less assumptions about a particular type of woman (trans or genetic), the more likely it is for us all to get along. I think a lot of mistakes are made when there's a bias or self-righteousness on either side; which can cause rifts on either side.

Jazz
The barriers might be for the genetic women not feeling that transwomen are real women because they were not born in a woman's body. As for the transwomen I would think it would be just trying to be accepted as a woman. Said to say but we do not know much about trans gender people as a whole. The more we know the better we can understand each other and get along.

Joann
We both do not give each other due respect. We TGs and GGs go in attack mode when in each others company...ready to rip into each other head off as soon as something get said that’s the slightest bit out of line. Nobody want a friends like that.

What can be done on our part? We need develop a thicker skin and not be so rough on GG's .. We need to learn that not every GG in the world is not out to dog us because we are not "real women" as the saying goes ...Some just don't know and others may be just stuck on stupid ...but that should not be held against all GGs...you have to deal with each on a individual basis...Some just need time to get used to the notion that you are a woman...others never will get it...It’s like i wrote earlier "Some Women don't Like other women period Trans or Bio

I also think there is not enough positive Transwomen of color who are open about being Trans....It is getting a lot better mind you but I think we as Black TGs still have a long way to go. A big part of being trans is wanting to fit in or to blend with other women and to go unnoticed... But on the down side all this covert stuff is that it’s counter productive and ends up hurting more that it helps...How can you ask people to understand who and what a Transgenderd woman is if no one really knows one personally? The only one most folks know bout is the Tranny Hooker on the corner...Therefore she is by default represents for all of us to that community.

Because in most cases she is the only Trans woman any body knows about...No one knows that the big ole tall lady across the street was born a male....Nah, she couldn’t be a TRANS she’s so sweet and everybody loves her. Unfortunately the big ole tall lady choose to be in Deep Stealth and allow the misconception about Transwomen to persist which ultimately pushed the next Transwoman into even Deeper Stealth yet.

At some point this cycle has to be broken. My thinking is that that only way we are going to break it is to give more folks outside the TG community a chance to get to know us by living and working around Transwomen of color who are positive, proud of being a Transwoman and are not afraid to stand up and be recognized as such.


The discussion continues with Part 3