Transpeeps and the Po-Po's Still Have Drama

There's been a long history in the United States of tension between the police and the transgender community. In fact, the August 1966 Compton's Cafeteria Riot in San Francisco and the June 28, 1969 Stonewall Riots that are considered the start of the United States GLBT civil rights movement have a similar root cause:

GLBT people finally getting fed up with being harassed by police.

So it didn't suprise me when Amnesty International released on September 22, 2005 the first in a series of reports that documented what we in the transgender community have known, talked about and experienced for years. Despite the major gains we've made over the last 40 years in having our civil rights recognized and respected, the problem of police harassment still persists.

Called Stonewalled: Police Abuse and Misconduct against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people in the United States, the Amnesty International report revealed that transgender people experienced some of the most egregious cases of police brutality.

AI heard reports of transgender individuals being subjected by police to discriminatory profiling as sex workers; “policing” of transgender individuals bathroom use; sexual, verbal and physical abuse; inappropriate and illegal searches to determine a transgender individual’s “true” sex; and a failure to protect transgender individuals from abuse while in detention.

A subsequent report was released in March 2006 called Stonewalled: Police Abuse and Misconduct Against Lesbian, Gay and Transgender People in the U.S. that documents serious patterns of police abuse, including incidents amounting to torture and ill-treatment. It also points out that GLBT persons of color are particularly vulnerable to this abuse and it is compounded by the systemic racism and homophobia prevalent in many US police forces. GLBT peeps are also singled out for selective enforcement of "morals regulations," bars and social gatherings regulations, demonstrations and "quality of life" ordinaces.

How serious is the problem? In San Antonio, one of the four cities profiled in the September 2005 report, veteran police officer Dave Gutierrez was convicted and sentenced on January 19 to 24 years and four months in prison for raping and assaulting then 21 year old transwoman Starlight Bernal during a June 10, 2005 traffic stop.


It's also come to light that the investigation into transwoman Nizah Morris' death in Philadelphia is pointing disturbing fingers at the police. The recent classification of transwoman Erica Keel's death as an accident has exacerbated tensions between the Philadelphia police department and the transgender community to the point that it became an issue in the Philadelphia mayor's race.

The negativity affects us in multiple ways. The police failing to act, or being openly (or covertly) hostile to transgender people affects their attitudes toward solving crimes committed against us.

That lack of action emboldens people who wish to bring harm to us. They assume that the police, their ministers, society and the justice system are on their side and they'll get away with committing the crime against us. Previous cases in which people were prosecuted for committing murders against transgender people that received little or ridiculously low sentences feed into that perception. The 'trans panic' defenses that attorneys use to get their clients off also don't help along with the reluctance of prosecuters to use hate crimes statutes if they happen to have one in their jurisdiction that covers us. That has the unfortunate effect of encouraging crimes to be committed against us, not deterring it.

The drama between us and the police means that many transpeople are reluctant to report crimes when they occur because of the fear you'll get even more harrasment from the officer that's supposed to help you. If you think I'm kidding, ask JoLea Lamot's family what happened on November 24, 1998 when her mother Nancy called 911 on JoLea's behalf because they feared she'd accidentally overdosed on some medication.

The late Marvin Zindler used to say on his reports back home that 'it's hell to be poor'. It's also hell to be transgender. One message that needs to be made loud and clear is that we transpeople are taxpaying citizens as well. We don't need the po-po's adding to the drama we already get just for living our lives.

Serving and protecting the public also includes us as well.

The Only 'F' I Ever Want

Back when I was in school the 'F' was something to avoid and be ashamed of. It was a source of negativity and a graphic representation of failure. I wanted to avoid seeing it on any report card I handed to my parents, any test that I took or any paper I wrote.

Since transition however, the 'F' has taken on a new connotation for me and other transwomen. It represents validation and official acceptance of our lives.

The gender marker code on our official documents is another war that we must fight just to validate our personhood. Back in 2000 I was determined to vote in that upcoming presidential election under my new name and have my voter registration reflect it. You don't know how happy I felt when I left the Harris County courthouse an hour later with a brand new voter registration card with my new name and an 'F' in the gender code box. I felt eight feet tall when I handed my new voter registration card to the precinct judge during early voting and affixed my signature to the line on the computer printout of registered voters that had Monica on it.

Gender codes reflecting our reality are vitally important to us. In a society in which we have to present identification every day for mundane things, it's a source of embarrassment, shame and anger when we are required to produce an ID that has a femme name on it but a big fat 'M' in the gender code box. A gender code that you know deep down is based on your genitalia's configuration at birth.

My old Texas driver's license had some gender memories attached to it. Back in 1978, when HISD was still offering driver's ed I took it in summer school, which was being hosted by Jones. For the road driving portion of it we were put in groups of four. I ended up in a car with three other women. One was my Thomas Jr. High homeroom classmate Rita Roy who now attended Lamar. The second sistah was a girl named Yvonne Sibley who attended Sterling and the third was a sista named Berlye Magee that went to Yates.

It was bad enough I was in a car with three gorgeous sistahs. I had a crush on Rita back in fifth grade and she'd become even more beautiful since we left Thomas. It was another aggravating reminder that I was on the wrong side of the gender fence.

The Real ID Act, passed in the wake of 9-11 is an aggravation for all transgender people. One of the other things I lobbied for back in May in addition to passage of hate crimes was the repeal of Title II of the Real ID Act. It makes it harder for us to change the gender marker on our identity documents. Those markers should reflect who we are in 2007, not what our genitalia was thirty to forty plus years ago.

The wrong gender marker also opens us up to discrimination. You don't have to be a MIT grad to figure out what's going on if a person standing in front of you in a female body hands you an ID with an 'M' in the gender marker portion of it.

If you think I'm exaggerating about this, check out this August 2 Dallas Voice story about transwoman Jodi Pleasant, who was denied entry into a Bossier City, LA casino because the gender marker didn't match her presentation.

We transpeeps are also having problems with the Social Security Administration. Your Social Security number is permanent and you aren't allowed to change it but you can change the name. What the SSA has been doing since 2002 is sending employer's letters if a SSN doesn't match with the name in the SSA database. That has the effect of outing transpeople to their employers. If those employers are transphobic, then that letter has the effect of potentially costing them their jobs.

Transpeople shouldn't have to jump through hoops to change gender codes on any identity documents. Neither should we be required to produce letters proving that we've had SRS. Not everyone will be able to have SRS for fiscal or medical reasons. For transmen their surgeries aren't even close to being satisfactory for them and they often forgo them. Simple proof that the person has been living in their new gender for an extended period of time should be enough to do that.

We need to strike a compromise that balances the needs of society to accurately ID a person and balance it with the desire of transpeople to have that ID accurately reflect their new reality.

Stealth vs. Out

photos-Halle Berry and Lonette McKee from the miniseries Queen, Ellen Craft, the ladies of the MBU pageant system, Iman

Besides telling family and friends that you are beginning the process of gender transition, the next biggest decision in a transperson's life is whether to do is openly or as we call it in the transgender community 'stealth mode'.

Basically stealth mode is a 21st century twist on what our ancestors used to do back in the bad old days of slavery and Jim Crow racism: Passing.

There are some African-American peeps who back in the day took advantage of their vanilla creme complexions and 'good hair' and basically faded into white society for various reasons. For example, some of Sally Hemings' children that she bore for Thomas Jefferson did so.

There's the fascinating story of Ellen Craft, the daughter of a white slave master and his slave mistress who executed a daring escape from bondage by passing for white. She and her husband, who posed as her slave, traveled for four days by train, boat and carriage from Macon, GA to Philadelphia. During one part of the journey Ellen even passed as a white man. There are other cases of Black people passing for white for employment or other reasons as late as the 50's and 60's.

From the early days of gender transition to about the mid-80's people were advised by the HBIGDA/WPATH orthodoxy at the time to blend into society and never let anyone know your transgender status. But by the time the 90's rolled around that paradigm was giving way to the 'out and proud' model of the gay and lesbian community.

By the time I transitioned in the mid 1990s transwomen had a choice. If they possessed naturally feminine features that didn't require extensive surgery, some went the stealth route while others of us went down the out and proud path.

For African-American transwomen, who tend to transition earlier and avoid the ravages of extended testosterone exposure on our bodies, our experiences are different from our white counterparts.

Because we transition earlier, the estrogen we take has less testosterone to fight and helps feminize us to the point where we are almost indistinguishable from our genetic sisters. Even if that African-American transwoman is tall like I am, the fact that we have many biosisters that are 5'10" or taller with various body builds helps us blend into society more effortlessly. I can't tell you how many times over the years I've been asked if I was a fashion model or a WNBA ballplayer.

The fact that we don't have at present a large organized community like our white counterparts and face more negativity if we openly transition, we gravitate more toward the stealth path.

But in the fifty plus years since Christine Jorgensen's very public transition, we African-American transpeople have come to painfully realize that having a history to pass down and role models are important elements of the process as well. Our images have been negatively distorted by too many transwomen taking the escort and female illusionist path in the mistaken belief it's the only way they can make money as a transperson. We have African American transwomen succeeding in various fields such as IT, teaching, modeling and various other fields just to name a few that I'm aware of. The problem is that because these people are stealth transwomen the WORLD, our people and our fellow transpeeps don't kmow that.

It's one major reason why one of the things we are doing in terms of taking our image back is having more of us boldly proclaim that we are not only proud African-Americans but transgender as well. You will see more of us organizing and getting involved in fighting for transgender issues as well.

The Stealth vs. Out debate can evoke intense and passionate emotions on both sides when transpeeps discuss it. I was reminded of that thanks to a discussion thread we've had going in Transistahs-Transbrothas since Thursday about the issue.

Both paths have their pros and cons. If you go stealth, the benefits are that you blend in with society. Stealth transpeople are in positions to hear what people really think about transpeople that they won't say in front of us. Those who continue to stay in contact with the transgender community are then able to pass that information back to the out activists. They can also do education on the inside as well. The cons are isolation from your fellow transpeeps and the necessity of constant vigilance to ensure your transsecret doesn't get out.

Out peeps don't have that problem. The people they interact with may or may not know and they don't worry about it. We out transwomen concentrate on living our lives. One of the cons of out status is that it does open you up to more discrimination, drama and the possibility of being targeted for a hate crime.

The stealth vs. out debate will continue to be an ongoing discussion in the transgender community into the forseeable future, even with the Internet and the erosion of the right to privary as factors.

The most important point to make concerning the issue is this: We're all on the same team with the same goals. We have the ongoing mission of getting African-American peeps to embrace their transgender brothers and sisters, 'ejumacating' them along the way, and getting them to recognize that helping transpeeps get full citizenship rights helps expand civil rights coverage for all of us.

The Transgender Talented Tenth

When W.E.B DuBois first envisioned the Talented Tenth in his book The Souls of Black Folk it wasn't intended to be interpreted as being exclusionary or elitist. But that's the connotation that has been placed on the concept by many peeps in the African-American community.

DuBois concept was that the Talented Tenth would be given the mission to uplift the race and help it thrive through a combination of economic and political empowerment with a strong moral center as its core.

I believe that The Talented Tenth concept is one that is sorely needed at this juncture in the African-American transcommunity.

Too many of us have been focused on the party, the quick money and obsessively finding a 'husband' to validate our femininity. Not enough thought or time has been spent on community building, addressing the negative image we've been saddled with, where we fit in with our biowomen sistahs or how we evolve into becoming the Phenomenal Transwomen we were born to be.

That needs to end ASAP because as African-Americans, we African-American transpeeps, like the rest of our people are also judged by the WORST segments of our community, not the best.

I cringe when I hear the word 'elitism' being bandied about. It's been beaten to death in the white transgender community. I'm tired of seeing somebody branded as 'elitist' just because they busted their ass to go to school and get that paper. Should we be chomping Hater Tots and playa hatin' our transsistahs because they are college educated, have high self-esteem, are spiritually grounded, have a good job, wear fly clothes, own a house or have a nice car? Hell, naw.

If we desire the same things we should congratulate them, ask them what they did to get it, then replicate the hard work they put in to get theirs.

The main ones throwing that shade are the drag and street trans elements of our community. They heap scorn on people trying to get 'ejumacated' and legitimately paid. Some of the anti-intellectual strain in the African-American transcommunity is disproportionately concentrated in the drag and street transcommunity as well. While I understand why some of them harbor those resentments toward their more successful sisters, I'm not giving them a pass either. Some of them need to check themselves and start doing what it takes to come up to the next level as productive citizens doing their part to uplift the entire race.

At the same time, we have to make sure that our constructive criticism doesn't degenerate into a negative back and forth no-win dissfest. I have to point out that there are numerous drag artists and female illusionists who are highly educated, involved in the community, are proud of their African heritage and conduct themselves with impeccable decorum and class. The reality is there are others who don't and grouse about what peeps aren't doing for them.

But in order to accomplish our mission as members of the Transgender Talented Tenth those of us who have been blessed with the talents must stay focused. We must be on guard against developing selfish attitudes or arrogantly thinking that we are 'better' than our less fortunate transsistahs.

At the same time the blessed person has to remember that if it's requested, we have an obligation to at least try to lift a transsistah up and act as their mentor while doing so. If they rebuff you or don't want to do the self-examination and necessary work to improve their lives, then you have the right to move on and focus on your own life. You also have the option of continuing to search for the transsistah who is not only willing to listen to you, but sincerely desires to replicate your success in her own life.

So does the Transgender Talented Tenth exist? Yes they do. The peeps that it encompasses are not too dissimilar from the vision of DuBois. I consider the Transgender Talented Tenth to be made up of the educated transpeeps in our midst, the ones who are in leadership positions, be it with an organization or a grassroots activist level, business people, artists, the thinking visionaries and those who by living their lives help break down barriers and foster understanding between our community and the world at large. It's also rooted in the old saying to whom much is given, much is required.

We all want to be judged by the best we can produce and I believe like my ancestors that education holds the key to uplifting our people. African-Americans and the world MUST realize that there ARE transpeeps who are intelligent, care about the community as a whole and can do more than just entertain. We can run your businesses, your city, your county, your state and the country as well.

It is the Transgender Talented Tenth who will be the shock troops leading the charge toward slaying the demons of ignorance and misinformation. We have already started the process of demolishing the negative image of African-American transwomen that has built up over the years.

We are the peeps that through our daily interactions with our fellow African-Americans and others will break down those misconceptions. We will be the ones laying the groundwork for uplifting all transpeeps to our rightful place at the African-American family table and the American family table as well.

Beauty Shop Confessions

One of the things that I was apprehensive about after I started transition in 1994 was finding a beauty shop to hook up my hair. I had the task of not only finding a beautician that would be open minded enough to understand what we transwomen have to deal with, but also have a flexible enough schedule to deal with my airline work schedule. I was also concerned about whether or not I would fit in with her current clientele.

I didn't have to go very far. Ironicially it was the one my ex-girlfriend went to. Sadat Busari's shop at the time was right next door in the strip shopping center to my old apartment complex on Bissonnet. I started going to A Cut Above and was a faithful customer of hers until the time I moved to Da Ville in September 2001.

One of the things about African-American male culture is that the barbershop was the center of the universe. It's where guys talked politics, listened as other guys discussed women, bragged about their sporting prowess, sports knowledge and relationships. The seniors gathered at a table in the back and played dominos while waiting for their turn in the barber chair.

I grew up with a female barber. One thing about my hometown is that I had a lot of strong women in my life and Miss Charlene was one of them. She'd been cutting my hair at her Sunnyside area shop on Scott Street since I was 6 years old. She chewed my behind if my grandfather Leo reported to her that my grades slipped. She was the one that taught me how to play dominos and I used to partner with to play against and beat the old heads. I had been accurately pontificating on a wide variety of subjects since I was 10 and my thoughts were respected by the young and old denizens of that shop.

Some of my apprehension was generated because I wondered what the atmosphere was like in a beauty shop and whether I'd fit in. My mom, aunt and sisters always went to my grandmother Lou Ella's house to get their hair hooked up on Saturdays and I was the person who frequently ended up driving them over there once I got my driver's license.

I discovered that it's not too dissimilar to what I'd experienced in my old barbershop. While we didn't play dominos in A Cut Above, I was right in my element when we discussed politics, books we'd read and talked about relationships. It was also a lot of fun for me because I was in discovery mode (and still am) when it came to life as an African-American woman and I reveled in being there.

I discovered that some sistahs could be just as raunchy as the guys were sometimes when it came to discussing sex. One of the customers used to give us details about how she worked her boyfriend over the night before. I was amused to find out later her boyfriend worked for CAL like I did. Since some of the customers knew my T-woman status, I ended up breaking down their relationship problems and giving them advice based on the knowledge gained from living on the other side of the gender fence and knowing how the male thought processes work.

If it was just me and Sadat in the shop, sometimes we trade details on our lives. I learned about her childhood growing up in the Biafra region of Nigeria, dealing with being a wife, mother and business owner and being part of the Nigerian community in Houston. She heard me talk about my family, some of my airport exploits, my desire to see less bickering between African-Americans and our Nigerian cousins and my latest, sometimes humorous discoveries I made about navigating a gender change.

And yeah, Sadat hooked up my hair in the process to the point where I was always getting compliments on it.

I Love* You

Give me your unconditional love
the kind of love I deserve
the kind I want to return

That's the chorus of the Donna Summer song Unconditional Love. It's one of the things that next to respecting our constitutional rights, a desire to be loved by someone and having loyal friends in our lives that have our backs no matter what is one of the things at the top of our request list when it comes to our families.

Unconditional love. Sounds like a simple, straightforward, logical concept, right?

Not when you have a gender identity issues and you come out to your family about it.

It's irritating to see family members that are chronically unemployed, go to prison or have drug problems get more support than a transgender person who's clean and sober, successful in their careers and never seen the inside of a jail.

If there's anything that a transperson needs most, it's the support of their family when they're trying to negotiate the drama of dealing with a gender identity issue. If you're reading this and you're the lucky transperson that has the unconditional love and support of your family, congratulations. I ain't mad at ya.

Just remember to say prayers of thanks to God every night from now until the time you pass away for the situation you find yourself in. Some of your fellow transpeeps aren't so lucky. If they aren't rejected out of hand, then the situation that is just as bad is the support and love with conditions attached to it.

You may have parents who continue to call you by the wrong pronoun or the old male name despite the fact you've been transitioned for a decade or more. You find out about family reunions AFTER they've taken place or too late for you to rearrange the work schedule to attend. You may have situations where you're sent an invite to a wedding, but a few days before the event your relatives call you up and request that you don't wear a dress or heels to the event or insultingly ask you if it's possible for you to 'dress like a man'.

The ones that are really irritating are the relatives that say they support you, but start imposing their religious beliefs on you or are bold enough to tell you to your face that you'll never be a woman in their eyes.

If that sounds like you, stop it. Unconditional love means just what it says.
We need the validation of having our blood relatives acknowledge the person we've evolved into now, not the kid they remember ten to twenty years ago.

We transpeeps need that connection, that feeling of belonging, that desire to be recognized as a valued respected member of the family in our new gender role. It's something we need to help fortify our self-esteem. It's comforting to know that as we go out and deal with the slings and arrows hurled at us from a not too sympathetic and sometimes hostile world, our families love us unconditionally.

We transpeeps need to believe that come hell or high water our families be they our nuclear or extended ones, have our backs and are not finding excuses to place knives in our backs.

Advice To A Young African-American Transwoman

TransGriot note: This morning one of the peeps on the TSTB list asked this question.

I want to know from others what makes you complete or would leave your life fufilled? Should it be something more than a relationship, career or status? Whatever it is how do you go about getting there?

I hope for people it's something more/deeper than just SRS. Because I've seen my fair share of unhappy, bitter post ops

This was my response:

Are those bitter post ops you meet WHITE ones? White transsexuals go through a different transition path than we do. They are coming from a situation where the world revolved around them as white males. Many of them bitterly lament losing that WMP status.

I've been transitioned for over a decade. My life is far happier and better AFTER transition than it was BEFORE transition.

It's not about money, power or fame. It's about living life honestly, openly, being comfortable in your own skin, being happy and being the best person you can be. It's about trusting the feminine intuition and gifts you've been given and getting in tune spiritually with them. It's about discovering who you are and what type of woman you want to be.


In a nutshell, you're about to repeat your teen years all over again, but this time you're preparing to be the woman you know you are inside and should have been from birth.

You may want to get a subscription to Essence to help you get in tune with your genetic sisters and the sistah inside you. Another suggestion would be to find a genetic sistah as a loyal friend who will honestly assess where you are, have your back and break down the mysteries of womanhood to you from the perspective of someone who was raised from birth to fulfill that role.

Ordinarily your mother or other female relatives would ideally do that, but at the moment she ain't inclined to pass those lessons on to you. You have to have that knowledge in order to grow.

Don't fall into the rhetorical trap or let anyone tell you that because you don't have a uterus and a vagina and can't give birth to a child you aren't a woman. Women are made, not born. There are genetic women who possess a uterus and vagina and CAN'T give birth. Do they think of themselves as anything less than a woman?

No they don't. Neither should you.

Once you achieve that and it's an ongoing process, frack errbody else and their unsolicited opinions about whether being transgender is 'wrong' or whatever other word they use to cover up their disapproval of our lives.

Remember, being a woman, especially a Black woman is serious business. That's the way our biosisters see it and that's why many of them are real hard on us when we first transition. They want to know that you aren't trivializing their existence and they know when someone isn't serious about it.

As they see it, you are joining the ranks of the mothers of civilization. The standard bearers for our race. And you got to have a little flava as you navigate through this process.

While this is an ongoing, serious process, evolving into a Black woman, enjoy the ride. Laugh at the mistakes you make along the way. Take time to enjoy the things you like to do. Cry if you feel the need to. You are no longer bound by masculinity's rules.

You are a Phenomenal Transwoman. Enjoy the journey.

Unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I, too
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty


TLC has a dynamite song from their Fan Mail CD called 'Unpretty' that talks about self-esteem. All women from time to time have those issues and transwomen are no exception.

Since we transpeople get bombarded by so much negativity from society, if you don't have the self-love and rock solid self confidence you can easily fall victim to negative karma in terms of how you feel about yourself inside and out.

Combine that with the knowledge as African-Americans that our women are regarded as some of the most beautiful on the planet. You can easily see where that can lead one to fall into the trap of believing that you can't possibly measure up to that standard. It also causes some transwomen to do things like inject free silicone in our bodies in an attempt to live up to that beauty standard as well.

The unpretty feelings are especially acute in the early stages of your transition when the hormones haven't had time to work their magic on your body and you are very much caught between the male and female realm.

Even after you get through the rough spots of early transition and have lived your life for several years as a female, there are times when some snide comment, an unfamiliar situation, dating, a negative comment questioning your gender identity or looking at government-issued ID documents that have a gender code on them that don't match your current gender presentation can reawaken all those awkward, depressing, unpretty feelings all over again.

I've been transitioned for over a decade now and I still have my moments from time to time. I can't imagine what it's like for the transkids now.

Then again, maybe I can.


I remember early in my transition when I told some friends that I wasn't going to allow myself to get caught up in that 'obsessing over my beauty' mentality. It didn't take long before I was sitting in the nail shop twice a month, getting the hair done, doing facials and clay masques once a week and all the other things that sistahs do to make themselves look presentable to the male species.

Combine that with the fact that I come from a long line of historians. I'm acutely aware of the role that African-American women played and continue to play in not only shaping our society but looking fly while doing it. To know that's part of the legacy that you are now charged with representing honorably can be daunting at times and leads me to wonder if I'm doing enough to uphold it.

I guess because I lived the first quarter of my life stuck in a male body I'm a little more sensitive to the outside packaging and care about presenting a good image both inside and out. Early on I felt like I had to be on my 'A' game in terms of my gender presentation. As I got more comfortable in my skin and learned who Monica was and what she stood for, I gradually got away from putting that kind of pressure on myself.

For the most part I do a pretty good job of living up to being the Phenomenal Transwoman that I am but I have to be honest. I have my moments when I fight to avoid feeling unpretty and fail.

Sometimes I end up wallowing in it for a day or so, scarfing up Blue Bell homemade vanilla and listening to Sade CD's. Other times I just call my homegirls who give me a swift kick in the rear, a verbal pep talk and tell me to get over it.

With the constant beauty messages that we are bombarded with, it's hard not to feel unpretty at times, but as long as you love yourself and are satisfied with your life those unpretty periods don't last long.

Gender Musings

One of the things I've been thinking about recently is why some people get so bent out of shape when someone is perceived as not being in conformity with the binary gender system.

According to the almighty binary gender system there are only two genders, male and female. Males are supposed to have short hair, XY chromosomes, muscular bodies, big hands, narrow waists, rough skin, big feet and a penis. Females are supposed to have shorter hourglass shaped bodies with wide hips, small feet and hands, smooth skin, long hair, XX chromosomes and a vagina. The societal roles are organized based on those physical traits.

But as nature continues to demonstrate and science continues to inexorably point out, it is not as clear-cut and rigid as some humans wish it to be.

There are genetic men walking around on this planet right now who probably don't realize they have XX chromosomes and genetic women with XY chromosomes. Oh by the way, did I mention the peeps with three chromosomes? And just to make your head spin a little more let's add intersex peeps to this gender stew.

But let me take it back to the social gender aspects. What's up with the intense negative reaction to anything that doesn't fit the binary gender mode?

My thoughts on it is because over the last century and the early years of the 21st century we have seen rapid social changes and technological breakthroughs in our lifetimes. Those changes have sometimes altered our society in profound ways and people are grasping for something that has remained constant over time.

Gender used to be one of those things that peeps assumed was constant. Penis=male, vagina=female. Transgender peeps like myself and intersex peeps throw major curve balls into that assumption.

Gender-cued roles have also morphed as well in conjunction with the emergence of transgender people from society's shadows. You now have female CEO's, female bodybuilders, stay at home dads and beauty queens that were born male. Some peeps are having a hard time adjusting to these changes while others lash out at them using religion as their cover to do so. Some are unfortunately using violence to express their frothing anger over these events.

Transgender peeps are not a 20th century phenomenon. It's been occurring since human history has been documented and is even part of our folklore, stories and myths. We are just in an age where transgender peeps are getting more news coverage and more research is coming on line to ascertain how and why it happens.

The Human Genome Project and similar ongoing scientific research will only continue to help us answer society's most fundamental question: what is a man and what is a woman? It is something that we need to know and doesn't need to be feared.

Transgender Christian-Not an Oxymoron

I was baptized at my home church on August 2, 1972. Ever since that day, just like other African-Americans my faith has been an important cornerstone of my life.

I have strived to as much as humanly possible live my life and treat others that I come in contact with as my Christian beliefs dictate that I should. While I haven't been 100% compliant in living up to that lofty standard, I continue to diligently work toward trying to achieve it. So I fail to understand why peeps who call themselves 'Christian' would harbor so much vitriolic hatred for GLBT peeps that they would do whatever it takes to make our lives miserable.

I'll deal with that in a future post. Job One of this post is to help transpeeeps and others understand that being transgender and Christian are not mutually exclusive.

How many times did you say the Transgender Child's Prayer growing up? You didn't know there was one? It's short, sweet and is a one line sentence usually tacked onto the end of the Lord's Prayer. Sometimes it's said as a stand alone one.

Lord, please let me wake up tomorrow and be a (girl/boy) forever.

I said that one more than a few times myself.

Let's fast forward into adulthood. Being transgender is an exercise in faith. You have the knowledge and conviction that you're gender and body doesn't match. You believe that somehow, someday and someway you will make body and mind match up irregardless of what the world says, thinks or does to you. You will also take steps to make that a reality. The saying 'The Lord helps those who help themselves' definitely applies to transpeeps.

That rock solid conviction that you have as a transperson is the same level of conviction that you need to have as a Christian. Just as you feel the euphoria of finally living in your birth gender, you feel the same calming, peaceful effect when you accept Him as your Lord and Saviour. You become a better person as you learn to trust in the Lord, study the Word or attend chruch on a regular basis. (unless you join the Traditional Values Coalition or the Hi Impact Leadership Coalition)

I remember when I reached a point in 1993 when I was fed up and ready to start transition. I was hesitant that I was doing the right thing and prayed for signs that I was supposed to be female.

Boy did they come fast and furiously after that.

One day I randomly opened my Bible and found myself reading Matthew 19:12. I work a San Antonio flight and see female illusionist Maya Douglas on it. I work a New York flight two days later and see a girl returning from having her facial feminization surgery with Dr. Ousterhout in San Francisco. I'd been having problems reconciling my height with the gender issue. I see one girl I knew from hanging out in Montrose proudly strutting her 6'4" frame through downtown Houston streets in daylight hours a few days later. I get home and discover I have a call on my answering machine from my fave cousin Karen inviting me to come out to Los Angeles for a visit.

After I arrived in LA we ended up at a church watching TD Jakes speak. One part of his hour long sermon struck me like a thunderbolt. I recall him saying. "There are times when you will be placed on a path in which your friends and others will revile you, your family will turn away and you won't even understand it. Keep the faith and God will guide you through it." It was like he was speaking directly to me about the emotional tug of war I was having about transition.

But it took me having a recurring dream for three consecutive nights before I finally made that appointment at the clinic that started me on the road to transition. As Christine Daniels has mentioned in her blog, I've also discovered that my spirituality and faith has been enhanced by transition, not diminshed by it no matter what our misguided detractors have to say.

There have been times during my transition when I've had setbacks, trials and tribulations. I was frustrated, felt alone and wondered if I had the strength to keep pushing forward with my desires to be the best person I could be. My faith played a major role in helping me get off the canvas, stop feeling sorry for myself, dust myself off and get back in the game of life.

TD Jakes was also right about keeping the faith. It's definitely led to a better quality of life. The amazing part about it is that I don't think God is finished with me yet.

Transgender Teen Free To Be Herself

By DEBRA DENNIS / The Dallas Morning News
debdennis@dallasnews.com

photos by Ben Sklar / The Dallas Morning News

12:00 AM CDT on Sunday, May 20, 2007



FORT WORTH – When Rochelle Evans chooses what she's going to wear to Eastern Hills High School each day, her choices aren't solely fashion statements. To Rochelle, her flats, makeup and women's jeans represent a hard-fought right to express herself.

And a subtle declaration about transgender teens everywhere.

The 15-year-old transgender sophomore, who started high school as Rodney Evans, recently fought a public battle against school administrators over wearing women's clothes and her reaction when confronted by school officials. As part of the deal, Rochelle is addressed as a female and gets to use the nurse's bathroom to avoid
any awkward scenes in the boys' or girls' restroom.

I just felt more comfortable being a girl," she said. "I'm not asking for any special treatment."

For a while, she attended classes wearing both male and female attire but said that felt like a compromise.

She got herself suspended when asked not to wear her wig, fake breasts and short skirt to school.

Her attorneys met with school officials this month and hammered out an agreement that got her back in school. And Rochelle must attend summer classes to make up for missed classes.

"There was never a day when I was Rochelle for the whole day," Rochelle said. "I love makeup. I started wearing makeup because it helped to complete me more. It made me feel more like a girl. With the help of makeup, you can create your own kind of life."

She has learned to make the six-block walk to school in high heels.

Her schoolwork is tucked inside a large book bag that doubles as a purse.

Rochelle says she willingly toned down to less flashy attire – going from skirts to jeans – but wants the dignity of her pronouns.

"I have earned them," she said.

Transgender teens are demanding acceptance in all facets of society including school, said Simon Aronoff, deputy director of the National Center for Transgender Equality in Washington, D.C.

"Ten years ago, a transgender teen would not even consider being true to their gender while at school," Mr. Aronoff said. "But now we have youths who are coming out to their parents and wanting to go to school in the gender they feel more comfortable in. Sometimes, the younger generations are more accepting."

Lenora Felipe, Rochelle's mother, sides with her, although her support was not easily won.

"I admit I was confused," Mrs. Felipe said. "She's always been very feminine. I thought, as long as I keep putting him in boys' clothes, he's a boy. Well, that didn't work."

With counseling, Mrs. Felipe said she was able to better understand that her son is a transgender male who cross-dresses.

"I had to accept that," said Mrs. Felipe, a barber who has two other children – an 11-year-old girl and 14-year-old boy. "I was still being educated, but when it all came to the surface, I didn't understand. Why fight it? I support and love my child and try to make her safe and happy."

But that did not mean acceptance by all.

Mrs. Felipe said she was bombarded with calls from school administrators who said Rochelle's dress was disruptive.

They also complained that she skipped classes and used curse words when confronted by adults.

Rochelle's attorneys, Jerry W. Simoneaux and Phyllis Randolph Frye of Houston, worked out an agreement with school officials.

"They were addressing her as 'Rodney' and as 'he,' " Ms. Frye said. "Transgender is nothing new. It's gone through the schools. If it helps her to be able to deal with all of the problems that teens go through, then she should be allowed to say how she wants to be addressed."

Fort Worth school officials say they are committed to ensuring the safety of all students.

"The district vigorously enforces the student code of conduct, especially when it comes to harassment and bullying," said Chuck Boyd, the district's director of secondary school leadership. "We assure that all students are going to be treated safely and fairly. Our mission is to afford anyone a fair and appropriate education."

Rochelle and her friends say that her transformation has caused only a few problems at school.

La'Star Hardwick, 16, has been friends with Rochelle since both were in seventh grade.

She still calls her "Rodney" – a habit she has yet to break.

"Most of the students are cool, but there are some boys who act like they're uncomfortable," said La'Star. "But it's just a few, and they are not bullies."

Rochelle said she hopes to promote an understanding about transgender issues. She said she felt bullied mostly by school officials, not by classmates. Her classmates are asking questions and seeking answers, she said.

"I look at the world now and everyone knows there are transgender teens in Fort Worth," Rochelle said. "Some students thought I was gay, and I would say I'm not gay, I'm transgendered. They had no knowledge what it meant.

"They are trying to understand what it means and understand how I feel," she said. "They are asking me questions, doing their own research. They're on the Internet. In some ways, I'm a teacher."

Christine's Rebuttal to A Reader

Some of you may have heard about longtime LA Times sportswriter and syndicated columnist Mike Penner's April 26 announcement that he was beginning his transition to become Christine Daniels.

Christine is still working at the Times and is now maintaining a blog on her transition called 'Woman In Progress'. She recently had a christobigot write in and here was her response.

---------------------
Email from the edge

Now that I've changed my email address, I'd like to address my email.

Or, rather, one email in particular.

Ninety-nine- point-and- then-some percent of the messages I have received in the last week, my first week out as Christine, have been supportive, sympathetic, encouraging, understanding, touching, and moving-- basically, the most overwhelmingly pleasant shock of my life. I would like to individually thank everyone who has written, but if I did, I'd get even less sleep than I did before my concerned psychiatrist wrote me up a prescription for a sleeping aid on Tuesday.

I never expected anything close to this sort of response.

In fact, on the eve of my coming-out column's publication, I feared I would be hit with more of the kind of email Mike from Rancho Santa Margarita lobbed my way a couple days ago.

From Mike:

"I have long considered the Times' sports page to be the best in the state, if not the nation. However, I am appalled and disgusted at your column on Thursday, April 26. To say that humans are 'wired' that way is just denying absolute truth. I know that in today's secular progressive society, we're taught to 'accept' everyone, but this is going beyond acceptance. We are being asked to accept something that is morally repulsive. In no way is this anywhere near normal human behavior.
I have prayed for you, and will continue to do so. I have always admired your writing, but I will no longer read any article written by you. I am by no means advocating your firing. Instead, I felt it necessary to make you aware that your actions are Biblically unacceptable. "

Dear Mike,

I don't know what Bible you're using, but you might want to check the pull-date on that one. My Bible is the same one used by my pastor, who has counseled me throughout the early stages of my transition, helping me to stay on track and continue moving forward, because that is the plan God has s for me.

My transition has rekindled my spirituality, I am happy to say.

Often, too much focus gets placed on the physical changes brought about by a transsexual's transition -- through hormones, electrolysis and surgery. More than anything, my transition has been a spiritual journey, soul-searching and intense introspection accompanying every step of the way.

Why is my soul filled with so much feminine energy?

Why was I given such an agonizing burden to carry?

Did God simply decide it was time to draft a high-profile journalist with communication skills and a powerful platform for the task of spreading the message of transgender tolerance and acceptance_ a message that was long and painfully overdue?

Who can say? I do know this: God loves transgender people. He created transgender people. In some cultures - the world does not begin and end at U.S. borders, despite what our current administration thinks _transgender people are considered closer to God. They are revered as "two spirited" by these cultures, who often turn to transgender people as their spiritual healers and shamen.

I attend church every week. My church and clergy are more than supportive of my transition. In fact, they have encouraged it.

My pastor has told me repeatedly, "Christine, God created you the way you are. He made you a special person. He put you on this journey for a reason. By completing your journey and becoming the person God intended you to be, you are honoring Him."

Secure in my spirituality,
Christine
May 04, 2007

Copyright Los Angeles Times

UCLA Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

UCLA Scientists Find Genes Organize Male and Female Brains Differently; Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

Refuting 30 years of scientific theory that solely credits hormones for brain development, UCLA scientists have identified 54 genes that may explain the different organization of male and female brains.

Published in the October edition of the journal Molecular Brain Research, the UCLA discovery suggests that sexual identity is hard-wired into the brain before birth and may offer physicians a tool for gender assignment of babies born with ambiguous genitalia.

"Our findings may help answer an important question - why do we feel male or female?" explained Dr. Eric Vilain, assistant professor of human genetics and urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a pediatrician at UCLA's Mattel Children's Hospital. "Sexual identity is rooted in every person's biology before birth and springs from a variation in our individual genome."

Since the 1970s, scientists have believed that estrogen and testosterone were wholly responsible for sexually organizing the brain. In other words, a fetal brain simply needed to produce more testosterone to become male. Recent evidence, however, indicates that hormones cannot explain everything about the sexual differences between male and female brains.

Vilain and his colleagues explored whether genetic influences could explain the variations between male and female brains. Using two genetic testing methods, they compared the production of genes in male and female brains in embryonic mice - long before the animals developed sex organs.

To their surprise, the researchers found 54 genes produced in different amounts in male and female mouse brains, prior to hormonal influence. Eighteen of the genes were produced at higher levels in the male brains; 36 were produced at higher levels in the female brains.

"We didn't expect to find genetic differences between the sexes' brains," admitted Vilain. "But we discovered that the male and female brains differed in many measurable ways, including anatomy and function."

In one intriguing example, the two hemispheres of the brain appeared more symmetrical in females than in males. According to Vilain, the symmetry may improve communication between both sides of the brain, leading to enhanced verbal expressiveness in females.

"This anatomical difference may explain why women can sometimes articulate their feelings more easily than men," he said.

Overall, the UCLA team's findings counter the theory that only hormones are responsible for organizing the brain.

"Our research implies that genes account for some of the differences between male and female brains," noted Vilain. "We believe that one's genes, hormones and environment exert a combined influence on sexual brain development."

The scientists will pursue further studies to distinguish specific roles in the brain's sexual maturation for each of the 54 different genes they identified. What their research reveals may provide insight into how the brain determines gender identity.

"Our findings may explain why we feel male or female, regardless of our actual anatomy," said Vilain. "These discoveries lend credence to the idea that being transgender --- feeling that one has been born into the body of the wrong sex -- is a state of mind.

"From previous studies, we know that transgender persons possess normal hormonal levels," he added. "Their gender identity likely will be explained by some of the genes we discovered."

Vilain's findings on the brain's sex genes may also ease the plight of parents of intersex infants, and help their physicians to assign gender with greater accuracy. Mild cases of malformed genitalia occur in 1 percent of all births - about 3 million cases. More severe cases - where doctors can't inform parents whether they had a boy or girl -- occur in one in 3,000 births.

"If physicians could predict the gender of newborns with ambiguous genitalia at birth, we would make less mistakes in gender assignment," said Vilain.

Lastly, Vilain proposes that the UCLA findings may help to explain the origin of homosexuality.

"It's quite possible that sexual identity and physical attraction is 'hard-wired' by the brain," he noted. "If we accept this concept, we must dismiss the myth that homosexuality is a 'choice' and examine our civil legal system accordingly."

The UCLA study was supported by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the National Science Foundation and with start-up funds from the UCLA Department of Urology. Vilain's co-authors included Phoebe Dewing, Steve Horvath and Tao Shi, all of UCLA.

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 4

TransGriot Note: It's no longer a secret. Many biowomen and transwomen do form and are willing to do the work to not only have each other as friends, but willingly exert the effort to sustain them. As Jackie mentioned in Part 2, there's a lot we still need to discuss on both sides to keep the positive momentum going. We all benefit when we do our utmost to promote healthy friendships with one another.

photos-Paiige, Miriam Rivera

Joann
TS sometimes forget that Genetic Women interact with each other (as friends) a lot differently than how Genetic Men interact with each other.. In general (full grown) Genetic Women do not like being around a bunch of other women especially ones they do not know nor are they keen about making a whole lot of new female friends.

It takes most women a long while before they can get comfortable enough with another woman to even want to spend a whole lot time hangin out with her or even to see her as a friend.

Whereas Men can become best of buds while waiting in line at the carry out. It don't matter, they don't care. The more Buds the better. And if you put 10 men in a room...(that is any room other that a jail cell)...LOL

Most of the time they will start playing get some kind of dumb A** game until a fight starts or somebody gets hurt, which ever one comes first. After that everybody will grumble 'bout it for a while, then call it a day..end of story.

Now..Put 10 women in a room under those same conditions and you will get a fight right of the bat. Then they will separate into groups and start with the verbal assaults ...there will be some rolling of the eyes.....and a few "naw she didn't"...then Somebody’s weave will get called a dead muskrat.. and somebody's baby pictures will get call a baboon like ...the food will run out and the party will break up and all will go home .....Upon disbanding various pairs will link back up... via the phone and renew the nights verbal assaults..this will last for bout 8 hours mininum...non stop ...and it will go on every day for like..ever!!!!

...Sorry I digress......LOL

Angelica Ross
Here’s my 2 cents Monica, hope you can use it!

I think if some of us were honest, I believe on both the side of genetic women and the side of transsexual women there is an element of intimidation. Women who are around beautiful transsexuals compare themselves by thinking "I'm a real woman, and I don't look like that." or "I'm a real woman, you're just pretending to be one."
And as transsexuals we sometimes are intimidated believing that they are indeed "real" women and we are not. So sometimes we over compensate for the things we believe we lack in being a "real" woman. When we both transsexuals and genetic women find a comfort zone within our own womanhood, that cannot be defined or destroyed by anyone else, then we can begin to build a true sisterhood between all women.

Traci
What we possess in common is gender. Therefore, it's fine to discuss topics that share certain points of interests in common between us.

Topics related to childbirth, menstruation cycles, cramps, nursing infants, and the like, can be like chasms of the Grand Canyon if the GG discusses them in a condescending manner.

Regardless, as to how close my relationship may be with a GG. I am always some how reminded of the "genuineness" possessed by the girl. They will usually say or do something that reminds me of how distant I should consider myself from being real. While this reminder is usually served by one who wears velvet gloves carrying the message on a silver platter, the message is still sorely received. It cuts like a knife!

Well, so much for the barriers. On a more positive note, we should both bring to the table a willingness to understand each other and an honest desire to unite against male chauvinism. They should comprehend the fact that we can be very formidable allies when it comes to deciphering the male ego. They should also know how deeply we desire to bond with them as the true sisters that we all need to be.

We should all come to the table with the proper attitude and willingness to understand one another. All discussion should take place with a spirit of respect and compassion.

Lexi
Just a few thoughts that I had.

I have to say that I think the issue in relationships between transwomen and natal women is multi-dimensional. I think Angelica said it best when she wrote about the insecurities that both sets of women feel around the other. So, in my opinion, that is the first and probably biggest factor.

Another factor would be that women in general tend to be catty and jealous. I think as transwomen, we haven't dealt with this as long as natal women. When I see someone with nice hair or clothes, I compliment them. I have noticed that women at work never compliment me on anything I wear or my hair--only the guys. People at my office don't know and I imagine the cattiness and snide remarks are how they treat everyone--even their friends. Women generally don't like each other. Why should we be treated any differently?

Something else to consider is the negative image in the media that continues to dominate coverage about us. We have to take control of our image in the media in order to repair some of the damage that has been done.

Now I am going to put this out here...Some women probably loathe us because of a man in their lives that has "been" with a transwoman on the sly. The fear of the DL has a lot of Black women scared as hell. And, to them, we embody that at its very essence. Think of it through their eyes. Plus, there are those of us who will sneak around and sleep with guys that are married and/or involved. I've done it in the past--that's why I am saying it. Honestly, we need to respect ourselves enough to demand more out of a relationship than two o'clock in the morning dalliances in a poorly decorated motel room.

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 3

TransGriot Note: I ended up running out of space in Part 2. Question 4's responses in their entirety are posted here.

4. TransGriot: What are the advantages/disadvantages to both parties in cultivating friendships with the other?

Audrea
I say that the more diversity one is exposed to, the better. I don't see any disadvantages developing when involved in an open, adult friendship. I appreciate my transwomen and men friends just as much as my genetic friends. When choosing friends what gender one is should make no difference. I'm happy to say, for me it's a non-issue.

Jazz
The advantage is in being more tolerant of people as a whole and their feelings. The disadvantages are missing out on knowing truly beautiful human beings. Being closed minded doesn't help anybody and hurts the whole human race.

Joann
Advantages... from a GG’s point of view...Trans women can be loyal to a fault once you have gotten gained trust.and will rarely let you down. Many have military or paramilitary backgrounds so they understand the value of a friend, what it means to be a friend and how important it is to be a supportive friend. It does not hurt to have a girl friend who is 6 foot tall and has been trained in hand to hand combat either..

Advantages....From a Trans woman point of view . .By having a GG as a friend means that you will probably share a lot of shared interest.. Therefore y’all will be able to connect on levels that you may have missed out on as a man.. She will be able to help you separate out a lot of myths about being a woman. Sometimes we be having things so messed up bout being a woman..... a GG friend will be able to tell you when it’s time to step away from the blue eye shadow.

Disadvantages .......from the Transwoman’s side....GGs talk a lot about nothing ...sometimes I think they just talk to hear they head rattle... this will drive you nuts but you have to listen because you are their friend and talking is so very important....it’s a bonding thing I guess. GGs go psycho once a month ...so you got to learn how figure out when they are on their period. .sometimes their head will rotate 360 degrees during this time of the month but not always so ya need to be paying attention ...If ya GG friend miss a period y’all done got too close. she knocked up and being a Transwoman not gonna get you out of child support....another down side.

Disadvantages .......from the GGs side...Her best girlfriend is 6 foot tall and has been trained in hand to hand combat....and has been taking hormones !!!.. There she will always have the last say over the remote control... In most cases you will not be able to borrow her clothes...but she will be able to stretch yours into some unrecognizable form. The GG will be mistaken for a TG on a regular basis. so she will have ready to deal with all the crap that comes along with that association.... For example, some men may not want to talk to her cause they may not be sure bout her true gender...

Tia
While I don’t see any obvious disadvantages, the advantages I see are learning how to interact with other women as a woman, gaining advice on how they feel and how they feel the world relates to them, learning that some women are born with a penis and have their own unique set of struggles and that we can learn a lot about ourselves by learning about others.

Jackie
Transwomen can have a lot to offer. Having been in the place of perhaps trying to fit in as boys/men and having the perspective of what is expected of men, transwomen can have a unique and interesting view to bring to a friendship. We are the stronger for having friends with differences.

Biowomen interacting and being friends with transwomen would promote understanding and progress in general and in areas such as the workplace and schools. I'd imagine a teacher who has a Transgender friend being more able to recognize, nurture and protect Transgender children. I just think we should have each others support.


The series continues with Part 4

Genetic Women and Transwomen: Can We Be Friends? Part 2

TransGriot Note: After the original May TransGriot column got sent to my editor I discovered a few e-mails from both sides of the debate that it was too late for me to add to the article after my deadline. The other problem I ran into was having to edit some very interesting and well thought out responses in order to fit it into my column's word limit. So in this post I'm going to continue the discussion.

photo-transwoman violinist and singer Tona Brown

All the panelists are African-American and ranged in age from 25-55. They are residents of East Coast and Midwestern US cities. The transwomen in terms of transition time range from a few months to 20 plus years.

In addition to transwomen Joann, Traci, Lexi and Angelica and biowomen Audrea and Jazz from the May TransGriot column, Part 2 will add the comments of blogger Jackie to the mix along with transwoman Tia.

I tried to keep as much of the flava of the original e-mail responses as possible but some editing was done for the sake of clarity.

The Questions

1. TransGriot: What do we transwomen need to bring to the table to make friendships between us and genetic women work successfully?

Jackie
First of all I am glad to see this being addressed. I will try not to be too wordy.

Although I know it's important for transwomen to have their own community, I absolutely feel they should be understood and included as women, period. I think we would both be stronger for it.

One of the problems is Transgender visibility. After transition many transwomen disappear into stealth mode. I certainly understand that. But it's damaging, when the only supposedly Transgender people visible are on the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show. I hate that. So one thing transwomen can do is be out there in the world honestly. Interact with biowomen but do it honestly. Many non trans people don't know the difference between RuPaul doing her drag thing and a Transgender woman working in an office.

Remember that biowomen never think of gender, they don't have to. So the thing transwomen need to get across to biowomen is that the thing that makes you a woman is the same for both. It's not genitalia but how you are wired. If you are wired in your mind, spirit and psyche as a female there is nothing that will change that. Then find common ground we all have as women, our similar challenges and triumphs. Be open to friendships.

Joann
OK,OK ......seriously...... Assuming we’re talkin’ bout a friendly capacity and not romantic.

Trans women need to bring nothing...Just themselves...Most of the Trans women I have meet personally are pretty decent people... some are not quite sane ...But that’s ok neither am I

I think many Transwomen have a lot of emotional baggage which puts a lot of people off.. We can be overly critical and too quick to judge...and times this can be rough to deal with...even for me and I am well aware of all the reasons behind it.. Transwomen can be very guarded when it
comes to dealing with people outside of our community...some is justifiable some is not. In either case for a person, GG in particular who does not know a person is trans guarded behavior comes off to them as the TG acting flaky.. My thinking is that if many Transwomen could figure out how to not bring all that bad attitude to the table when we meeting genetic women for the first time things may work out a lot better..

Audrea
I feel that communication and honesty are important parts of any friendship; regardless of the friends' appearances or backgrounds. Personally, I feel that transwomen and genetic women are the same essentially, and they should all be treated, as such. Some women may feel threatened or resentment towards transwomen, but those feelings are based on fear and ignorance. These things have no place in a true friendship.

Tia
What has worked for me so far has been not being forceful about being included in whatever activities or conversations are going on. I usually wait until an offer to join is extended. I don’t try to take over anything that’s being discussed. I tend to start off by listening first and then finding areas where I can make a comment or two. I think that this has caused them to feel comfortable around me and include me in whatever’s going on. It’s resulted in being invited to lunch every day, shopping trips, parties, dinners, picture sharing and trips to Virginia Beach & Puerto Rico. It’s only taken a short time to feel included.

Jazz
I would think that you should just be you. Be open and honest about yourselves and who & what you are. But this does not mean that you have to bend over backwards. To fit just because you were not born a genetic women.

2. TransGriot: What do genetic women need to do to make it work?

Jazz
I think genetic women should just be open to getting to knowing transwomen.

Joann
I think many need to learn the truth about what we Transgendered Women are and are not. It’s time to let a lot those old misconceptions about us go. It seems that a lot of our Genetic counterparts are a still very far behind the times in this respect. Some Bio women look at Transwomen as being some kind of threat to their femininity and they get very resentful to any and all Transwomen, especially one who can put herself together better than she can. This bugs the hell out of some Biowomen because it makes them feel that they have some how been neglecting themselves and that’s when we called a whole bunch of "Fake Bitches" by you and stuff. This sort of stuff needs to stop because it's not right on so many levels when you have to make some one else feel bad in order to make yourself feel good.

Jackie
Understand that a transwoman is a woman. Not a man dressed as a woman. Not a man who chose to become a woman. Interact with transwomen as we would any woman but, appreciate the journey any transwoman must have had. Be open and don't stereotype.

Audrea
I feel that if genetic women educated themselves more thoroughly about transwomen and the trans lifestyle, they would be much less likely to enter friendships or relationships with transwomen with stigmas and fear in their hearts. Being a transwoman is not so different from being a genetic woman, as far as feelings are concerned. If more genetic women realized this, this would not be in question.

Tia
Patience and understanding that I haven’t been at this as long as you have and will make some mistakes. But, don’t assume I am a total novice or that I don’t understand “any” of what your saying or feeling. In fact, don’t assume anything. Just treat me as any other woman but know that I may ask a question that you’ve known since you were a teenager.

3. TransGriot: What in your opinion are the mistakes that both parties make that create barriers to forming healthy friendships and what can be done to avoid them?

Tia
The mistakes we as transwomen make are “demanding” to be included in women’s social groups without first being invited and then being disruptive and argumentative when we get there and also not learning to communicate and socialize as women.

The mistakes biowomen make would be seeing us as “men in women’s clothing” and not understanding what it really means to be “trans”.

Jackie
Transwomen be honest. People don't like to be fooled. Of course it is an individual choice to reveal (and when to reveal) one's background information but it is difficult to form healthy friendships not based on honesty.

For biowomen, be respectful. Do not ask stupid, invasive personal questions. Respect gender presentation. Regardless of where a transwoman may be in her transition, pre-op, post-op or no-op respect her, get to know her.

Audrea
Education, education, education. The more one knows, the less likely it is for us to make harsh comments, and see people for who they truly are. People. Everyone is different. So, if we all try to make less assumptions about a particular type of woman (trans or genetic), the more likely it is for us all to get along. I think a lot of mistakes are made when there's a bias or self-righteousness on either side; which can cause rifts on either side.

Jazz
The barriers might be for the genetic women not feeling that transwomen are real women because they were not born in a woman's body. As for the transwomen I would think it would be just trying to be accepted as a woman. Said to say but we do not know much about trans gender people as a whole. The more we know the better we can understand each other and get along.

Joann
We both do not give each other due respect. We TGs and GGs go in attack mode when in each others company...ready to rip into each other head off as soon as something get said that’s the slightest bit out of line. Nobody want a friends like that.

What can be done on our part? We need develop a thicker skin and not be so rough on GG's .. We need to learn that not every GG in the world is not out to dog us because we are not "real women" as the saying goes ...Some just don't know and others may be just stuck on stupid ...but that should not be held against all GGs...you have to deal with each on a individual basis...Some just need time to get used to the notion that you are a woman...others never will get it...It’s like i wrote earlier "Some Women don't Like other women period Trans or Bio

I also think there is not enough positive Transwomen of color who are open about being Trans....It is getting a lot better mind you but I think we as Black TGs still have a long way to go. A big part of being trans is wanting to fit in or to blend with other women and to go unnoticed... But on the down side all this covert stuff is that it’s counter productive and ends up hurting more that it helps...How can you ask people to understand who and what a Transgenderd woman is if no one really knows one personally? The only one most folks know bout is the Tranny Hooker on the corner...Therefore she is by default represents for all of us to that community.

Because in most cases she is the only Trans woman any body knows about...No one knows that the big ole tall lady across the street was born a male....Nah, she couldn’t be a TRANS she’s so sweet and everybody loves her. Unfortunately the big ole tall lady choose to be in Deep Stealth and allow the misconception about Transwomen to persist which ultimately pushed the next Transwoman into even Deeper Stealth yet.

At some point this cycle has to be broken. My thinking is that that only way we are going to break it is to give more folks outside the TG community a chance to get to know us by living and working around Transwomen of color who are positive, proud of being a Transwoman and are not afraid to stand up and be recognized as such.


The discussion continues with Part 3

I Am NOT A 'Queen'

Me and my homegirl Sharron were having another one of our marathon phone conversations the other night. (despite the fact I've been battling a nasty bug for the last few days) She's an intelligent biowoman with a very enlightened outlook on things and fun to be around. Her friends encompass a diverse spectrum of people, including the TransGriot.

She's been instrumental in helping me understand the way Louisvillians think. She's been a major ally in terms of getting me to see that femininity is between your ears, not your genital configuration. Sharron also doesn't hesitate in checking me when I start whining about how I wish I'd been born female from jumpstreet. At the same time I've spent more than a few nights helping her decipher the mysteries of biomale behavior.

During our chat she relayed a conversation that she had with a gay male in which she was discussing me and a friend of mine. She objected to the gay male's constant references to transwomen as 'queens' and called him on it. The gay male dismissively said to her, "If they still have a d--- they're queens to me."

News flash to any gay or straight male, straight female, lesbian or anybody else who harbors that assumption. No disrespect to peeps that may think of themselves that way but I'm nobody's queen. I have friends who do shows. I occasionally judge pageants if asked but I am NOT a drag queen. I am a transwoman.

That condescending attitude is what causes major problems between the gay male and transgender communities. It's that Jim Fourattesque dissing of us that has been around since Stonewall that we regularly have to call peeps on.

Fouratt was one of the founders of the post-Stonewall Gay Liberation Front. He's also in some transpeeps eyes the third most hated person in the transgender community behind Janice Raymond and Germaine Greer. His views that transwomen are just 'misguided gay men who undergone sexual mutilations' enraged many of us. He has a long history through the 80's and 90's of liberally eating Hater tots when it comes to transpeople.

Unfortunately his views are still shared by many peeps of his generation. They continue to be espoused by some gay peeps from the elite upper echelons of it to the working class gay clubs. Fouratt described transgender transitions as a socially-forced "cure of homosexuality that were submitted to by confused, crazy queens". This wildly incorrect and distorted image of us was unfortunately accepted by many gay men.

That false image negatively impacted relations between the transgender and gay communites for over two decades. We fought a decade long battle with elements of the Houston Gay Lesbian Political Caucus just to get included in that influential organization. The time we wasted fighting each other distracted us from the bigger issue of the radical Religious Right-Republican takeover of Harris County and Texas. We still have echoes of this drama when you hear some GLB activists claim that we aren't part of 'their' movement or that we shouldn't be participating in 'their' pride parades.

The late Sylvia Rivera (who I had an interesting chat with during a New York vacation in May 2000) was a Stonewall Vet and founder of STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries) She had this to say in 2001 about Fouratt which is apropos to this post.

"You and others must realize that as many of you were born gay males we are born Trans. Stop speaking for me and my sisters and brothers of the Trans Community. We can speak for ourselves. Neither you nor anyone else can know our lives and our feelings."

That's one reason why this blog exists. Too many misconceptions are around about transgender peeps, especially transpeeps with my ethnic heritage. In many cases the myths and misperceptions are promoted and spread by folks who are supposed to be our allies.

Do me and other transpeeps a favor. Honor Sylvia's memory by letting us speak for and define ourselves.