Identity Construction Among Transgender People Of Color Study

TransGriot note: I met Kylan during TSTBC 2005 and have participated in his research project. There is a huge need to get information out there about African-American transgender peeps and other t-peeps of color.

f you are a trans identified person of color I would love to hear from you and have you share your experiences. I will be traveling the US (Midwest, West Coast, and Southwest) and Vancouver, Canada in May and June, as well as New York in August. I will also be conducting phone interviews over the next year.

I am a FtM, queer, and anti-racist identified graduate student in Sociology at SIUC. My research is in the area of gender and racial stratification, how this is experienced in the transgender communities, and how this affects perceptions of self.

My research project is called "Identity Construction Among Transgender People of Color". If you have any questions about me or my research please contact me at kylan.devries@gmail.com or my faculty advisor, Professor Rob Benford at rbenford@siu.edu

This research explores the stories/narratives of Trans People of Color
(inclusive term to include all identities on the transgender
spectrum), how you perceive yourself, and how others perceive you. I am particularly interested in how racial identity affects perception of self during and after transitioning (I recognize that transitioning is subjective and may not have an end for some). Participation is completely voluntary and confidential

To participate please contact me:
Kylan M. de Vries
kylan.devries@gmail.com or kylan33@siu.edu
(618) 303-4767


This project has been reviewed and approved by the SIUC Human Subjects Committee. Questions concerning your rights as a participant in this research may be addressed to the Committee Chairperson, Office of Research Development and Administration, Southern Illinois University, Carbondale, IL 62901-4709. Phone (618) 453-4533. E-mail: siuhsc@siu.edu

It's A Shoe Thang...You Wouldn't Understand

One of my biowomen friends on another Internet list I'm a member of posted that she'd just received a pair of shoes she ordered online. Sadge tried them on and discovered they were a little tight but declared she was keeping them. She admitted that she has a weakness for shoes and then asked the question to the group as to why that is so after we chimed in with how large our various shoe collections were.

If there is one thing that we share in common with our genetic sisters, it's a weakness for shoes. Whether it's Imelda Marcos' infamous collection of 7000 plus shoes, various celebrities like Patti LaBelle's large collections or the average woman's shoe closet of ten to twenty-five pairs or more, we gotta have 'em. Sometimes we'll risk raising the ire of our podiatrists and go to the torturous lengths of cramming our foot into a shoe that's a half to a full size too small in the name of fashion to do so.

Guys may shake their heads, joke or grouse to their friends about the amount of closet space taken up by a woman's shoe collection, but get them in a room and they'll freely admit that they're turned on by a woman that's wearing hose and a pair of sexy heels that complements their outfit.

So why do we have so many shoes? I think it comes down to six basic reasons:

*The shoe matches an outfit we have in our closet.

*We buy the shoe to potentially match a future clothing purchase.

*We bought it because it was cute.

*We bought it becase it made us feel sexy and powerful when we put it on.

*We bought it on sale.

*We bought it off the clearance rack and can't take it back.

I'll cosign on Point 4. I love heels. My six foot plus behind doesn't like them any shorter than 2.5 inches or taller than three. When I slip on any of my numerous pairs of three inch heels along with my fly clothes, then combine it with trips to the nail and beauty shops I feel like the sexiest woman alive.

Heels also are a distinctive gender thing that scream 'female'. Yeah, there are cute flat and feminine shoes that I own to wear with my suits. But when I want to look my feminine best and feel the estrogen coursing through my body heels are a must have-must wear accessory.

On that note, time to go shopping and see if those pumps I was checking out last week are on sale.

Chill Out Calling Women You Don't Like Trannies

TransGriot Note: I had a LOT to say about this topic. My April TransGriot newspaper column was also devoted to the subject as well.

photos-Paris Hilton, fetus at six weeks, Harisu, a Hooter's protest, Dana International, Caroline 'Tula' Cossey in her For Your Eyes Only scene, Lauren Foster and Chanel Dupree.

I'm getting annoyed with people who use the term 'tranny' as a pejorative to insult female celebrities.

There are a lot of things that you can creatively come up with for example to insult Paris Hilton. You can criticize her for being a spoiled rich kid, carrying herself in a tacky manner, not being an intellectual giant or her penchant for not wearing underwear. But her tormentors find it easier since she is 5'8" and wears size 11 shoes to call her a 'tranny'.

News flash to her haters: Don't insult the transgender community by disrespectfully calling Paris, Ann Coulter and any other woman you don't like trannies.

Time for me to school y'all on something. There's a very fine line in vitro between being born male and being born female. That's why transpeeps exist.

We all start life in the womb as a FEMALE fetus. About the eighth to twelfth week of pregnancy is when the fetal hormone wash takes place that starts your fetal development path either down the male road or the female one and imprints your gender identity upon your developing brain as well.

So what am I getting at? My basic point is that NO ONE is 100% male or female. We are all a blend of characteristics from our parents. In addition to that, while male and female genitalia are different in form and function they also have a common origination point that starts divergent development once the hormone wash takes place.

Now that I've finished dropping the science, let's get back to talking about this trend of insulting biological women by calling them trannies.

As my gender therapist Dr. Collier Cole once told me, 'Women come in all shapes and sizes'. They range in size from 4'10" to 6'10", body shapes from slim to full figured, clothing sizes from size 0 to size 20 with wide ranging shoe sizes as well.

That applies to transwomen as well. I have trans girlfriends that when I look at them do a double take when I ponder the fact they were once on the other side of the gender fence. Conversely there are biowomen who make me want to perform the Crocodile Dundee Sex Test on them when I see them out and about in the world.


But I don't think that's why Paris Hilton is being slammed with the comment along with Ann Coulter and others. It's because they have parts of their physical makeup that don't conform to societal gender expectations. The fact that they also are controversial in their own ways easily tempts their critics to lapse into slamming them using the term.




If you haters are insinuating by using the term as an epithet that these women are ugly, then I suggest you roll up to Chicago one Labor Day weekend and check out the Miss Continental pageant or if you're visiting Thailand the Miss Tiffany Pageant. Transwomen are far from ugly or 'men in dresses'. Caroline Cossey, Lauren Foster, Tracy Africa and others have worked as models and Caroline was a Bond Girl in the movie For Your Eyes Only.



Israeli transwoman Dana International won the Eurovision song contest a few years ago. Korean transwoman Harisu is a spokesmodel for makeup and sanitary pads companies in Asia. So if transwomen are so ugly, why are they banned from competing in the Miss Universe and other mainstream pageants?


I'm not posting on this topic because I'm hypersensitive about it. Far from it. One of the things I harp on with transpeople is to have the ability to find humor in our transitions and life situations where it exists.

But I draw the line at non-trans people brandishing the word 'tranny' as an epithet in a feeble attempt to be funny or just mean-spirited.

Chill with that, okay?

The Sermon

Dionne Spencer made a quick left turn off Fourth Street and pulled her red Nissan Sentra into the parking lot of her home church. It had been a year since she’d last attended Sunday services and after parking her car on this sunny November morning did a final check of her makeup and hair. She wanted to make certain that she looked as good as she did when she first slipped on her stylish pink suit, put on her black hose and heels and sashayed her five-seven body out of her apartment near the University of Louisville campus.

She got out of her car and strode nervously toward the front doors of the church building once she was satisfied that her appearance passed muster. She entered the one hundred thirty-eight year old Greater Hope Baptist Church just as the choir began singing a rousing version of Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. She decided to go to the restroom to recheck her appearance one last time before sauntering into the sanctuary.

She made her entrance as the organ music faded and the congregation was still on an emotional high from watching their award-winning choir rock the house. She started to take a seat in the back pews but remembered that Reverend Oliver asked her to sit on the front row when they’d had their conversation in his office a few days ago. She wasn’t going to disappoint him as she pivoted on her heel and ambled toward the front pews.

Reverend Lorenzo Oliver rose his six-three frame from his chair and strode to the pulpit. He looked over to his left and spotted Dionne sitting on the front pew flanked by Sister Zerline Elliott and Sister Doris Thompson. He observed two longtime members of the church seated two rows behind her, pointing at Dionne as they shook their fancy-hatted heads and whispered to each other. He noticed Sister Elliott clasping Dionne’s right hand as Sister Doris Thompson whispered in Dionne’s left ear. He smiled at the trio and glanced at his wife Althea before he began speaking.
“Let the congregation say amen.”
“Amen.”
“Thanks to Brother Jordan and our choir for that wonderful rendition of one of my favorite hymns,” he said while opening his book-marked Bible to the section that he’d selected earlier that morning while proofreading the final draft of his sermon.
“I’ll start with a reading of the Word from Matthew, the nineteenth chapter and the tenth verse. ‘For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.’ Thus ends the reading of the scripture.”
He paused for a moment to survey his congregation before he continued. “Now, you may be wondering why I chose that particular passage. It’s because I’ve been concerned over the last three weeks about anonymous comments that I’ve been receiving about one of our members from various people in our congregation.”

One of the deacons began to nervously shift his body position in his chair at the base of the pulpit as Reverend Oliver continued. “This person was baptized by me at age ten. Sister Althea and I have had the pleasure of watching this young person grow up and become an outstanding adult despite the tragedies that have befallen them.”

He paused for a moment as some members of the congregation shouted amen to his last statement. “When this person’s parents and grandmother were tragically taken away from them several years ago, she didn’t give up. She buckled down, did an outstanding job in the classroom and got that high school diploma. This person is now attending U of L as a Governor’s Scholar.”

He looked over at the beaming young woman and took a sip of water from his chalice. It shouldn’t be any secret that I’m referring to Sister Dionne Spencer. I did not stutter saints, I said SISTER Dionne Spencer. Some of you are aware that she informed Sister Althea and I three weeks ago about the reason for her long absence from our church family. She is undergoing her transition to womanhood.”

Dionne looked up at Reverend Oliver and nervously smiled as Sister Elliott put her arm around her. “Now, I am astounded by the people who have come to us and openly suggested that we cast this young person out of our church. It’s ironic that some of the folks who proposed this haven’t been members of this church a hot minute. Sister Spencer’s family served Greater Hope faithfully for many years. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

There were murmurs of approval by several congregants as others fidgeted uneasily in the pews. “Just two weeks ago we had an amendment pass in Kentucky over same-sex marriage that made a group of people second class citizens. The charge was led by people who I’m ashamed to say, call themselves Christians.
“Amen.” replied some of the members.
“I was concerned that the passage of this amendment would foster a climate of intolerance in the commonwealth for our gay, lesbian and transgendered brothers and sisters. I am appalled that the intolerance has surfaced in my flock.”

Reverend Oliver wiped the sweat that was starting to bead up on his forehead with a small towel and resumed speaking after taking another sip of water from his chalice.
“As a civil rights veteran who was at the Edmund Pettus Bridge on Bloody Sunday I beg to differ. Christians don’t promote intolerance. They should be the people helping to eradicate it. Christians don’t promote hatred of their fellow man. They should be uncompromising advocates for loving all their fellow human beings.” Reverend Oliver said with his voice rising.
“God belongs to all of us. His Son Jesus stood up for downtrodden people. That is my one of my charges to keep as a minister. I am a voice for the voiceless. I am an advocate for my community. If no one else will speak up for the suffering people of my time on this earth, I will. As your pastor I will not tolerate any attempts by members of this congregation to strip Dionne of her membership in our church family.”

As Reverend Oliver surveyed the congregation he noticed that the fancy hatted ladies sitting behind Dionne had contrite looks on their faces. He paused to let those words sink in before he stepped onto the sanctuary floor and strolled over to where Dionne was seated.
“Sister Dionne is a Christian who happens to be transgendered. She has a different outer shell now than what she grew up with. It’ll take time for us to get used to the new one. She is the same person that many of you love and respect. I’m pleased to have her back. I look forward to Dionne contributing her talents toward making the Greater Hope church family the best it can be.”

The rest of the service was a blur to Dionne. She shed a tear when he mentioned her late grandmother Pauline and her membership on the usher board. He also reminded the congregation of her grandmother’s last whispered words from her deathbed as he closed his sermon. After Reverend Oliver offered his final prayer and benediction, the congregation rose and filed out of the sanctuary. Dionne picked up her black crocodile print purse and chatted for a few minutes with Sister Elliott and Sister Thompson before she prepared to leave.
“Dionne, wait.”
“Yes, Sister Thornton?”
“Jamila and I are going to Jay’s to eat dinner. Would you like to join us?”
“Thanks for the invitation Sister Thornton, but I already promised Sister Elliott that I’d come by her house after church.”
“Okay. Maybe some other time?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She opened her purse, pulled her sunglasses out of the case and put them on before she stepped outside into the bright fall sunshine. She was stopped a few times by various members expressing their support for her before reaching her car. As she unlocked it a full-figured woman she recognized as LaTasha Cole and her slim-waisted friend Sarita Sanders approached LaTasha’s battered blue Chevy Caprice. It was parked directly in front of hers, and once they spotted Dionne deliberately adjusted the volume of their conversation so she could hear them.
“I don’t care what the pastor said.” thundered LaTasha. “I ain’t talking to that drag queen.”
“You got that right.” Sarita agreed. “The deacon was correct Thursday night when he said that there’s no room for he-she’s in heaven.”
“What a waste. First that fine Brother Jordan, now this wannabe woman. What’s the world coming to?”
“Girl, I’m gonna have to find me another church,” Sarita said as they climbed into her car cackling to themselves before they drove off.

Dionne was a little hurt by the comments as she clambered into her car. She expected negativity from LaTasha. They’d never liked each other and had been going at it since elementary school. Sarita’s comments were a shock, but she understood her frustration. She was told by a U of L classmate two weeks ago that Sarita liked her previous male persona. Dionne started her car and headed back to her apartment to change clothes before heading over to Sister Elliott’s Newburg area house.

Thirty minutes later she was standing in Sister Elliott’s living room perusing the photographs on the fireplace mantel. The first one that caught her attention was of Miss Zerline and her late husband Walter dressed in formal wear for a Derby party. Even though she’d recently passed her sixty-third birthday, Zerline was still an attractive honey-brown woman who looked twenty years younger. She had a figure that put the younger women of the church to shame. Much of Dionne’s evolving sense of style had come from observing her over the years.

Dionne shifted her gaze to a photo of her grandmother and Miss Zerline. It was taken several years ago on a church bus trip to the Black Expo in Indianapolis. They’d fallen asleep on the return trip to Louisville and were leaning on each other’s shoulders. It reminded her that they’d been best friends since their Kentucky State college days.

She glanced at her Waggener High School graduation photo. She frowned, but not because the photo was of Don. Her feet were starting to hurt after wearing these pumps for a few hours. She gingerly walked over to the couch and pulled them off after she sat down. She rubbed her feet for a few moments to get the soreness out before putting them back on.
“I see you’ve already learned one of the first lessons of femininity.”
“Which is?”
“You’re gonna suffer to look good.” she said as they chuckled.
“Very funny, Miss Zerline. So when’s dinner gonna be ready?”
“When you come in here and help me cook it.”
She smirked before kicking off her pumps and getting up to join her in the kitchen. She’d always loved to cook. Since Zerline didn’t have a child of her own to pass her mouth-watering recipes down to she taught Dionne after she came to live with her.
They spent the next two hours working to finish cooking before the guests were slated to begin arriving at five o’clock. Dionne sensed someone staring at her as she prepared the salad. When she turned Zerline was intently watching her before she gently sighed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, baby. I just recalled a day when your grandmother and I were talking in the teacher’s lounge. She always remarked about how much you looked like your mother.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“Well, now you REALLY look like your mother.”
They both laughed as Zerline’s conversation topic switched. “I was proud of you this morning.”
“I was gonna have to show up for church sooner or later, Miss Zerline.”
“I’m glad you did. Too many people in your situation have turned away from God. I didn’t want that happening to you. That’s why I stayed on you so much about going to church.”
“I wasn’t planning on letting it happen. I wanted to give the hormones a chance to work on me before I came back to Greater Hope.”
“Good. But you know I was getting concerned.” she said. “Your grandmother said to me on her deathbed, ‘Zerline, take care of my grandbaby.’ I had every intention of honoring my soror’s last request ”
“You did a great job. I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, baby.”
“I’m getting my degree in a few months. But best of all I’ll be walking across that stage as Dionne ”
And you’ll be happier than you’ve even been in your young life, thought Zerline. “Your grandmother and I discussed that before she passed. She knew that you were unhappy. She was aware that you were getting picked on, teased and ostracized by other kids.”
“Really?”
“When someone we love is involved, there’s not much that happens in a school district we work in that we can’t find out.” Zerline said as she opened the oven door to check on the cornbread. It wasn’t done yet, so she made a mental note to check on it in a few minutes.
“You got that right. She was in my teacher’s classrooms more than Mama and Daddy were.”
Zerline paused and smiled as another memory of her soror flashed through her mind. “Umm hmm. Pauline taught a child several years ago that had a gender identity issue that wasn’t positively addressed.”
Dionne’s eyebrows raised. “Who was it?”
“Pinky Perry.”
“Grandma was Pinky’s teacher?”
“Yes, she was. Pauline noted how badly Pinky’s life turned out after his parents tossed him onto the streets. She said that he was one of the smartest kids she’d ever taught. She was adamant that wasn’t going to happen to you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, she was. It’s hypocritical how some Black people treat kids with gender identity issues. If Pinky had been arrested for a crime and was on trial at the Hall of Justice, they would’ve been shouting their child’s innocence to every TV camera in sight.”
Dionne nodded as she continued “She felt that had Pinky received the love that was needed at the time, there’s no telling what he, oops she could’ve accomplished.”
The doorbell rang as Zerline was pulling it out the oven. “Don, can you get the door for me? That’s probably Doris and Reba now.”
Dionne frowned as she heard her old name. Zerline noted the change in demeanor on her face. “Sorry, baby. You know it’s gonna take me a while to get used to your new name.”
She nodded and smiled as she walked over to hug Miss Zerline, then headed to the front door to let the early arriving dinner guests in.

Yuck, I Feel Like A Boy Today

Back in 2003 when I was running HIM’s Transgender Initiative, we had a meeting in which one of the attendees exclaimed during a break, “Yuck, I feel like a boy today.” A gay man who was on the HIM board heard the comment while he was on his way to another part of the building for a separate group meeting. He asked Dawn and I about the comment when we met for our board meeting later that week.

We are always in education mode when it comes to getting the GLBT/SGL community and others to understand the varying degrees of differences in terms of transwomen and what we experience. We had some time before the board meeting started, so we sat him down and attempted to break it down to him what that person’s thought process was that led to the comment.

Transition is an emotional process in addition to being a physical one. The physical part of it is easy. It involves making the body morph to fit the mental gender imprint that a person is born with by using hormones, gender specific clothing, hairstyles, et cetera. It is the external manifestations of gender.

The mental aspect is the hardest part. Gender roles are learned. Certain behaviors, societal expectations and actions are assigned to the gender roles of male and female and it takes time to learn what those are. Genetic peeps have 18 to 20 years to do that with the guidance of their families and society. Transpeople have the complication of trying to get up to speed with their new gender role and unlearning the old one in a very short amount of time. In addition to that, they have the burden of trying to learn those roles with those same societal and familial forces sometimes arrayed against them.

There are days when everything is clicking for you and you’re in the gender zone. Your presentation is on point, voice is in the correct pitch range, and everybody’s complimenting you about your hair and appearance. You look so fly and are feeling so feminine that you believe that you could take on the Miss Universe pageant beauties and win in a walk.

Then there are those days when you don’t feel so feminine and external things exacerbate it. You’re slightly upset because you have an electrolysis appointment to finish removing body and facial hair. You had someone use the wrong pronoun to address you multiple times and you’re running low on hormones. You’re having a bad hair day and you overheard some little kid while you were out asking his mom if you’re a boy or a girl. You feel a little jealous because you saw this strikingly beautiful sistah getting admiring looks from the brothas, or another one holding her child and it brings back all of those conflicted, inadequate feelings you had before transition.

I suppose that’s what this person meant when they said, ‘Yuck, I feel like a boy today.”

All you can do when you feel that way is what ballplayers do when they’re in a batting slump: Fight your way through it. You remember how you felt when you had on your best clothes and had your face made up to supermodel precision. Remind yourself when you feel a little upset about having to undergo electrolysis that there are genetic women waiting to get hair removed after you’re finished. I’ve even had my genetic female friends tell me that even they have days where they don’t feel quite so feminine and they have possessed vaginas since birth.

So it’s not always about feeling like a boy or girl. It’s about loving yourself, the skin you’re in, enjoying life and confidently loving every moment of it.

Miriam Xtravaganza Hospitalized After Brutal NYC Attack

Miriam Rivera AKA Miriam Xtravaganza was hospitalized February 27 with multiple broken bones and internal bleeding after she was attacked and thrown from the 4th floor window of her New York apartment.

She moved from the New York ballroom community to being featured on the Australian 'Big Brother' show. She became world-famous for the controversial 2004 British reality TV show There's Something About Miriam, in which six men competed on the island of Ibiza to win her affections, then the winner was told she was a pre-op transwoman. That led to a lawsuit by the six men to stop the show from airing on British television that was settled out of court.

"I did it because I wanted to know if real love exists. Can a person fall in love?," she stated to TV Plus in an interview during the height of the controvery. Miriam also stated that she "didn't feel used by it."

She caught flak from the British transgender community because they feared that it would turn British public opinion against them at the time they were working for passage of the Gender Recognition Act by Parliament.

"I was trying to be myself and if anyone had asked me about myself I would have told them," Miriam said.

Miriam was unconscious at the time she was taken to the hospital. Her injuries included in addition to internal bleeding two broken legs and multiple broken bones in her arms.

'Transgender' Category Needed For The 2010 US Census

When I graduated from high school in 1980 my first job was working during that hot Houston summer as an enumerator for the decennial US census.

It wasn't just any old summer job. They didn't have to tell me that in my training class. I knew how important it was. The population stats I was helping to gather would determine congressional seat allocations, how much federal funding was allocated to my hometown and determine the population of Houston, Harris County, Texas and the United States for the next ten years. I used 1910 Census data a decade later to cross check the accuracy of my genealogical research on the family tree I was compiling for my father's side of the family.

In 2000 the US Census for the first time allowed people to check multiple racial categories to more accurately count and document the people who have biracial status.

In 2010 I'm proposing another change to the US census: Adding a 'transgender' category to the options available to define yourself.

Over the last decade we've had a serious debate between the transgender community and the psychiatric one about the actual prevalence of transsexualism. Psychiatrists have long claimed that male-to-female transsexualism is extremely rare, occurring in only one in every 30,000 males and 1 in 100,000 females and that figure is often quoted. It's even quoted in the recent C-J article Angie Fenton wrote about me and Dawn.


However, Professor Lynn Conway of the University of Michigan challenges that figure by saying, "It’s way too small, perhaps by a factor of 100.”

Simple observation by transpeople tells us that something is amiss with those numbers. In my high school gifted and talented class of 70 people I have a transman in it. That's the one I actually know about. There may be others in my class I DON'T know about and the total number of graduates in my high school class was 700. If the 1 in 30,000 number were correct then that other transperson shouldn't exist.

By counting the number of surgeries performed over the years, Dr. Conway estimates there are as of 2005 at least 40,000 postoperative trans women in the U.S. These women have transitioned out of a population of roughly 100,000,000 adult males*. Simple division reveals that at least one in every 2500 people born as males here has undergone sex reassignment surgery (SRS): i.e., ~ 40,000/100,000,000 = 1/2500.

However, something on the order of 5 times as many people inherently experience transsexualism than those who have already undergone sex reassignment.

That has led Dr. Conway to conclude the inherent condition occurs in at least one in every 500 children born as males. Note that this figure of 1 in 500 is a "lower bound" on the prevalence of transsexualism (intense gender dysphoria), and the actual value could be higher. Her hypothesis was tested by researchers using her methods in Thailand, India, Great Britain and Malaysia who came up with roughly the same ratio.

“Those are still small numbers, but transsexualism is certainly not ‘extremely rare’”, Dr. Conway says.

After revealing that psychiatrists have vastly underestimated the prevalence of transsexualism for many decades, Conway asks: “Can’t psychiatrists count?

So since they can't count, let's settle the debate by adding transgender as a category on the upcoming United States Census in 2010.

It'll be an uphill battle to do so. Our right-wing opponents don't want us to have those hard numbers to point to so that they can continue to marginalize and demonize us. The psychiatric community wants to perpetuate the 1 in 30,000 myth as well. Even some transpeople would rather not see the more realistic numbers be proven as fact because in their eyes they won't be as 'special' any more.

Sorry peeps, this inquiring mind and others want to know exactly how many transpeeps are inside the borders of the United States. It's past time we ended the speculation and get those precise numbers.

Bathroom Issues

Hunter Coleman was sitting at his ultra modern desk conferring with the Texas Division head of HR Mary Ann Lemons, the Senior VP of Marketing Ryan Harper and their corporate attorney Juanita Robinson when his cell phone rang.
"I'm sorry, I thought I had it on vibrate," he said apologetically. "Let me see if this is Alexis."
"Go right ahead," said Ryan.
"This is Hunter Coleman."
"Hunter, this is Alexis. I'm in town and just leaving Bush Intercontinental now."
"Hi Alexis. How was your flight?"
"Hit some bumpy air over Arkansas but overall it was a good one."
"Good to hear. So what's the problem that you alluded to yesterday?"
"A potentially explosive human resource issue has come to my attention."
"Can you give me some background info on it?" Hunter asked as her limo passed Greenspoint Mall.
"I'd rather discuss this in your office with Ryan and Juanita when I arrive."
"Very good, Alexis."
"My limo's on I-45 right now. When I get downtown I'll call you. Have Samantha Simon and Lauren Schmelter in your office when I arrive. "
"Will do."
"Good. Se you in a few minutes."

Senior VP of Human Resources Alexis Wilson was not a happy camper. She was already upset about downsizing the HR department. She was in the process of analyzing the data and determining which cities would take the hits when the e-mail came from the people at the Ethics Hotline.
She recalled her reaction when she'd heard about the mysterious resignation of Shanita Taylor. She'd already sent her assistant Shelby King down to Houston to talk to the gentleman who called in the complaint. Alexis was incensed when Shelby gave her report on what this gentleman overheard at his church and what the investigation had uncovered.

Her eyes were getting tired from looking at the laptop screen and she decided to rest them for a few minutes. She looked up just as the limo came out of I-45's ten-lane S-curve approaching I-10 and the view of the downtown Houston skyline rapidly grew closer.

Moments later she was pulling in front of the building on Smith Street that used to be Enron's headquarters. She put on her Jimmy Choo pumps and whipped her cell phone out of her purse to make the call announcing her arrival before packing her laptop into the leather briefcase her boyfriend had given her for Christmas.
She cut off her cell phone after talking to Hunter, put it in her Prada purse and waited for the limo driver to park the car and open her door.

As she stretched her stylishly dressed 5'7" frame out of the limo the cranberry juice she'd been drinking on the flight began demanding release from her bladder as she entered the revolving door of the Xavier Young Zeno Corporation Tower. She headed for the bank of elevators as the handsome security guard on duty smiled and waved at her. She had other things on her mind as she gave the bald buffed brother a friendly wave and briskly kept moving.

When Alexis arrived on the 23rd floor she knew she needed to make an immediate pit stop in the ladies room. She knew from previous corporate visits that there was one close to Hunter's office so she quickened her pace, entered it and raced to the nearest stall. I needed to check my makeup anyway, Alexis thought as she handled her business.

Not long after she setlled in she heard the door squeak open and heard two sets of heels click clacking on the floor and stall doors open a few paces away from her.
"Lauren, why are they calling us into this meeting?"
"Beats me. Just stay cool until we find out what's going on."
"You mean they didn't tell you?"
"You know that closet queen Ryan can't stand me because his precious Shanita quit."
"You mean Sheldon don't you?" Samantha said with a sneer.
"Whatever that he-she's name used to be I don't care. I got the job thanks to you."
"You're welcome. Thanks for making me your assistant."
"I believe in rewarding people who are loyal to me."
"Me and my Coach purse thank you."

Both toilets flushed and Alexis heard running water from the sinks as they washed their hands.
"Have you made any progress with Javon yet?'
"No. I can barely get his attention when were at church."
"What's wrong, Samantha?" Lauren cooed. "You can't take a man away from a wannabe bitch with a manufactured pussy?"
"I'm more than woman enough for the job, especially if Sheldon still has his original equipment. I can show Javon what he's been missing," she said as they both laughed.
"You ready?"
"Let's go before Ms. Wilson gets here."

She heard their heels click and the bathroom door squeak as it closed. She waited a few minutes before she rose from her seated position, adjusted her clothes and opened her stall door. She strolled over to the mirror and washed her hands before checking her makeup. She checked her appearance one last time before sauntering
out of the restroom and heading to Hunter's office.
She allowed a smile to crease her ebony-hued face when she thought about the bombs she was going to drop on those conniving heifers.

"Ms. Wilson, so nice to see you." Lauren said as she entered Hunter's office.
"Hunter, can you have Ms. Schmelter and Ms. Simon wait outside until I'm done briefing you?"
"Yes ma'am."
Lauren and Samantha looked puzzled as the got up from the couch in Hunter's office and headed to the office waiting area. Once they exited the room and closed the door she began the meeting.

"I've called you together because I've been apprised of a situation that has exposed our company not only to a possible lawsuit but a potential PR nightmare."
She briefed them about Shelby discovered during her investigation as Ryan, Hunter, Juanita and Mary Ann looked at her and listened in stunned silence.
When she was done she said, "Hunter and Ryan, find Shanita Taylor, have my limo pick her up and bring her here ASAP."
"Yes ma'am."
"Mary Ann, call Ms. Simon in please."

Samantha's nervousness shot up a few more levels when Mary Ann called her into the office. What the hell is going on, she thought as she entered.
"Have a seat, Samantha."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You may be wondering why we called you in here today."
"That thought has crossed my mind, Ms. Wilson."
"It concerns a call the Ethics Hotline received a call three weeks ago."
"Did it involve someone in our department?"
"Yes, it did."
"May I ask who it was?"
"Someone you know very well. I can tell you it was in relation to Shanita Taylor's resignation from our company," Alexis said impassively. "Seems that this gentleman overheard a conversation take place that implicates you in the series of events that led Ms. Taylor to resign."
"Say what?"
"We investigated it and have verified that what he told us was true. What we discovered could put you in jail for a long time."
Samantha tried to stay cool but that icy Fifth Ward bravado broke down and tears started flowing down her caramel-colored face as she told Alexis what happened.
A few moments later she sent Samantha out and called Lauren into the office.

"Sit down, Lauren."
Lauren obeyed but was on guard. She observed her assistant walk out of the office with a look that had a mixture of defeat and fear. She wondered what Alexis could have said that terrified her.
"You may be wondering why I asked you and Samantha to come in."
"I know there are rumors about a downsizing of this department."
"Yes, I can confirm that rumor."
"Do you know mow many people we're going to lose?"
"I'm still crunching the numbers, but right now it looks like only two of you will be leaving," Alexis said as she crossed her legs beneath Hunter's desk.
"May I ask who?"
"I'll let you know in a few moments. But first I have some questions for you."
"Yes, ma'am."
"What do you know about Shanita Taylor's departure?"
"It was most unfortunate. She's a very talented person who would have made a wonderful supervisor for us."
"I agree with you. Did she state a reason as to why she was leaving?"
"No," Lauren said. "We were just as shocked when she quit."
Stop lying tramp, Alexis thought. "So was I. That's why I initiated an investigation."
"An investigation?"
"We received a complaint on the Ethics Hotline that mentioned this situation."
"May I ask what was the nature of that complaint?"

Alexis reached into her briefcase, pulled out a sheet of paper and slid it across the desk for Lauren to read. "I can't believe that Samantha would do something like this."
"Some people will do almost anything for love and revenge," said Alexis.
"It's gonna break my heart to give her the news that she's terminated."
"Don't worry about that, Lauren." said Alexis. "I've already taken care of it."
"Thank you Ms. Wilson….."
"You're going to be busy writing a letter of resignation."
"Are you serious?"
"Deadly. I want your badge and your company keys."
"You can't fire me," she defiantly said.
"Seems like that's exactly what's happening right now."
"Do you know who my Daddy is? I'll have your job."

Alexis' impassive look suddenly turned nasty as she stood up and looked Lauren dead in the eye. "Little girl, you don't know who you're messing with. I make phone calls to two of my sorors and not only will you be facing a stint at Club Fed but your Daddy's political career will be ruined as well.
"You're bluffing."
"You think so?" Alexis said. "Does the name Lanita Turner ring a bell?"
She knows the ABC News reporter, thought Lauren. Who else does she know?
"I know you've heard of Senator Jason Reynolds, the man your daddy lost his US senate race to four years ago." Alexis said as Lauren digested the last comment. "And how could I forget my soror DeAndria Randall, the federal prosecuting attorney for the Southern District of Texas?"

Lauren sullenly sat in her chair as Alexis continued. "I want your resignation letter on this desk in the next thirty minutes. If either you, your father or any of his associates mess with this company or my employment status I will bring a world of hurt down on your ass. Do we understand each other?"
Lauren mumbled under her breath. "What did you say?'
"I said yes ma'am."
"That's what I thought you said."
"Are you finished with me?"
"Not quite. Just want to give you a piece of advice for your next job. Be careful what you say in corporate restrooms. It can come back to haunt you."
Lauren's eyes grew wide with shock as Alexis sat back down in the chair and said, "Especially if your boss has as you so crudely put it a 'manufactured pussy' as well."

Documentary-American Beauties

Liz sent this link to TSTB about the award-winning documentary film called American Beauties.

The 2005 documentary is a series of interviews with Asian transwomen Amanda, Imani, Kimberly and Kosal. They express themselves on the issues facing them such as discrimination, prostitution, sex reassignment surgery, their former lives, and their dreams for the future.

And here's the YouTube video from that documentary as well:

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Part 4

I Have To Prove It Every Day

photo-Grace Park as Sharon 'Athena' Agathon

There was a recent Battlestar Galactica episode in which Sharon and her husband Helo were discussing some issues. During the conversation Helo remarked that to him his Cylon wife was always human. She countered that to the rest of the fleet she has to prove that every day.

I feel her on that.

There are times during this gender journey that I feel like Sharon. No matter how fly I look, how smart I am, how many awards I garner, how good a job I do and how many times my genetic girlfriends, supportive family members and classmates that are still in my life tell me that I am what I've known I was supposed to be, I still feel like Sharon in the fact that I have to prove my womanhood every day.

Sometimes that can get to be a pain in the ass.

Yeah, I'll admit that there are some days that I wish that I'd been born female from jump and get to experience everything about it. Usually the transmen I know will tell me otherwise and extol how happy they are to escape cramps, bloating, the cycle, et cetera. Even my girlfriends will tell me they consider me the lucky one. I'll sometimes respond with the comment that no one questions your femininity nor do you have to think about it on a regular basis. However, I do share one aspect of it with my genetic sisters. I now have a heightened risk for breast cancer and have to do mammograms and regular breast exams.

But as philosopher Simone de Beauvoir once stated, 'Great women are made, not born.'

I may have only been female externally for thirteen years, but in a sense I've been prepping for this point in my life for a long time. My goal is to be the best woman I can be despite being born in a male body. To me that means observing the great examples of positive women in my own family, my feminine role models famous and not-so-famous (which I'm profiling in my Women I Admire posts) and incorporating their best qualities into my own life.

One thing I'm acutely aware of growing up in a family of historians is the great contributions that Black women have and continue to make to advance our people. Uplifting the race in terms of community service is a part of Black womanhood that I eagerly embrace. All the sisters that I've read about and witnessed doing positive things inspires me to step it up another level.

I'm cognizant of the fact that Black women are considered trendsetters in terms of fashion and their images. I'm considered a role model in the transgender community and have to pay attention to the image that I project to the outside world. Not a problem since I like fashionable clothes, get a manicure and pedicure every two weeks, hair is on point and I rarely leave the house without my face done. The fact that I have a fashionista diva as a roommate who will not hesitate to call me out along with my best girlfriends doesn't hurt either.

With hormones, electrolysis, laser hair removal and surgery the physical part of transition is easy. The toughest part is the spiritual and emotional end of it. That part of the feminine journey doesn't end until they close the coffin lid on you. Getting in tune with the spiritual and emotional side is a must and too many of my transsistahs ignore or are unaware of that aspect of womanhood.

Black womanhood is a lofty goal to live up to. Sometimes I believe that some of the genetic women in my family dismiss the prayerful seriousness I place on being a compliment and not a detriment to the women (and men) that are related to me. I realized in my youth I don't just represent me, I represent my family and the entire African-American community. My interactions with society must be on point and reflect that at all times.

Nothing in life is easy. Being an African-American transwoman definitely isn't. It's hard work and frustrating as hell sometimes. All these words about my latest take on being transgender get boiled down to one simple fact: I'm happily living life in my own skin.

Even if I have to constantly prove that I'm one of the girls.

For Women of Color, A Fuller Beauty Standard

photo-model Toccara Jones

By Robin Givhan
Friday, February 16, 2007; C02

The voluptuous actress Jennifer Hudson wears a burgundy satin dress on the cover of the March issue of Vogue magazine, where she has been photographed by Annie Leibovitz and lionized by Andre Leon Talley. In the cover image, she leans slightly forward and her mouth is open as if she were captured in the middle of a song. Hudson, one of the stars of "Dreamgirls," is not the usual fragile-framed celebrity or model that one typically finds starring in an issue of Vogue.

March is not Vogue's "shape" issue, its yearly nod to women whose body type does not fit the fashion standard. It would not be particularly surprising to see her there. Instead, Hudson, who went from a reality show castoff to Oscar nominee, is the logical but unexpected star of the fashion bible's enormous "power" issue, which also celebrates women such as House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the model-turned-philanthropist Natalia Vodianova. Hudson is not photographed wearing her own clothes, the technique often applied to glamour-shy politicians and real people too big to fit the samples. She gets the full fashion treatment, Carolina Herrera dress and all.

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition also has a cover model known for her generous curves: singer Beyoncé Knowles. Although one should point out that her figure is generous only by the standards of Hollywood and Seventh Avenue. Most everyone else would simply describe it as "wow." Knowles, who was also in "Dreamgirls" is kneeling in the sand in a yellow and pink bikini.

The magazine also invited talk/reality show host Tyra Banks, who famously posed on the cover of the swimsuit issue 10 years ago in an itsy-bitsy polka-dot bikini, to re-create that image, according to the Associated Press. Banks was the first black model to appear on the cover alone.

Banks is approximately 20 pounds heavier on her 5-foot-10 frame since that time, a fact that caused so much cyber-sniping that she defended herself by posing as a luscious 161-pound pinup on the cover of People. She is a whole lot of woman now, but she did not diet down to fit into the old swimsuit. Sports Illustrated, clearly understanding that a lot of men like "a lot of woman," just added a little extra fabric to ensure tasteful coverage of the parts that had grown bigger.

These disparate magazines are lauding the booty beautiful at a time when the body standard for models -- and actresses -- has come under scrutiny for being unrealistically and unhealthily thin. While designers in New York were unveiling their fall 2007 collections last week, the industry hosted a panel presentation on the subject of ever-shrinking models who have gone from a size 6 a decade ago to size 2/4 and occasionally 0.

The one thing that connects these three curvaceous women, other than their celebrity, is that they are women of color. On them, curves are acceptable. While women such as actress Kate Winslet, who is white, have talked about not giving in to a Hollywood culture that demands they be super slim, it seems that only African-American and Latina actresses really get away with extra pounds, or even just a round
bottom. See: Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, "Ugly Betty's" America Ferrera and "Grey's Anatomy's" Chandra Wilson and Sara Ramirez.

One could argue that these women, each one quite pretty, are not considered part of the mainstream -- their ethnicity is still a regularly used modifier in their professional lives. They stand just a little apart, so they are exempt from adhering to mainstream definitions of beauty. They set their own standards. But being judged by a different set of rules can be both liberating and vexing.

There may be a greater willingness to accept heft when it is brown or black because it is so much easier to find evidence of black women who are large and proud and take pleasure in their bodies. While so many women -- of all ethnicities -- fret about a modest waistline that protrudes slightly over a pair of low-slung jeans, creating the dreaded "muffin top," there is a group of self-assured women of color who have an entire loaf of bread rising up and over their waistband, and they don't care. Their pudge may not be healthy, but they project confidence and contentment.

There is also the stereotype of the large black woman as the diva-like sexpot: strong, aggressive and entitled. See: the comedian Mo'Nique. There is always the looming danger of taking that caricature into destructive and demoralizing territory -- black women as oversexed, or black women as impenetrable, or obesity as healthy.

But that iconic image has established that big can be beautiful and desirable -- at least when it comes to women of color. Telling a black woman that she has "big legs" -- meaning shapely -- is a compliment, not something meant to send her into training for a marathon.

The larger culture has not bought into that opinion, but it seems to have been swayed. Roundness is more accepted of black women because they are more accepting of their own curves.

Hardaway Hates Gays-So Do Some Other Black Peeps

Tim Hardaway's anti-gay comments made me recall a conversation I had with my father when I was a teen. He stated that he had more respect for the Klan than he did for some of the Black community's so-called friends.

When I asked him to clarify that, he pointed out that a Klansman's hatred for Black people is well known and out in the open. With the people that profess to be our friends, they can eat dinner with you and still hate you with the intensity of a Klansman. His thought was that he'd rather know who his enemy was upfront so the appropriate response to deal with him could be formulated.

That conversation resurfaced in my mind as I listened to the replay of Tim Hardaway's radio interview. It turned ugly when the interviewer asked questions about retired NBA center John Amaechi's announcement last week that he is gay.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," he said while a guest on Sports Talk 790 The Ticket. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

When the host asked Hardaway how he would interact with a gay teammate, he said, "First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."

Incredibly, he went there and indicated that he'd ask for the gay player to be removed from the team.

"Something has to give," Hardaway said. "If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that's upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever, it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate."

John Amaechi, who just released his autobiography Man in the Middle, yesterday said that he hoped his coming out would be a catalyst for intelligent discourse.

Unfortunately, it seems that the words 'intelligent discourse' don't enter some peeps minds when it comes to GLBT issues.

When Amaechi was asked by the Miami Herald about Hardaway's comments, "I'm actually tempted to laugh." he said. "Finally, someone who is honest. It is ridiculous, absurd, petty, bigoted and shows a lack of empathy that is gargantuan and unfathomable. But it is honest. And it illustrates the problem better than any of the fuzzy language other people have used so far."

To his credit, Hardaway later apologized for the remarks during a telephone interview with Miami's WSVN-TV. "Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."

Hardaway has reportedly been removed from any further league-related appearances by NBA commissioner David Stern. "It is inappropriate for him to be representing us given the disparity between his views and ours," Stern said in a statement to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

If anyone questions the fact that homophobia in the African-American community needs to be confronted, then this should leave no doubts not only as to the extent of the problem but the work we need to do in our community to eradicate it.

There are other Tim Hardaway's out there in our community. Unfortunately some of them stand in pulpits and utter the same rhetoric as he just unleashed except they try to hide their homophobia behind scriptures.

Thanks Tim for letting us know that you're on the same team as the Eddie Long's and Gregory "I'd ride with the KKK" Daniels' of the world.

Valentine's Day Musings

TransGriot Note: photo of the painting 'In The Garden' by Keith Mallett

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Like most people I'm part of that percentage of the population that is single. It's not that I choose to be, I just am.

I'm a bit of a romantic, and that's the toughest part of being single on Valentine's Day. Enduring the endless commercials that are pushing jewelry, candy, flowers, et cetera. The romantic movies that get dusted off and broadcast. Ironically I was up until 2 AM this morning reading a Kayla Perrin romance novel and spent most of yesterday afternoon writing my own.

One of the things that I factored into my decision to go ahead with transition was the fact that I could possibly be spending a lot of Valentine's days alone. But I love myself far too much to allow myself to wallow in the unhappiness that was part of my life prior to transition.

Maybe there is a special person out there for me, maybe not. I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it. I know what's it's like to be in love, albeit from the other side of the gender fence. It's one of the hard facts of being transgender that love isn't any easier to find or deal with than some of the other life issues we grapple with. We all realize that it is gonna take someone that is secure and confident in their personality and their own lives to love us. That love is tougher to find when the genitalia between your legs doesn't match up with the rest of your gender presentation.

Then there are the misconceptions that potential suitors have about us. News flash to the peeps that want to step to me or any transwoman. I'm not one of the fellas. I look at life, romance and love through a feminine prism. To get with me will not break your bank account, but a prerequisite is treating me like any other sistah you want romantic attention from. (that means flowers, chocolate and my fave perfume)

Another thing that's a must is that some of the things I like to do require you to take me out during daylight hours. If your ego can't handle being talked about by society for having me on your arm, then don't step to me, period. I want the person I love to be just as proud of being seen and being around me as I am of them. If you can't meet that simple requirement, step.

Finally, I am not a booty call or looking to be the other woman. I do believe in karma. I'm not going to deliberately be the cause of any discourse in a stable relationship. I don't want any relationship I eventually get into vulnerable to the reverse spin of the karmic wheel because I disrespected somebody's relationship or their marriage.

So as you can see I haven't and won't give up on love. I have much respect, admiration and a little twinge of jealousy for those people in the community and beyond who are in stable, satisfying relationships or who have experienced the heady rush of having someone worship the ground they walk on. Maybe that will happen for me one day.

In the meantime, what time is the next showing of Daddy's Little Girls and the closest place I can go to get some chocolate to scarf up?

A Tale of Two Transgender TV Characters

In the last two months we've had transgender characters appear on two ABC network shows. One of them is on ABC's flagship soap All My Children . The other is on Ugly Betty.

Both shows stated they wanted to treat the subject with respect and dignity. The early returns are in from the transgender community. One has gotten rave reviews while the other is getting panned.

I've been a longtime fan of All My Children. I arranged my college schedule around it and the Young and the Restless back during its 1980's heyday. I was excited at first when I heard that AMC was going to tackle a transgender storyline with actor Jeffery Carlson playing Zarf. AMC has had a history of tackling tough and controversial subjects throughout its 36 year run that range from abortion to Bianca being a lesbian.

Then I watched the initial show featuring Zarf. To quote Blaine and Antoine from In Living Color: "Hated It!"

Now fast forward a month later to Ugly Betty and the way it has handled Rebecca Romijn's insertion into the show as Alexis Meade. For several weeks she appeared as a shadowy mystery woman plotting with Wilhelmina Slater. The mystery woman's identity is revealed a week before the Mode fashion show. (See the 'I'm Coming Out') Ugly Betty episode.

In the last two shows I have see Alexis since the reveal describe the alienation from friends, discuss family issues and be slapped with the discrimination and bigotry we face in a sports bar scene.

Ugly Betty gets two snaps up. Somebody was doing their homework on this one. Maybe the Ugly Betty writing team needs to have a chat with the AMC one and give them some tips on how to build a transgender character.

The difference to me and the transpeeps I've talked to online is the realistic way that Alexis has been portrayed versus the disappointingly schlocky way that Zoe has been portrayed so far on AMC. I know that Jeffrey Carlson wanted to do the character in a way respectful to the transgender community.

As with all TV shows it's all about the script writing. Hopefully they will get it together on AMC and get Jeffrey the material that he needs to make this character better.

While having genetic female actresses playing transwomen is a sore point with some peeps in the community, I don't have any complaints about a supermodel playing a transwoman if it's done well.

News flash to some of you: In some cases the surgery results ARE that good. If you have the cash as Alexis did, you could conceivably look convincingly feminine when you're done, especially if you have the right body build to start with. Rebecca's 5'11" height adds an even more realistic touch to it.

Granted, I'd love to see more transwomen actresses get those roles and I'm beyond ready to see another person who looks like me playing a transwoman. (No, Tyler Perry's Madea doesn't count)

Until somebody else gets the cojones (pardon the pun) to create a transgender character that's not killed off in the first five minutes of the show I'll have to enjoy these two.

2003 Louisville Transgender Day of Remembrance Speech

TransGriot Note:photo is of the late Amanda Milan, who died in June 2000 after having her throat slashed at the NY Port Authority terminal.

In 2002 and 2003 I was asked to be the keynote speaker for the local TDOR event in Louisville. This is the text of the speech I gave that night.

Giving honor to God,
I am pleased to have the privilege of speaking to you on the occasion of the 5th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. This is the second annual observance
that has been held here in Louisville on the LPTS campus. I'd like to thank Mary Sue Barnett, More Light, and The Women's Center here at the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary for their hard work in putting this event together and honoring me with another invitation to speak so that I can make more people mad on the Internet after this speech gets posted.

I'd like to give you a brief history on how this event began. It honors Rita Hester, an African-American transgender woman who was found brutally stabbed twenty times in her Boston apartment on November 28, 1998. When Rita's death was announced in the gay and straight newspapers she was disrespected to the point where transactivists in Boston picketed the news outlets. It led to the Associated Press revamping their guidelines in terms of how they refer to transpeople in news stories. It was also the impetus for Gwen Smith to start the Remembering our Dead Project.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance works on several levels. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgender people. It allows us to publicly mourn and honor the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. We express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. It's a reminder to non-transgender people that we are your sons, your daughters, your relatives, your parents, your lovers, and your friends. It allows you an opportunity to stand in solidarity with us and gives the transgender community a chance to thank our allies and friends.

Last year I spoke to you on the steps of this chapel as a dark night gave way to a beautiful late November fall morning. When you think about it, there was some interesting symbolism to last year's observance. The early morning chill gave way to the warmth of the sun rising to start a new day. Well, this year's speech has its own symbolic touch. The ceremony for this year's vigil has moved from outside Caldwell Chapel to indoors. To me, it's a powerful statement of the commitment of the progressive elements of the Presbyterian Church, More Light, LPTS, and elements of other faiths to include its transgender children in its mission. They are oases of inclusiveness in a sweltering desert of intolerance and it couldn't have come at a better time.

President John F. Kennedy stated during a televised June 11, 1963 speech on civil rights that ‘Every American ought to have the right to be treated as they would wish to be treated, and as one would wish his children to be treated. Sadly, that is not the case.'

Forty years later, it's not the case with transgender Americans and our brothers and sisters around the world. We are being demonized by fundamentalists so that they can pursue political power. The Roman Catholic Church recently banned transgender people from serving as lay ministers, priests or nuns. There are some African-American and other Baptist churches that have cast out their transgender members at a time when we as Christians need to be INCLUDING transpeople into the fold and not EXCLUDING them.

We are here tonight because of hate violence directed toward my people that has snuffed out thirty-nine more lives. Once again we are adding people to a somber list that is approaching 300 names. That's a little over one killing a month since this project started tracking those stats in 1999. The thirty-nine individuals that we are remembering tonight represents the highest number of people that we have ever honored at a Day of Remembrance vigil. Once again we are gathered to hear about the causes of deaths of people who are simply struggling with trying to live their lives and being killed because of it. The sad part about it is that in many cases people either don't care or are unwilling to see the perpetrators brought to justice.

I mentioned earlier that I received some e-mailed criticism from some transpeople after my 2002 speech was posted on several transgender Internet lists. Most of the e-mails I received agreed with what I said in last year's speech, but objected to me calling out conservatives and fundamentalists as the root cause of some of the violence being expressed toward transpeople. They cited the October 5, 1999 televised 700 Club comments of Pat Robertson stating that ‘transsexuality is not a sin’ as evidence that conservatives weren't the bad guys in terms of what's happening to our people. I pointed out to those folks that some of the people involved in the transgender bashing proudly call themselves conservative.

I reminded them of Pat's silence as Jerry Falwell sat by his side and blamed GLBT people for the 9-11 terrorist attacks on his TV show. I also reminded them of Pat Robertson's sorry history of opposing civil rights, so if the white sheet fits, too bad.

I've noticed over my lifetime that when conservatives get elected to office, society seems to descend to a mean spirited Darwinian tone and attacks on people that they don't like start happening with increasing frequency. It's as though the bigots feel that it's safe to slither out from under their rocks and openly act on their prejudices, since they see their politicians and ministers openly attacking GLBT people. They feel it's okay to do whatever they want to ‘those' people and get away with it.

It happened in my birth state of Texas once the conservatives got control of the governor's mansion and state government in 1994. The intolerant attitude cultivated over the last ten years has contributed to a rise in hate violence that led to the James Byrd dragging death in 1999. Two of tonight's people that we memorialized here come from my hometown, and although Kentucky as of yet has not lost a transperson to hate violence, I fear that it will happen soon. The bigots have already started to verbalize their feelings since the recent November 4 election.

The recent incident I was told about upset me. A married non transgender woman with a short haircut was confronted downtown near Kinko's by several young males cruising Market Street. They hurled anti-gay slurs at her, and when the woman showed her tormentors her wedding ring, one of them responded, "Aww, you're probably married to one of them blankety-blank F to M transsexuals."

The interesting thing about this incident is that the woman in question is a student at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. They have been taught down the street and at their churches over the last twenty years that GLBT people are the enemy. Now that one of their own has been confronted with the hatred that we face, some of the students on that campus are starting to see the light.

Society needs to see the light, too. All that I and any other transgender person wants is to be able to use our God-given talents to make a decent living for ourselves and uplift our society. I was not put on this Earth to become a target for people who are upset at their how their own lives have turned out, are insecure about their own gender identity or sexual orientation, or want to use transpeople as bogeymen to scare people into donating to their pet political causes. Treat me and other transpeople as you would wish to be treated.

What needs to happen is that society needs to send a message that it will no longer tolerate its transgender citizens being brutally killed. We need to be included in hate crimes legislation at the state and federal level, and prosecutors need to start giving murderers of transpeople the maximum penalties under the law, and not plea bargaining them down to minimal probation terms.

I'm going to close this speech by quoting the Rev. Pat Robertson from that October 5, 1999 700 Club show:

‘God does not care what your external organs are. The question is whether you are living for God or not. Yes, He loves you. Yes, He forgives you and He understands what is going on in your body.’

Enough said.


TransGriot note;
On May 22, 2005 the fear that I expressed at the TDOR came true when Timothy Blair, a 19 year old transgender youth who was in drag at the time, was shot to death at 28th and Magazine Streets as he walked home from a bus stop.

Justina Williams-The 1979 JET Magazine Article

photo-Justina Williams

From the November 1, 1979 Jet Magazine article written by D. Michael Cheers. Deep thanks to Roberta Black for scanning it. Note how OUR media used the correct pronouns several decades before the 2001 AP Style Book mandated it, and treated Justina with respect.


Justina Williams always knew that she was different.

Ms. Williams, 30, was born Johnny Williams, a man with a gender disorder. She said that although she had a man's genitalia, psychologically she was a woman. Further, she had glandular bust tissue, and chromosomally and hormonally she was female.

"From my early childhood years I was more feminine than masculine. I just naturally assumd that I was a girl," she told JET. "I used to fight with my sister to see who would comb the doll's hair. I never played with games or toys associated with boys."

While on sick leave two years ago from her job as an assembly line worker for General Motors' Cadillac Motor Car Division in Detroit, she went to New York and was admitted to Boulevard Hospital for a sex reassignment operation..

Two months later she legally changed her name to Justina. Fifteen months later, after 10 years of seniority at General Motors she was terminated.

Ms. Williams filed a lawsuit last month in Wayne County Circuit Court where she claimed her termination was illegal, and that she suffered from unlawful employment practices and other forms of discrimination because of her sex. GM says they plan to answer the suit within a month.

Among the charges listed in the complaint, Ms. Williams alleges that she was "repeatedly harrassed, tormented and humiliated with verbal abuse with the intention of making her workplace conditions so unbearable that she would be forced to terminate her employment for her physical and mental well-being."

"I tried to be a man." said Ms. Williams, who now supports herself on general assistance and food stamps. "From 1970 to 1974 I even grew a mustache, tried to generate an interest in girls, but I could not become interested in them. We could only be friends. I never dated a girl in my life. I never had sex with a woman, nor have I ever engaged in any homosexual activity.

"When I was 13 I read a magazine article about an entertainer who had a sex reassignment operation. I knew then that there was hope for me. My prayers were answered." she continued. "In 1969 I started taking hormone shots to soften my skin and develop bust tissue. I even dressed like a woman, but only when I wasn't at work.
"Now I am totally a woman and content with my body. I have sex, have orgasms and really enjoy macho men," she added. Ms. Williams said that she cannot have children because she does not have any ovaries or a uterus.

As for her future, "What I really want to do is study cosmetology and move to another location so that I can get on with my life. I want to form an organization to help other women who have gender dysphoria and have suffered like I have. But for right now I want to concentrate on being female. I haven't had time to do that yet," she said.


TransGriot Notes:
Ms. Williams lawsuit against GM was never settled, but she did fufill her dreams of becoming a cosmetologist. She also went to school and became a legal assistant. The organization she formed, the National Gender Dysphoria Association helped many people in the Detroit area transition and lead happier, healthier lives. NGDS provides gender counseling, electrolysis, legal advice and SRS guidance.
They can be reached at:

National Gender Dysphoria Organization
PO Box 02732
Detroit, MI 48202
(313)842-5258

How Young Is Too Young To Transition?

photo-slain Washington DC transgender teens Ukea Davis (left) and Stephanie Thomas

Kim, 12, has always fought a male identity; she began hormones before puberty and will soon have surgery in a controversial step her doctors think more humane.

Kim is believed to be the youngest person to begin gender reassignment.

Biologically male and originally named Tim by her parents, Kim was diagnosed officially as a transsexual two years ago and has been undergoing hormone treatments. However, following an extensive mental and physical examinations, German doctors have been given the go-ahead. The child's parents have also expressed enthusiasm to begin immediately.

When the news broke about Kim's case in Germany it reawakened an old debate in the transgender community. How young is too young to transition?

We had a TSTB discussion thread on the topic and we couldn't come to a consensus on the right age to do so. We did agree that American attitudes on the subject of early transition lag far behind the rest of the world. In Thailand and Mexico for example, female hormones can be bought over the counter and the trend in other nations is increasingly leaning toward teenage transition.

My thoughts on it have evolved as the evidence continues to mount that the earlier a male to female transitions, the better. I used to believe that 18 was the right age to transition. I currently think that it needs to happen around 15, the start of the high school years. Many children develop a clear sense of whether they are boys or girls between the ages of 18 and 30 months. After that point gender stabilizes and the child adopts gender specific behavior in terms of mode of clothing, the toys they play with, et cetera.

Children with GID issues react in a different way. They will persistently insist that they belong to the opposite gender and show signs of discomfort with their body. Boys may exhibit a preference for cross-dressing, playing the female role and be disgusted with their penis. Girls may adopt masculine clothing, be drawn towards rough-and-tumble games and hide their breasts and vagina. GID kids want their unwanted body parts to disappear as they grow older and have strong preferences for friends of the opposite sex.

Shoot, sounds like my replay of my childhood.

In Great Britain and the United States, doctors follow the The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (formerly the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association) Standards of Care. They generally avoid gender reassignment surgery until the patients are 18.

WPATH guidelines state that "surgical intervention should not be carried out prior to adulthood" and that hormones should not be given to those under 16.

It is well known that early transition for male-to-female transpeople has more benefits than downsides. Testosterone is a powerful hormone and the earlier you can stave off its post-puberty effects the better for the transwoman to be. Teen transitioning allows your body to develop with feminine gender characteristics. More importantly there's not as much testosterone buildup to overcome and you avoid the testo-induced vocal cord thickening that produces a masculine timbered voice.

The major benefits are social. Families have a way of projecting their expectations for your life based on gender. A young transitioner would have the benefit of not only healthy self-esteem from having their body develop in the gender matching their brain's hardwired and self-perception, but the family would also see that. They would then develop a parental life expectation projection based on the female role, not the gender role you're leaving.

For example, if you're male, you're expected to 'carry on the family name' by marrying and having kids and doing better career wise than your father.
The later you transition in life, the harder it is for the family to let go of the 'old person' and those dreams. It lends itself to a situation in which the family can come to resent the 'new one' that took over the 'old person's' body.

That's why we often stress that a transgendered coming out is different from one of a gay or lesbian person. A gay or lesbian person inhabits the same body and gender that the family grew up with. Once a transperson comes out that old person is gone forever.

If the option had been available to me would I have taken it? You damned skippy I would have. I believe that had I done so at 15 my quality of life and familial relationships would be much better than the decade long isolation that I'm painfully trying to overcome right now in my nuclear and extended families.

As far as my body was concerned I have no problems passing. I was fortunate to be blessed with a wiry body build, smooth skin, limited body hair growth, feminine features and a rather androgynous voice. HRT basically enhanced and improved what I was given. My only regrets about transition is that I didn't do it sooner. The feelings I've had have been present in my life since I was 5.

If a young person has been insistent for years that they are in the wrong body, have gone through counseling and there is no change in their perception they are a member of the opposite gender, then why shouldn't society allow them to make the transition moves that will ensure a happier, healthier and more productive life for them?

Even if they came to that conclusion at age 12 or sooner.

Gender and the Pulpit

Photo-Rabbi Levi Alter and Rev. Joshua Holiday talking during a summit break

Workplace difficulties can arise for trangendered persons in nearly all professions, but what about those who are called to work for God?

By Lauren McCauley
Special to Newsweek
Updated: 1:42 p.m. PT Jan 23, 2007
From MSNBC.com
© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.


Jan. 23, 2007 - In 1973, Eric Karl Swenson was ordained in the Presbyterian Church and went to work doing what he’d always dreamed of: ministering to a congregation of the Southern Presbyterian Church in Atlanta. More than 20 years later, one dream almost ended when another began. When the Presbytery of Greater Atlanta discovered in 1996 that Swenson had finally fulfilled another lifelong desire—having sex-change surgery to become a woman—it started proceedings to revoke Swenson’s ordination.

At the time of her “transition,” Swenson did not resist the church’s questions nor blame its reluctance. “I had been in the closet for 30 years, learning to accept myself,” she says. “It is difficult for me to be angry at others for not accepting.” Married with two daughters before her transition, Swenson described her struggle, years later, in a sermon: “I had spent the better part of four decades wrestling secretly with the unreasonable and incorrigible desire to be female.” After almost three years of grueling questions and debate, the Presbytery finally agreed, 181-161, to sustain her ordination, making Swenson the first known Protestant minister to transition from male to female while remaining in office. Now 59, Swenson is tall and blond, with shoulder-length hair and an assertive manner. Erin, as she’s called, continues to work as a pastoral counselor and, she hopes, as an inspiration for others who find themselves living out, what may be, the last taboo in society, let alone organized religion.

This past weekend, Swenson and her peers gathered in the hills of Berkeley, Calif., for the first National Transgender Religious Summit at the Pacific School of Religion, an ecumenical seminary that prepares students for ordination in the United Church of Christ, the United Methodist Church and the Disciples of Christ. The conference, open to members of all faith traditions, is a joint project of the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) in Washington, D.C., and the Pacific School’s own Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry (CLGS). Sixty-five religious leaders attended, from Lutheran, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Unitarian, Quaker, Jewish and Agnostic communities across the country. On the agenda: denominational policy and outreach to transgender communities.

At the heart of almost every conversation that occurred during the conference was this: how does a person who chooses to live “with permanent gender ambiguity,” as one handout put it, also participate as a leader in an institution as traditional as religion?

Conference organizers think the time is right for transgendered persons of faith to come out of the closet. “Transgendered people are beginning to find their public voice with more advocates and opportunities for protection,” explains Justin Tanis, an ordained minister who helped put together the summit—and who was born female. With the House and Senate now under Democratic control, Tanis says, activists in the transgender community feel that they may finally be heard, and they are working hard to put together legislation on Capitol Hill, especially on the issue of workplace rights. No one knows how many people in the United States live with an ambiguous gender identity, either because of a firm conviction that they were born in the wrong body or because of a political ideology or youthful experimentation. But the issue has gained great resonance on college campuses of late, as well as in local legislatures and in gay activist circles. Last weekend’s conference was evidence that at least some of these people have strong religious identities as well.

The transgender issue is so new that most religious denominations have not yet made policy statements about it. In 2003, the Roman Catholic Church announced that transsexuals suffer from “mental pathologies” and should be barred from religious orders and the Catholic priesthood. Often using Biblical language to make their point, conservative Christian groups have treated transsexuals and other people with ambiguous gender as having psychological defects that can be cured with psychotherapy. Swenson, not surprisingly, objects to this characterization. “To pick out small pieces of Scripture and use them in a hateful way is damaging to me and to the Scripture,” she explains. “God says to love one another; should anything else matter?” Swenson finds evidence of God’s love, for her unique case, in Isaiah: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give, in my house and within my walls, a monument and a name better than songs and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.” (Isaiah 56:1-5).

Transgendered people say another difficulty is that many religious denominations reinforce gender stereotypes—conventions about women’s and men’s roles in the life of a church, for example, that pose problems for people who want to live outside those rules. “The Bible has been used incorrectly throughout history to justify slavery and to oppress women,” says Joshua Holiday, a female-to-male pastor at the LIFE (Love Is For EveryBODY) Interfaith Church in Louisville, Ky. A year and a half ago, Holiday organized a gathering of African-American transgendered people, The Transsistahs, Transbrothahs Conference (TSTB), to promote greater acceptance in the black community.

Transgendered clergy say they know that parishioners can become distracted by thoughts about what lies beneath their robes, but they hope that people in the pews can learn to see them as ministers with a holy mission. Religion, says Tanis, “is about compassion and human dignity”; he hopes the seminar will teach transgendered clergy to embrace their uncommon situation and use it for good. After going through his own transition, he says: “I had a greater sense of internal peace; I was wiser and could be a better religious leader. It is a gift to be able to see the world through more than one gender’s eyes.”