Make Sure He Loves And Respects Your Azz

One of the reasons I love my Facebook page and the over 1300 people from all walks of life I have on it is because I'm exposed to a variety of viewpoints and commentary that sometimes triggers the posts that I write for this blog.  

I had one hit my FB page courtesy of courtesy of  Alicia Bree-Brimage that was humorous but full of truth about the subject of marriage and women being in too much of a hurry at times to get married.

For my single lady friends who are in a hurry to get married, here's a quick piece of Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Drunkaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz, or Marriedaz & especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz & make sure he respects Yoaz!

There's a lot of truth in that statement.   It's resonating with me because I'm also thinking about this in the context of chatting with my young transsisters who are in heterosexual relationships.  

Yeah, despite the pushback and drama we get from society opposing our rights to get married, I am still a romantic at heart and believe the laws of our various nations will one day allow us without interference to walk down the aisle and say "I do" to the person we love.  

I've observed a lot of relationships over the years between transwomen and cismen, and I'm always amazed at how some beautiful transwomen ended up with guys that fell into the categories that were described in that comment.   Sometimes it was the same transwomen falling into a pattern of repeatedly dating the same type of buster guys because they believed they couldn't do any better or were desperate to find a husband or boyfriend to 'prove' their femininity. 

Some of that is driven by the latent shame and guilt issue we struggle with at times.  Some of it is simply lack of self esteem and confidence that they are all that and four bags of chips and deserve a quality man.  

Just as our cissisters do, we transwomen need to think about on a regular basis the qualities that we are looking for in a life partner. We need to determine what are the qualities that are non negotiable relationship deal breakers and which ones are the qualities you can compromise on?. 

Transwomen shouldn't be grabbing on to any man just to validate their femininity because of a mistaken belief on our parts borne in low self-esteem and low expectations that we can't do any better.   Neither should it be based on a mistaken belief on his part that we'll take whatever crap they shovel at us and won't leave them for greener pastures.  

We need to be willing to look in the mirror, love the person we see and bet that we are such high quality women that we are prepared to live our lives alone rather that settle for a toxic relationship with a man that doesn't respect or value us.  

Yes we should, yes we can, and yes we will   

Never forget the most important factor in this relationship equation.  Not only should he love and respect your azz, you should love and respect your azz as well.

New York GL Peeps Can Get Married Today.

Niagara Falls is known and still is considered on both sides of the border as a  marriage and honeymoon mecca for people to tie the knot.  

The Falls are also backlit from time to time in various colors to reflect Canadian or US independence days, et cetera.

They been backlit this week in rainbow colors to signify the fact that today is the first day that GL couples can get legally get married in New York State and have them recognized.    The gay marriage bill passed the New York legislature last month and was signed by Gov. Andrew Cuomo on June 24.  

Congratulations and break out the appletinis.  As to what effects it has for transpeople, we don't know yet. 

But what about GENDA?    You know, the trans rights bill that has passed the assembly by lopsided margins in four consecutive legislative sessions only to die when it gets to the Senate because you had marriage on the mind.   The trans rights bill that was necessary because we were cut out of the SONDA one you passed for your GL selves back in 2002?  .

Don't think we transpeeps will forget about being legislatively Left Behind again. or the other inconvenient fact about SONDA as we watch you GL peeps getting married on the news today.

Cuban Transwoman To Get Married

I find it an ironic and interesting development that while transpeople getting married is being fought tooth and nail in so called democratic Texas, Hong Kong and Malta, it will be happening in Cuba.

Thanks to the influence of sexologist Mariela Castro Espin, the daughter of Cuban President Raul Castro and niece of Fidel, the TBLG community on the island has seen major progress from the days when homophobia ran rampant on the island.   While there's been improvement on many LGBT fronts, same gender marriage isn't one of them because Cuba's constitution does not allow it.   There's been such forward momentum lately on TBLG issues that Fidel Castro last year expressed his regrets about the past persecution and repression of the LGBT community under the first decades of his leadership.

However, there's also some interesting chatter about tensions rising amongst the GLBT community on the island aimed at their powerful benefactor.


Things for the transcommunity are looking even brighter with a gender program run by Mariela Castro called CENESEX that offers free SRS to Cuban citizens.   The person who received the first state sanctioned SRS  surgery in Cuba in 2007 as part of this program is in the news again for another groundbreaking reason.

37 year old Wendy Iriepa, one of the Cuban transpeople I featured as part of a trans photo essay post on this blog,  is getting married to 31 year old Ignacio Estrada on August 13, Fidel Castro’s 85th birthday.

It marks the first wedding of its kind in Cuba.  While she is recognized as a female under Cuban law (duh),  interestingly enough her future hubby considers himself gay.  

He says that doesn't matter because he fell in love with Iriepa and hopes that their marriage will mark a new era for the nation of Cuba.

Congratulations Wendy and Ignacio.  May you both have a long, healthy and happy marriage. 

We also hope it marks a new era for the rest of the nations on this planet too.   They need to cease and desist with interfering with and invalidating our marriages for specious faith-based bigoted reasons.