A Baltimore Trans Woman Speaks

TransGriot Note: Our guest poster Lady Dane Edidi is a Baltimore native and a girl like us who resides in Washington DC.   She's a performance artist, writer and author of the novel Yemaya's Daughter that is currently available at Casa Ruby, here at her website and hopefully soon at a bookstore near you. 

 
When you love a trans woman you have to understand that every day she makes it home safe is a miracle. We not only have to fight against historical erasure but we have to fight in our neighborhoods often for survival. I live close to where some of my trans sisters have died in Baltimore . This is not a joke for me, it is not a game; it is not a matter of simply "complaining" too much, it is not a matter of not having enough faith; what it is is a matter of life and death.

Every day we are fighting against life and death. Some of us don't have any privilege.  We do not have the convenience of letting our voices be heard on Huffington Post, or the Advocate or Logo.  Some of us simply don't wanna die even when many of us have been told death is the only option.  Many of us are told this by our education system, our artistic communities, our familial systems, our neighbors and those who choose not to care or include trans women's voices in any decision made regarding trans women.

When I say to anyone check your privilege at the door just like you would your shoes; this is not a silencing of your voice, this is a call to empathetic, sympathetic and compassionate living. This is a call to hear and not simply react. This is a call to get out of your feelings and get into what really will facilitate healing which the start is to know your privilege does not make you evil, but your privilege can make you blind.

Every day a trans woman makes it home safe and lives another day is a miracle.  Think before you speak because this is not a joke, a comedy show, a Lifetime movie, a game.   This is real life with real people, with real struggles, with real lives, dreams, aspirations and desires.

Every day a trans woman makes it home safe and lives to breathe, laugh, cry, speak, and teach another day is a miracle.

Stopping James Crow III

Guest Post By Dawn Wilson

Happy Independence Day, and welcome to the James Crow III Era.  .

Within weeks of the SCOTUS desecration of the US Constitution with the Hobby Lobby decision we are seeing new efforts to demonize and marginalize people in this country.

If you think I'm being alarmist about this, just ponder these examples.

A new bill was introduced this week in the Tennessee State Legislature that if passed, would allow people and businesses to refuse to provide goods and services to homosexuals. The bill was filed by Republican State Sen. Brian Kelsey, who represents parts of Memphis and Germantown.

A Republican in Idaho, has proposed a bill which would protect professionals like doctors or police officers from being forced to render aid to a gay or lesbian persons.

Fourteen prominent faith leaders — including some of President Obama’s closest advisers — want the White House to create a religious exemption from his planned executive order banning federal contractors from discriminating against gays and lesbians in hiring.

This week in a small Southern California town, angry crowds stopped detained migrants from entering their community.

Recently, the Southern Baptists at its convention passed a resolution on June 10 that condemned and demonized transgendered persons. After reading about this unwarranted, adversarial attack on the humanity of a marginalized minority group, I was deeply saddened and angry.

Much of that anger was driven by the fact that the people pushing this James Crow III hate are wrapping their bigotry in Scripture.   But bigotry wrapped in scripture is still bigotry, regardless of what the proponents of it claim.

Why is this happening? Fear  Fear is a control mechanism. Fear is a killer of rational thought. Fear is the prohibitor of action.

Remember what Yoda said in The Empire Strikes Back about fear. 
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Stoking fear of others for the conservative movement has been the pathway to political power, and the policies in conservative dominated Red states and elsewhere in our country sadly are echoing Yoda’s words.   
We are seeing this depressing effect now of fear on our culture and our country.  It seems the more negative the news, the more fearful and sheeplike we become.

So what can we do to combat this steady push to a James Crow III era? Here are some suggestions.

Educate yourself and be knowledgeable on the issues of the day by consulting multiple news sources. Understanding the issues will help you see what is at stake in our communities, our states and our nation. 

Volunteer, lobby, speak up and out about issues you are passionate about and affect you directly and indirectly. 

Don’t be afraid to form an opinion.  When you do, be prepared to defend it with logic and reason. 

Finally, and I can’t stress this enough, VOTE.   Voting is your political voice in our 238 year old democracy.  You not only need to exercise your right to vote, but encourage others to register and do so as well  

On Election Day 2014, take you soul to the polls, bring others to the polling place with you, and do so in every Election Day from now on until the day you depart this world.

As Barbara Jordan once said, “The stakes are too high for government to be a spectator sport.”   So stop being a spectator and get in the political game by participating in each and every election from now on until you pass away. 

Jim Crow and James Crow, Esquire were reprehensible moral failures of this country then, and James Crow III continuing in their despicable footsteps won’t be any more  respectable in the second decade of the 21^st century either..

If we do this, we will be able to stop James Crow III.  We will also put the brakes on the mad rush to a dead, bygone era of demonization and hatred of our fellow Americans that needs to stay in the past

Janet's Letter To Jane Doe

Still pissed off to hear through my contacts in Connecticut that 16 year old Latina trans teen Jane Doe is still unjustly locked up in an adult correctional facility.   

This is unacceptable, and a solution needs to be found NOW to end this unjust situation

On her blog Janet Mock has penned an open letter to Jane Doe that need to be read and signal boosted.
Here's a sample of it:

But my dearest Jane Doe this letter is about you, and as you sit in a lowly institution unsuited for a girl queen like you — all I want is highs for you.

In your letter, you said being brutally and wrongfully placed in that adult prison made you feel “thrown away.” You are not garbage. You cannot be discarded and disposed. You are life. Your existence gives me life. You are an unflickering fierce flame that reminds me every day that girls like you — the ones who have unjustly been forced to jump insurmountable hurdles — are the ones our leaders should be centering in our movements. You are worthy of all of our attention, care and resources.

You can read the entire letter by clicking this link

Why RuPaul's Drag Race Should Eliminate RuPaul...And Itself

TransGriot Note:  If you think trans people outside the borders of the United States aren't paying attention to Drag Race's use of shemale and the t-word and are fine with it, this guest post by Malaysian activist Yuki Choe will blow that perception up.

She's in her words "a lone transsexual advocate and a vocalist, one who performs without drag."
***

It is now exactly a month since the fateful segment on the reality show Drag Race drew widespread condemnation from the transgender population, and what is deemed as transphobic slurs have since been removed from the show. There are discussions aplenty on where to draw the lines when it comes to terms that are hurtful to transwomen, like “she-male”. Words do count, but not for some who just refuse to understand how much influence words can get, especially specific terms that society usually use to mock transwomen.

Society is too lazy to study Trans 101, and they will eventually pick up information by what they observe along the way. People would look to the idiot box and find RuPaul, a man, in drag. They will reason that transwomen are males who drags like RuPaul. He uses “she-male” like nobody’s business, so there cannot be anything wrong with it. And for RuPaul, all this mash up is no big deal. But, it is. “She-male” is a term that is oft used to shame transwomen into mere sex objects. Such words are meant to demean any womanhood that any transwoman could have. It has all the motivations to humiliate transwomen by reminding them of just how incomplete their lives are with their bodies.

Do we hate him?

We hate RuPaul not because we have internalized transphobia; we hate what the character RuPaul brings to the front. We hate the imagery he represents because it is a caricature in which society determine how to define a transwomen – a she-male, a drag, a shim, a cross-dresser. He turns us into entertainment. He transforms the lives of transwomen into a Howard Stern styled comedy. Many attacked RuPaul for being transphobic, but I really doubt it. He may not even comprehend what the hell the outcry is about simply because he is not really a transgender. He never knew what that means 20 over years ago, and probably never will.

We are called to accept his drag world as a transgender representative, even by GLAAD’s definition of transgender. But he is not. His approach is one of a gay guy who thinks he is doing us a favour. That is the arrogance we so despise. We also cannot stand the fact that he still does not wish to learn from us. He has been ignoring the needs of the transgender population to be addressed with respect for many years.

Talking past each other

Some of the comments I read from the blogs highlighting this controversy, mention about policing of words. That this is transfacism. It is actually far from it. This is about words created to impact a population. Words come with its own definitions. Would a transwomen want to be described with terms bearing male pronouns like “she-male” and “lady-boy”? Perhaps the reason some insist there is nothing wrong with such derogatory words is obvious, is it not? They want to use the word because they feel nothing, but we feel hurt. Words like “tranny“ are widely used to bully children and verbally abuse transsexuals. People who stand by RuPaul just could not relate to that.

The words are meant to harm, which is why one should avoid using it. It has the power to degrade transwomen. It is easy to say we only give strength to the word if we bother about them. It does not work for transwomen. Because lest we forget, we are only less than 1% of the population. These words determine whether we are fit for the next interview to get a room for rent, or be forced back into the closet at churches. To drags and cross-dressers, it is all about dressing part-time or dressing full-time, the mentality is that transwomen are “really” genetically boys, as opposed to the term “genetic girl” when addressing cisgender women.

The point that transgender activists have been trying to say for the past month, is not only confined to that infamous game segment. It has been echoed for years to even the majority straight population – we are not a show, we are not freaks, so stop using media to turn us into jokes. But all this while, RuPaul sees transwomen as only men in women’s clothing, like him. There is not even one moment from him that shows he truly knows what it feels being born in the wrong sex. He parrots the belief that we are all drag queens in the end, and that some of us just decided to go further into hormones then SRS, which is so painfully far from the truth.

RuPaul’s Ignorance

When RuPaul implied about revolution by citing Orwell’s Animal Farm, he is talking about his own “drag queen” revolution that has very little to do with any revolutions that may or may not take place in transwomen’s world, a world that needs protection from the flurry of abuses that are generated by a vastly transphobic generation, and meant to punish transwomen; RuPaul would accidentally be behind another face of his revolution, one that is directly against transwomen.

He does not realize that in defense of words like “she-male”, he shows little understanding of how much damage it would have on trans women, all the while as he removes his makeup and pumped up dresses after shows to be Andre Charles again, with his package of male privileges. For him, it is his art, jumping into womanhood for a while, after being RuPaul for several hours.

But, for tens of thousands of transwomen, it is not an art. It is not an entertainment or a game. Gender Identity Dysphoria is a real condition that affects lives. Transwomen born with it need to transition. Their body mapping must change to accommodate their brain sex, and the intense distress is painful and lifelong. While he sits in his car out of drag, and heads for home after his show, many transwomen would be struggling to hold on to their jobs, and some may even encounter violence. RuPaul can jump out of his drag. Transwomen cannot jump out of their skin and be non-transgender.

RuPaul would expect us to “toughen up” and be “queen”. But we are tough, only not queens. We are simply women, but women who are tough because we have to endure hundreds of hazardous situations he most likely will not encounter even once in his life. And he is not helping. Until this gets into the thick skull of his and every other sympathizers he has, the discussion will not go anywhere.

Visibility breeds stereotypes

And people assume transwomen are “in-drag”. So people would disparage transwomen, and forcefully consider them men. Religious conservatives always lay claim to a “change” of “gay lifestyle” if transwomen want to. And those with lesser knowledge would just brand transwomen as a life choice, and when difficulties arise, sometimes even life-threatening, it is “really” transwomen’s fault because we “choose to drag”.

As transwomen, we wish we could just say to hell with the world. Unfortunately, as a minority at the mercy of a general public who find transwomen useful for tease and ridicule at best (and we do not wish to be reminded what happens at worst), what society think of us does count; it affects our jobs, our insurance, our education, our relationships, everything. And we already have to bear with misrepresentations from religious fundamentalists painting us all as child predators, rapists and fetishists.

Having RuPaul and his show amplifies even more stereotypes of transwomen. We should go even as far as to say he is abetting bullying of transgender children, and encouraging verbal abuse towards transgender people. After all, words are not sticks and stones, right? NOT.

The bigger questions

This is perhaps an appropriate period for us to ponder, what really is transgender now? Should RuPaul be even considered a transgender? While the American Psychological Association includes drag queens in its definition for transgender, many trans people have started to address themselves as transsexual and not transgender, simply because of the disparity in experiences of people born with gender identity dysphoria, and the rest under the transgender umbrella.

Is it not time to correctly address transsexuals as transsexuals and drag queens as drag queens? If we were to say drag queens are transgender, would we not have to include bio queens as well? Or even some animals in drag? Is it not time to consider a more accurate definition of transgender in GLAAD and other trans resources? Should RuPaul even be associated with the “T” still?

Maybe RuPaul is far from transphobic and has the right to use whatever word he wants; but he or any cross-dresser, drag queen, or any men who dresses as women, could and should spare a thought for transwomen afflicted by being born trans.   Unlike them, because any claims of sensitizing society is offset by their own misuse of words that attacks transwomen, the incongruence suffered by transwomen is real.

For transwomen, it is not about dressing, let alone over-the-top with a face buried in tons of makeup and purposely deepening their voices.  We are living our lives.  RuPaul would do well continuing his work, but not at the extent of creating collateral damage on the lives of transwomen everywhere.

Someone should start knocking a hard fact into RuPaul; the difference between a drag queen and a transgender, is that everybody can be a drag queen, even the queen of England. Not everyone can be a transgender, and for those who are unfortunately born transwomen, their lives are problematic enough without being trivialized by RuPaul.

Stop Yelling From The Porch

TransGriot note:  Proud to put up another guest post from Fallon Fox 

@jokestress @calpernia @TheAdvocateMag @huffpostgay Please stop yelling at us from the porch. It's hot out here, and the sun is beating on us hardcore. Yes, that ladle you're holding that's dripping with water sure does look good. But, I'd rather die than come up there. I'd rather die than not be respected like the other minorities in the world.

The porch is a very nice place to be I'm sure. And I'm sure it's nice and cool inside the house no? But, what do we have to do to get in that place? Oh, that's right, be made fun of. And release our ability to fight back when others keep theirs. I will not be coming up there with you. I'll toil out here with my sisters. One day the plantation will be overthrown. And where will that leave you?

**Warning - I must now spell out the slur words in text to use as examples in order for it to be clear what I say, and educate about these horrible words.**

Again, 'tranny' and 'shemale' are slurs. I won't stand by while my sisters and I are repeatedly disrespected by minorities outside of us. I won't sit back and allow any ethnicity outside of blacks, to attempt to joke around with the word 'nigger' at blacks expense without a fight.

I won't sit back and allow cisgender people outside of trans identity, to attempt to joke around with the word 'shemale' at trans women's expense without a fight.

This next question is important for the both of you. Would you be okay with ANY other ethnicity joking around with the word 'nigger' on TV in the way Ru Paul did?

Scenario- A Cuban rap artist holds a TV show. He has other Cuban rap artists come on the show, then tell those rappers to pick which rap artist in ANY ethnicity or a "nigger", depending on the partial photo presented.

All good fun, right? Nothing should be said to the entities that host their show?  It should be laughed off? Blacks who complain and demand that, should be removed should grow a thicker skin?

And free speech? Free speech is recognized by the government. Yes, you can say anything you want. However, there are real world consequences between citizens and businesses - when they say things within government protections of free speech.

Consider these three scenarios: 1- You want to come to my store and buy something? Great! But, don't call me a 'nigger'. Don't call me a 'shemale' either. Or you will be bounced. I don't have to let you stay in my store if you do. Why is that? 1- If I own a store, and my employee makes the unfortunate mistake of cracking jokes in front of customers by using 'shemale' or 'nigger', I can reprimand them, or fire them. Why is that?

2- If I own a business, and I myself make jokes in front of customers saying the word 'nigger' or 'shemale' I don't get fired. However, I will most likely lose business. Why is that? Perhaps it could be because we do have freedom of speech from a governmental standpoint. Which I applaud and love. It keeps our government in check, and is needed. But, outside of that, as Americans we govern ourselves in this regards.

Question for Calpernia Adams, Andrea James, the entities of The Advocate @TheAdvocateMag, Huffpostgay @huffpostgay: Can a politician joke around with the words 'nigger' or 'shemale' and keep their job? Would you say they should be able to keep their job on the grounds of free speech? If yes why? If no why?

As American people we have the power to vote our politicians out of office or impeach them for infractions of slur speech like this. And that is a good thing. Yes, you have freedom of speech; we all do. You will not prosecuted you for slur speech. THAT IS WHAT FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS. But, you do not have 100% free speech without the repercussions of people in your everyday life. That goes for businesses too. That is correct, that is right, that is needed. As the public need to keep businesses in check in this regards. Calpernia and Andrea, we will keep you in check. We will keep RuPaul in check. We will keep LOGO in check.

LOGO is a business. Ru Paul is an employee. The customers complained about his language at work in a work setting referring to derogatory language linked to its customers. They complained about this (repeatedly). Finally he was reprimanded. Do not attack @ChristinaKahrl. Do not attack those working hard to uplift our trans minority to a positive place in the minds of Americans. Do you love those who poke at us, their emotions of wanting to get that out of themselves, more than your own people?

Again, stay off of the porch.

We are valuable people. As valuable as Blacks, Gays, Asians, Native Americans, the disabled, et cetera . Stop treating us as if we are lesser human beings.  Have respect for your people, and have some respect for yourself. And I don't say that out of hatred. I say that because I truly, deeply, care about my people.


***If you are still unclear of my stance at this point I suggest you read the following link.*** http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2014/04/overpolicing-language-seriously.html?m=1

Overpolicing Language? Seriously?

TransGriot Note:  I read this essay Fallon Fox posted to her Facebook page concerning the still simmering controversy over serial transphobe RuPaul's use of terms the trans community has repeatedly told him were dehumanizing to our community and his white gay male fanbase rushing to defend him. 

The predominately white gay male supporters of RuPaul are holding up any trans woman who seems to side with him as a human shield to bash the rest of us with.  

Why?  Because they are hypocritically pissed off transpeople of all ethnicities had the temerity to do what they have done for decades.  We called and are STILL calling his azz out for using the 'shemale' and 't----y' terms we find offensive to our community and LOGO listened.

LOGO pulled the offending show with the female or shemale game form their site and will no longer used the offensive words on it and elements of the white gay male community are tripping.   What part of 'the trans community will decide what words are or aren't offensive to it' do you not get?  

The latest entry in that small minority of RuPaul trans defenders besides Calpernia Addams and Andrea James is Our Lady J, who recently penned an essay published in the Huffington Post that Fallon is rebutting here.

It deserves a signal boost.   And now, here's Fallon's essay.
**Warning - I'm spelling out derogatory words in this post in order to discuss an important issue.****

Is it true that Ru Paul recently complained to Amanda Byrnes use of the term 'faggot' in a tweet, stating: "Derogatory slurs are ALWAYS an outward projection of a person's own poisonous self-loathing." Just saw that online. That, and the Huffington post article by Our Lady J. I know, I'm a little late on that one.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/our-lady-j/rupauls-drag-race_b_5148719.html

I disagree with Our Lady J on this. 'Drag Queen' is an occupation created primarily in gay culture, in similar fashion, 'Rap artist' is an occupation created primarily by black culture.

Some people argue that 'shemale' is a harmless fun word. You ever Google the word 'shemale'? If not, then I suggest you do. See what you come up with. It's pages and pages of porn. While I like porn myself and see nothing intrinsically wrong with it, (other than the exploitation some porn entities use) - I do not appreciate the language alluding to me being a porn star or sex worker. Because that's what that word actually means.


It's that whole 'chick with a dick' derogatory language from cisgender people I've had to endure for years. No, there's nothing wrong with a woman with a penis. Nothing at all. But, that whole she-male term is wrapped around a very real history of forced sex work and porn. I say forced, because for the most part the trans women who have engaged in those occupations over the years have done so, because of lack of opportunity as trans women. It's pretty much slavery or a type of servitude in some situations. One needs the money to transition or risk losing ones sanity. One needs a job for that. But, one can't find or hold down a job in many situations if one is trans. So, where does that person go...? No other options but sex work or porn in many situations. Trans women are forced out of the openness of general society into a narrow channel that leads to sex work of some kind. And we are forced to endure the labeling of those outside of us. Labeling that seeks to never let us escape us being reduced to genitalia.

Look at the word shemale. We didn't pick this word for ourselves.
SHEMALE = "She" (female in mind ) + "male" (in the pants).

It was meant to mark trans women, and pin us down to what's in our pants pre-surgery (if we elect for it). It was derogatory.

See here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shemale
I remember when I first stepped foot in a drag bar. It was the only safe space I could find in town that I lived. Yes, some drag queens called themselves tranny, or she-male. And they got me to do it very briefly. But, as time went on, I realized how different I was from that drag mentality. I realized that I was trans, not gay. I was offered many times to be a performer because of my potential 'passability'. However, I declined, as I also realized one important thing about myself. I was not a parody of a woman. I was not seeking to be a parody of a woman even temporarily. I wanted to embody 'woman' both inside and out at all times. And not a hyper feminized, non realistic, rigid unmalleable version of one confined to a bar in the secluded side of town either. No, an intelligent, respected woman who had 'options', and held an occupation in spaces straight cisgender people did.


One thing is for sure. If I ever see a Cuban rap artist hold a TV show, have other Cuban rap artists come on the show, then tell those rappers to pick which rap artist in ANY ethnicity or a "nigger", depending on the partial photo presented, I'm going to lose it.

I don't care if Cubans and blacks are under the same umbrella of 'people of color'. I don't care if both of us face discrimination. I wouldn't give Cubans a free pass to hold a tv show and use that harmful word at blacks expense.

Let's look at the word 'nigger'. Where did that come from? The exploitation and hatred of black people in this country. Yes, they loved the benefits they got from us when we were slaves. They marketed us as 'niggers'. I'm quite sure if slavery was still in use today, you could do a google search for 'nigger' and come up with pages of pages of people trying to sell you a 'niggers' service.

Again, where did 'she-male' come from? The exploitation and hatred of trans women in this country. Yes, they loved, and still love, the benefits they get from us as sex workers and porn stars. They market us as 'she-males'. Some of us got lucky. We found ways around this horrible servitude. But, many of us would like out. Many of us want an education. Many of us are stuck, and living similarly to newly released slaves. Some of us see no potential for escape of the framing, no potential life outside of sex work, porn, or drag and accept the term. Some just decide to embrace it. Some, (and this is very, very rare) just like the ring of it. You can find some of them online if you search. Don't worry, it's not hard. Just type in 'shemale', and observe pages and pages of entities trying to sell you a 'shemales' service.

I realize that black oppression and trans oppression are different. But, they do have very striking similarities. And as a black woman I have no problem with pointing them out. It makes sense, and is important to do so in order to attempt to fix the similar problems that plague both minority classes.

...But wait, there's more.

I ask a few questions. And they are open for anyone to answer. And you may have already thought of it.
Are black people who call themselves 'nigger' or 'nigga' (and identify as such-which is rare), similar to trans women calling themselves 'she male' or 'tranny' (and identify as such-which is rare also)?

Are black people who call themselves 'nigger' or 'nigga' (and identify as black- which is common), similar to trans women calling themselves 'shemale' or 'tranny' (and identify as trans - which is also common... Kind of)?

I think so. And how does all of that relate to the topic of Ru Paul's she-male game?

Beginning Of The Inevitable Backlash

TransGriot Note: I said it a different way, but had to post this commentary from Jen Richards, the co-founder of the Trans 100 over the racist BS that erupted in the wake of the jacked up 'I'll deal with you' Morgan interview.

It was inevitable that other trans people would start coming for Janet Mock & Laverne Cox once they reached a certain level of visibility. Hell, we talked about it. Now that's it's come, it feels less saddening and more ridiculous. What I've just read is too absurd to dignify, and too transparently racist and self-centered to excuse, so I'll just make a few brief points.

1) If you're white and are upset by the attention on issues facing trans people of color, you need a serious reality check. When we talk about violence against LGBT people, we're really talking about trans women of color. That's who is being killed. When we talk about HIV, we're really talking about trans women of color. Yes, we're all suffering in various ways, but focusing where the crisis is most urgent doesn't hurt you. But your griping about it reeks of racism and hurts us all.

2) Neither Laverne nor Janet claims to be spokespeople for the whole community, but they're using their voices for the good of others, and there are a lot of us who are very grateful for it.

3) Don't like the attention Janet & Laverne are getting for themselves, people like them, or the issues they care about? THEN GO SUCCEED LIKE THEM AND MAKE YOUR OWN PRIORITIES. I'm so tired of people knocking others down just because they can't get themselves up. I've seen both of these women struggle, but I've never hear either of them blame anyone else. Not once.

3) Laverne was doing work in the community for years before 'Orange is the New Black'. Not only was she put on the Trans 100 before being cast, she flew herself out to Chicago for the event and was backstage helping other people, just because she wanted to. And she has used her to fame to bring attention to all kinds of issues and causes.

4) Of course Janet wants to sell books. She's a writer, and a damn good one. Is she any less deserving than any other writer selling books? And you all have no idea how much she gives back. But she's never done anything inappropriate to sell books or gather attention. She's just worked really hard, and really smart. Again, go do better if you can! But sure as hell don't tell me that you can't because your white ass has had a harder time.

5) A rising tide lifts all ships. When one of us succeeds and lifts others up, it's a good thing. Try just being happy that a few trans people are succeeding and keep working hard yourself. It's actually much more satisfying.

6) If you're white and are upset by the attention on issues facing trans people of color, you need a serious reality check. Oh, did I already say that? WELL CLEARLY IT NEEDS TO BE SAID A LOT.

We need to have more serious conversations about race in the trans community, and I intend to help start a few. We need nuance, and multiple perspectives. But this shit I've just seen on Facebook is plain old stupid, racist bullshit, so I'm going to have those conversations on another day.


TransGriot Update: And that racist backlash has included people deliberately writing negative reviews on Amazon.com about Redefining Realness.

Redefining Advocacy

TransGriot Note:  Been too damned long since I've had a guest post from Denny Upkins here and it's past time to rectify that.  In this one Denny discusses his journey and thoughts about becoming a trans ally

Enjoy

***

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

– Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I know nothing about the trans experience or trans issues. As an ally I strive not to know a single thing and I remind myself of this daily.

Allow me to explain. When I state that I know nothing of trans issues, it isn't because said issues aren't important. In fact, quite the contrary. By reminding myself I know nothing of trans issues, it is a personal reminder that as an ally, I am a student and it is imperative that I humble myself and be willing to listen to understand, learn to be an asset to my trans siblings.

In my experience Ive found that a willingness to do the right thing, a willingness to listen and  learn and healthy display of compassion, humility and respect, goes a long way with those who I stand in solidarity with. The shorthand: don't be a dick.

Social justice isn't rocket science, not the core concepts of equality and human rights anyway, but in my younger years it often seemed that way.

My education in being a trans supporter began several years ago on Livejournal. I was still trying to find my way having recently come out as a cis-gendered queer person of color. At the time I belonged to an Interracial forum where I met my good buddy, we'll call her Deanna and her girlfriend. I initially didn't know that either of them were trans women but I soon put two and two together as we continued to converse on the regular. Deanna was a riot and a fellow comic book geek. A woman of color herself, we connected on many levels and I was privileged when I made other friends through her.

I soon began to feel guilty because we were growing closer as friends and I realized I knew next to nothing about being a trans person and what they have to face in their day to day. I realized that if I was gong to be in Deanna and my other new friends' lives then I owed them and our friendships the proper respect to educate myself and be knowledgeable of their issues so I could provide support and be an asset, if they needed me.

Even though I had been active in social justice both online and in 3D space, the fears set in. What if I make a mistake, what if I get information mixed up when calling out transphobia and do more harm than good? What if—

And at that point, my reflection stepped out of the mirror backhanded  me, instructed me to get over myself and stop being a punk.

I first began reading Questioning Transphobia which is maintained by the amazing Lisa Questions. I rarely commented as I didn't want to disrupt their space and I was there in a learning capacity.

Soon thereafter I had the pleasure of meeting our very own Monica on Jasmyne Cannick's blog.

Time passed and eventually I became privileged to count both Lisa and Monica as not only mentors but friends as well. I also sat in on trans meetings at a local LGBTQ Youth Organization I volunteered for.

Too often I was heartbroken by the horrors trans folks survived and then amazed at what many of them have accomplished in their lives in spite of the obstacles and the dangers. Over time, I became more aware of the casual transphobia and microaggressions that I witnessed in the media and in society. See bigotry isn't always grandiose, it can be subtle and coded but a marginalized person has to be aware because it can literally make the difference between life and death.

However, as I've learned time and time again, not all bigots are that sophisticated or clever. In fact, to quote my buddy Paul Pogue, some fools are always trying to vacation in Chernobyl.

A few years back, I was a moderator for a popular comic book forum known as Scans Daily. The other mods claimed  they were wanting to take the forum into a more progressive direction and thought my experience and expertise in social justice would be a huge benefit. Trial by fire doesn't even begin to cover it but one of the worst incidents happened one day when a commenter started discussing how women are drawn in comics and proceeded to spew some transmisogynistic bile. A female commenter, a young trans woman herself, understandably outraged and hurt and read him the riot act. I also stepped in and made it abundantly clear that he was out of line and I was going to personally see to it that he was severely reprimanded for his actions. And of course the pushback commenced from other (white) members. My actions were tyrannical, we don't need politics in comic books, the female commenter should be punished as well for being angry and lashing out because calling out bigotry is worse than the actual bigotry. I won't mention all the flattering things I was called.

The next day I posted a video on the forum where a young black trans woman recounted a situation where she was violently attacked, and when she went to to the police for assistance, she was nearly arrested. It was my hope that the video would appeal to the forum's humanity. I was hopeful they would realize that transphobia isn't some abstract offshoot theory of political correctness but a real cancer on our society that is claiming lives. And hopefully by hearing this woman's story we would strive to be more sympathetic and respectful of one another.

That's when all hell broke loose.

That post broke the record with over a thousand comments. Half the forum stood tall and applauded our efforts to making the forum a safer space for minorities and the other half wanted to lynch yours truly, the uppity Negro for harshing their white comic book fanperson squee with political correctness.

 Despite the harassing emails and the hateful comments, I kept griping to a minimum because this was nothing compared to what trans folks deal with every day and if I can bear the brunt to help my peeps, then so be it.

Unfortunately all of the progressive efforts with Scans Daily proved to be for nothing. As the other mods, all of them white, decided a year or so later that cis white fangirls and their fee fees take priority and they should have a space to be racist, homophobic and transphobic and there were plans to penalize PoCs and trans members if they called out bigotry with an improper tone. And with that I departed, with a middle finger proudly raised.

Despite the drama, the stress, the bigotry, the hypocrisy, and the gaslighting, I learned a lot. I learned that you don't have to the foremost authority on social justice issues to be a good ally, sometimes it's simply a matter of taking a stand and doing the right thing, in spite of the risks, in spite of the repercussions. Sometimes its not even about taking up arms. Sometimes it can be showing kindness and respect to a trans customer who comes into the bookstore you work at and shares your love for all things Xena. A small act of kindness like that can shame a bunch of snickering transphobic co-workers into realizing what douchebags they were being..

Too often you do have to kick some butt and take names because there are some things worth fighting to protect and preserve, such as the humanity of trans people, and make no mistake, society has waged war on them and other minorities. But if you know your history, then you know it's a war that's been going on for ages.

We credit the Stonewall Riots for being a key moment in the fight for LGBTQ rights. What the history books and most of Gay Inc (read: mainstream white queers)  doesn't want you to know is that it was PoCs and trans folks who were on the frontlines. I've previously stated that I believe that LGBTQ equality will happen in spite of the gay community and it will be the result of PoCs and trans folks in the trenches doing the heavy lifting. I believe that more than ever. It's always PoCs and trans folks on the frontlines and yet somehow we're erased from history and our humanity is denied.

When a minority's humanity is denied, it allows for cis gay activists to push for legislature and agendas that conveniently omits trans people from the basic rights Gay Inc is pushing for.

When a trans person's humanity is ignored white interviewers have no qualms about violating personal boundaries of black trans women.

When LGBTQs are facing job  discrimination, queer teen homelessness, violence against trans people, and high suicide rates, being able to register at Neiman Marcus should be at the bottom of the priority list, but white supremacy teaches otherwise. After all white supremacy teaches that some lives matter more than others. And privileged cis white queers being to marry most certainly trumps the fact that 53 percent of anti-LGBTQ murder victims were trans women or that 73 percent of all LGBTQ homicide victims were people of color.

 That is the legacy of a white supremacist society, because trust, no matter the marginalized issue, more often than not, it comes back to race. White supremacy teaches that in order for whites to thrive, they must step on others in order to be superior. There's a reason why white gays have been actively campaigning against people of color, most notably during the Prop 8 fiasco. It also explains why white fauxminists constantly throw women of color and trans women under the bus. It's also why many white gays are proud Log Cabin Republicans and supporting the very people who oppress us. See not everyone is fighting for equality, in fact many white minorities are fighting to regain their privilege and gain a seat at the oppressor's table.

Wanna know why most white minority leaders are so quick to compromise and negotiate with bigots. Because they don't like falling out of favor with other whites. Despite all of their denials, they understand white privilege is very real and they rely on it. This is why many poor whites will vote Republican even though the GOP is constantly pushing to deny the poor basic benefits and necessities. This is why a number of whites, cis and trans alike have all but waged war on Laverne Cox and Janet Mock, two accomplished black trans women whose only crime is actively working to attain equal rights for all trans people. But such is white supremacy. It has people go against anything that benefits them, betray their very self preservation just to enjoy white privilege and remain in the good graces of other bigoted whites.

The same dynamic that played out in Scans Daily is repeating itself here. Two extraordinary and accomplished black women are being attacked simply for wanting to better their communities and help change lives. And just as I stood tall to help defend the humanity of the SD forum member, and the bookstore customer, I'm standing with these ladies as well.

In these experiences I've learned one fundamental truth. True allies, true advocates, true supporters, are like family, or as I say your Ride or Die. They will fight to protect you no matter the cost, they will celebrate you and appreciate you as the gift you truly are. After all, you're family.  Thinking back on these past few years, the irony is not lost on me. I set out to educate myself (because I "knew nothing") to be a useful resource to my trans friends if they ever needed me to be so, and in the process, I'm the one who grew and evolved.

Imagine that.

.  

Dyssonance Comments On The Piers Morgan Interview

Been a while since one of Antonia D'orsay's posts has graced my blog. 

But since Piers Morgan had the balls to call Toni's name in vain on his show, I thought it only fair to give The Empress of the Known Universe a chance to respond to his ish and have it signal boosted for the benefit of her loyal subjects courtesy of my GLAAD Award nominated blog. 

The firestorm is still raging inside and outside Transworld over the jacked up second interview that incredibly people with vanillacentric privilege are attacking Janet Mock for and applauding Morgan for putting the 'uppity' Black trans woman in her place.   (sarcasm meter on maximum)

Toni wrote a post on her Dyssonance blog critiquing the interview and subsequent online firestorm and here's a taste of it.

I had stayed out of it, and raised an eyebrow at the way he and his followers were saying that he hadn’t been given the benefit of the doubt. Yet he had been given such: that was how Janet Mock went on his show the first time, and then it was why he was given a second chance the second time. That isn’t merely the benefit if the doubt, that is being willing to stick your hand n a fire twice.

Which is just one example, by itself, of why the entire second show was an act of violence and abuse, and it was intentional because he not only threatened her the night before, but he is so ignorant, he cannot help but be part of the system that intentionally causes harm.

So in that, we can see that what he did not only meets the World Health Organizations definition of violence based on scientific consensus, but that it was an immoral and unethical series of actions as a whole, meant to put her into her place and allow him to stand atop his prize and bleat triumphantly.
I saw it, livestreamed via a friend.

You can read the rest of Toni's post by clicking on the link.

A Trans Ally Sounds Off

TransGriot Note: A guest post from Tresha Ruthe that originally appeared on her Facebook page, but it's deserving of more widespread readership and attention.   Thanks for allowing me to post it here.

With the widespread idiocy in the last few days regarding the LGBT community at large, and specifically the Trans community, let me explain the Trans experience in the most succinct way I know: Your brain, not your body is the seat, source, and home of your identity. If you, as you are now, with all your likes, dislikes, hates, loves, preferences, tastes, and all those things that define you as you, woke up tomorrow with the opposite gender's genitals, you would be living in the Trans experience. Now, try for just 10 seconds to imagine not only the internal, "This is wrong!" but also having the entire world tell you that you CAN'T (not shouldn't) but CANNOT be who you are at the very core of your soul. THAT is what it means to be Transgender.

Whether you understand why a transgender person is transgender or not; whether that is a choice you would make or not; whether you are comfortable around them or not; they deserve tolerance, understanding, support, love, and to be championed. No matter who the person was "before transition" they are still, at the core of their being, the same person "after transition". If you loved them "before" why can't you love them "after". A "sister" doesn't "become a brother", they always were one, it's just that you couldn't SEE that they were a brother and not a sister. Transition is nothing more than making a physical change so that others can see what's inside. In many ways, transition is on the same level as dying one's hair, losing weight, having plastic surgery, or any other form of body modification done to make us feel more comfortable in our own skins. Yes, Transition is an extremely difficult process. Yes, it is far more extreme than dying one's hair, and I have yet to meet a Trans person who didn't take their choices with every ounce of the gravity that those choices deserve. Until you have personally had to choose between living a lie, dying a truthful suicide, or going through one of the world's most humiliating processes of change, do not presume to assume that you "know what those people are really after." I can tell you, from deep, direct, constant contact with not just one, but many Trans people, what they are really after is love, acceptance, and their own truth of identity. None of that should threaten or frighten you. If seeing them around does either of those things to you, that is ignorance, intolerance, and unacceptable. Get over yourself.

PS: This is not directed at anyone I know personally, but rather some things happening in the society.

Celebrating Transgender Day Of Remembrance In Malaysia?

Trans advocate Yuki Choe was the main speaker for the inaugural Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial event organized in Malaysia in 2008 by fellow activist Thilaga Sulathireh.   Choe has organized TDOR's in Malaysia following the principle that it is an international trans memorial service laid out by TDOR founder Gwen Smith from 2009-2012.

But this year's Malaysian TDOR event was problematic for her.  

Just like here in the United States, there have been some Malaysian transpeople who have complained the TDOR's are 'too somber' and need to be 'more festive'.  I've commented on that irritating 'more festive TDOR' point more than a few times on TransGriot, and now Yuki Choe will have her opportunity to do the same.   

In this guest post, Choe makes the case that the organizers of the 2013 TDOR event in her nation went too far in that festive direction.  By doing so, they disrespected the memory of not only the local Malaysian trans women who were killed this year like Dicky Othman, but all the people around the world we lost due to anti-trans violence. 

TransGriot Update 4 December 2013:  Well well, seems like somebody in Malaysia was pissed off about Yuki's guest post spotlighting the jacked up TDOR they had.   They complained and got the pics of their disrespectful TDOR event removed from this blog post.   

But that's okay, still doesn't change the fact that people around the world already saw them and are talking about how you disrespected the memory of Dicky Othman and other trans women who lost their lives around the world this year to anti-trans violence with your travesty of a TDOR. 

And because you pissed me the hell off with that nekulturny move, you're officially on my bad side and Yuki Choe has an open invitation to guest post here anytime she wishes.   

And now, here's Yuki

***

Imagine this scenario. In an unknown state, there was a year-long mass murder happening. 238 people were reported dead, while countless others were missing. The local church decided to start a memorial on the 20th of November, where they announced each of the 238 known names of the dead, along with a candlelight vigil, and begin discussions on how to stop the violent killings. Everyone, including the founder, decided it would be a day to remember the dead and the dead only.

Then someone decided to run the same event on a later date on the 29th of November, decided to invite some pretty girls to dance, gave out some awards to courageous councilmen who were nowhere to be found when the murders happen, promoted and raised funds for the group, and only mustered up 29 names out of the 238 who died.

You do not make a mockery out of your family’s funeral, memorial, wake, or whatever form to grief. Sadly, this happened recently in one country, Malaysia.

A week before the programme was announced, concerns were raised up to the fact that at a time of worldwide mourning for the dead of Transgender Day Of Remembrance (TDOR), a group comprising of members from PT Foundation (a local AIDS prevention organization) and Justice For Sisters (a local trans group) decided to change the principles of TDOR and added several features that draws power away from the voices of our dead, which includes award ceremonies for three trans personalities, a drag queen dance performance and promotional efforts to aid Justice For Sisters.

One even acknowledged in social media that all the names of the dead from the TGEU Monitoring Project website will be announced during the candlelight vigil of the event.

In the end, when the event was held last Friday, two sources confirmed to me that only 29 were named, leaving 209 trans people thrown under the bus for the sake of self-promotion. Worse, one of their supporters who goes by the name Ineza claimed “it was empowering for everyone who attended”. 

Therein, lies the problem - you are not supposed to feel empowered during TDOR. You are supposed to be in grief, and seek solutions to aid recovery.

From a recent FaceBook discussion, this is not the first time TDOR became an event less focused on the dead; Peterson Toscano said, “ I have heard this happen elsewhere. There is such a need to face the hard tragic realities of violence against trans and gender non-conforming people. But not as just a memorial, but also as a time and place to commit to resist and work for justice and a better world. But TDOR is a somber event, a tragic, awful one and one that demands we feel the weight of it.”

But should there be room for people to revise TDOR into a less morbid event? Monica Roberts commented, “Since TDOR founder Gwen Smith is a friend, we stay in contact, and I was around in the community at the 1999 outset of the TDOR events.  They were always meant to be memorial services. What people have done over the last few years is to have other trans education events leading up to November 20. That's fine if you do trans themed panel discussions, trans themed movie nights, lectures, or community forums. 

But dances, drag shows and pageants? Not no but HELL no. You have 364 other days on the calendar to do those. November 20 should be a day where we remember our dead, use that day as an opportunity for our allies in the gay, lesbian, bi and straight communities to join us and build intersectional community links to build future political and cultural progress upon.”

This writer agrees that to add other elements such as award ceremonies and drag shows, or replacing the principles of TDOR especially removing a huge bulk of the names to be announced for convenience, tortures the soul of what makes TDOR such an important event, and it should not be defaced by promoting people and organizations of the living.

But could people be allowed to change TDOR, to perk it up so it would not be too sombre or for many, boring?

Some folks do bring alcoholic drinks and sexy girls to funerals to be jolly, so should TDOR be “celebrated” like it was this year in Malaysia?

Yuki Choe is a lone transsexual advocate and ex-gay survivor, organizing TDOR events in Malaysia from 2009-2012 and the main speaker for the first TDOR organized by activist Thilaga Sulathireh in 2008, following the TDOR guiding principles. There have been trans murders yearly in her country.

Stories from previous Malaysian TDORs:

2008: http://tiltedworld.org/2008/12/04/we-will-remember/
2009: http://www.exgaywatch.com/2009/11/malaysia-report-transgender-day-of-remembrance/

2010: http://www.fridae.asia/newsfeatures/printable.php?articleid=10461

2012: http://www.fridae.asia/newsfeatures/2012/12/11/12104.a-death-religion-and-the-transgender-day-of-remembrance

Attention TDOR Organizers-Unite With Us

TransGriot Note:  I definitely approve of this message from BTMI-BTWI

Attention TDOR Ceremony Organizers - Unite With Us! Invite and Include Black and Latino Trans people in your programming. Let THEIR VOICE be heard!

Thank you to the many TDOR Ceremony organizers for organizing TDOR services around the world on November 20 in acknowledgment of Transgender Day of Remembrance. Black & Latino Trans women are on each TDOR list every year at an overwhelming amount so for this reason there should always be a voice from this community invited in your programming every year. Celebrate Trans Lives!

TDOR directly affects the black Trans community. TDOR for our black Trans community is a time of memorial, spiritual and community support and activism. We are asking TDOR organizers to be mindful of what TDOR means to our community and frame your TDOR Ceremony where it is always inclusive of Trans people in African American & Latino American communities. Remember Our Deaths!

Look at your current TDOR program. Are you finished planning your ceremony? How many Black & Latino Trans women do you have as speakers? Are you paying for TDOR keynote speakers? How many of them are Black or Latino? Have you invited the families affected by TDOR to your ceremony, are they included? If you are raising money to "fund" TDOR ceremonies how many Black & Latino families benefit from this fund? How many Black & Latino Americans do you anticipate participating in your ceremony? How have your reached out to this community to ensure that they are invited to attend? The ceremonies should speak to the community it affects! Give Black & Latino Trans people a place for their voice to be heard.

Activism around TDOR also calls for continued support of black and Latino Trans communities. We need stronger alliances that will help to prevent disparities faced by trans communities including violence and the number of crimes committed against our community. End Trans Violence! Build with Black Trans Advocacy.

Having trouble in reaching the Black Trans Community? Black Trans Advocacy is represented nationally and you may access our community through our Black Transmen Inc, Black Transwomen Inc and Black Trans International Pageantry networks.

Need more help? You may partner with us directly or as a TDOR Unite! partner and use the TDOR Unite! logo in your programming as a sign of support for unity around the concern of violence against women and transgender people -- and that particular targeting of transgender women of color that is so evident on November 20 each year.

Thank you again for hosting TDOR in your local community. We need you and depend on you to help unite our community and to advance our mission of equality, advocacy, empowerment and social change.

Invite and Include Black and Latino Trans people in your programming. Let THEIR VOICE be heard!

I Define Me: A Trans Movement for Awareness And Self-Validation

TransGriot Note: Guest post by Bryanna Aeon Jenkins.

How do I begin? I am a proud black woman of trans experience (24 Years Old) and I am not backing down anymore. Let me start off by saying that I am hurt, tired, and I am definitely ready to make a change. I am so tired of people getting to tell the world who I am, shout it from the mountain tops for everyone to hear and see, while I am told that I should just deal with it because I am deranged and crazy anyway, or the ever famous “that’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it.”

I am tired of people religiously believing the opinions of trans phobic black gay men and black lesbians, while what I say, which is based on factual knowledge, feeling, and personal experience is denied, diminished, and dismissed. I was under the false assumption that when I transitioned in the fall of 2008 I was in a LGBT community that loved me, accepted me, understood me, and would defend me when I didn’t have the strength to do it for myself.

What a foolish and misguided young girl I really was. 

It's is now on this day, Friday September 27, 2013, that I declare LGBT is not a community as we have all be conditioned to think. We have to be very mindful of the words that we use to define and call ourselves because the world will treat us as such, a very good friend had to remind me of that.

Community implies a group of people who are similar and who share common interests and beliefs. On this journey from 2008 to now I have found these things to be untrue of LGBT people, we are not the same nor were we ever meant to be. We are a coalition at best, a group of different factions of people who come together for the purpose of organizing and achieving a common goal, but that is simply where all similarities end.  We as trans people have got to stop hiding in the shadows of gay and lesbian people who are not our community and who do not have our best interests at heart. Only we know what is best for us. This is truly a matter of life and death.

To the transphobic gay and lesbian people who do not understand our struggle, nor want to for that matter because they see us a shame or burden, you do not have the permission to publicly spread untruths, misinformation, and stereotypes for the world to hear about who I am and about what I represent to the world.

I was enraged when I saw a video posting of the popular YouTube show “The Skorpion Show”, that is hosted by Kevin Simmons and Makael McLendon, say on a global platform that Trans-Women are all gay because we are born with penis’, as if they are the authorities on the subject of who we are. Then in a subsequent video they defended their myopic and detrimental views about what we are. The show's creator Kevin Simmons even when on to say that we (trans women) are still gay and are really men, but he will call us women just to respect us. NEWS FLASH: I don’t want your respect if it comes at the price of compromising the essence of what me and my trans brothers and sisters really are, and this goes beyond physically passing in society. When I tried to reach out to the show's creator I was blatantly told that he didn’t want any education on the subject of trans people and I can’t get mad at his opinions.

However let's be really clear.  When you're are at the forefront of a public platform where your viewers are watching your opinions and receiving them as fact then you have a social responsibility to put out accurate and correct information. Also if you have little knowledge about a topic, especially on one that is complex as the transgender spectrum, then it is up to you as the deliverer of this topic to be as educated as you possibly can be.

The fact is that you need a certain level of educational clarity in order to accurately discuss the issue of trans people. Making comments based off of ill formed opinions only works to further perpetuate stereotypes and misperceptions about the trans community. Many of these stereotypes and misperceptions are the basis for hate crimes against trans people, discrimination in the fields of healthcare, legal systems, and the workforce, and the misunderstanding from our familial bases.

I am not mad because of what they said  I have become accustomed to the worst treatment from trans phobic gay and lesbian people. It was the fact that the creator of the show did not want to invest the same time and energy into promoting the correct facts about trans people for the world to hear and receive. The bigger picture is that “The Skorpion Show” is a microcosm of Black gay and lesbian intolerance and Black societal intolerance as a whole when it comes to trans people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me4GA8ytQDg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apknk5z-IRY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISYPMigh4bw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycJmEexXkdY

I partially have myself to blame for this situation because I should have addressed it when this issue of disrespecting trans women was a common theme throughout their show since 2008, but I foolishly remained passive and thought things would get better on their own because we were all one community.

There goes that damn word again, “COMMUNITY”. 

Like I said I was foolish. I know that there is no such thing as an LGBT community, which is just a term by the hetero-normative community to put us all into one box that was never meant for us to be in initially. However, there is a trans community full of pride, full of dignity, and full of respect. When I publicly disavowed my support for “The Skorpion Show” and its creator Kevin Simmons, because of the show's lack of accurate depictions and discussion of trans people, many girls from my own sisterhood told me that I should let it go and wash my hands of the situation. I get where they come from because sometimes as a trans person you get so tired and weighed down by having to defend your worth to people who refuse to open their minds and ultimately their hearts.

Then I think what if those Black kids at the Woolworth’s lunch counter had simply kept walking past that “WHITES ONLY” counter and said. "Not today" or if those trans people like Miss Major, who was a part of the 1969 Stonewall Rebellion, said "Bitch, Imma just get locked, I don’t feel like fighting today". We young trans women have got to shake the foundation to create changes and put in transphobic people's faces exactly what they don’t want to see…trans people who are grounded, assertive, and comfortable with who they are and what they put out to the world.

Trans people are not a subset of anybody’s group. We are our own legitimate cause and until the day comes where there is no more breath in this body I will continue to fight for what fair and for what is right.

I don’t ever want to see another transphobic gay or lesbian person accept another dollar of government funding, accept LGBT media awards (http://blackweblogawards.com/past-winners/), or indulge in the fruits of the mainstream acceptance of gays and lesbians that was gained on the backs of the suffering and degrading of trans people, certainly those of color.

I do not want to go to another funeral of one my fallen sisters, where not only is she purposefully misgendered by societal media, but she is also misgendered by her family who refuses to accept the reality of her unique position in life and ultimately why she had to leave this earth in an all too common violent way. We are here, We are authentic, We exist, We can speak for ourselves and we will not remain silent anymore!

To the allies who fully understand the conversation, I want you to feel empowered to encourage us trans people to tell our own stories because WE have to be at the forefront of our own movement if things are to ever change

The Hurdles Around Love For A Transwoman And A Trans Attracted Man

Guest Post By Rebecca Desvignes Aeon

It is not as simple for a transattracted man that's now discovering his attraction towards transwomen, to fall in love, or be in a serious committed relationship with a transwoman unless he has come to terms with his personal thoughts, desires and acceptance of it all including overcoming the fear of being called gay by the ignorant statements from most of society from lack of education.

It is an emotionally challenging experience for a transwoman that is comfortable in her mindset and skin, being in love with a transattracted man, that is now discovering his attraction towards transwomen either in the exploration stage, or is seasoned but yet still dealing with the fear of family and friends finding out, and also being incapable of reproduction in some cases, if that transattracted man happens to desire having a child through non-adopted options.

It's is even more emotionally challenging for an HIV-positive transwoman to date and find love.  Some are having to deal with some transattracted men that may at first start a relationship after being told at first of her status, agreeing to continue dating, and may quit with no explanations afterwards.  This is also including HIV-positive transattracted men receiving the same treatment from an HIV-negative transwoman.

Some transattracted men live with a burning desire to be in love and be in either a serious committed relationship or marriage with a transwoman, but is too afraid or circumstances don't permit for such a union. Therefore for some transattracted men, it's easier to have one night stands or secret unions behind closed doors when having the chance to do so while others which some people call chasers, remain in exploring mode.

Some transattracted mens only interest in transwomen is purely sexually motivated.   They could never fathom the thoughts of falling in love with a transwoman due to the lingering subconscious mindset they were indoctrinated with from an innocent child from elders and refused to see otherwise.  They continue looking at a relationship whit a transwoman and thinking about it subconsciously as being with a 'man'. If by chance they did fall or feel like they are falling in love with a transwoman, their first initial reaction is to run or disappear.

Some are only willing to accept and deal with the imagery of the female figure with something extra for many provoked through sexual urges honed through shemale porn.  Many are spontaneously still haunted by their issues of their own sexuality from misguided visuals, information and lack or no available correct information about the lives transwomen really live. 

It is a very odd position for a transwoman to be in to have to school, teach Trans 101, answer questions that sometimes border on the offensive or odd coming from an inquisitive eager transattracted man newly discovering transwomen about her life and the issues we face.

The bottom line here is a pre-operative or post-operative transwoman is a woman and needs to be loved and treated that way!

The love union between a transwoman and transattracted man can only be possible when first there is love, trust, fidelity, open mindedness, comunication, understanding, patience, willingness, and consistency.

Those qualities will help both parties overcome the hurdles around love for a transwoman and a trans attracted man.