Sistahs, Let's Stop Hatin' On Each Other

Guest post from Robin Bonner

Okay, so I walk in and you see me. You see that my hair is done, my outfit is fierce and I carry myself like a lady. I smile at you but you roll your eyes at me, then, turn your head and whisper something to your girl. Why you hatin'

Okay, so maybe I'm a new employee and this is my first day at work. I almost thought I would be the only sistah in the joint until someone introduced us to each other. I smile and extend my hand, happy to know I won't be here alone. You smile and shake my hand but there's insincerity in your eyes and your hand is limp. You seem guarded.

What's wrong Ma'?

Okay, so maybe my man and I have been having problems. And since you've been my best friend for years I confide in you that I think he's cheating on me. You offer your support. Until I find out that he's been cheating on cheating on me....with you! Why would you hurt me like that?

I found your knife, girl.....it's in my back!

As women we battle daily. We battle keeping our families together, keeping our men happy and maintaining our presence in the workforce. With all that battling going on why in the world should we have to battle each other?

Now I'm not saying every sistah has a knife but some of you do and you know who you are. Why is it that a woman can't get her glamour on without you having a problem? Why can't I get a blonde weave without you having something to say?  If I'm working myself to death in the office trying to climb the corporate ladder why am I suddenly a sellout?  If I leave the room for a minute why can't I trust you around my man? Smiling in my face, but gossiping all my personal business behind my back?

You now have permission to consider yourself trifling!

Inferiority Complex. It makes us feel that in order to be someone special we have to put everyone else beneath us. Are we so insecure in ourselves that we can't feel good until we pull someone else down?

There's something wrong here. We've come to envy those who've accomplished in their lives what we've only dreamed of having for ourselves. And when we fear we will never be able to get what we want - we steal it.

There is a serious self-worth issue going on here. We're in a day and age where we should be encouraging each other and holding each other up.

Sisterhood should not end when Oprah goes off. Truth be told, there will always be someone prettier, sexier, stronger, and smarter. I'm sorry Boo - that's just the way it is. But that's ok.....just do you!

I don't care how good Beyonce' looks - if she walks into the same room I'm in, it doesn't make me any less of the diva I already am! I love admiring hairstyles...but there's no need to be jealous. Honey, nowadays there's enough hair for 'err-body'.

I have goals in life. There are things I strive to attain. Yet I seek out successful sisters because they keep me motivated.

Life is so much more than who looks the best, who dresses the best and who makes more money. So when you see your sister going for hers let it inspire you .... To do you

Being A Transwoman IS Being A Woman

TransGriot Note: Guest post by Rebecca Desvignes Aeon.   

Being a transwoman is being a woman from the soul, spirit, mind and heart born in the wrong body.

Being a transwoman is not a choice you make, it's who you were born as from your first breath into this world.  Some recognize it early, some late, but you can't run from your truth.

Being a transwoman is not about dressing up as female one day and next day as a regular man, that's a crossdresser. A true from the soul transwoman is a woman that lives 24/7 as a woman.

Being a transwoman is wanting to live a simple life as any other woman.  She desires a Boyfriend / husband, a career, a home, a family, and a stable financial situation. We are not a shemale looking for sex 24/7. 

A shemale is not a transsexual woman, a.shemale is a porn performer surgically altered to look like a woman, for the sole purpose of making porn movies for money.  The words shemale, ladyboy, transvestite, he-she, crossdresser, et cetera is in no association whatsoever with a transsexual woman.  A transwoman is a woman period regardless of her private parts. 

A true woman is defined by her spiritual femininity, her ladylike characteristics, and feminine thoughts, not her private parts.

A true trans attracted man would never approach a transwoman verbally when attracted to her and label her as a shemale, ladyboy, dude, man, crossdresser, transvestite or he-she.  To do so means he does not view you as a woman.  A true trans attracted man would view you as a woman, potential girlfriend or wife and will proudly walk the streets in public hand in hand with you.

If a man is only willing to be with you if you had a vagina, or will if you have the SRS surgery, forget about him.  He does not recognize or appreciate your femininity, your mind and heart, and still subconsciously looks at you as a man.

If a man is only interested in you only if you are pre-operative and has an obsession with penises on a female figure and not your mind, heart and soul, get rid of him because you deserve better.

A true trans attracted man will see you as all woman regardless of being pre-operative or post-operative, will treat you as a woman, will see you as a potential girlfriend or wife, will proudly go everywhere with you and live with you openly regardless of their family or friends opinions.

Dr KRZ-Commentary On The New Black Trans Narrative On OITNB

I just spent Sunday evening and early Monday morning watch the Netflix series Orange Is The New Black mainly to check out my homegirl Laverne Cox's performance as Sophia Burset and see what kind of job the writers did on this trans character.

I had some reservations about the role before the series started in whether it would be playing into stereotypes of Black transwomen, but because Laverne was playing this character, I was confident that whatever flaws were in the original script she'd be able to point out and correct.

I was blown away by not only by Laverne's performance throughout the first season, but how three dimensional a character Sophia has turned out to be.

Orange Is The New Black was renewed on June 27 for a second season.

.Dr Kortney Ryan Ziegler in his latest post discussed OITNB and the Sophia character.

Sophia’s choice to rely on strategy and intellect instead of her body to get what she needs, is not the limit of her sexual agency. As a trans woman who is married to a cisgender woman, the portrayal of their relationship explodes overarching myths that have positioned trans women of color as sexually undesirable outside of pornographic imagery. At the same time, their union also calls attention to the nuances of marriage equality in relation to trans individuals who are victims of the prison industrial complex–an issue that has yet to gain traction in the marriage equality debate.

Please click this link to read the rest of Dr. Z's post entitled 'Orange Is The New Black and the New Black Trans Narrative'.

Black Is The New Black

Denny Upkins weighs in on the Trayvon Martin tragedy and the ongoing drama that African-Americans endure in this country in this essay entitled 'Black Is The New Black'

Here's a taste of it:

Whether it’s Paula Deen, George Zimmerman, Ellen Sturtz, or the legions of other monsters, one thing I’ve come to realize is that most whites don’t defend these bigots and their actions because they believe it’s right. Whites defend these racists because they’re defending their white privilege. Whites like having the option of killing black children and getting off scot free. Whites like murdering their children and blaming it on the black guy. White women love the option of throwing acid on her face, blaming black women and knowing the story will be believed. Whites love blaming blacks and other POCs for homophobia despite what facts, and history states.

After all, why be equal when you can be superior, a supremacist even?

You can read the rest of his post here.

The Infighting Stops Today

TransGriot Note: The thinking that went into my post about trans community dissension was jumpstarted by this Facebook one composed by Cecilia Chung.   She's one of our trailblazing and highly respected trans community leaders based in the San Francisco area.

She's one of the people I'm not only looking forward to meeting one day, she's one I have major love and respect for. 
  
This commentary needed to be signal boosted. Here's Cecilia!

Something I need to get off my chest.

Silence = Death
Trans Silence = Death

It is a universal truth.

‪#‎GirlsLikeUs‬: If you know someone who is ‪#‎trans‬ and ‪#‎HIV‬+, ‪#‎HepB‬/C+, ‪#‎Unemployed‬, recently ‪#‎incarcerated‬, struggling with ‪#‎addiction‬, ‪#‎homeless‬, struggling with mental illness, been ‪#‎abused‬ ‪#‎sexually‬/‪#‎emotionally‬/ ‪#‎physically‬ by a stranger/ a family member/ a partner, help them find their own voice. Be their support until they find the strength to fight. We need to organize now more than ever. And the infighting stop today, because we still have sisters and brothers dying and there is too much work to do.

No one will hear us until all our stories are told by us. Transgender, transsexual, trans* or trans? These labels don't dictate our lives so stop letting them drown out our message of freedom, equality, justice and human rights.

Stop making our own sisters and brothers the enemies. The real enemies are stigma, misguided religion, intolerance and ignorance, which are the ingredients of hate and discrimination.

Here's How NOT To Respond

                       Because the First Lady of Marvel is not here for your foolishness.

TransGriot Note: In the wake of the Zimmerman unjust verdict the polarized conversations around it have been taking place over the last week and the 'Two Americas' that John Edwards talked about have reared their head in it.

Denny wrote this post back in June, but it's definitely apropos and recommended reading as a guide to navigating what's sure to be a contentious Internet environment for the next few weeks.

Underscoring the points our fearless leader RVCBard made in the recent comments policy post, I’m sharing two responses I made on my Facebook page which explain HOW NOT to reply to a minority when we’re discussing the oppressions we endure.

Word of warning to white people everywhere. One of the most disgusting and deplorable of acts of racism that you can ever commit is to lecture a black person or for that matter any person of color, on how they should judge perceive and judge racism or any other cultural issue or oppression they face as a minority.
Understand that if you choose to engage in this behavior, it will not end well…..for you.

The fact that you have the unmitigated gall to think that you can sit from a place of privilege, police someone on their life experiences, their culture and the oppressions they endure, situations that you have never faced and will never face, reflects unbridled ignorance, malice, narcissism and bigotry. It’s also a red flag that you might be a sociopath.

If you ignore a person of color’s repeated warning to educate yourself on an issue and to disengage from the discussion, because its been established that you are speaking from ignorance, and said POC already knows where this derailed train is headed, such is your privilege.

But also understand that you when you rightfully get taken to task, read the riot act and illustrated as another example of everyday white supremacy, you don’t get to complain, you don’t get to cry. That humiliation and crushing defeat? On you.

Also, harassing me in PMs after the fact, not the smartest move. Because then the gloves are really coming off and I will really give you something to cry about. As a few individuals learned this weekend.
Also……

Pro-tip: Anytime you tell a black person, or any other person of color that you won’t care about racism or the oppression their facing until they do x. y, and z pretty much displays the white supremacist mindset you’re running with right there.

So don’t act shocked if you get lumped in with all the other “bad white people” when you make comments like that.

Because I guarantee you if someone said they wouldn’t care about homophobia or any issue affecting white people until x y and z are met, that ish wouldn’t fly for you.

If you’re sitting from a place of privilege and we have to win your empathy on your terms, then you’re no ally of ours and you’ve given us every reason to write you off as another bigot.

Please heed these warnings, or don’t. But when you get handed your ass for showing yours, don’t act like you weren’t warned.

Same Person, Different Pronouns

Now that we are about to go into the summer season with family reunions, weddings, barbecues (and hopefully no funerals) on the horizon, one of the things that we transpeople dread when we interact in those family situations is having the relative who refuses to respect that the trans woman playing volleyball against your side or the trans man getting that barbecue plate and playing dominoes deserves the same respect that you give the other cis men and cis women of the family. 

Failing to do so not only is disrespectful to them and hurts their feelings, but can also open them up to anti-trans discrimination or trans hate violence if the wrong ears hear your comment.

Sabrina Samone at TransMusePlanet has another timely post about the necessity of using correct pronouns with your trans relatives even if you're having a problem sorting out your trans issues with them. 

It's entitled 'A Message To Families Of Transgender People: The Importance Of Being Pronoun PC' and here's a taste of it:

Most Trans people know of that one person or more within your family, on your job or simply a neighbor, that refuses to acknowledge or give the respect of the gender that is presented before them. Just because you may know the biological gender of your Trans family member don’t assume strangers know as well, more than likely they don’t. For years, some in my family, I’ve excused them, trying to realize it takes time for those around you to adjust to your new presentation. For everyone involved it’s a learning and growing experience, but after years now it’s just blatant dis respect and  an attempt to be transphobic and belittle me. Occasionally, within all family gatherings I may or may not take the time to remind you to use the proper pronoun of what you see before you, but on a recent trip it was an obvious attempt to be hateful by a blood relative.


Here's the rest of Sabrina's post over at TMP.

Dr. Z -On Being A Good Black Man

Another blac (k) ademic post from Dr. Kortney Ryan Ziegler that needs to be signal boosted.  

Brought back some not so pleasant memories when I was on that side of the gender fence and dealt with the bigotry, microaggressive and macroaggressive crap of walking around in society in a Black male body that Kortney and other black trans brothers are dealing with now.. 

We live in a world that assumes the worst of young black masculinity to the point in which it causes concerned citizens–even those of color–to act as race vigilantes who enforce preventative measures with the hopes of keeping black men from acting out our criminal nature. The absurdity of the policing of black male violence by “good racists” lies in the reality that violence itself is used and celebrated as the preferred tactic of approach. Ultimately relaying a message that black men and boys are fair game for public scrutiny–even to the extent of annihilation. The murder of Trayvon Martin and the subsequent violent posturing of his life as an acceptable defense for his death is a perfect example.

And sometimes those negative assumptions about Black masculinity bleed over into trans world, too. 

Check out this latest post by Dr. Z. 

Can We All Get Along And Work For Positive Change?

TransGriot Note: I had my say about that Tumblr post, and as promised here's the guest post by Beth Morgan with her take on it.


Parts of it I understand/like, parts of it are problematic.

But as long as people who identify as lesbian or feminist (I do not identify as lesbian, I'm not sure what I fall under nor do I care, but I definitely identify as feminist) misgender trans* people, can you really be surprised that trans* people aren't going to feel so sympathetic about lesbians' problems? (Also, disclaimer: I am not trans*. So any lesbians or trans* people who want to comment on this, please do! We definitely need your voices in this conversation way more than mine.)

It's a two-way street: feminists, lesbians, and women need to be more sympathetic, less anti-trans*/transphobic, and do less bullying (of trans* people or anyone else) and less misgendering (of trans* people). And trans* people (of any assigned birth sex, any genitals, any chromosomes, any gender identity, etc.) also must be sensitive and sympathetic and not bully women and they must be careful not to be misogynistic or anti-lesbian/lesbophobic.

All the communities (lesbian, feminist, queer, and trans*) have their good people who may or may not necessarily agree with the other communities about every stance but are careful to be sensitive and not to misgender, be misogynistic, bully, etc.

Unfortunately, all the communities seem to have their bad apples who like nothing more than to hate and divide and bully and be misogynistic (self-explanatory, hopefully) and transphobic (not just "I don't agree/believe in transsexuality/transsexualism/transgenderism/etc.," but I'm talking straight-up exposing them on their Internet with their given birth names and saying how they hope such and such trans person dies).

We must work together. Society (mainly the straight white rich Christian male "the Man" "the 1%") works to divide lesbians and feminists and other queer people and bisexual people and trans* people and gay people and everyone so that they don't focus on the big picture of working together for everyone's rights.

I know, easier said than done.

But for all the hours that people spend online in all the communities, bashing each other (whether it be in the form of blogs or other media that are created to misgender and reveal past identities of trans* people, or blogs or other media that are created to bash women and be misogynistic), we could instead be using all that time and energy (and money, if any is involved) on doing useful things like passing ENDA (which would protect lesbians and trans* people, at least if they keep the trans* protections in, which we should work for) and protections not just in jobs but also protection for LGBT+ (lesbians and trans* people included) people in housing and public accommodations. And for that matter, we could work on getting the ERA for women, too. Or maybe people could volunteer at places that are bettering the lives of women, lesbians, trans* people, etc.

Yeah? Maybe?

Or is it just easier to be assholes to everyone who is different from us (lesbians, women, trans* people) instead of actually trying to affect real positive change anywhere?

I'm not trying to erase the voices of lesbians or [other] feminists here (nor am I trying to erase trans* voices either). I just hate seeing so much hate thrown back and forth between all the communities when they all have a lot in common, and that if they combined all their forces for good, could actually have a chance of creating positive changes in all the communities involved."

New Jersey Teens Create A White Girl Club

Guest post from Renee of Womanist Musings 

I recently came across a story about a group of teens who created a White Girl's Club. The club became so popular that it quickly spread to other schools. Apparently, a group of these young women showed up at school on PI day wearing shirts identifying them as members of this club with a teachers permission no less. The teens communicated using Instagram and Twitter.  

 Another Franklin High School club member commented the club members aren’t offending anyone and tells others to “stfu.”

When another girl commented that the postings were offending people, a club member responded that they weren’t offending anyone.

“You’re choosing to take offense to statements that weren’t about you in the first place,” a club member responded.

Twitter postings by this student included comments such as “Al Sharpton ain’t gonna save your ass now” and “Sometimes I wonder if I crossed a line, but then I remember I’m white and I can do whatever the (expletive) I want.”That same girl sent out a tweet saving “Africa this way” with a arrow pointing down. (source)

Thankfully, the school board is disbanding the club and demanding that those involved get counseling.  The local NAACP is apparently going to investigate the club.  There are some parents speaking out about the club itself, but I am more interested in the parents of the teens involved in the club itself.  You see, attitudes like this don't just develop over night; they are carefully nurtured for years and represent a society which uplifts Whiteness in every agent of socialization.  The families of these girls in particular let them down because they didn't not confront their White privilege and in fact encouraged them to believe and promote their undeserved White privilege.

A White Girl's club is certainly not needed anywhere in North America.  Unsurprisingly, many of the comments on the linked article seek to defend the teams by claiming hypocrisy citing the possible intervention of the NAACP.  A group dedicated to the advancement of Blacks is seen as racist by many of the commenters. Groups like the NAACP can only be deemed problematic by those refuse to admits the historic privilege which Whiteness has lived with for centuries and how this privilege has negatively impacted the lives of POC.  They absolutely refuse to acknowledge that ongoing inequalities exist and claim that the pendulum has swung so far that Whiteness is now in fact systemically under attack.

 In recent years, we have seen an upswing in students wanting to form clubs to support Whiteness, which suggests that youths are being taught that Whiteness is under threat. What they perceive as a threat is actually a fear of a loss of privilege.  The irony is that this loss of privilege is largely in the mind because Whiteness still exists with massive social power and White people can always count on the colour of their skin to grant them access, opportunities, power, and wealth, relative to POC in the exact same circumstance. These children are being taught that they will not be able to benefit from their Whiteness like generations before them.

The idea that Whiteness is a stigmatized and oppressed group is pervasive despite how ridiculous it is. Look for example at some of the comments on, 'White Girls Club' at Franklin High School forced to go to counseling:

notmyidea

How is it the BET ( Black Entertainment Television ) channel exist's with no trouble,but the moment something associated with white people its a big problem? Double standard me thinks...

Eric F

So a group dedicated to "Colored People" is upset and sitting in judgement of a group dedicated to White Girls? Hypocrisy of the highest order. This "counseling" BS needs to be refused by the parents. We don't want your political correctness social engineering garbage.

Tremley

These girls are racial aware! They are more educated on race than most people here making comments! White women who have minority spouses are 12.4 Xs more likely to be murdered by them. Vey little chances of that happening to these girls.

Bob Backlund

So other groups can have appreciation months, tv channels I.e. bet, have groups like NAACP which is all a okay but if a group of girls not harming anyone or inciting violence or harm towards others is in need for counseling because they are proud of their heritage?

Wow.

Ralphie

If a group of students started a Black Girls' Club, or a Muslim Girls' Club, or a Lesbian club, no one would dare touch them.

As disturbing as these comments are, they are hardly surprising.  I want to focus on Ralphie's comments because though short, they are very illustrative.  No matter what marginalized group we are talking about, they are always attacked when they organize. Every June straight people line up to complain about not having a straight pride parade. Despite the fact that POC are under represented in the media, television stations which focus on marginalized people are attacked as being racist. Marginalied people organizing, communing and supporting each other is threatening because that means we aware and not content to accept a second class status.  These groups are necessary for our survival, our progress and our mental health. Every marginalization is stronger in numbers and dominant groups know this and that is why they are continually under attack.

When dominant groups form clubs such as the White Girl Club they are reacting to a perceived loss of privilege.  They are ignorant of how power really works and that is why they twist themselves into knots to justify their actions.  They talk about the idea that there is social pressure to be ashamed and guilty about the historical actions of their group and a need to stimulate feeling of pride to counteract this. They talk about the perceived social pressure to conform.  What they refuse to understand is that this isn't about historical guilt or shame but the ways in which they continue to dominate the social world and oppress out groups. One need not feel ashamed for ancestors who engaged in slavery but one should feel shame for continuing to benefit from it, and not pushing for equality.

No powerful group in history has ever willingly capitulated or taken responsibility for their actions.  These groups represent a form of resistance to change. They will continue to gather and propagate outmoded forms of thinking simply because it benefits them. So when these powerful groups attempt to pacify us by telling us how much better things have gotten, we simply need to look to groups like this to see how far we have to go.

Cristan's Conversation With SPLC About The TERF's

I've been saying for years that the Trans Exterminationalist Radical Feminists (TERF's) qualify as a hate group and needed to labeled as such by the Southern Poverty Law Center. 

I've wondered aloud along with many people in the trans community why the Southern Poverty Law Center, the major watchdog group shining a spotlight on hate groups in the United States, declared the Men's Rights Movement last year as a hate group, but so far have yet to declare TERF's with their four decades old paper and electronic trail of reprehensible oppressive and transphobic actions as one.

The SPLC is listed as a resource in the FBI web page on hate crimes, so what's up with why an organization that is considered an authoritative one by the FBI on hate groups has not only yet to declare the TERF's as one, but interviewed the Queen Bug of TERFism in their intelligence report slamming the Men's Rights Movement?   

And just in case you have any doubts about what the FBI considers anti-trans hate, from page 17 of the FBI’s Hate Crime Data Collection Guidelines and Training Manual.

When crimes are committed against people based on sexual orientation or gender identity, epithets often reveal the motive for the attack. Typical gender identity-related epithets and terms include: “he-she,” “she-male,” “tranny,” “it,” and “transvestite.” Also, the terms “cross dresser” and “drag queen” may be used in a hateful way, even though some individuals may self-identify with these terms. It is common for perpetrators of anti-transgender hate crimes to attack the victim after learning the victim is transgender. -

Well, Cristan Williams has been pondering that question as well and decided to have a little chat with the folks at SPLC about that.   She details the series of conversations starting on April 23 she had with them in this blog post.

A Labor Of Love

TransGriot Note: Shakira wrote this on April 20 and posted it in our The Tea Spot Facebook  group just a few days before she passed away.  It was penned to mark the occasion of her mother's April 19 birthday.   I promised I'd give it some visibility in the wake of her death and I can't think of a better day than Mother's Day to share this with the rest of the world.

A LABOR OF LOVE
by Shakira Daneshia Gordon Garr

As each day passed with the setting of the sun, although your work seemed tedious, it was strength, courage, faith, that moved you to get it done. Flying high above adversity, as if GOD gave you wings of a dove. Nothing could stop the unconditional feeling presented to you by A LABOR OF LOVE.

It was your hope of the future of this generation,that motivated you to complete your task. Given the gift of the opportunity to instill our Heritage without being asked. The innocence you carried became the gardens you would tend, nothing would keep you from your farming, it was determination of your nurturing technique, that would help you see the seed you planted grow to the end.

Even though the weeds did come to destroy your path, Your motherly instincts taught you, that those weeds could not stay long or last. So you pressed forward with protection and prayers to the above. For like the others who had come before you, this was your time to have A LABOR OF LOVE.

Like a warrior you stayed, battles you fought, victories were made. Joy overshadowed sorrow and the foundation had finally been laid. Now its time to reap the salvation of your bountiful harvest of that nurturing heart. The seeds stand grateful of your journey, because you refused not to do your part. I celebrate your love, teachings, knowledge, and time you put into an unknown abyss. For without your tenacity, strength, courage, and faith our bloodline would not continue to exist.

Your irreplaceable wisdom still grows to this day, As each and every harvest passes and the sun moves to set in the same way. You are priceless, a blessing to the earth from the heavens above. For I know without a shadow of doubt. My legacy would not be, without you taking A LABOR OF LOVE.

And This Is Why Your Parents Taught You Never To Talk Back

The troll I nuked in this post is probably setting off Geiger counters in a 5 mile radius at this time, but we aren't done dropping more megatonnage of knowledge on him.

Since Johan Baumeister called Denny's name in vain in the comment on the What Gay Marriage WON'T Do guest post he wrote, I thought Mr. Upkins should be extended another invitation to guest post at TransGriot in order to respond to his critic.

Duck and cover people, it's Denny's turn now.   You can also check out his wonderful writing at his blog The Chronicle.

***

So not surprisingly, yours truly has caught a lot of heat since speaking out on the over-emphasis of Gay Marriage to the detriment of LGBTQ rights. Most recently some troll decided to disrespect Monica Roberts' space and spew some ignorant bile. While my girl dropped the 50 megatons of knowledge on that peon, you know I couldn't let this stand.

While I had a much grander post calling out these Gay Marriage Apologists, I'll hold that off for another day. For now, I'm going to have fun with what's left of this peon.


I understand that there is justification for criticism of the marriage-centric "equality" movement.

But a few points for you:

1) Don't eat your allies. It makes them not want to be our allies in the first place.

2) Don't assume you know what someone else's oppression is (like you did in your second-to-last paragraph) and then simultaneously (and justifiably) criticize them for assuming what your oppression is. It undermines all the actual, reality-based points of your argument.

3) I don't think I've heard a single person say gay marriage will fix everything.

I've heard some racist, ignorant shit from twinky, privileged, white cis-boys in WeHo. I've also heard some ignorant shit here. I get you're hurt, and left behind or left out of a lot of what the "movement" talks about.

The solution isn't to tear others down.

*SMDH* Some motherf*ckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.

Okay let's break this down.....shall we?

I understand that there is justification for criticism of the marriage-centric "equality" movement.

And you should've just stopped right here. It would've spared you the embarrassment that you're about to endure.

1) Don't eat your allies. It makes them not want to be our allies in the first place.

Boo-Boo, if they can be scared off, then they aren't allies to begin with. Contrary to popular misbelief, equal rights was never about getting the privileged majority to love and accept the minority. It's about ensuring that minorities have the same equal rights and protection under the law regardless of what the majority thinks of us. Calling out allies and demanding better is not only needed but encouraged, it quickly exposes which allies are involved in our spaces for the right reasons and which ones have ulterior motives.

Which is why legions of white folks lost their minds when I didn't cosign on their self-congratulatory circle jerk of changing their avatars to the HRC symbol. I didn’t hear any discussions of taking actual steps help LGBTQs or hell even push the gay marriage agenda. It was a bunch of straight white people straight splaining to queer folks how homophobia works, grinning from ear to ear, flaunting their Special Ally Medals. Kinda like this guy here:

If you're patting yourself on the back when you have done absolutely nothing, you're right you're going to be eaten alive and ripped to shreds, because your kind of help, we don't need.


2) Don't assume you know what someone else's oppression is (like you did in your second-to-last paragraph) and then simultaneously (and justifiably) criticize them for assuming what your oppression is. It undermines all the actual, reality-based points of your argument.

And you should probably take your own advice and not assume that you're qualified to whitesplain to me about oppression and what I've gone through or the other battles POCs and trans folks have endured that white gays wouldn't begin to fathom. Seeing as you can't be bothered to take your own advice, you might want to not dispense with it.

And speaking of points I made. I noticed you didn't address any of them aside from spewing mindless rhetoric and lining up straw men. I see what you did there.


3) I don't think I've heard a single person say gay marriage will fix everything.

Wow and if you didn't hear it, ergo it didn't happen. Arrogant and deluded much. Pro-tip, you may want to read here and see where you are frakking up something fierce. Take a moment and thoroughly read #7.


I've heard some racist, ignorant shit from twinky, privileged, white cis-boys in WeHo.

Oh Boo-Boo, don't count yourself out. You were saying some ignorant shit too.

I've also heard some ignorant shit here.

Well yes, said ignorant shit are YOUR comments.

I get you're hurt, and left behind or left out of a lot of what the "movement" talks about.

Oh yes, the classic derail where the minority's emotional state is brought up.

This is one of the biggest derailing tactics white people like to use. They like to shame minorities for being angry, hurt or emotional for being oppressed and then pass themselves off as cool and objective and logical as opposed to us over-emotional feeble-minded coloreds. Like whites are being completely objective when it comes to a system of oppression that favors them.

First and foremost, if someone is calling you out on your racism, privilege and/or homophobia, citing their emotional state does not negate the point they’re making nor does it absolve you of the bigotry that you’re displaying. Secondly, unless your name is Charles Xavier, Emma Frost, or Deanna Troi, you’re not qualified to judge my emotional state online.

Third, accusing someone of being angry, hurt, or whatever is about as relevant to the callout of someone’s bigotry as it is commenting on the color of someone’s apparel.

Denny: That was really homophobic dude.
Bigot: You’re wearing a blue shirt.
Denny: Yeah but that was still homophobic.

And if I was angry or hurt? Your point would be what? Why is that a sin? Minorities should be angry and hurt over the denigration they endure everyday.Furthermore, rather than victim blaming and policing the emotional state of minorities, if white folks were REALLY concerned about our emotional state, they would address the actual bigotry that’s angering/hurting minorities in the first place.

Obviously.

Toni Morrison said it best, “I'm always annoyed about why black people have to bear the brunt of everybody else's contempt. If we are not totally understanding and smiling, suddenly we're demons.”

The solution isn't to tear others down.

Tear others down. I didn't realize calling out injustice is tearing others down. Notice the troll didn't say I was wrong or point out how I was factually in correct. In fact they conceded that there is justification to the criticism on the white supremacist agenda that gay marriage has become. So they in essence invalidated their succeeding points.

You see many whites seem to be under this misguided impression that POCs are supposed to blindly follow whatever self-serving agenda they thrust upon us. Like we're enslaved to them.

But see we've been here and done that. This is what happened back in 2008. Whites once again pushed gay marriage as the end-all-be-all issue to the detriment of real issues plaguing LGBTQs. More than that they pushed a piss-poor gay marriage campaign in spite of warnings from queer activists of color. Prop 8 passed because most whites didn't vote against it as the LA Times revealed, but it was blacks and Latinos who were attacked and used as scapegoats. So it's amusing that so many whites are talking all this trash now, because had they voted against Prop 8 5 years ago, the issue wouldn't be at the Supreme Court and our time wouldn't be getting wasted now. So here we are.

But let’s take a moment to appreciate the hypocrisy. I’m supposed to be patient and wait to not be discriminated and murdered against, yet I notice most white gays aren’t wasting anytime moving heaven and earth for the “legal right” to sashay down the aisle.

Yes, we’re supposed to be patient and wait our turn. Only problem is that Promised Day will never arrive on its own. What Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said then STILL applies now, “We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was “well timed” in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word “Wait!” It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This “Wait” has almost always meant “Never.” We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that “justice too long delayed is justice denied.”

Indeed.

The moral of the story:

    

Dr. Z-Uses Of Black Trans Male Anger

One of the highlights of my recent trip to Dallas for the Black Trans Men, Inc. conference (and I'm so looking forward to making that happen in 2014) was getting to finally meet my fellow blogger and filmmaker Dr. Kortney Ryan Ziegler.

He has this blac (k) ademic post that has found its way to HuffPo entitled Uses Of Black Trans Male Anger  that I definitely needed to share with my TransGriot readers. 

Although I had already learned that as a black male, I had little room to express anger, for fear of the potentially harmful repercussions, what became even clearer to me is that as a black transgender male, I have even less room to be angry. Simply put, thanks to unfortunate societal assumptions of brute masculinity and the damaging myth of aggression as a result of synthetic hormone use, others sometimes interpret our expressions of anger and frustration as inauthentic, in effect preventing potentially healthy and constructive uses of anger in our ongoing process of self-fashioning.

In order for black trans men to move past the limitations of this binary, it is important for us to recognize that our anger is indeed real and is possible to manage within a society that breeds hostility toward our existence. The angry black male that we are perceived to be should not disavow the reality that is our personhood and humanity, and we must seek out healthy ways to reject this distorted image of our identity. This means being aware of our feelings of frustration, rage and resentment and understanding the situations that can provoke those emotions. In other words, use your anger to discover yourself.

You can read the rest of it at blac (k) ademic
 

Making (Negative) Things Happen

Katrina Rose drops more TBLG history and gives us an idea just how much work the Equal Sign Org is going to have to do to expunge the transphobia embedded in its organizational DNA (assuming it actually wants to do so) with this latest ENDAblog 2.0 post entitled 'Making Things Happen'.

Here's a taste of it:

The HRC anti-flag incident occurred less than a week before the twentieth anniversary of the signing of the first legitimate (read: trans-inclusive) state gay rights law.

Heard anything about that from HRC?

Considering that the governor who signed it was a Republican, one might think that HRC would have touted it to the far-flung winds then and now (or does HRC only privilege Republicans over Democrats in New York?). 

Oh, but wait…

Then, as now, it is one of the laws that conclusively disproved the ‘incremental progress is absolutely necessary’ claim that HRC and its defenders not only still mainline themselves but also fraudulently claim to others is not only acceptable but also necessary.

Read Kat's post by clicking on the link.

What Gay Marriage WON'T Do

TransGriot Note: Elements of us in the Black trans and same gender loving communities are lukewarm about 'marriage equality' for many of the reasons being articulated here in this guest post by Denny Upkins.
I truly hate Gay Marriage.

Not because I don’t agree with it because I do believe in Marriage Equality or any other form of equality but because it never fails to bring the WORST out of white peepul as we’ve witnessed by some of the people on my “friends list.

If it’s not white LGBTQs falsely blaming blacks and Latinos and playing Lynch the Coloreds over that Prop 8 fallout, it’s the Straight White Allies who now think they are experts on social justice, homophobia, and Civil Rights in the span of 3 minutes simply because they reposted a meme and changed a Facebook pic.

Most of them also fail to realize that the dynamics facing queer POC's and trans people and the dynamics facing cis white queers is as different as night and day.

And yet they feel qualified to whitesplain to me how Gay Marriage is the End All Be All Cure All and that once it passes, all of my issues will be a distant memory.

Let me be clear, I want Gay Marriage to happen one day. Hell I wouldn’t mind getting married. But even on my most optimistic day, there are some things I realize Gay Marriage WILL NOT do for me or you or anyone else.

Gay Marriage will not make you look edgy and hip

Gay Marriage will not bring about sunny days of spring

Gay Marriage will not go better with Coke

Gay Marriage will not make you look five pounds thinner

Gay Marriage will not repopulate the planet with unicorns

Gay Marriage will not put a tiger in your tank

Gay Marriage will not taste better than Green Eggs and Ham

Gay Marriage will not fight germs that cause bad breath

Gay Marriage will not fight unemployment

Gay Marriage will not repair our economy

Gay Marriage will not end racism, or transphobia.

Gay Marriage will not save you a lot of money on your car insurance. Okay maybe a little but not that much anyway.

Gay Marriage will not bring about world peace.

Gay Marriage will not end bullying.

Gay Marriage will not teach you how to properly do the Harlem Shake. In fact, let it go.

Gay Marriage won’t stop me from being fired from my job.

Gay Marriage won’t protect me from getting bashed and murdered. My Smith & Weston on the other hand, is another story entirely.

Gay Marriage will not win you the lottery.

Gay Marriage won’t stop us from being viewed as pedophiles.

Gay Marriage will not end queer teen suicide

Gay Marriage will not end queer teen homelessness

Gay Marriage will not make you look progressive

And if not being able to register at Neiman-Marcus is the worst oppression you have to deal with in your day to day, you’ll forgive me if I don’t have a single fuck to give about you or your “oppression.”

Gay Marriage will not teach the breeders to accept the queers. Because the sad reality is at the end of the day, no matter how much they smile and claim they’re down for the cause, most of them still want us dead.

Dyssonance Debunks More Bug Lies

Y'all know how much I love Dyssonance, especially when she has fun debunking and effortlessly destroying ignorance from the rad phlegm ranks.

Definitely had to signal boost this latest post of her taking down the odious as she calls her Cockroach (and the rest of us as the whyte radfem trans oppressor from Maryland) we all know and loathe

So once again rad fems who claim you don't agree with what the TERF's (trans exclusionary radical feminists) spew on their hate sites, when are y'all going to get off your behinds and do your part to call them out? 

Better yet, if you're serious that they don't belong in your feminist ranks, how about working to get them declared by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group?  

Here's a taste of Toni's latest brilliance.

Now, I’m going to point this out to you right off the start: She says two things in her 4th paragraph that pretty much prove she is a lying sack of shit in her fifth one and since she builds her arguments on the premise there, she basically is using the model she’s grown accustomed to using that makes it so easy for me to shit all over her.

She says, pointedly, that she doesn’t know if the study is well done or not. She also says she isn’t a statistician.

Well, I am, and looking at the study (studies, actually, if she’d bothered to really do any sort of actual research into the powerpoint) is something that strikes me as a minimum requirement if you are going to talk about it. So we already know that I have a slightly higher standard for such things than she does, but her goal is demonzation and repeating and reinforcing stigma because of her irrational and aversive bigotry, so of course she is going to reduce her standards.

Besides, she’s a lawyer, that’s what they do, especially while throwing people out of their homes.

Since she doesn’t know if the study is done particularly well, how can she determine that the methodology wasn’t done well? For the study to be done particularly well the methodology needs to be so. That’s pretty much the basics, and the study in question has held up to scrutiny from people far more suited to picking it apart than she has the capability of doing.

You can read the rest of her post 'Cockroach Lies Some More'

Responding To Transphobia Online

With trans folks popping up in the news more frequently and this being the Internet era, they haters have the ability to post foul comments and outright lies in the comment sections of these stories.   We not only need to do battle in the comment threads to get to correct information out their to debunk the lies an win hearts and minds, we need to do so in an intelligent way.  

This guest post is courtesy of Mark Snyder, the Communications Manager for the San Francisco based Transgender Law Center 

It entitled 'Responding to Transphobia Online' and gives you seven tips for doing so.

I prefer letting the USS Monica out of port from time to time to patrol the cyberseas and firing off troll nuke tipped Tomahawk cruise missiles myself for the peeps that deserve to have their ignorance exposed for the enire planet to see, but that's another post for another time. .
 

1. Do not comment when you are angry or heated.
Take some time to cool down and collect your thoughts. Typing out your comments in a word processor ahead of time helps you slow down, and comes with spell check!

2. Do not engage in “flame wars” or arguments.

Instead of engaging directly or replying to comments of people who are saying mean things, it’s best to post a new comment so that it is not hidden and so that you do not engage in a heated dialogue which would give the person more of a platform. Keep your comments informative, heartfelt, and succinct. Always refer back to the topic at hand in the news article or story.

3. Respond to general themes in the thread.
If there is a general transphobic theme happening in the thread of comments, you may want to find a neutralizing statement that would dispel the myth or misconception. Do not directly engage or reply with any commenter. Instead, post a new comment. It does not help to be seen as argumentative or defensive.
Example: Many commentators are saying it isn’t right to let a boy enter a girls room. Fresh blog comment: It is important to note that transgender boys are boys, and transgender girls are girls. No student should be excluded from programs and facilities, and every student should be treated fairly.

4. Be compassionate.

Let people know that you understand transgender issues can be difficult for some people, and that it is okay to come along with you on a journey of understanding.
Example Post: I know this issue is new for some people, and that is okay.  As a transgender person/As a friend /As a mom/ – I know that transgender people should have the same fair chance to participate in XXXX as anyone else. Discrimination and exclusion are painful for everyone.

5. Use evidence for added strength. You can use quotes and statistics from Injustice at Every Turn.

6. Stay positive, and give messages of support to youth who may be reading the comments.

7. In extreme cases, report or flag transphobic comments to the social network or news outlet for removal.

The Problem With Numéro's African Queen

Past time to share another one of Renee's Womanist Musings articles with you 
 
Yes we have yet another magazine tying to justify its inclusion of Blackface.

 

The above image is of the ever so White, blond-haired, blue-eyed model Ondria Hardin. The image appeared in Numéro magazine n°141 of March 2013 and was photographed by Sebastian Kim.  I don't know how any editor could possibly look at the image and declare it fit to print, given the continual outrage which occurs each time any magazine has chosen to engage in Blackface.  This isn't a case of artistic license but the absolute perpetuation of White supremacy.  

Numéro has since issued the following apology:

Some people have declared that they have been offended by the publication in Numéro magazine n°141 of March 2013, of an editorial realized by the photographer Sebastian Kim called “African Queen”, featuring the American model Ondria Hardin posing as an “African queen”, her skin painted in black.

The artistic statement of the photographer Sebastian Kim, author of this editorial, is in line with his previous photographic creations, which insist on the melting pot and the mix of cultures, the exact opposite of any skin color based discrimination. Numéro has always supported the artistic freedom of the talented photographers who work with the magazine to illustrate its pages, and has not took part in the creation process of this editorial.

For its part, Numéro Magazine, which has the utmost respect for this photographer’s creative work, firmly excludes that the latest may have had, at any moment, the intention to hurt readers’ sensitivity, whatever their origin.

Numéro Magazine considers that it has regularly demonstrated its deep attachment to the promotion of different skin-colored models. For instance, the next issue of Numéro for Man on sale on 15th march has the black model Fernando Cabral on the cover page, and the current Russian edition’s cover of our magazine features the black model Naomi Campbell on its cover. This demonstrates the completely inappropriate nature of the accusations made against our magazine, deeply committed to the respect for differences, tolerance and more generally to non-discrimination.

Considering the turmoil caused by this publication, the Management of Numéro Magazine would like to apologize to anyone who may have been offended by this editorial. 

Right, so it's not racist to put a person in Blackface no matter what Black people have to say about it, as long as your intention is to show diversity.  Of course, it's absolutely not diverse to show real people of colour, when you can use White people to stand in for them.  Everyone should be able to agree that a racist image is just as good as real representation, after all, they have the future of White supremacy to think about.

It's also shocking that anyone could potentially declare Numéro magazine racist, simply because of one model covered in dark makeup. What's a little Blackface between friends, when you have people like Naomi Campbell on next month's cover?  Just count the Black people. Count them I say. This proves that Numéro isn't at all racist.  Someone should have told Numéro that if we have to be instructed to count Black people that this in itself, is an indicator that there is most definitely a race problem. Racial integration should be seamless, in that people of colour should be easily visible alongside their White counterparts, rather than a few standouts to avoid being labelled racist. Furthermore, using the people of colour associated with the magazine to reject being labelled a racist, is exactly the same deflection of "hey, I have Black friends," and is not only ridiculously unbelievable but racist as well.

At this point, I have become so accustomed and in fact jaded about shitty apologies that this didn't even cause me to bat a single eyelash.  Quite simply, when you engage in something this obviously racist, there is no apology that could possibly make up for it.  The damage has already been done. In the game of bad apologies, Numéro's was pretty horrendous but I have to say that Sebastian Kim was at the very least, equally as bad.

I would like to apologize for any misunderstanding around my recent photos for Numero France. It was never my intention (nor Numero’s) to portray a black woman in this story. Our idea and concept for this fashion shoot was based on 60's characters of Talitha Getty, Verushka and Marissa Berenson with middle eastern and Moroccan fashion inspiration. We at no point attempted to portray an African women by painting her skin black. We wanted a tanned and golden skin to be showcased as part of the beauty aesthetic of this shoot.

It saddens me that people would interpret this as a mockery of race. I believe that the very unfortunate title “African Queen” (which I was not aware of prior to publication) did a lot to further people’s misconceptions about these images. It was certainly never my intention to mock or offend anyone and I wholeheartedly apologize to anyone who was offended.

All right, I'm a good sport and can say that if the photographer was not responsible for the title that does make him possibly a little less of a douchbag than Numéro; however, he still thought it was a good idea to paint a young White woman with dark makeup, in order to have appear as a race to which she doesn't belong.  Does he actually expect a cookie and a round of applause for that?  Even if we remove the label of 'African Queen', the image in and of itself is still patently racist because no White person can ever represent a person of colour in this fashion.  If he wanted a Middle Eastern look, the way to go about it was to use a Middle Eastern person. That seems logical to me.

Ultimately, the intention of the magazine or the photographer is meaningless. Intent is not some magical elixir against harm.  This is especially true when it comes to something as blatant as this. It is not reasonable to suggest that both Numéro and Sebastian Kim had no idea of the furor these images would cause when they were released to the public.  People of colour have repeatedly spoken out about such engagement whenever and wherever it has appeared.  It is far more likely that they hoped to be perceived as edgey, the new hipster code for ironically racist.  Apologizing after the fact, "if people were offended," is not ownership of said offense and does not negate the harm done.  So in short, fashion magazine editors and photographers, just stop doing racist offensive shit because at this point, not only does the public not believe your intent was benign, your apologies suck ass as well.

PFOX's 'Ex-Trans' Spokesperson Exposed

Now that the reparative therapy folks have been discredited to the point that some states are considering legislation to ban it, the ex-gay industry is scrambling to shift tactics and amend talking points in order to keep clocking those dollars from faith based groups and conservative donors. 

They are now setting their sights on targeting the trans community and separating desperate parents misinformed about trans issues from their hard earned cash by promising a 'cure' for transsexuality.

Yeah, right.  If these programs didn't work on gay and lesbian people to turn them straight, what make people think that same snake oil will work on transpeople, whose condition is just as brain hardwired as being gay or lesbian is? 

Sabrina Samone at TransMusePlanet has penned an expose that needs to be seen about her old trans mentor and former roommate who is how being pimped by PFOX as their spokesmodel. 

This post definitely needs to be signal boosted.

***

No one can deny being LGB or T is not a simple, easy life.  That not so easy life can seem near impossible to endure in the bible belt of America.  While I’ve blogged and celebrated stories of kids being accepted and protected by a families love, there are too many unheard stories of the opposite. The stories of parents abandoning and disowning a child due to them being Gay, Lesbian or Transgender, are too many and familiar.  What happens to that child beyond them being or not being embraced by an accepting, supportive lgbt community?  That desire to still have their parents’ love rarely dissipates. How does one psychologically and emotionally cope with the loss of the love of one’s parents?  When a parent has become deceased, there is a normal painful grieving process. How do you process a parent who remains alive yet as absent as one who has passed away?

Recently I received a news feed titled, ‘Former Transgender tells his story.’  I had seen these types of stories and politely deleted.  I’ve heard of the groups like Exodus that convert Gay men back to heterosexuals.  I remember when, Darrell (Kim Avis to me), first connected with them.  Usually the victims of these organizations backslide as it’s called.  They’re forgiven and re-entered into more intense therapy over and over again until, some form of self acceptance, regardless how painful, inevitably has to be reached.  Leaving scars of a life not spent  and yet tormented.

Since the Victorian age many in the name of science, medicine or religion, have tried in earnest to alter sexual attitudes in others deemed unnatural by the ones producing the procedures.  Today, we call it conversion therapy; a range of pseudo-scientific treatments that aim to change sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. The American Psychiatric Association has condemned  psychiatric treatments such as reparative or conversion therapy. Many years ago, these treatments involved Electroconvulsive therapy (electro-shock), and continue to find support and funding from right-wing fundamentalist groups, despite evidence that being lgbt is not a mental disorder. The longstanding consensus of the behavioral and social sciences and the health and mental health professions is that homosexuality per se is a normal and positive variation of sexual orientation. Recently the association has modifies it’s standings on gender identity disorder as well.

In a society where many lgbt people are faced with discrimination; denied job advancement, bullied, have threats against their life and the potential loss of a parent’s love, it’s not too hard to see why a person lacking self acceptance would want to try to deny who they are, however impossible that can be.  The social needs in Maslow’s hierarchy include such things as love, acceptance and belonging.  At this level, the need for emotional relationships drives the human behavior. Whether denied or accepted, these needs are best achieved from: friendships, romantic attachments, family, social groups, community groups, churches and religious organizations.  For many lgbt that have not found positive influences, love from family or personal acceptance, many if not all of these needs can be lacking.  Regardless, the human behavior to possess these basic needs is never diminished.

Many in the Trans community referrers to mentors as; trans-mothers, drag mama, gay mom or hormone sisters.  In order to find a girl or boy that feels the same gender dysphoria as you, intentionally or not, friendships of common interest in transitioning are sought after.  These mentors you seek advice from sometimes take on a sort of mother or big sister role to you. That’s what Darrel aka Kim Avis became to me.  When I arrived in Florence, SC from Atlanta, I had already begun transitioning.  I became a local showgirl in a nearby gay bar as an outlet to my daily sixteen hour a day job as a C.N.A.  I met Kim one night after a show.  It being a small town with no other known Trans people, I was glad to see another girl like me.  She seemed from the beginning, extremely ecstatic to be making a new friend.  Immediately I wanted to know the names of local doctors she knew.  She took me later that month to her doctor who eventually became mine. I had made many friends both gay and straight as a showgirl there.  My family also lived only thirty minutes away in Hartsville, SC.  Quickly I noticed I seemed to be Kim’s only friend that she could be herself with.  Though she was fully developed at the time, she had returned to dressing as male due mainly by her family’s persistence.  She and I found refuge in common souls, so we eventually became roommates.

In the PFOX website article, she begins by saying she had started having same sex attraction by age 13 and that a bisexual male introduces her to “men” like her.  She states of being happy as she watched her body develop, becoming arrogant and being scared at the person she saw in the mirror.  She speaks without names, of a man on a hill that took her to a dark basement to inject silicone.  She seems to imply a degree of naivety about the entire situation.  She continues then to speak of the years passing and growing depressed.  Heartbroken of an abusive boyfriend that then later leaves her for a younger girl. She seemed to grow tired of the long process of getting herself made up in makeup, saying it became longer and longer to make myself look like a female and yet never was. She goes into briefly her drunken spiral of loneliness that leads her to find the people of PFOX who paid to have the dangerous silicone injected substance taken out of her therefore, removing her breast. She became a male again.

The problem with this story is the need to excuse self destructive nature on being transgender.  As roommates Kim and I spent many long evening talks about life and being transgender.  Religion was and is very important in our lives.  She often spoke of the heartbreak, now ten years later, of the young man she loved that abused her and left her for a young trans-girl that was also a friend of mine, Indigo.  Her long struggles with alcohol dating back to high school.  I was there to witness her popular local career as a hairdresser.  In order to convince her not to dress as a female, her parents bought her an upscale salon called La Rouge International. She accepted the idea to not dress and please her family.  She did as so many do, seek the love and acceptance of family. Not being who she wanted to be drove her deeper into addicted behavior overtime. I knew of the occasional cocaine addictions and how hair clients would pay in drugs.  Not having any issues at the time, her drug issues had not affected her life in a negative way yet, I decided we’d continue to be roommates and find another place.  By this time I was working two jobs, visiting family more and traveling the state doing gender illusion shows. I saw Kim less and less.  She was not welcomed at her families unless she was in male attire, so this would make her stay in the apartment alone.  Most in the lgbt local community kept a distance.  She was viewed by many as a little flighty or unstable.  I was noticing the drugs getting heavier and heavier which lead me to stay with family even more. One day I decided to call the landlord to have an issue in the apartment fixed and was informed rent had not been received in three months.  Since I was always on the road, the arrangement had been for Kim to drop off rent since the office was directly next door to her hair salon. This is when I knew the drugs had become more than just social and informed her family.  Gratefully I was reimbursed and with all information being told to the landlords was not to have any penalties placed on me.  Shortly after I was told by family of hers that she was in a rehab clinic in Virginia. I was happy she was receiving help.  I began to move on, began dating an artist when I started receiving packages from her about the Exodus programs on conversions of transgender people. I ignored this attempt and it only showed to me, another example of her constant search of some type of acceptance and belonging to something. I wished her well and ignored further attempts of communication.

I decided to write this because to me this showed the lengths groups like these will use sad vulnerable people that seek affection and a sense of belonging to expand their propaganda of bigotry.  I think of the possible young transgender boy/girl, whose family may see this as an opportunity to fix their gender dysphoric or gay child.  Being transgender wasn’t the issue with Kim to me and many that knew  her, but the lack of love, acceptance from family, a history of drug addiction and the inability to seek within herself a measure of self acceptance and love.  I’m not saying she is not happy or better off.  A friend from Lancaster, SC was always known to say, “Being transgender separates the boys from the women (mtf) and the girls from men (ftm).”  What she meant was this transgender life sometimes comes with a lot more about life than hormone replacement therapy. Not all will find families support or love.  Many want find a common supportive community.  Many have and will continue to find discrimination in workplaces and find long careers ended and long sought after careers denied.  It is true, not everyone on the journey of transcending genders will successfully transcend and that is ok.  Personal happiness and self fulfillment is the goal of every human being on earth.  But no institution should use the misfortunate attributes of a troubled person as evidence that leads to further bigotry and discrimination of others.  How many people will be lead to more self doubt, self hate and self destruction by unrealistic articles like the one PFOX has entrusted in their new found former transgender spokesperson?  Groups like these should be held responsible for the countless suicides of young teens. On their website PFOX says, Blanket approval is not responsible parenting or love. True love is loving in spite of our differences and treating each other with kindness and respect.”

PFOX, go tell that to the next parent of a gay, lesbian or transgender child that’s taken their life.  Part of loving someone in spite of our difference and treating each other with kindness and respect is to blanket anyone different than yourself with the same love and respect you have for yourself and that is something, I’d feel, any parent would be proud to see their child accomplish in life.