Pam's Ponderings-The Grocery Store Shelves Were Bare

TransGriot Note: Author Pamela Hayes' takes on life while trans.    In this one she talks about the Super Bowl, movies and the state of what passes for cartoons.

I went to the supermarket to pick up some things for spaghetti and meatballs. I love making my meatballs with meatloaf mixture--a combination of beef, pork and veal.

While there, I decided to pick up some super bowl munchies. Two family members will be glued to the TV watching the Super Bowl, but I am not interested. Ugh!

But they requested some food items for the event. There wasn't a chip, Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos, pretzels in the damn store.

No Cokes, Pepsi, Sierra Mist, ginger ale. Well, some folks are having Super Bowl shindigs tomorrow, so I guess they cleaned the store out in preparation of that.

They had emptied the candy aisle. What do they think this is, Trick or Treat, I thought, frowning up a storm, when I didn't see a Nestle Crunch in the house.

I went to another store and found my soft drinks and chips. I also bought some stuff to make them a deli tray, which will consist of turkey, ham, roast beef, cheeses, gherkins, olives, artichoke hearts. I'm going to put out chips and dips and make some wings with barbecue and sweet and sour sauces.

While that pigskin lunacy is underway, a family member and I are going out to dinner and afterwards, we're going to watch Cinderella--that version with Stuart Damon and Lesley Ann Warren. I love it.

Also, there is a marvelous version with Julie Andrews. Also, Alice Ghostley who played the bumbling Esmeralda on Bewitched played one of the mean-spirited step sisters in that version.

I'm also going to check out Annie, the Kathy Bates/Audra McDonald vehicle. I love the music and Audra McDonald is a sublime singer. That woman's voice is positively majestic. I have a few CD's by her. She is superb. God gave her quite a gift with that voice.

And finally, I'll make myself sit through The Princess And The Frog. I'm not that wild about animated movies, though I love the old Flintstones series. I love Fred, Wilma, Barney and Betty, Bam Bam and Pebbles.

I have watched Family Guy. I find it disgusting.

Stewie is a horrible little creature who has fantasies about committing matricide. Meg, most definitely is not daddy's little girl. Peter has broke wind in her face. Sent her into dangerous situations. Calls her ugly.
What a charmer. The show can be profane and irreverent without having a man psychologically abuse his daughter. Though it's been said another man sired Meg.

That show has dealt with subjects like bestiality. Lois' father impregnated his pet dog. How repugnant!

Characters have been seen vomiting. Who wants to see that? Yes, I've watched it in HORROR to be cognizant of what's going on in popular culture and sometimes, I've turned it off in revulsion.

My books contain graphic sex scenes , but I don't care for pornographic movies or pictures. Call it an idiosyncrasy.

Tracy's Reply To Teresa

TransGriot Note:  Guest post from Tracy Bumphus.


You're too funny and now I remember why I never involved myself in the political arena of the trans struggle. Typically I stand on the sidelines and work from the shadows to make change. Not write extra long essays accusing people of being out to get me. First what was the point in you mentioning my name in reference to the march to discredit me?

To answer to what you have accused me of. I merely said that I agreed with some of the comments that were made and you admitted yourself that not all the comments were bad. Being a friend does not mean that I agree with all of your views and that I must publically refrain from saying anything against or contrary to what you say.

I don't agree with your views on the whole transgender/transsexual debate. And I feel for you TRANSSEXUALS with the medical condition that you've had corrected through surgery. I feel sorry for you all (the ones fighting this battle to be separate and seen as more normal than the rest of us) that you went through all of these things to get your "MEDICAL CONDITION" "FIXED" and then you are still miserable, getting spooked and discriminated against as the rest of us creeps, freaks and tranny trash. I feel for you all that you became a "NORMAL FEMALE/TRANSSEXUAL" and not just a Transgender woman who obviously is not, and never wanted to be a woman because if we did we would get our penis inverted and surgically altered to be a vagina.

You challenged Arianna and fought till she gave up on GIEC and then couldn't handle the challenge so the best thing you could come up with is that she is in the shadows blocking your progress. You admit that you thought for sometime that GIEC was a failure so why bother trying to take over? I guess it made good essay material.

Listen I really don't want to be a part of your political bullshit so please I am asking you Transgender woman to Transsexual female keep my name (good or bad) out of your essays.and your mouth in general. With or without you and your cronies the movement shall go on.

The movement is for all people that fall under the Trans Umbrella and you and anyone not feeling that are welcomed to do as you've been doing, sitting around writing long and redundant essays.

When you are ready for real change not just talk and essays and attempts to further divide the tiny community that we are all a part of then you are welcomed to join us. If not good luck with getting recognized as normal because you have GRS and we don't.

Peace, Love, and Hairgrease.

See you somewhere in the struggle or on the sidelines cheering.

Pam's Ponderings-The T-Life Isn't For This Trans Girl

TransGriot Note: The thoughts of author Pamela Hayes


I don’t want anyone to think that I hate trans women because I do not. I am a trans woman, who doesn’t care if a trans girl is pre or post op. I have something in common with her. We all could find ourselves on the receiving end of discrimination.

Violence could be perpetrated against us.

We all are ridiculed. Mocked. There are men who have sex with us, but behind our backs make fun of us to other people.

So we trans women are in this together.

But I find it infinitely easier to deal with mainstream society and natal women and men than SOME trans people. It is easier for me, a trans woman, to be in mainstream society with a reputation as a trans woman than it is being a trans woman in the trans community.

To put it bluntly, some t-girls are hard to deal with. Unless you’re in the same boat she’s in, she is not your ally.

In the straight community, I can put on a dab of makeup, a casual outfit and my earrings and I’m told that I look nice and I receive compliments.  Great!   Most people are truly warm and receptive to me.

But when I’m around some transsexuals, I can feel the shade. They feel that I should have on more makeup. One time, Miss Ava Loren, who fancied herself an expert makeup artist, painted me.

She applied heavy foundation and eyeliner and gobs of green eye shadow. She put on lip liner, followed by lipstick and then lip gloss. “Girl, you look fierce,” she exclaimed, looking at me, admiring her handiwork, I suppose.

I took a look at myself in the mirror and I was horrified.

With all that damn gloss, my mouth was so greasy looking, it appeared as if I ate a 10 piece bucket of KFC and neglected to wipe my mouth.

Ava and I had planned to hit the mall and I was not venturing outside with all that shit smeared on my face. “This isn’t me. I’m going to wash this off,” I told her. Her expression indicated that she didn‘t like hearing that.

“Don’t make me no never mind,” she said.

So, I redid my makeup. “Humph!” She sucked her teeth. Examining her garishly painted acrylic nails, she said, “Now, you look like regular fish.”

“That’s my objective,“ I said, resisting the urge to cuss Ava out for having a smelly attitude. I didn't want to parade around in all that ridiculous looking makeup. She acted like I stole her hormones.

And my 6’1 stature is an issue with trans girls who are shorter. I love being tall. Sometimes, it is a challenge finding clothes that are long enough. And some t-girls have denigrated me for being tall. But when my life is compared to theirs, I can say, I did it. I went from a gay man to a pre-op to a post-op who functions in mainstream society as a woman.  And I can say cheerily, I am not doing it in stealth.

I have a family, a home. My husband makes terrific money and he is generous to me. I have free reign with the money and credit cards. And some of the trans girls have accused me of lying about my wonderful life.

Those bitches are just jealous. But for those types, I’m not tolerating their pathetic shit. I refuse to be around them.  What I’ve done. They could do it too. If a trans woman can stomach some of the annoying, petty crap that goes on in the t-community--the shade. Jealous trans women hating on you, running around badmouthing you to people because she’s envious.

Trans women fighting over “tranny chasers” who don’t give a damn about them. If you can endure that, and God knows, I couldn’t, you can take the bit of iciness that you may encounter in mainstream society. Believe me, it’s much easier to deal with.

Where Do You Draw The Line?

TransGriot Note: Guest post by Toni Williams

This was deleted from a 'discussion' that was on another FB page. I guess since I had a dissenting opinion they felt the need to delete my post. It's sad when we can't disagree.  It's one reason our progress has moved so slowly.

"When I hear people say that don't want to be associated with 'those people', I can't help but hear a level of bigotry.

I understand where it comes from so I am not one to harshly judge those who express such sentiments. There are some creepy elements in the fetish segments. To me that would be like me not wanting to accept the term African American label because of the negative stereotypical members of my racial group.

It also ignores the fact that many well adjusted transsexual women, at one time, came into who they are through what they perceived as a fetish. Think of all of the girls (especially those who transition later in life) who have said over and over that they say things through the lens of a fetish.

What if Steve only dresses on the weekend? He could still very well be a transsexual. It comes down to what is in his mind. And what about the creepy fetish minded transsexual? What about those, like myself, who fall on the blurred less defined lines of these definitions?

I look at something like the Southern Comfort Conference, which is mostly attended by TVs. You would be hard pressed to be able to tell the difference between most of the attendees and a late transitioning TS. I think those lines are so blurry that they can not properly be defined. Especially without knowing the person (as an individual). I know of many many many on the pageant and ballroom scene that live in those gray area. Many who most would assume were fulltime and fully transitioned.

Sure, those transsexuals on the far end of the scope have close to nothing in common with those fetish minded crossdressers on the other end. I would suspect that a very large portion exist more in the middle. The size of the middle is too large to draw strict distinctions."

I Have To Admit A Prejudice

TransGriot Note: Guest post from Maureen Hennessey

I  loathe the behaviour of radical separatists . 

Be they Radical Lesbian Separatists or other kinds of Separatists, I abhor and deplore their conduct.

Why?

Because they are, in the end, platitude and cliche driven anti-intellectuals who understand little of the meaning of the heated rhetoric that they parrot. In the end there is no difference between any subgroup of L or G or B or T separatists and a inflammed crowd of tea-baggers

None.

Radical separatism is a disease that, like the French Revolution, consumes and spits out its children and parents. Once its first perceived threat-target-enemy is pushed out or eliminated, it immediately needs to identify a new one, a higher level of purity to acheive.

It is sickening.

Can we, as a group, finally roundly condemn it in all its insidious, pernicious and destructive forms? Can we put aside differences of a petty or less important nature to stand against this and say, loudly, clearly, that it is MORALLY WRONG?

Take the pledge, please, and then keep to it

Respectfully;
 Maureen E Hennessey
 Woman
 Lesbian
 Lover of Women
 Lover of People
 All kinds of Women
 All kinds of People.

Letter to Ashley and Autumn

TransGriot Note:  Guest post from Antonia E. D'orsay 

I know that question to you two right now is not going to be very nice. Especially coming from me, when both of you likely know I'm pretty upset with this whole mess.

So I'm going to ask you, each, How much do you *really* care about making lives better for trans people?

What are you willing to sacrifice, to give up, to surrender, to set aside in the effort to do things like get a non discrimination act passed or to end the stigma and shame associated with being trans, or to take GID out of the DSM or to stop newspapers from printing really stupid and horribly insulting stuff about us?

Are you willing to die for what you believe in? Autumn, are you willing to take a bullet over calling Ashley out? Ashley, are you willing to be beaten and tortured over Autumn being a member of this "gay inc" thing you talk about?

Ashley, are you willing to have your life ended over this division you promote between "transvestites" and "transsexuals"? Autumn, are you willing to be thrown literally to the lions to make sure that even someone like Jennifer Usher has a chance to be treated fairly?

I'm not saying that you have to be willing to do those things. If you are not, that's ok. But how far are you willing to go to make these things happen? Will you give up some belief?

Autumn, would be be willing to say that Ashley is right if it means that a real ENDA is passed?

Ashley, would you be willing to say that maybe transvestites are little different from transsexuals if it means people would stop using the word tranny?

How much do you *really* care about these things? Seriously.

Think on that. You don't have to reply here -- both of you know my email addy is tonidorsay@msn.com. I also don't give a damn if you don't like each other.

But both of you have been deeply irresponsible -- and keep in mind that if *I* am the one telling you this, when my reputation is that of a loose cannon who fires off at friend or foe with equal abandon, then there's a serious problem here that will undermine all the work both of you have done.

I would like a reply, though. And it is only fair for me to say that it would not be private. Your reply will be something I talk about.

Answer that question, and we can start to see something far more important than anything either of you have done.

Oh, and while I'm at it, and before you both unfriend me for being the ever irascible Dyssonance, have either of you made your five dollar donation to This Is H.O.W. yet?

http://www.thisishow.org/ is a place that has helped over 300 trans folk of all sorts, all kinds, all shapes and sizes in the last four years. It deals with substance abuse, with freeing one's self from the world of sex work, with escaping domestic violence, with recovering from rape, and more. Most of the people helped are men and women of color, who have it so hard that anything the three of us combined have gone through is a walk in the park.

It takes 5000 dollars every three months to keep the doors open. I'm asking for 1000 people to donate 5 dollars each. That's all. If I can get that 1000 people to do that 4 times a year, I can keep TIH open and actually grow the organization and expand the services to other cities and other states.

And, as ever, both of you are absolutely free to come over to Phoenix and tell me off to my face any time you'd like. Or just have a cup of coffee and take a tour of TIH's Residence and community Room.

But answer that question and make that donation. Because right now, the two of you just started something that is not going to go smoothly, and to be perfectly frank, I'd appreciate and end to it fairly soon since my phone has been ringing off the hook for the last three days and I'm getting ten to fifteen emails a day about this whole thing.

I'd like to diffuse the situation. Or at least shift the discussion away from you two as people.