Dutch YouTube Makeup Guru Comes Out As Trans

Nikkie de Jager would have rather kept this part of her life her business, and make the announcement she made at a time and place of her choosing.  Unfortunately someone took the ability to do that away from her. 

As NikkieTutorials, the YouTube makeup guru and 11 year video blogger has over 13 million subscribers, and a fiance who loves her named Dylan.

But as I and your trans elders know all too well from our trans history, when you are a non disclosed trans person, trying to keep it that way and living your best life, unscrupulous haters will try to use your desire to keep the knowledge that you're part of Team Trans against you. 

Nikkie revealed in a video blog that she was being hounded by blackmailers who found out about her trans history, and threatened to reveal she was trans feminine to the media.

She decided to make the announcement she was trans in order to regain some of her personal power back.




Welcome to our international trans family Nikkie!  Yes, I wish that she could have done so at a time and place of her choosing, but I;m glad she did.

So will all the trans younglings who just found out they have another trans possibility model to look up to and emulate.

Happy National Coming Out Day 2018!

Happy National Coming Out Day!     This is the day set aside in which people in the TBLGQ community that are ready to do so come out publicly,  or tell their coming out stories.

Let me emphasize that previous point about coming out when you are ready to do so.   You don't have to do it today.  Only you will know when you are ready to do so.   My personal coming out didn't happen until April 4, 1994 even though it was decades in the making

So yes, be proud of who you are.   Don't let the hoopla of this day push you into making a decision that if you aren't ready for it, will have serious consequences.   You've got to be mentally ready to handle your post October 11 life which will have peaks and valleys in it.

But if you get through it, the rewards of coming out are a life BETTER than the one you were experiencing beforehand.

 As a trans person coming out, you will  gain an international family of trans folks who are some kick butt people in their own right.  You may even have moments as a trans person in which you get to do seemingly ordinary things that eventually put you in the history books.

So am I happy I did so?  Sure am.   Do I have any regrets about it?   No.  My life it more interesting and wonderful now than it was before April 4, 1994. The only regret I have is I didn't get to do it sooner. 

The one thing that didn't improve was my dating life.   It still sucks.

But in the nearly 25 years I have been publicly out, I've enjoyed every minute of it.   My family expanded, not contracted in the wake of it.   The people who have known me before transition have told me they've noticed I'm a happier, more gregarious person since that day. 

 I've gotten to do some things I never thought I'd do like go to the White House five times.   I've gotten to meet some amazing people along the way, and even better call many of them my friends.

I have some cis girlfriends that push me to be a better person than I was the day before, and I'm blessed to have them in my life.  Same is true for my trans girlfriends as well

Most important to me, I get called Aunt Monica by all you trans younglings.  I recognize that you are our next generation of trans folks, and I'm never too busy to drop what I'm going and have a conversation with you when you feel that you need it.   I enjoy those chats as much as y'all do.

I also get to meet, talk to and hang out with the Mama and Papa Bears who are raising that next generation of trans people to be the kick butt adults we know beyond a shadow of a doubt they will become.

I get to do what I love in terms of writing, talking to peeps about our trans lives and fighting to advance our human rights.    At times I even get paid for it 

And the best is yet to come.   My life is still in a positive evolutionary state, and I'm still not done yet in terms of doing what I can to make this community better than when I encountered it.

But this amazing life wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that first step of clocking in at work on that fateful April 4, 1994 day

National Coming Out Day 2017

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone.

Today's 2017 edition of National Coming Out Day is a bittersweet one because of the incompetent jerk in the White House.   The incompetent jerk has unfortunately surrounded himself with even more incompetent people who are hostile to my existence as an unapologetic Black trans person

Because that incompetent, unqualified  jerk got elected, we went from having an attorney general in Loretta Lynch who had our trans backs to one in Jeff Sessions  who wants to put a knife in those backs before shoving us back into the closet.

Nope, going to fight him, 45, the faith based haters, the TERF's and his reprehensible crew every step of the way.  I will outlast this latest round of GOP tyranny. 

And news flash for my Texas trans hatemongers Dan Patrick and Lois Kolkhorst, I'm not going back in the closet or using a men's bathroom.


You may be asking yourself  why come out during a time like this?  It's the same reason Sylvia and Marsha did so.  It's the same reason that Christine Jorgensen transitioned.  It's the same reason why other trans masculine and trans feminine people throughout our history have done so. 

It's the same reason why my people have fought for liberation against the anti-Blackness that has plagued us for over four centuries.

Because in order to live your best life, you must come out to start the process of becoming your true self, living your best life and being unapologetic about it.

If you want that quality life, you have to fight for it.   Being trans (or bi, lesbian, gay...) is a revolutionary act.   It is also one that not only will free you to live your best life, but is one that will help you own your power as my NBJC sister in the struggle Sharon Lettman-Hicks loves to say.

Us being unapologetic about who we are scares our loud and wrong opponents.  We are unapologetically walking in our truth that we are undeniably part of the diverse mosaic of human life on this planet,  while our opposition is hiding from theirs that they are angry human rights oppressors.

They also resent the fact that we are comfortable in our skins or are well along the path of becoming that way and want to throw obstacles in our way to make us as miserable as they are.

This is a journey that is not for the faint hearted or one to undertake if you aren't 100% certain you are ready to walk down this path.   Because to borrow a line from Star Wars, once you start down it, forever will it consume your destiny.   You need to be absolutely certain you are one of the letters in the TBLGQ  community before you take those first concrete actions to come out.  . 

And if you are, come out on your timetable.  Just because this is National Coming Out Day doesn't mean you need to do so today.

As for me, I was one of those people who didn't come out on National Coming Out Day.  It took me a while to get to the April 1994 point in my life that I finally did so, and haven't regretted it.  If I have regrets, it's basically not being able to start the process sooner as so many of our trans kids are able to do now.

I have gotten to meet some amazing people along the way inside and outside the TBLGQ community.   Some are fellow activists, some aren't, but the are people who I have mad love and respect for.

I'm blessed to have a diverse sistah circle who have no problem checking me when necessary.  I'm blessed to have friendships that cross international borders. 

That probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that first tentative step into Terminal C and went through that first nerve  wracking week as moi.

While my life has also been challenging at times, the wonderful experiences outweigh those times my my smooth ride down the highway of life hits a pothole.

As for our trans and SGL  kids, know you are loved, you matter to me and your trans elders, and we fight the powers that be so you'll hopefully have a better life than we did or won't have to make multiple trips to Austin to kill bad anti-human rights bills

Happy National Coming Out Day!    And happy first step to writing the next chapter in your amazing story.

'Queen Sugar' Actor Comes Out As Trans Masculine

The critically acclaimed Ava DuVernay produced show Queen Sugar on OWN, debuted on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) on September 6 for a thirteen episode run and was renewed for a second season that started on June 20.

The show is garnering an ever increasing audience with its diverse and complex characters, is based on the 2014 debut novel of the same name by Natalie Baczile, and tells the story of a woman who unexpectedly inherits a struggling Louisiana sugar cane farm.

Queen Sugar was nominated for five NAACP Image Awards, and won the Outstanding Drama Series and Outstanding Writing In A Dramatic Series one.

One of the characters on this show, Antoine 'Toine' Wilkins, recently debuted as the high school friend of major character Ralph Angel Bordelon, played by Kofi Siriboe.

Ralph protected Toine from the bullies during their high school days, and Toine feels a sense of loyalty to him as a result.  We'll see how this plays out during the rest of the Queen Sugar season two.

Toine is a trans masculine cop, and you know I and a whole lot of trans people inside and outside of Hollywood have complained about cis actors playing trans roles.

Interestingly enough, Brian Michael Smith, the actor who plays Toine, has recently come out as trans masculine.   Tiq Milan interviews him here.  

Smith has been performing since childhood, but acting professionally for five years.   He has played cisgender roles prior to this announcement.  He was also in this Toyota commercial featuring Eli Manning.  He's also appeared on the shows Detour, Girls, Blue Bloods and Law and Order : SVU

Smith is hoping not only to bring more authentic trans characters to life on screen and stage, he also wants to play a wide variety of trans and cisgender roles.

Have another show I need to watch and support when I have time to do so.

Say Hello To Texas' First Transgender Mayor

In order to move trans acceptance in red states, we have to have people who actually live in and love them as much as the right wing haters fighting them tooth and nail to do so.

It's also even more important that trans people get involved in politics so that we are helping to shape the laws that govern us, not be on the political menu.

While Texas gay and lesbian folks have been getting elected to political positions for decades from judge to the state legislature to even mayor of Houston,  it has been a steeper climb for Texas trans people to make those same political advances

Phyllis Frye after being appointed by Mayor Annise Parker in 2010 became the first transgender judge in the nation and the Lone Star State.   But we are still trying to get a trans person elected to public office in our state.

Was happy to hear that we had some unexpected Texas political history recently made.   You have seen me chronicle on these electronic pages Jenifer Rene Pool's efforts to get elected to the Houston City Council and in the last cycle in 2016 Harris Country Commissioner.   She made Texas political history along the way last spring by becoming the first out Texas trans person to win a political party primary election.

New Hope, Texas is a town of 670 residents 40 miles northeast of Dallas in the conservative bastion of Collin County,   58 year old Jess Herbst has lived in the town with her wife and two daughters since 1999 and in 2003, Herbst was elected as an alderman to the Town Council.

Herbst rose to become its road commissioner and mayor pro tem.   When New Hope Mayor Johnny Hamm passed away in May while seeking reelection for another two year term, it was too late to remove him from the ballot.   Hamm posthumously won reelection to the mayor's chair and Herbst, already serving as the mayor pro tem, was selected to fill his two year term.

Herbst subsequently came out in a letter to the residents of New Hope.  

Herbst has also been chronicling her trans journey and her life at her blog.

Congrats Mayor Herbst, Hope you can stay in that office, get elected for your own term and continue working for the people of New Hope to the best of your ability.

Sade's Child Comes Out As Trans

Peeps who have known me for a while know that I have mad love for Sade, and I own every CD she's ever produced.  Even got a chance to see her in concert in Houston back in 1988.

Some other interesting news that has come out this week is that Sade's 21 year old child has recently come out on his Instagram page as a trans man.

There's also no word yet about what his masculine name will be, and hopefully he'll let us know that soon, especially since the usual reprehensible transphobes in Black gossip blog world (cough, cough 'Sandra' Rose) have already started throwing facts free shade.

No reaction from his Grammy winning mom yet, but we're happy to welcome him to our international trans family.

Say Hello To Lillly

We are aware that director Lana Wachowski came out as trans in 2012, but it was a mild shocker to hear that her younger sibling  and the other half of the prolific directing duo is also coming out.

Lilly Wachowski came out in a statement published in the Windy City Times that was done so she could control the narrative she wanted to tell as opposed to the media outlets threatening to run the story.

"Being transgender is not easy," Wachowski wrote. "We live in a majority-enforced gender binary world. This means when you're transgender you have to face the hard reality of living the rest of your life in a world that is openly hostile to you."

"So yeah, I'm transgender."

"And yes, I've transitioned"

GLAAD commented in the wake his her statement,."GLAAD is thrilled that Lilly Wachowski is able to be her true and authentic self today, however, she should not have been forced to disclose her transgender identity before she was ready to do so. Journalists must learn that it is unacceptable to out a transgender person, in the same way it is unacceptable to out a person who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual," said Nick Adams, GLAAD's Director of Programs for Transgender Media.

Hello Lilly!   Welcome to the trans family...

National Coming Out Day 2015

"If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world. "  -TransGriot October 11, 2013,"National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person

Today is National Coming Out Day, in which people in the trans, bi and SGL community are urged to on this October 11 date to be ourselves.   If you aren't ready to do so today, my best advice to to wait until you are emotionally ready to handle that challenging business of announcing to the world your true self and going forward from that date of making it happen.

But I'm also thinking about National Coming Out Day 2015 in the wake of us losing another young trans sister in Keisha Jenkins last week.   

Being girls and guys like us can be tough at times, but nothing beats the exhilaration and the happiness of knowing thyself and being on an evolving journey of living your life openly and honestly.

My coming out date wasn't on October 11, it was April 4, 1994 and I have not regretted making that move.   The only regret I really have that pops up at times is not being able to start it sooner.

But I did, and I have a higher quality and amazing life because of it.   I have some people in my life I probably wouldn't have gotten to know if I hadn't transitioned, get blessed with opportunities to talk about trans issues around the country and would like to have it happen more often. 

I get to pick up the phone and actually converse with trans people from around the country from my trans younglings to trans elders like Miss Major, occasionally make a little history like I did when I took part in a White House Trans Women of Color Briefing back in March;.  I have an awesome network of cis and trans sisters who keep me grounded and ensure that my azz doesn't get 'Big Head Syndrome' because of the awesome company I keep. 

I have also gotten to meet during my two decades in this community some trans brothers who are also doing some groundbreaking things for our community as well like Dr Kortney Ziegler, Kylar Broadus, Jevon Martin, Rev. Louis Mitchell and Carter Brown just to name a few that I am immensely proud of.

Has it been challenging and a pain in azz at times?  Yep, sure has.   I've also had my share of setbacks, especially in the romance department..  But facing those challenges and emerging victorious from them has made me the unapologetically Black trans person I am today.   

But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that preliminary first step out of the closet in 1994.

To those of you coming out today, at events tomorrow or whenever you choose to do so, welcome to the family.

Nartional Coming Out Day 2014- It's STILL Different And Challenging For Trans People

"If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world. "  -TransGriot October 11, 2013,"National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person


Today is National Coming Out Day!  While some peeps celebrated it with events yesterday because the date has fallen on a weekend, today is the official day.

National Coming Out Day is still and always will be fundamentally different for a trans person to do so than someone in the LGB community. We not only have to pay for the privilege of being ourselves, we have to have the assistance of medical science to morph our bodies to present as the people we are.

If you chose this date to come out and live your trans, bi, or SGL lives, congratulations for taking your first bold steps toward being your true selves.  

And yes, know that there are differences in the coming out experience, and it is affected by race and class just like everything else in American society is.

For my newly out transfolks, while I congratulate you for doing so, on this National Coming Out Day I do need to take some time to drop some real talk on you. 

You are coming out at a fascinating time in modern trans history.   While it is undeniably the best of times in terms of the unprecedented visibility and coverage for transgender issues, and especially seeing trans people of color represented, at the same time we've gotten the undivided attention of the Religious Right.

They have lost their War Against Same-Sex Marriage, and need a new cause to rally the hate troops around.   Since trans rights are quickly being recognized as a human rights issue, they are  joining our longtime disco-era enemies the TERF's in hating on transpeople.

We've had a rough week in terms of the trans women we have lost in Los Angeles, Brisbane, Australia, and Brazil with the Transgender Day of Remembrance just a few short weeks away. 

We are the only peeps in the TBLG rainbow community who have to pay for the privilege of being ourselves.

When I say pay for the privilege of being ourselves, of course I'm alluding to the medical and body morphing aspect of the transition.   That's the easy part.   But it is not the end all and be all of a gender transition.  If you wish to have as a trans feminine person SRS, go for it, but remember that gender is between your ears, not your legs.  

The tougher part of a transition is the ongoing part of you evolving to be the best person you can be while trying to grasp the nuances of living in the world as the man or woman you always were and now get to be full time. 

And you're trying to do so while being hated on by a way too long list of haters inside and outside the TBLG community ranks.

But the interesting note to all of this is that once you do finally start down the transition highway, you'll wonder to yourself as you get comfortable in your skin and your desired gender role why you didn't do this sooner.

You'll meet some amazing and loving people in this community to replace the people that kicked you to the curb or distanced themselves from you after you began your transition.  Your family expands to the point where you will have brothers and sisters across the country and the world. 

And you are part of a group of remarkable human beings who have a proud history, are part of the diverse mosaic of human life, and are fighting every day to just live their lives without drama and to the best of their ability.


Yes, coming out as and being trans is challenging.   But it is oh so rewarding when you do so as well.   

Welcome to the trans family.

Say Hello To Andreja!

So it will be interesting to see in 2012 how Andrej Pejic tops this and what other interesting developments happen in Pejic's life gender wise..
--TransGriot, January 15, 2012,  Andrej Pejic Does Bra Ad.

There has been an interesting development and major change in androgyne supermodel Andreja Pejic's life recently.  

Nope, that's not a typo. As many of us in Trans World had an inkling would probably happen after the Bosnian born Aussie first burst into the fashion world's consciousness by doing androgynous fabulousness while ripping the worlds fashion runways, the 22 year old Pejic on Wednesday came out as trans and revealed she has undergone SRS.

Pejic also revealed she recently changed her name in addition to releasing a statement that from now on she would only exclusively model women's clothes.   She also noted in the statement she is receiving support from her modeling agency, friends and family.

She also conducted an interview with GLAAD published on Style.com that discussed her transition. 
 

Andreja also had this to say in a message on her Facebook page directed at trans youth.

"I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for the love and support throughout the years. You've all helped me through this journey and I have learned a lot and really come into my own and the response to today’s announcement truly overwhelmed me and reminds me of why I chose to do this publicly.

I think we all evolve as we get older and that's normal but I like to think that my recent transition hasn't made me into a different individual. Same person, no difference at all just a different sex

I hope you can all understand that.

I would also like to to reach out to all young gender non-conforming youth out there: I know it's hard, I've been there, but remember it’s your right to be accepted as what you identify with---you deserve the same respect as any other human being on this planet. As a transgender woman I hope to show that after transition (a life-saving process) one can be happy and successful in their new chapter without having to alienate their past. Most importantly differences should not equal divisions, let's all stand together in union." ‪#‎betruebeyou‬

***

Welcome to the trans fam Andreja!  

Glad you're a girl like us and you are officially joining the long and increasingly stylish line of trans models.   Fashion Week should be quite interesting in September.

Publicist Leigha Hagood Comes Out As Trans

TransGriot Note: I have pointed out more than a few times over the years that trans women can accomplish and do anything if just given the opportunity to do so. 

I was made aware of a situation in which a previously  undisclosed professional #girllikeus was threatened with extortion because of the unscrupulous and criminal behavior of a transphobic former employee. 

Leigha Hagood is a real life Olivia Pope for the hip hop and PR world and as we now know because she is coming out, a trans woman. 

I'm honored that Leigha trusted me with her story, and there will be more to come from me on these electronic pages concerning our trans sister in the weeks to come.  

Publicist Leigha Hagood released a coming out statement to TransGriot blogger and civil rights activist Monica Roberts.  It was in response to a defamatory press release issued by a former employee who demanded cash in exchange for not disclosing Hagood's transgender status.

Hagood refused to give in to the extortion demands, stating, "This is not the first time someone has threatened to out me unless I pay them, but it will be the last! I'm trans and so proud."

Hagood is known behind the scenes throughout the industry as a fixer who specializes in crisis management, and worked with several high profile clients in public relations scandals. In 2012 she took control of the PR company she was working for (The Firm Global) as head publicist, which merged with LT Creative Group in summer 2013 and specializes in personal PR and brand development.

Hagood says, “I got tired of doing so much work and never really getting the credit.  Because of the delicate and highly confidential nature of the services rendered, I couldn't even publish a client list and most clients are taken on referral basis only. I even had large publicists coming to me for ideas and crisis management for their clients.” 

Hagood currently is tied deeply within the hip hop industry and works with several high profile celebrities, including Grammy nominated and Grammy winning producers, artists and athletes.   She has also worked with large corporate clients, including The Gay and Lesbian Center and Friends Without Borders.

Hagood had not previously publicly disclosed her transgender identity during the time she has been working in the PR and hip hop industry.  "It's hard enough to be a woman in this industry without having to throw trans in front of that, but enough is enough! I look at people like Laverne Cox, Tona Brown and Janet Mock, on top of the amazing support I’ve gotten, and I’m confident this is the best thing to do."

Hagood hopes that clients will see beyond her gender and that her work speaks for itself, saying, “We are all humans and strive for the same thing success, love and happiness."

When Hagood refused to pay an ex-employee for her silence, the ex-employee sent out a defamatory press release calling Hagood several anti-transgender slurs and a fraud while attaching unlawfully obtained copies of Hagood’s California ID and Social Security card. 

Hagood says, “Contrary to what was written in the (ex-employee's) press release this has nothing to do with my work and everything to do with my being transgender. My gender has nothing to do with the integrity of my work. The employee says she feels she should have been told upfront that she was working with a ‘Person’ like me.”

Hagood has filed a police report with the West Hollywood Division of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department and their investigation is ongoing.

Miss Kentucky 2010 Comes Out

Back in 2010 Djuan Trent became the second African American woman after Lyda Lewis in 1973 to be crowned as Miss Kentucky.   She went on to place in the Top 15 during the 2011 Miss America pageant. |

Having lived in Louisville when that marriage ban stain on the Kentucky Constitution was enacted and approved by a misguided majority of voters in 2004, I was happy when federal Judge John G. Heyburn dropped the legal hammer February 12 and ordered the Bluegrass State to recognize legal out of state same gender marriages.

With the haters homophobic rhetoric running hot and heavy, Ms.Trent came out in a February 20 post at her 'Life in 27' blog.   She noted in that post:

Ideally, I would love to one day live in a society where coming out is no longer necessary because we don't make assumptions about one another's sexuality and homophobia is laid to rest. For now, that is more of an ideal than it is a reality. But if you want see that ideal become a reality and you have the courage to change history...if you want to earn some gold stars, then yes, come on out and make your presence known. People can't know that their best friend, brother, sister, co-worker, neighbor, news anchor, favorite singer, or local coffee shop barista is being oppressed and denied the rights in which their heterosexual counterparts are so happily welcomed partake, unless you open your mouth and say it.

Or the former Miss Kentucky 2010 titleholder

I wrote this comment on her coming out post 

Thank you, Djuan!

As one of your trans sisters who once lived in Kentucky (Louisville) from 2001-2010, I definitely applaud you for taking this one small step for you, but a giant leap for the Kentucky LGBT community.

You help emphatically drive home the point that LGBT people are just living their lives, following their dreams and wanting to do so without interference. 

As you pointed out, the more people we have coming out, speaking their truth and living their lives, the better. 

Since this post is about Ms Trent coming out, her words need to be the ones closing it out.  But I echo what my SGL sistah said.

I applaud those who take that step in speaking up and speaking out, because in your doing so, you create a sense of awareness amongst your friends, family, and peers, letting them know that this hits a lot closer to home than they may have realized.  You create a sense of community, letting others know that they are not alone, and giving them the courage to also speak up and speak out.

 

Moni's Coming Out Story

Been reading a lot of people's coming out stories today, so thought I would have you TransGriot readers jump into the DeLorean Time machine and take a trip back in time to my own coming out story.  

I not only came out as trans in April 1994, but the initial stages of it happened in the middle of Houston Intercontinental Airport's Terminals C and D.

It was like transitioning in the middle of a fishbowl.  At the time we had 30,000 people per day transiting that IAH hub airport, I worked the gates and I was the topic du jour on CNN (Continental News Network, Monispeak for the company gossip mill)

I handled it the only way I could by basically busting my butt at work getting my flights out on time, delivering outstanding customer service and treating people with the same dignity and respect I expected to be reciprocally treated with.. 

In between those flights, for the next three months I had Trans 101 conversations with my coworkers in my department, Maintenance, Inflight, Flight Ops, the Houston Airport Police officers I was in contact with, the support personnel who worked there and anyone else who wanted to know stuff about trans issues except the 'who am I sleeping with' question.

Some of the conversations I had with my co-workers led to some interesting revelations and insights. I had two emotional meetings during that early coming out period with Jessica Starnes, our trans pilot who was based in EWR at the time.  The other emotional one was with Gloria Villar, one of my fellow employees I worked on the gates with.  She later transferred to IAH Inflight and came out as part of the lesbian community.  I let her know at the time she came out I had her back, and now she let me know she had mine.

I  had the support of some caring coworkers and friends in the Houston community. I was challenged by Maxine Farrington, Deborah Murray-Hill, Karen Miles, several other female co-workers and my mentors to become the best person I could be. They role modeled in their own lives what they expected of me and I hope I more than exceeded their expectations. I also had many people that I looked to at IAH and elsewhere in my life for inspiration, wisdom and guidance as I embarked on this new chapter in my life.

There were also some bumps along the way and some humorous moments as I got adjusted to living life in a Black female body and all the other stuff good and bad that goes with it.

I made it through the initial nerve wracking day and eventually the week. Then I made it through the month. Then the next month.   Before I knew it an amazing year had passed and I haven't looked back.

So if I can come out as trans and transition in the middle of an international airline terminal, what's holding you back?

Many of you know the rest of the story.  I eventually became an activist in 1998, helped start a trans rights organization in 1999 called NTAC and was its first political director. 

In 2001 I became a Texan in Exile in Louisville for almost nine years, sat on the Fairness Campaign and C-FAIR boards while I was there, was the keynote speaker for the inaugural 2202 TDOR in Louisville and the 2003 edition of Louisville TDOR among other things.  I won the IFGE Trinity Award in 2006 and started some little award winning blog called TransGriot.  I was a member of the first ever all trans panels in 2012 at Netroots Nation and OUT on the Hill and was honored by BTMI in March with an advocacy award named after me. . 

I am one very happy for the most part camper who is comfortable in her skin and is enjoying her evolutionary feminine journey.  And yes, I'm still a huge sports fan. 

Now if I could just stop wandering the dating Sinai, everything would be gravy.

National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person

'I don't want to underestimate how liberating it is for a trans person to come out to family, friends and allies.  It does wonders to lift the burden of carrying that tremendous secret off our psyches so we can begin to openly and honestly live our lives.' --TransGriot October 11, 2012 

Today is National Coming Out Day.  Congratulations if you did so on taking that first giant and scary step towards evolving to become the person you needed to be.  

And yes, if you don't feel strong enough today to do so, don't worry about it.   You don't have to do it amidst all the hoopla of this week and this day.  Only you know when you are ready and emotionally strong enough to handle it and the challenges that will come your way after you come out.
 
If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world.  

We get to be hated on and resisted by a depressingly long list of societal haters.   

And what I said about coming out as trans last year still applies.

That's your mission once you realize you are trans and decide to accept the fundamental truth that it's absolutely essential for your quality of life, health, sanity and future happiness to transition. 

For the vast majority of us it's a decision that once made and executed, we wonder why we didn't do so sooner as our bodies and minds align and everything else falls into place once we get the gender issue resolved. 

You become part of a brotherhood and sisterhood that expands across the globe.   You begin to realize that we transfolks are part of the diverse mosaic of human life.  You discover that we have a proud history.  We have had and do have some amazing leaders at the local, state, national and international levels.   We are accomplishing some groundbreaking things and doing our part to uplift the communities we interact and intersect with including our own.

We trans people can do and accomplish anything we wish to do if we're just given the opportunity to do so.


With trans kids coming out as early as five and six, trans teens breaking new ground every day, and in many cases being agents of their own trans liberation, we trans elders are motivated to keep busting our behinds to create a world in which your human rights are respected and protected.  

The world we want for you is one in which all you'll have to do in addition to ensuring those rights stay in place for the generation of trans kids behind you is to dream your big dreams and make them happen.

But it all starts with that first scary and exhilarating step out of the closet after you come to the epiphany that you are trans*.
  
Everything else we can handle together one day at a time.


TransGriot Note: photos are of Dr Kortney Ryan Ziegler accepting the inaugural Authentic Life award from the Transgender Law Center and Cheryl Courtney-Evans in front of the Stonewall Inn where the TBLG movement began in 1969.

Trials Of LGBT Out Vs.Not Out Panel Discussion Event At UH Tonight

It's National Coming Out Week, and I've been invited to take part in a panel discussion on the University of Houston campus later this evening. 

It's part of the on campus series of events conducted to enlighten the UH community on LGBT issues in the runup to National Coming Out Day on Friday.

The event I've been invited to take part in is hosted by Gamma Rho Lambda Sorority's Kappa Chapter and is a panel discussion entitled 'Trials of LGBT: Out Vs. Not Out'.    I'm excited to not only be back on the campus of my alma mater, but be part of a panel of people who have either had the experience of either coming out or are unable to do so due to extenuating circumstances.

It'll be at the Agnes Arnold Building on the UH main campus tonight, October 8 in Room 30 and starts at 6:30 PM   

Hope you folks in the Houston area and on or near the UH campus can make it for what should be an interesting discussion.

Did Raven-Symoné Just Come Out?

I wrote a post last May about about people in the Black SGL community needing to quit pressuring the Queen and Raven-Symoné about whether or nor they are part of our chocolate TBLG community because our coming out parameters are different from the white community. 

When the rumors started after she was seen with out lesbian ANTM contestant AzMarie Livingston and the National Liar Inquirer made the conclusion jump she was part of the chocolate SGL family, Raven addressed the rumors at the time by basically saying it was nobody's business who she shared her bedroom with or who she was attracted to.

But this following August 2 tweet occurring after the states of Minnesota and Rhode Island began allowing same gender couples to get legally married raised eyebrows and got those is-she-or-isn't-she rumors aimed at our 27 year old sister cranked up all over again.




She's also quoted in this CNN story as saying this about same gender marriage.

"I am very happy that gay marriage is opening up around the country and is being accepted," the actress said in a statement through her representatives. 

"I was excited to hear today that more states legalized gay marriage. I, however am not currently getting married, but it is great to know I can now, should I wish to," she said.

That was a 'things that make you go hmm' moment.  If that was her way of coming out while trying to keep some part of her private life private, I ain't mad at her. I still love me some Raven-Symoné and always will.

If she did come out, it will mean that our African descended kids have another role model to look up to that shares their ethnic background.

And it gives a whole 'nother interpretation to 'That's So Raven'!

Stealth Doesn't Help The Trans Community

The topic of stealth vs. out blows up in our discussions in Trans World from time to time, and we're currently engaged in another round of debate about it across the Transosphere in the discussions surrounding the jacked up firing from OUTServe-SLDN of Allyson Robinson.
   
My attitude about stealth is well documented throughout the history of this blog.   Being stealth DOESN'T help the trans community. It only helps those who are stealth.  Stealth transpeople can tell themselves that to salve their egos all day long, but the reality is only being out and proud of being trans has led to the major gains we've made in the public policy realm the last few years

Stealth trans people like to claim they are helping the trans rights movement by hiding in plain sight and cite the 6 alleged stealth transgender employees at HRC and GLAAD as an example of that. (They claim there are 4 at HRC and 2 at GLAAD) 

Unfortunately, we have no way of positively verifying that because of the stealth conundrum. For us to positively know, those people would have to declare their trans status.  Stealth means that they aren't revealing that trans status under any circumstances because their desire to maintain the pseudo cis privilege they currently have trumps being open and honest to the world about being trans.

How are they helping the trans community by NOT being out at these two large Gay, Inc orgs?  When push comes to shove, I submit they will be more concerned about hiding their trans status at all costs than being fierce advocates for our community inside those organizations.

If you're not out at your job, and you're not out to friends and others, how is the world going to associate the positive things you do with the trans community as well, who could use more goodwill ambassadors and positive role models?

Some stealth transpeople don't help give back to the community much less want to even associate with other trans people, so it's not a stereotype. Telling that inconvenient truth is not 'demonizing stealth transpeople' as I was accused of doing by one vanillacentric privileged stealth trans woman in a FB comment thread, it's stating a harsh truth she didn't want to deal with.   

The trans narrative since Christine Jorgensen stepped off the plane 60 years ago has been overwhelmingly focused on white transwomen along with the media attention.  So it's no big deal for example, if a white transwoman chooses to go stealth.  Because as she disappears from Trans World you already have other white trans women who have been (and still are) role models, our trans stories are predominately told from your perspective all across the media spectrum and you are held up as the paragons of trans womanhood.

But that's not the case for trans women of color.   We are only beginning in this decade to get the recognition that we exist thanks to Laverne Cox, Isis King, Janet Mock, KOKUMO, Bamby Salcedo, Arianna Inurrtegui Lint being out and proud about who they are that built on my generation of trans women opening those doors in the 90's and us building on Marsha P. Johnson, Miss Major, Gloria Allen's and others work. 

When I was growing up in the 70's I didn't realize until well into the early 2K's when she talked about it that the smiling sistah I saw in a Clairol ad campaign and on five ESSENCE magazine covers was girl like us Tracy Africa Norman.   JET Beauty of the Week from August 1981, actress Ajita Wilson was a girl like us.  I didn't know that the first person to go through the Johns Hopkins Gender Program was a Black trans woman named Avon Wilson.

If Janet Mock hadn't come out two years ago, we would have never known the former editor of People.com was a girl like us and our community wouldn't have the benefits of her story, her talents or her eloquent voice on our issues. You cannot fight for your human rights from a self imposed closet. It's why the call to come out as trans people has been ongoing since the 90's, and it's no accident that when we stopped hiding, started calling out the anti-trans bigotry and started agitating for our rights the legislative victories and greater understanding of our community followed.

Stealth has been detrimental to our community in general because it has seriously inhibited building community amongst girls and guys like us. It plays into that 'deception' meme we constantly fight, and has robbed us of our history, potential role models and mentors.

Stealth has had a particularly negative effect on transpeople of color because we haven't had until recently positive trans role models who look like us.  African-American transwomen have also labored under the burden of being considered the trans 'unwoman' vis a vis our white counterparts due to the lack of positive out role models.

Stealth unless it is done for security and safety reasons is an inherently selfish act.  It not only doesn't help the trans community, it doesn't help the stealth trans person either, especially when it is only done to hide from your trans history and chase pseudo cis privilege. It reinforces the messaging from our opponents there's something 'wrong' about being trans.

And it's spitting on the blood of all those transpeople who have died to be themselves.  It's also disrespectful to the work of all the people like Christine Jorgensen, Sylvia Rivera, Phyllis Frye and countless others who took the early slings and arrows of publicity, hardship and discrimination to help advance the cause of trans human rights and knowledge of our community handicapped by the stealth issue.
And who said being out and proud about being trans and being considered a man or woman in cis society are irreconcilable?  I hear that excuse far too often to justify being in stealth status and that's exactly what it is, an excuse.

We're not saying you have to be an activist, wear a t-shirt announcing your trans status or introduce yourself as such to every person you meet, but you have an obligation to help advance the human rights of the trans community you belong to.

And for those who try to bring up the 'gays and lesbians' don't out themselves excuse to justify their stealth status, Harvey Milk was advising gay and lesbian people to come out back in the 1970's

Harvey Milk was right about the value of coming out then.  Phyllis Frye echoed the same message to the trans community in the early 90's and we in the trans community should heed that message now. especially when the benefits of coming out will eventually break down the reasons we need to consider going stealth in the first place. 

As Jessica Wicks said on my page, "My rationale is much simpler. I've nothing to hide. Why would I want to be keeping a secret a part of my life that was so important to me. Not only is being out helpful for the community, but it's more honest I think. It's all part of being true to self."

The history of my African-American people has proven that when you are out and proud about who you are, you openly fight for your humanity and self determination, and you eliminate the negative societal conditions that cause you to want to hide from your heritage, then the perceived need for stealth will wither away.

Stealth doesn't help the trans community, and we need all trans hands on deck so that we can do the societal work necessary to make it as obsolete as passing is in my African-American community.