Happy National Coming Out Day 2018!

Happy National Coming Out Day!     This is the day set aside in which people in the TBLGQ community that are ready to do so come out publicly,  or tell their coming out stories.

Let me emphasize that previous point about coming out when you are ready to do so.   You don't have to do it today.  Only you will know when you are ready to do so.   My personal coming out didn't happen until April 4, 1994 even though it was decades in the making

So yes, be proud of who you are.   Don't let the hoopla of this day push you into making a decision that if you aren't ready for it, will have serious consequences.   You've got to be mentally ready to handle your post October 11 life which will have peaks and valleys in it.

But if you get through it, the rewards of coming out are a life BETTER than the one you were experiencing beforehand.

 As a trans person coming out, you will  gain an international family of trans folks who are some kick butt people in their own right.  You may even have moments as a trans person in which you get to do seemingly ordinary things that eventually put you in the history books.

So am I happy I did so?  Sure am.   Do I have any regrets about it?   No.  My life it more interesting and wonderful now than it was before April 4, 1994. The only regret I have is I didn't get to do it sooner. 

The one thing that didn't improve was my dating life.   It still sucks.

But in the nearly 25 years I have been publicly out, I've enjoyed every minute of it.   My family expanded, not contracted in the wake of it.   The people who have known me before transition have told me they've noticed I'm a happier, more gregarious person since that day. 

 I've gotten to do some things I never thought I'd do like go to the White House five times.   I've gotten to meet some amazing people along the way, and even better call many of them my friends.

I have some cis girlfriends that push me to be a better person than I was the day before, and I'm blessed to have them in my life.  Same is true for my trans girlfriends as well

Most important to me, I get called Aunt Monica by all you trans younglings.  I recognize that you are our next generation of trans folks, and I'm never too busy to drop what I'm going and have a conversation with you when you feel that you need it.   I enjoy those chats as much as y'all do.

I also get to meet, talk to and hang out with the Mama and Papa Bears who are raising that next generation of trans people to be the kick butt adults we know beyond a shadow of a doubt they will become.

I get to do what I love in terms of writing, talking to peeps about our trans lives and fighting to advance our human rights.    At times I even get paid for it 

And the best is yet to come.   My life is still in a positive evolutionary state, and I'm still not done yet in terms of doing what I can to make this community better than when I encountered it.

But this amazing life wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that first step of clocking in at work on that fateful April 4, 1994 day

National Coming Out Day 2017

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone.

Today's 2017 edition of National Coming Out Day is a bittersweet one because of the incompetent jerk in the White House.   The incompetent jerk has unfortunately surrounded himself with even more incompetent people who are hostile to my existence as an unapologetic Black trans person

Because that incompetent, unqualified  jerk got elected, we went from having an attorney general in Loretta Lynch who had our trans backs to one in Jeff Sessions  who wants to put a knife in those backs before shoving us back into the closet.

Nope, going to fight him, 45, the faith based haters, the TERF's and his reprehensible crew every step of the way.  I will outlast this latest round of GOP tyranny. 

And news flash for my Texas trans hatemongers Dan Patrick and Lois Kolkhorst, I'm not going back in the closet or using a men's bathroom.


You may be asking yourself  why come out during a time like this?  It's the same reason Sylvia and Marsha did so.  It's the same reason that Christine Jorgensen transitioned.  It's the same reason why other trans masculine and trans feminine people throughout our history have done so. 

It's the same reason why my people have fought for liberation against the anti-Blackness that has plagued us for over four centuries.

Because in order to live your best life, you must come out to start the process of becoming your true self, living your best life and being unapologetic about it.

If you want that quality life, you have to fight for it.   Being trans (or bi, lesbian, gay...) is a revolutionary act.   It is also one that not only will free you to live your best life, but is one that will help you own your power as my NBJC sister in the struggle Sharon Lettman-Hicks loves to say.

Us being unapologetic about who we are scares our loud and wrong opponents.  We are unapologetically walking in our truth that we are undeniably part of the diverse mosaic of human life on this planet,  while our opposition is hiding from theirs that they are angry human rights oppressors.

They also resent the fact that we are comfortable in our skins or are well along the path of becoming that way and want to throw obstacles in our way to make us as miserable as they are.

This is a journey that is not for the faint hearted or one to undertake if you aren't 100% certain you are ready to walk down this path.   Because to borrow a line from Star Wars, once you start down it, forever will it consume your destiny.   You need to be absolutely certain you are one of the letters in the TBLGQ  community before you take those first concrete actions to come out.  . 

And if you are, come out on your timetable.  Just because this is National Coming Out Day doesn't mean you need to do so today.

As for me, I was one of those people who didn't come out on National Coming Out Day.  It took me a while to get to the April 1994 point in my life that I finally did so, and haven't regretted it.  If I have regrets, it's basically not being able to start the process sooner as so many of our trans kids are able to do now.

I have gotten to meet some amazing people along the way inside and outside the TBLGQ community.   Some are fellow activists, some aren't, but the are people who I have mad love and respect for.

I'm blessed to have a diverse sistah circle who have no problem checking me when necessary.  I'm blessed to have friendships that cross international borders. 

That probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that first tentative step into Terminal C and went through that first nerve  wracking week as moi.

While my life has also been challenging at times, the wonderful experiences outweigh those times my my smooth ride down the highway of life hits a pothole.

As for our trans and SGL  kids, know you are loved, you matter to me and your trans elders, and we fight the powers that be so you'll hopefully have a better life than we did or won't have to make multiple trips to Austin to kill bad anti-human rights bills

Happy National Coming Out Day!    And happy first step to writing the next chapter in your amazing story.

2016 National Coming Out Day

In addition to today being a voter registration deadline day in Texas and several states, today is also National Coming Out Day

It was founded in 1988 and is based on the principle of the personal being political.  As much as people claim they don't want to be activists, your first and most powerful act of activism is coming out as a trans, bi, gay, or lesbian person.

Being yourself and comfortable in your skin matters.  Once you can do that, then your life begins.

If you're not ready to do that today, don't worry. Take your time.  Do so when you're comfortable with the coming out decision and have thought out the details for your life post coming out because it won't be the same afterwards.

Is coming out an easy process?  Depends on the individual and their life circumstances at the time.

Yes it can be challenging and bumpy at times.  I still have challenges from time to time even 22 years post my coming out April 4, 1994 date.  But what you gain after doing so far outweighs the drama you'll have to  navigate.

For those of you who are trans and come out today, congratulations!  Thanks for taking that first courageous step on the road to living as your true self.   You are about to gain another set of family members not related to you by blood around the world.   You are about to join a community that has a proud history, some amazing people and allies who support us, and despite the haters, we have and will survive and thrive despite their loud and wrong rhetoric.

Welcome to the family!   Happy National Coming Out Day!

National Coming Out Day 2015

"If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world. "  -TransGriot October 11, 2013,"National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person

Today is National Coming Out Day, in which people in the trans, bi and SGL community are urged to on this October 11 date to be ourselves.   If you aren't ready to do so today, my best advice to to wait until you are emotionally ready to handle that challenging business of announcing to the world your true self and going forward from that date of making it happen.

But I'm also thinking about National Coming Out Day 2015 in the wake of us losing another young trans sister in Keisha Jenkins last week.   

Being girls and guys like us can be tough at times, but nothing beats the exhilaration and the happiness of knowing thyself and being on an evolving journey of living your life openly and honestly.

My coming out date wasn't on October 11, it was April 4, 1994 and I have not regretted making that move.   The only regret I really have that pops up at times is not being able to start it sooner.

But I did, and I have a higher quality and amazing life because of it.   I have some people in my life I probably wouldn't have gotten to know if I hadn't transitioned, get blessed with opportunities to talk about trans issues around the country and would like to have it happen more often. 

I get to pick up the phone and actually converse with trans people from around the country from my trans younglings to trans elders like Miss Major, occasionally make a little history like I did when I took part in a White House Trans Women of Color Briefing back in March;.  I have an awesome network of cis and trans sisters who keep me grounded and ensure that my azz doesn't get 'Big Head Syndrome' because of the awesome company I keep. 

I have also gotten to meet during my two decades in this community some trans brothers who are also doing some groundbreaking things for our community as well like Dr Kortney Ziegler, Kylar Broadus, Jevon Martin, Rev. Louis Mitchell and Carter Brown just to name a few that I am immensely proud of.

Has it been challenging and a pain in azz at times?  Yep, sure has.   I've also had my share of setbacks, especially in the romance department..  But facing those challenges and emerging victorious from them has made me the unapologetically Black trans person I am today.   

But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken that preliminary first step out of the closet in 1994.

To those of you coming out today, at events tomorrow or whenever you choose to do so, welcome to the family.

Nartional Coming Out Day 2014- It's STILL Different And Challenging For Trans People

"If you're trans*, it's even scarier and a much different dynamic from our LGB brothers and sisters because a gender transition is not easy.  After the initial coming out date, unlike our cis LGB brothers and sisters, we have to pay cash out of pocket, get trans specific medical care and counseling, and morph our bodies to be our kind of person we wish to project to the world. "  -TransGriot October 11, 2013,"National Coming Out Day 2013-It's STILL Different For A Trans Person


Today is National Coming Out Day!  While some peeps celebrated it with events yesterday because the date has fallen on a weekend, today is the official day.

National Coming Out Day is still and always will be fundamentally different for a trans person to do so than someone in the LGB community. We not only have to pay for the privilege of being ourselves, we have to have the assistance of medical science to morph our bodies to present as the people we are.

If you chose this date to come out and live your trans, bi, or SGL lives, congratulations for taking your first bold steps toward being your true selves.  

And yes, know that there are differences in the coming out experience, and it is affected by race and class just like everything else in American society is.

For my newly out transfolks, while I congratulate you for doing so, on this National Coming Out Day I do need to take some time to drop some real talk on you. 

You are coming out at a fascinating time in modern trans history.   While it is undeniably the best of times in terms of the unprecedented visibility and coverage for transgender issues, and especially seeing trans people of color represented, at the same time we've gotten the undivided attention of the Religious Right.

They have lost their War Against Same-Sex Marriage, and need a new cause to rally the hate troops around.   Since trans rights are quickly being recognized as a human rights issue, they are  joining our longtime disco-era enemies the TERF's in hating on transpeople.

We've had a rough week in terms of the trans women we have lost in Los Angeles, Brisbane, Australia, and Brazil with the Transgender Day of Remembrance just a few short weeks away. 

We are the only peeps in the TBLG rainbow community who have to pay for the privilege of being ourselves.

When I say pay for the privilege of being ourselves, of course I'm alluding to the medical and body morphing aspect of the transition.   That's the easy part.   But it is not the end all and be all of a gender transition.  If you wish to have as a trans feminine person SRS, go for it, but remember that gender is between your ears, not your legs.  

The tougher part of a transition is the ongoing part of you evolving to be the best person you can be while trying to grasp the nuances of living in the world as the man or woman you always were and now get to be full time. 

And you're trying to do so while being hated on by a way too long list of haters inside and outside the TBLG community ranks.

But the interesting note to all of this is that once you do finally start down the transition highway, you'll wonder to yourself as you get comfortable in your skin and your desired gender role why you didn't do this sooner.

You'll meet some amazing and loving people in this community to replace the people that kicked you to the curb or distanced themselves from you after you began your transition.  Your family expands to the point where you will have brothers and sisters across the country and the world. 

And you are part of a group of remarkable human beings who have a proud history, are part of the diverse mosaic of human life, and are fighting every day to just live their lives without drama and to the best of their ability.


Yes, coming out as and being trans is challenging.   But it is oh so rewarding when you do so as well.   

Welcome to the trans family.