Guest post from Renee of Womanist Musings
I have come to hate the term where are the parents because it ignores
that parents can dedicate every waking minute to fighting for their kids
and not make any progress because the system is not designed to be
helpful. I have also come to hate the term zero tolerance policy in
reference to bullying because it's a lie. When my children were born, I
promised to love them unconditionally, to support them and fight for
them whenever necessary. I have kept this vow but it has not been easy.
The first time my oldest son was bullied, he was five years old and he
was being called "brown boy." Today, the taunts have escalated and now
he is being called the N word.
For the last two years, one boy on my son's bus has delighted in being a
bully. My son hasn't been his only victim but being Black, he is the
only one being called a racial slur. I have talked to the school bus
company and the principal and the best I have managed is to get the
child booted off the bus for a week at a time. This means my son gets a
week of safety and comfort but as soon as the boy starts riding on the
bus again, the process starts all over. In desperation, I called the NRP
(Niagara Regional Police), hoping to push the idea that this amounted
to harassment, but they wouldn't even take a report, let alone go out to
the school and talk to the child in question or investigate. They
advised me to tell my son to just ignore the racial slurs and to tell
him that the bully was simply maladjusted. Apparently, what the bully
is doing is not a crime. I suggested that this situation was going to
end up with my son seriously hurting this kid, the kid seriously hurting
my son, or my son in a body bag, because this is what happens when
bullying is ignored. The cop was quiet for a moment and simply said
these things happen. Apparently, someone has to be hurt or die for this
to be taken seriously.
At present, I am trying to get in touch with the superintendent and
getting the run around. This recent incident isn't even a case of my
son's word against the bully, because not only did other children
confirm his story, so did the bus driver. When I spoke to the bus
company this morning, they admitted that the child in question has a
history of this behaviour and promised to have the bus driver try to
look out for my son. How exactly can he look out for my son when he has
to pay attention to the road? They cannot even institute a seating
arrangement to force the child to sit up front, so that he is away from
other children because that apparently would be too stigmatizing. My son
has been hurt for two years by this bully but apparently, the bully's
fee fees are more important.
So, where are the parents? Well, this parent is fighting to try and
protect my child and it is the system that is failing our family. I
don't want to hear condolences after something serious happens, I want
my baby boy to go to school in a safe environment and get a good
education. That is what my tax dollars pay for and what I have every
right to expect as a Canadian citizen. A parent can call the schools,
interact with the school board and even call the cops, but unless the
system meets them halfway nothing changes. Bullying continues to happen
because despite their mediocre diversity classes and seminars on
bullying, school officials don't give a damn and are not interested in
substantive change.
It disgusts me that our story is not unique. Across North America,
there are families just like ours fighting. We have had parents send
their kids to school with stun guns, we have had a mother show up at the
bus stop to beat up their child's bully, and we have had a father get
on a school bus to cuss out their child's bullies and nothing changes.
The parent gets into trouble and even in some cases arrested and
charged, but what choice did they have? There have been movies made
about bullying and despite all of the lipservice being paid to ending
bullying nothing has changed. Yet, when a child dies, the refrain is
always, "where are the parents?" More fool me, for teaching my son that
the right answer is to trust the system to do its job and faithfully
report these incidents. Every time there is a PSA on television, they
advise children to speak to an adult and promise them that the bullying
will stop, if they just manage to build up the courage to tell someone.
It's a lie and they are giving children false hope because it won't
stop, even if they have parents dedicated to fighting for them.
So where do I go now? Yes the little ass is banned from the school bus
for a week and it will give my son a small reprieve but given his
history, it will simply happen again. I also have to worry about my
youngest son who rides that same bus everyday. He has heard the taunts
and sees his brothers pain. Bullying doesn't just effect one person but
entire families. I have demanded that he be removed from the bus or be
forced to sit at the front and I don't think that this is asking too
much. I'm tired of being encouraged to have sympathy for the bully. I
was even asked how I would feel if the child had a disability, as though
being disabled gives one license to be a bigoted asshole. This is what
they mean when they say zero tolerance - have tolerance and pity for
the bully. Our education system is broken because it is failing in its
responsibility to protect marginalized or otherwise vulnerable kids. In
short, the parents are here and we are fighting but nothing is changing
and our kids remain vulnerable each and everyday this allowed to
continue on unchecked.
One post by Kevin Bickerstaff advocated encouraging Achille ISD students to violently attack the trans girl in question until she is too afraid and traumatized to come to school. 
It's not the result we'd like to see in the Gutierrez care (drop the charges, Dan Cabral) but in her recent February 6 juvenile court hearing Jewlyes Gutierrez was ordered by Judge Thomas Maddock to participate in a restorative justice mediation hearing with the girls who started this mess in the first place. 
When 16 year old Jewelyes Gutierrez got fed up after being bullied by three girls for being trans and defended herself, the last thing she was expecting after the November 15 fight at Hercules HS was to be charged by the Contra Costa County DA for it.
"When I initially received this case, I was shocked that the district attorney's office decided to charge Jewelyes," said Kaylie Simon, Jewelyes' public defender. 
This October 20 day is one in which we not only wear purple to support our youth, but as we show solidarity with our younglings by breaking out everything in our closets in that color, we are also working tirelessly toward creating a world in which BTLG youth are respected, protected and valued.
