Time for another TransGriot Song rewrite. This one was born during one of the GOP debates. I was on Twitter and tweeting sarcastic remarks about the breathtaking ignorance being displayed by the pack of GOP presidential candidates and a song was born.
The Candidates From The GOP
Sung to the tune of 'Wonderful World' by Sam Cooke
Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
They don't care about a science book
Or a middle class pocketbook
But I know I can't vote for you
Y'all think corporations are people too
The candidates from the GOP
Don't know much about geography
They hate on minorities
Don't care much about the rule of law
Don't know what the government is for
You think a zygote is a person, too
Ain't no way I'm gonna vote for you
The candidates from the GOP
Now you brag about not being "A" students
But that's important to me
Because unless you're an "A" student baby
Can't get the presidency
Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
They don't care about a science book
Or a middle class pocketbook
But I know I can't vote for you
Think corporations are people too
The candidates from the GOP
La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(History)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(Biology)
La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(Science book)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(pocketbook)
But I know I can't vote for you
Think corporations are people too
The candidates from the GOP
Well, looks like the greed and overreaching of a certain university in Austin may result in the death or continued turmoil in another athletic conference. After we shed a tear for the Big XII in the wake of a difficult period in which Texas A& M SECeding, Missouri tying to follow them and last year Nebraska leaving for the Big Ten and Colorado for the Pac-12, and the failure so far of the vaunted Longhorn Network it was time for another song rewrite.
this time it's The Eyes Of Texas that gets the TransGriot parody treatment in order to better reflect UT's unparalleled conference killing ability.
The Greed of Texas
(Sung to the tune of 'The Eyes of Texas')
The greed of Texas has destroyed it
Like the SWC back in the day
The greed of Texas has destroyed it
And chased three teams away
Missouri's plotting to escape them
Tired of the overbearing Horns
The greed of Texas has destroyed it
And the Big XII might be gone.
As y'all know I like doing song rewrites for time to time, and a few years ago in a moment of inspiration I came up with a theme song for the Veteran 40 sabre fencing Baby Vets based on the Supremes 'Baby Love.' I heard it allegedly got on the 'Senior Mamas' nerves at one NAC tournament Dawn participated in.
Well, in honor of my homegirl heading to Reno for the US summer nationals, it's time for another song rewrite they might be singing at one of their next tournaments.
So y'all know the drill. Fire up the IPods or CD players for you old schoolers and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics.
All the Sabre Ladies Sung to the tune of Single Ladies by Beyonce
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies, now put your blades up
Up in the club, we just suited up
I'm doing my own fencing thing
Felt my blade tip now you wanna trip
Cause that's another point for me
I'm up on you, you're down to me
Don't pay you any attention
I sense your fears, epee and foil sneers
Ya can't be mad at me
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (X2)
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
I got gloss on my lips, uniform on my hips
We're the baddest fencers on the scene
Blade is up, parry, slash and thrust
I can care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay y'all any attention
Cause you had your turn and now you gonna learn
What it feels like to mess with me
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (X2)
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (X2)
Epeeists and foillists of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Sabre is what I prefer, what I deserve
Here's a plan that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to fencing destiny, to infinity and beyond
Tapping you upon your arms, you're the one I love to pwn
As I hear your losing groan
And a hard victory is won
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies, all the sabre ladies
All the sabre ladies now put your blades up
Oh, oh, oh
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (X2)
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
If you like it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Don't be mad once you see that you want it
If you liked it then you shoulda fenced sabre darn it
Oh, oh, oh
Last night I got drafted by my aunt for a midnight run to Bellville, TX helping my cousin and his wife move a mattress and boxsprings to their apartment. On the drive back to Houston Praise 92.1 was playing the Dottie People's gospel song 'Show Up & Show Out' which was released in 2000 and I love
Halfway through it the lyrics popped up in my head for my latest song rewrite. It's rooted in the ongoing HB 235 controversy and the increasingly intolerable tendency of gay rights orgs that purport to be TBLG orgs to either cut us out of legislation, propose piss poor incremental crap that doesn't do a thing to fix our pressing problems and attempt to muzzle and silence our voices when we criticize their tactics.
Y'all know the drill. grab those iPods and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics. Trans sellouts and your Gay, Inc enablers, for all you do, this song's dedicated to you.
Hit it.!
Show Up & Sell Us Out
(Sung to the tune of Show Up & Show Out by Dottie Peoples
Chorus:
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out.
When transpeople get the notion to be uppity,
Gay, Inc didn’t have not one worry.
Gay, Inc creates an org and gives a Quisling clout,
Then turns them loose upon us to sell transpeople out
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out.
Transpeople are yearning for civil rights victory
Over trans hate squarely aimed at you and me.
But it's becoming clear, and the world doesn't have a doubt,
When Gay Inc orgs show up in your town, they sell transpeople out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
(Gay, Inc will) show up
(Then they will) sell us out.
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out.
[Vamp 1:]
Show up,
sell us out.
[Vamp 2:]
Sell us out
[Ending:]
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out,
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out,
Gay, Inc will show up and sell us out,
sell us out!
TransGriot Note: The first time I rewrote this song it was because of my anger over the Araguz case. This time I'm rewriting 'Texas Has A Whorehouse In It' to slam the absurdity of Tyjanae Moore being arrested for simply using the fracking bathroom.
So y'all know the drill. Grab those iPod's and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics.
Texas Bathrooms Have Transsexuals In 'Em
(sung to the tune of 'Texas has a Whorehouse In It' from The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas musical)
Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em
(Lord have mercy on our souls)
Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em
(Lord have mercy on our souls)
You're using public bathrooms and it fills me with disgust
Fixated on your genitalia to cause a fuss
(your genitalia to cause a fuss)
Black transwoman used the bathroom and you fools have gone plumb wild
Yep she's peed, didn't deny it, now you Reichers are getting riled
Security guard was tripping 'cause she hated homegirl's change
Wingers want to stop it but nothing 'bout all that is strange.
(nothing 'bout all of that is strange)
Transwomen peeing and pooping in the women's restrooms (oh no!)
Transmen peeing and pooping in the men's restrooms (oh no!)
Transpeeps are getting uppity, that much is very clear
Welch is sayin' they can't use the bathrooms up in here
And now our own GOP Singers
(Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em)
I'll put an end to this charade
(Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em)
Stopping them is our crusade.
This is just disgusting and I'll fight it till I drop
Transsexual defecation going on.
And it must stop
Stop that defecation!
Transsexual defecation! Stop that defecation!
Transsexual defecation!
Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em
Lord have mercy on our souls
Texas bathrooms have transsexuals in 'em
Lord have mercy on our souls.
Ministers hatin' on you and they'll fight you till they drop
Transsexual defecation going on, going on, going on, going
on, going on, going on.
Don't touch that browser!
This is the Party of No saying we'll be back, with new and revealing information about this and other cases.
'Cause we right wing haters never sleep
(Chorus) And it must stop.
Haters going to get you
Going to shine their light on you
Haters going to get you
Going to shine their light on you.
