I Won't Be Voting For You, Trump

It's been a while since I unleashed another one of my TransGriot song rewrites upon the world, and while listening to my Spotify 80's playlist, the lyrics hit me while listening to Public Enemy for the perfect rewrite slamming the Trumpenfuhrer.

Y'all know the drill. Fire up your fave music program and sing to Moni's remixed lyrics

I Won't Be Voting For You, Trump
(sung to the tune of I Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya Man' by Public Enemy)

Runnin' for POTUS day and night
Runnin' a racist campaign, yipes
For your GOP political home
Beat 17 peeps my mind is blown
Get criticized you wanna sue
Disrespecting women, now I'm through
You're getting help from Breitbart chumps
I won't be voting for you Trump

I won't be voting for you TrumpAmerica's already great, you see
I won't be voting for you Trump
It went to Hillary 
I won't be voting for you Trump
You're the favorite of the Klan
I won't be voting for you Trump
You'll put America in a jam

Your supporters are lily white
Campaign lies every day and night
Cyberbullying all the girls
As conservafools all clutch their pearls
Claiming Hillary will take your guns
Saying Mexicans are scum 
You're the  POTUS nominee, chump
But I won't be voting for you Trump

I won't be voting for you Trump
Nobody should be voting for you Trump

You're a raving bigot son
November 8 you will be done
Watching you lose this election (pow)
To Hillary sure will be fun
Face the facts that's on the shelf
Don't qualify for POTUS because of wealth
The Blacks can't stand you chump
I won't be voting for you Trump

I won't be voting for you Trump
You want ten dollars for what?
I won't be voting for you Trump
You can kiss my big Black butt
I won't be voting for you Trump
I'm busy tryin' to be  me
I won't be voting for you Trump
That's the way my vote goes gee

Bass for your face! Go vote people
Bass in your face!  I early voted
Drop that vote homey!  What do I have to lose?Drop that vote homey!  I ain't trying to hear thatBeat the GOP!  Tired of your oppression
Beat the GOP   Probably cheating on Melania
Beat the GOP,  Hope y'all lose the  House and Senate, too
(laughter, than fade)

Hypocritical Houston Christian

Team HERO and all of us who supported the passage of our newly minted human rights ordinance were surprised to hear that one of the kneegrow ministers used by Dave Welch as his spokessellouts has been revealed to be an accused sexual harasser.

You know what they say about when you dig a hole for others....

So it occurred to me this situation was just begging for a song rewrite, and I ran across the perfect song for it.  

So y'all know the drill.   Fire up your iPod's and favorite music programs as you sing along to Moni's remixed lyrics

Hypocritical Houston Christian
(sung to the tune of  'Happy Birthday Mr. Christian' by Apollonia 6)

Discrimination in H-town, needs to be dealt with fast
Mayor Parker proposed the HERO, and the ordinance needs to pass
Megachurches hated it, and played up transphobic fears
In their attempt to kill HERO, they trotted out bathroom smears

Hypocritical Houston Christian, that's what y'all like to do
We want human rights coverage, it's us you wanna screw
A man in your position, U oughta be ashamed
Hypocritical Houston Christian, why can't U live up 2 your name?

It was only late April, but the lie developed quick
The Pastor's Council and the sellout claimed all transpeople were sick
While the Christians lied on us always, transfolks were in pain
News dropped he was a sexual harasser, that's when the narrative changed

Hypocritical Houston Christian, that's what y'all like to do
We want human rights coverage, it's us you wanna screw
A man in your position, U oughta be ashamed
Hypocritical Houston Christian, why can't U live up 2 your name?

Hypocritical Christian, U're a bad boy
That's not in my job description ... shame
Hypocritical Christians, U're a bad boy
Why can't U live up 2 your name?

Your sins were in the report form
The OIG laid your case out this way 
You're an accused sexual harasser
And that crap is not okay
When Mayor Parker called your butt out
Was a riddle 2 everyone
Except your accuser
The mayor, OIG and you son 

Hypocritical Houston Christian, that's what y'all like to do
We want human rights coverage, it's us you wanna screw
A man in your position, U oughta be ashamed
Hypocritical Houston Christian, why can't U live up 2 your name?

Hypocritical Houston Christian
What are we gonna do?
We want human rights coverage
It's us you wanna screw

No tengo tiempo para jugar {I have no time 2 play games}
Necesito un hombre verdadero, no metido {I need a real man, not a liar}
Always a man
Tú sí que no te enteras, chaval, OK? {U don't understand, boy, OK?}
Qué hacemos? {What are we gonna do?}
Habla fuerte que no te oigo! {Speak louder cuz I can't hear U!}
Christian! Christian! Christian!

Oh Hypocritcal Christian, U're a bad boy

Christian
Give me some horns, oh
I like it

Christian! {x4}

Hypocritical are U, Hypocritical are U
Hypocritical Houston Christian, Hypocritical are U

Hypocritical Houston Christian

Right Wing Cowboy

Been keeping up with the antics of our newly minted hypocritical right wing extremist hero in Cliven Bundy.

Like many of the people FOX Noise taps as they stir up anti-government sentiment, has tuned out to be racist and a prevaricating hypocrite who owes the federal government $1 million for illegally grazing his cattle on federal owned land.

That means he's screwing us taxpayers out of money he owes us. 

So that's the motivation and backstory behind the latest Moni song rewrite.   So fire up your iPods, Spotify or your fave music program as you sing to Moni's remixed lyrics.

Right Wing Cowboy
(sung to the tune of 'Rhinestone Cowboy' by Glen Campbell)

I've been grazing on federal lands so long
Not paying fees and I know I’m wrong
Owe a million to the feds I refuse to pay
That hustle's ending, that‘s the name of the game
And I called Fox News to give the feds the blame
There's been a load of lyin’
Gun toting friends all over the horizon
But I'm gonna be where the TV lights are shinin' on me

Like a right wing cowboy
Riding out on a horse as they claim that I’m a hero
Like a right wing cowboy
Getting cards and letters from teabaggers I don’t even know
And crying ‘I’m oppressed' over the phone

Well, I really don't mind the fame
And Sean Hannity shouting out my name
‘Just like Ruby Ridge’ they exclaim
As right wing extremists clog the highway
And I dream of the things I'll do
While the taxpayers I’ll continue to screw
There'll be even more lyin’
Gun toting friends on the horizon
But I'm gonna be where the TV lights are shinin' on me

Like a right wing cowboy
Riding out on a horse as they claim that I’m a hero
Right wing cowboy
Gettin' cards and letters from teabaggers I don't even know
And crying ‘I’m oppressed’ over the phone

Like a right wing cowboy
Riding out on a horse as they claim that I’m a hero

Like a right wing cowboy
Gettin' card and letters from teabaggers I don't even know....

.

Fred Is Dead

Yep, Our longtime TBLG community hater and founder of the Westboro Baptist Talabaptist Church Cult Fred Phelps passed away yesterday.   Phred is probably having a chat at this moment with, help me out Church Lady.

So to remember the man who caused so much pain, grief and anguish for people inside and outside the TBLG community and the families of our fallen veterans,  it's time for another of my song rewrites. 

So y'all know what to do.  Fire up your iPods, Spotify or your fave music program and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics. 

Fred Is Dead
(sung to the tune of Freddie's Dead' by Curtis Mayfield)  

Hey, hey
Love, love
Yeah, yeah
Ah, ha
Fred Phelps is dead
That's what I said
Westboro Baptist Church
Was his heinous home
But gay hate was the fate
For what he became known

It's not hard to understand
There's no TBLG love for this man
I'm sure all would agree
That misery was WBC
Gaybaiting things
Now Freddie's dead
That's what I said

Hating soldiers amused him
Ripped up gays and abused them
Another WBC plan
Pushin' hate where he can
That's terrible, yo
But that's how it goes
When Fred was on your corner now
If you wanna be a hater, wow
Remember Fred is dead

We're all built up to progress
But Fred Phelps wanted to regress
Couldn't deal with human rights dreams
Fred was hateful and mean
Ain't nothing left said
'Cause Fred is dead
Hey, hey
Love, love
Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah
Ha, ha
Love, love
Yeah, yeah
Ha, ha
Yeah, yeah
Fred is dead

All want is peace of mind
With a little love I'm trying to find
This could be such a beautiful world
But hater like Fred make me hurl
Don't need to hear that bile
Don't wanna be like Freddie now
'Cause Fred is dead

Hey, hey
Yeah, yeah
If you don't try
You're gonna die
Why can't we brothers
Protect one another
No one's serious
And it makes me furious
Don't be misled
Just think of Fred
Hating soldiers amused him
Ripped up gays and abused them
Another WBC plan
Pushin' hate where he can
That's terrible, yo
But that's how it goes
When Fred was on your corner now

If you wanna be a hater, why?
Remember Fred is dead
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Fred is dead
Hey, hey
Ha, ha
Love, love
Ha, ha...

Saber Claus Is Beating You Down

As many of you long time readers know, during my eight years as a Texan in Exile my housemate started fencing.  Polar and I got to tag along on some of her fencing tournament trips and watch her exploits. 

Along the way I got to meet many of the Baby Vets and the Senior Mama's (AKA the US Fencing Association's Vet 40 and Vet 50's division fencers), many of the officials, coaches and parents in the USFA, the Kentucky Division and Great Lakes region of USFA, Maestro Les Stawicki, the LFC, Bluegrass and Knight of Swords clubs along with Uof L's fencers. 

I even had the pleasure of watching the rise of a US Olympic fencer in Lee Kiefer, who was a 2011 Pan Am Games gold medalist, competed in London and fell just short of collecting a medal there.

And yes, Fencing World, I miss y'all.

So with Dawn telling me she'd be in Dallas next week for an upcoming North American Cup tournament (presuming everything's thawed out up there by then), this fencing themed Christmas rewrite came to mind.

It's not the first time I've written one of those fencing themed rewrites.   The Baby Vets unofficial theme song is one I penned to the tune of the Supremes 'Baby Love', and 'All The Saber Ladies' is sung to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies'. 

So pull out your iPod's and sing along with Moni's remixed lyric as I wish all you peeps in Fencing World a hearty Season's Beatings!        

Saber Claus Is Beating You Down
(sung to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town)

En garde now watch out
Ow!  You better not cry
I got the touch
Ref is telling you why
Cause Saber Claus is beating you down.

She's racking up points
And fleched on you twice
That jump lunge touch
Was naughty and nice
Cause Saber Claus is beating you down

She's got another victory
The gold is hers to take
So you go back to your salle
To get better for your sake

Oh! En garde now watch out
Ow!  You better not cry
I got the touch ref is telling you why
Cause Saber Claus is beating...
Saber Claus is beating you down
  

Does Homophobia Go With That Hate?

The latest in my ongoing series of song rewrites was motivated by the recent instances in Kansas and New Jersey of alleged 'christians' stiffing their wait staff out of their tips because of their bigoted perceptions they were gay. 

So y'all know the drill, break out the iPods and sing along to Moni's remixed lyrics

Does Homophobia Go With That Hate?
Sung to the tune of 'Do Fries Go With That Shake' by George Clinton.

Oh oh
Oh ohh
Oww oww

Oh, I see the damndest things
Working in the restaurant game
On duty, my feet are tired and ache
Then a big party comes my way
I had a big tip coming today
Instead all I received was hate.
Making my blood boil again

(chorus)
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?

They said my gayness they could see
And that means there's no tip for me
A Christian?
That's a big fat lie
All that means is I got stiffed
Less cash for me at the end of my shift
Don't even try it

Does homophobia go with that hate?  (does homophobia go with that hate? X4)
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?

You know homophobia isn't marvelous (x2)

I'm working hard
Don't need this shyt
Judgmental christophobes  
Make me sick
So don't try it
Ooohh, this homophobic bigotry isn't sweet
Its got me and my peeps ready to riot

Ohh, Does homophobia go with that hate?  Does homophobia go with that hate? X4)
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?

Oh oh, oh oh

With LGBT peeps you got beef
So don't blame it on Christian beliefs
You need to stop telling that big lie

Does homophobia go with that hate?
Does homophobia go with that hate?
(fade to end)

Moni's Greatest Song Rewrite Hits-Volume 2

One of the things I like to do on this blog that people tell me they enjoy are my song rewrites.   I have a Volume 1 compilation post for many of them, but the rewrites just kept on coming until I had enough for a Volume 2 post.

And now, for you to peruse at your leisure is Moni's Greatest Song Rewrites-Volume 2.  

And at the rate I'm going there probably will be a Volume 3 in the near future.


Texas Bathrooms Have Transsexual In 'Em

Texas Has Transpeeps Marrying In It

Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Conservative

Parents Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

You Are A Jerk

T-E-R-F's Hate

All The Sabre Ladies

Show Up & Sell Us Out

The Candidates Of The GOP

Please Leave The Abuser

My Name Is Not Steven

The Greed Of Texas

Stop Hating Us On Christmas Day

T-E-R-F's Hate

This latest song rewrite was one I had put on the back burner until it was kicked into creative overdrive with an assist by  ENDAblog 2.0's Katrina Rose.  

I was trying to figure out what disco-era song would be suitable for rewriting to slam the TERFs (trans exclusionary exterminationalist radical feminazis feminists).

When Kat suggested the Village People's 'Y.M.C.A.', I pulled up the YouTube video, listened to it, agreed she was right and got busy writing the remixed lyrics that you can pull out your iPods and sing along to as you're eviscerating (or laughing at) the TERF's online.

T-E-R-F"s Hate
(Sung to the tune of 'Y.M.C.A.' from the Village People)

Young trans, there's no need to feel down
I said young trans, because she's a transphobic clown
I said young trans, let me break it on down
There's no need to be unhappy

Young trans, TERF's hate on you we know
I said young trans to Gender Trender they go
There's hate speech there and I'm sure you will find
They have hated trans women for a long time 

It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate 
They hate everything cause their lives have no joy
Since the 70s they called us boys.

It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
Yes they're psychotically mean
They have no sex appeal
Being female to us is real.

Young trans, are you listening to me
I said, young trans, be the best you can be
I said, young trans, you can make real your dreams,
But you've got to know this one thing.

No trans, the Bug's not by herself
I said, young trans, she and her TERF's need some help
They just go there, lying on us every day
I'm sure they'll get committed someday

It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
They hate everything cause their lives have no joy
Since the 70's they called us boys.

It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
Yes they're psychotically mean
They have no sex appeal
Being female to us is real.

Young trans, I was once in your shoes,
TERF's wrote hate speech that gave me the blues
I felt no one cared if transfolks were alive
I felt the whole world was so jive

That's when someone came up to me
And said God made your trans self beautifully 
Trans people are on this big planet to stay 
So be proud of yourself today
 
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate 
They hate everything cause their lives have no joy.
Since the 70's they called us boys.

T-E-R-F's Hate
It's girls like us T-E-R-F's hate
Young trans, Young trans, there's no need to feel down
Young trans, Young trans, pick yourself off the ground

T-E-R-F's hate
You know T-E-R-F's hate
Young trans, Young trans, I was once in your shoes,
Young trans, Young trans, I now give TERF's the blues

T-E-R-F's hate
T-E-R-F's hate
(fade to end)

You Are A Jerk

Been a while since I've done one of my infamous song rewrites, and it's been past time for RuPaul Andre Charles to get whacked by one.   I haven't liked him ever since he started slumming with a certain rotund drag queen with oversized vanillacentric privilege who thinks it's cool to do a blackface minstrel show and RuPaul stupidly defends him.

Now that one of his Drag Race winners Sharon Needles is following in his clueless footsteps, time to light his azz up.  

Y'all know the drill.  Fire up the iPod's and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics.




You Are A Jerk
(sung to the tune of Supermodel You Better Work by RuPaul)

Once upon a time, there was a little drag queen
Who used to be liked by everyone
Until he sold out his people
By supporting a blackface drag minstrel show
Now he has a hit Logo TV show
But he's still a jerk .

RuPaul's a jerk (you dissed trans girls)
Not a trans girl (you make me hurl)
Sellin' out for the Logo money

Jerk (stupid business model)
Dissed the t-girls (of the world)
Wet your lips, look at the Drag Race camera

Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante

Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante

It don't matter what you wear
Your jacked up comments hit the air
And it don't matter what you do
Transphobia don't look good on you... stupid business model

RuPaul's a jerk (dissed t-girls)
Not a trans girl (you make us hurl)
Sellin' out for the Logo money

Jerk (stupid business model)
Dissed the t-girls (of the world)
Wet your lips, look at the Drag Race camera


Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante

Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante


I see your picture everywhere
Wanna kick you in your derrière
And when you walk into a room
The people you insulted can't stand you... and your business model

Tyra Sanchez (Work mama!) Sharon Needles (She ain't fierce!)
Chuckie Knipp (keep his butt way out of sight)
Ongina (I can feel it!) Carmen (Sell the garment!)
Jujubee (Work the runway, sweetie)

I have one thing to say, Won't watch Drag Race today  no way no way no way no way no way
I have one thing to say, Won't watch Drag Race today  no way, no way, no way  no way, no way

It don't matter what you wear
Your jacked up comments hit the air
And it don't matter what you do
Transphobia don't look good on you... stupid business model


Jerk (dissed t-girls)
Not a trans girl (you make us hurl)
Sellin' out for the Logo money

Jerk (stupid business model)
Dissed the t-girls of the world
Wet your lips, look at the Drag Race camera

Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante


Jerk, turn to the left
Jerk, now turn to the right
Jerk, Sashay shante

I have one thing to say ... You are a jerk!

My Name Is Not Steven

In the process of hearing all those classic Whitney  Houston songs on the radio in the wake of her untimely death and her upcoming funeral tomorrow, heard one of my favorites that inspired me to rewrite it and put a transgender twist to it.

So y'all know the drill.   Fire up the iPods and sing along with Moni's remixed lyrics.

My Name Is Not Steven
Sung to the tune of 'My Name Is Not Susan' by Whitney Houston

One day not long ago
I had SRS
I transitioned as you know
Born male, that's part of my past 
From my point of view
Thankful that it didn't last

Cisgender folks you know I can't believe
Your tongue would slip that easily
I know you think I oughta let it be
But get it right, next time
Stop misgendering me 

[Chorus:]
My name is not Steven
So watch what you say
If you're still dissing me
Then be on your way
Don't wanna hear about Steven
Stop calling me he
Show some respect for my femininity
My name is not Steven 
(No, no, no, no, no -- get it, get it, get it right)

While I was running the streets
Hanging with the rainbow peeps
Heard you calling my old name
Then you grinned in my face 
I froze in place
Our friendship won't be the same

Cisgender folks you know I never knew
You'd disrespect my humanity 
I know you think I oughta let it go
But get it right next time
I said good-bye to the boy

My name is not Steven
So watch what you say
If you're still dissing me
Then be on your way
Don't wanna hear about Steven
Stop calling me he
Show some respect for my femininity

My name is not Steven 

My name is not Steven
So watch what you say
If you're still dissing me
Then be on your way
Don't wanna hear about Steven
Stop calling me he
Show some respect for my femininity

My name is not Steven 

I never wanted to be a boy do you get that homey?
I transitioned to be me if you think it sounds real corny
So if you call yourself my friend,
I'm a dame - don't forgot my name
Well, anyway

My name is not Steven
So watch what you say
If you're still dissing me
Then be on your way
Don't wanna hear about Steven
Stop calling me he
Show some respect for my femininity
My name is not Steven 


Don't want to hear about Steven

My name at Steven (X3)

My name ain't Steven
My name ain't Steven
My name ain't Steven
Ya better get it right!

  My name ain't Steven
  My name ain't Steven
  My name ain't Steven
  Ya better get it right!

Stop Hatin' Us On Christmas Day

Seems as though the Hatin' On Transpeople For The Holidays was at unprecedented levels around the world this holiday season and I and the worldwide trans community are beyond sick and tired of it.  

Once again do I need to remind you people that we are part of the wonderfully diverse mosaic of human life and we aren't going anywhere?

Time for a holiday themed song rewrite.

Stop Hatin' Us On Christmas Day
Sung to the tune of 'Give Love on Christmas Day' (Johnny Gill version)



:

Writing transphobic shyt, making snide comments,
Taking time to diss transpeople near and far
It's that time of year when the transphobes sneer 
And they wish we'd go away
That ain't happening today 

Why don't you stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
Being trans is a wonderful thing 
We're human beings so stop hating
Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
No greater gift is there than love

People you don't know being transphobes, hell no
In the air that is full of Christmas joy
Trans acceptance they fear, that is crystal clear
And they'd like to find a way
To deny trans human rights today 

Why don't you stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
The man on the street and the couple upstairs
Need to know we exist on the planet we share 
Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day

No greater gift is there than love

Why don't you give love
To transpeople who need it right now.
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-na Transpeople need it right now
Ooooooooh
Ooooooooh
What transpeople need is love
Yes we all need your love

Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
Every little transchild on Santa's knee
Prays you stop attacking their humanity
Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
No greater gift is there than love
What transpeople need is love
Yes we all need your love

Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
Religious folks and the rainbow crew
Need to stop hatin' on transpeople, too
Stop hatin' us on Christmas Day
No greater gift is there than love
What transpeople need is love
Yes we all need your love

Stop hatin' (Yeah)
Stop hatin', Stop hatin'
If you know transpeople
When you know transpeople who need love (Give love)
What transpeople need is love
Stop hatin, Stop hatin'
No greater gift is there than love (Give love, give love, give love, give love)
What transpeople need is love (Aaaaaaah)
Yes we all need your love (Aaaaaaah)

Stop hatin' us (Oooooooh)