Showing posts with label MKR creative writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MKR creative writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

No, No, No GOP Version

TransGriot Note: Time for another song rewrite. The President is making his big joint congressional health care speech tonight and the GOP has been off the deep end in opposing health care reform.

So you know what that means. Tome to skewer them again.

Break out those iPods and sing along to the remixed lyrics.


"No, No, No GOP Version

Sung to the tune of 'No, No. No Pt 1' by Destiny's Child

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

Y'all don't want health care
I can see it in your eyes
But you keep on frontin'
That you want to compromise
Cause when you're on the TV
You're giving me false signs
But when I ask you what's the deal
You lie lie lie lie lie
You don't want my votes
So let's keep it real
Obama hatreds goin' on
And that's the fracking deal
The don't want the prez
To succeed like I do
Conservatism doesn't work
Is that crystal clear to you?

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes


If you keep actin' this way
You're gonna lose more votes
Tired of GOP obstructions
2010 please hurry up
You had your time and screwed around
Messed up the USA
You have no policy solutions
Nothing positive to say
Your birthers and your deathers
Think they are so sly
They got mental problems
Aren't rational like I
America sees right through you
We know that you are slime
You're a bunch of racists
That are running out of time

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

You can't say yes
Without regret
I must confess, your party's a zoo
Your time has come and gone
Reagan's not here boo, for you
Time for Democrats to have their say
And clean up the GOP mess today
You've screwed working people long enough and it's true
Don't wanna hear no (nooo)
Baby time to hear yes (yeees)
Tell me yes, Don't tell me (noo)

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
[Chorus until end]

Friday, September 04, 2009

You're Going Back To School

TransGriot Note: Here's another one of my song rewrites. It's dedicated to my Canadian homegirl and all the parents of kids who think this is the most wonderful time of the year and not Christmas.





Sung to the tune of 'Going To See The King' by Andrae Crouch


Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

[Bridge:]
Another day off the calendar we can cross
Another day closer to peace of mind
Shopping for the school clothes that you'll need
Give us strength till that blessed day arrives.

(Speaking)
Time to get that education...Time to learn how to sign your name...So get washed up kids and go to bed...Because tomorrow is your first school day...So you'll have a better life than we did, we scrimp save and sacrifice...It's back to school time..sweet dreams..soon and very soon.

[Chorus]
Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

Another day off the calendar we can cross
Another day closer to peace of mind
Shopping for the school stuff that you'll need
Give us strength till that blessed day arrives.

[Ending:]
Hallelujah
Halleljuah
You're going back to school!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Everyday Sheeple

TransGriot Note: It's time for another one of my infamous song rewrites. This one is dedicated to all the hoodwinked and bamboozled batshit crazy people who support the birthers, deathers, and use Fox News and right-wing talk radio as their primary news source.


Everyday Sheeple
Sung to the tune of People Everyday by Arrested Development



I remember the night that is long gone
"Obama won!" we screamed in an excited tone
The celebrations went on all night
And the whole planet thought it was really hype
Outta nowhere comes the GOP hating
Lies, demonstrations and obfuscating

But nevertheless I was pleased
Barack's inaugurated and my soul's at ease
Until a group of birthers started bugging out
Drinking the Kool Aid, going the Klansman route
Saying crap that was really mean
Doing tea bagging with signs obscene

I ignored them cause see I know their type
They're racist, got guns and they're mainly white
They see a Black Democrat trying to do some good
Some of them tryin' to test Obama's manhood

Obama was born in Honolulu
His daddy being from Kenya makes them swear [Damn!]
He's in the White House and they're having fits
And his birth certificate they be dissing it
Pray they come to their senses eventually
But they demand to see parts of his anatomy
Why, Lord, do conservatives hate our country?
All we want is for it to be strong and free

Chorus:
They are everyday sheeple
They are everyday sheeple

Told the sheeple, get your news from CNN
And stop denying that he is a citizen
But they won't stop watching the Fox News
And the birthers and deathers are even more crude

At this point I was mad by then
It's sad these peeps listen to Rush, Lou and Glenn
But that's the story y'all of Republicans
Mad because they lost to an African

Chorus
They are everyday sheeple
They are everyday sheeple

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Saggin' Pants

TransGriot Note: It's time for another one of my song rewrites. This time with the help of TLC, I'm taking dead aim at the (thankfully) diminishing number of peeps who love wearing saggin' pants, an unfortunate relic of prison culture that needs to go the way of the jerri curl and 8 track tapes.

Saggin' Pants'
(sung to the tune of 'Girl Talk' by TLC)

You see I had this brother who was mad at me
Because I dissed his pants that were saggin'
Told the truth so I really don't give a damn
Cause saggin' pants I'm about to slam (oh)
Some of y'all say what's the fuss
Saggin' is prison speak damn
Saying you like being a bottom man
We women wanna know these thangs
If you like to ride the ding a ling

(bridge)
Pull 'em up
If you don't want peeps to talk
And don't want your feelings hurt
Pull 'em up
Cause if you don't
Peeps are gonna tell the world

(chorus)
Peeps talkin' bout your draws being out there
Damn right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking you're waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

Listen y'all need to know this
You're not welcome in anybody's business
You're gettin' mad because of it
Pull 'em up and there won't be no shyt (oh)
Some of y'all be killin me
Thinkin' you cool
But you're more like a comedy
Dissing you got your pressure going
But we hate seeing your draws showin'

Pull 'em up
If you don't want peeps to talk
And don't want your feelings hurt
Pull 'em up
Cause if you don't
Peeps are gonna tell the world

Peeps talkin' bout your draws being out there
Damn right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking you're waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

What up papi
You think you got game?
(Well holla at me)
Your saggin' pants are really lame
Don't make ya happy
Pull up the Lee's
And you'll get some TLC
You got the pants below your booty
And that ain't me
You be killin' us with the pants that don't fit
And your fashion sense is illegit
Please get a new approach
Your fashion game's a joke
Signallin' prison style you like rear end pokes
I'm bigger than that
Time to face the fact
Saggin' is history
And seriously wacked
If it's the last call for alcohol
You can't meet me at the bar
They won't let you in the club
To meet the superstars (yeah)

Peeps talkin' about your draws being out there
Dann right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking your waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Rad Fem Ones

TransGriot Note: Since the 25th anniversary of the release of Prince's Purple Rain movie is fast approaching, and I'm more than a little pissed about the latest 'womyn born womyn' shenanigans playing out over the Vancouver pharmacy, thought it was time for another of my infamous song rewrites.

Grab your iPods or your Prince Purple Rain CD and sing along.


The Rad Fem Ones
sung to the tune of 'The Beautiful Ones' by Prince and the Revolution


Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Why you hate on me?
Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
I'm a she don't call me he
U make me waste my time
Your dogma warps your minds, rad fems

Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Chill with the trans hate alright?
Oh rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Don't tread on my civil rights
Transition was a hard grind
The rad fem ones they hurt us everytime

Finished my transition
Brought harmony to my body and my mind
The rad fem ones
Always hate transpeople
Always everytime

If I told u rad fems
That I have rights f u
Oh rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
If I came to The Land
Would that be cool?

No peeps we're not confused
The rad fem ones
We're tired of being abused

Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby,
What's it gonna be rad fems?

I'm not a him
I'm just she
Cause I am boo
Said I am boo
Tell me, rad fems
Do u hate me?
I gotta know, I gotta know
Do u hate me?
Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Listen 2 me
I know where I'm going baby)
I said I know what I need
One thing, one thing's 4 certain baby
I know what I want, yeah
and it won't please u baby
please u, baby
I'm not going down on my knees
Not for u
Not me boo
Baby, baby, baby,
Not for u

Not me boo

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Get Real

TransGriot Note: In honor of Black Music Month, it's time for another song rewrite.

This one's dedicated to the WWBT's, our community's haters. So fire up those iPod's and sing along with the fresh new lyrics



Get Real
(sung to the tune of 'I'm Real' by James Brown.

All you copy cats out there
Get offa my chip
'Cause I'm Moni R with the full, full force
Ain't takin' your lip

Heey, good God
Moni R, Moni R

Peeps in the blogosphere, check out what I say
The WWBT's think they're bad
They're delusional that way

I'm the cool transsistah
Who started TransGriot and I'm glad
I'm the award winning, original
I know I'm bad

All you assorted haters, bitin' me so hard
Posting clueless racist nonsense on your so called blogs
I don't care about you, or your ludicrous goal
This transwoman's Brown and Moni's got soul

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
And there's no WWBT good enough
Or has the juice I have

Get real
I'm the real super bad
And there's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Que pasa, que que pasa
Que pasa, people, que pasa, hit me

The WWBT haters think that they got pull
I take your links off my blog posts
Cause you're full of bull

You peeps denigrate me
In your cyberhomes
And falsely claim I'm racist
Yo bitches, now it's on

Can't do what I do
You latte sippin' girls
Peeps know I'm nice, I'm so real
You wanna be me, boo

All you copy cats out there
Get offa my chip
'Cause I'm Moni R with the full, full force
Ain't takin' your lip

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Peeps, can I take you to the bridge
Can I take you to the bridge?
Can I take you to the bridge?
Can I take you to the bridge?
Good God

There it is, WWBT's
Someday you might be good as me
You tramps ain't smart enough to rhyme
What's your Technorati? Minus three?
Admit it, I'm your mama, baby

Get real
Come on y'all, do the camel walk
And get the hop out your back, hit me

Get busy, yeah, make it funky
Hit me, get on the good foot
Hit me, get up
Cool time, mama's got a brand new bag

Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
No WWBT out there
No WWBT out there

No WWBT out there
No WWBT out there

Get real, Get real
I'm the real super bad, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT out there
That has the skillz I have

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I Cheated In Argentina

TransGriot Note: Y'all knew I couldn't resist whacking Republican hypocrite Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) with a song rewrite. This situation just practically begs for me to do it, so here goes. Enjoy it while Donna Summer sings the original lyrics.

I Cheated In Argentina
(Sung to the tune of 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina'



It won't be easy, you know it's strange
When I explain to South Carolina how I feel
That what I did was massively dumb

You won't believe me
Because I lied to you
You thought I went missing
But I went to be with my boo

I let it happen, I needed a change
This session wasn't particularly fun
I had to take the stimulus money and I'm bummed

So I needed a break
Running around on the Appalachian Trail
But was headed to the airport for fun
Didn't mean to scare everybody and never expected it to

(Chorus)
I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

And as for fortune, and as for love
I never invited them in
Though it's apparent to the world I want her skin

My affair was confusing
It's not the solution it promised to be
While my family was here all the time
I love you and hope you still love me

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

I cheated in Argentina

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Please Leave The Abuser

TransGriot Note: I was floored but not surprised that Rihanna is allegedly reconciling with Chris Brown after their domestic violence situation that has led to felony charges for Ike, er Chris.

This unsettling news inspired my latest song rewrite. Usually, I like using my song rewrite to poke fun at situations, but not this time.

Don't Stop The Music is one of my fave Rihanna songs, but as you are about to see, the lyrics are about to get a makeover.


Please Leave The Abuser
Sung to the tune of 'Don't Stop The Music' by Rihanna


Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser.
Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser.

It's gettin late
You were heading over to your favorite place
Gotta get a move on 'cause you're stressed today
The long text message pissed you off that came your way
Booty call candidate (yeah)

Who knew
That Chris would soon be dressin' like a jailbird, boo
Staying with his azz should be impossible
Going back to him simply incredible
You don't have to go, don't

Do you know what he started
When you left that Grammy party
Now you're worldwide news because Chris was
Acting naughty
His hands slapping your face
It's face the music day
Please take a stand
May I suggest
Next time you carry mace

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Baby were you tuned in to that Oprah show?
Don't you feel his temper ready to explode
What went on between you wasn't cool you know
This ain't a private show (oh)

Do you know what he started
When you left that Grammy party
Now you're worldwide news because Chris was
Acting naughty
His hands slapping your face
It's face the music day
Please take a stand
May I suggest
Next time you carry mace

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make my pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Mama say mama say, Ma say sue ya
Mama say mama say, Ma say sue ya (2x)

Please leave the abuser
Please leave the abuser

Mama say mama say, Ma ma say sue ya
Mama say mama say, Ma ma say sue ya

Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser
Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Ma ma say ma ma say, Ma ma say sue ya
Ma ma say ma ma say, Ma ma say sue ya

Please leave the abuser

Monday, March 02, 2009

Lather, Rinse and Obey!

After checking out the conservahijinks at last weekend's CPAC convention in Washington DC, it made me wonder if Dr. Drakken's brainwashing shampoo was handed out to the convention attendees.

That's a nice segue into my latest song rewrite. Since new GOP chair Michael Steele wants to do 'hip hop outreach', thought I'd help the brother out and poke fun at him, the GOP and Rush Limbaugh at the same time.

Shego, give me a beat.




Rappin' Rushbo
(sung to the tune of Rappin' Drakken)

Yo Yo Yo
Rush Limbaugh rappin' to you
Don't want this country stayin' blue
I know you're wary
'Cause the GOP's scary
And has been hatin' on y'all

Obama ain't no star
Hate his liberal repertoire
I know I'm nerve racking
So quit that yakkin'
Think I'm out?
It's on and crackin'

Femi-Nazis don't listen to my show
It kicks me in my ego
I talk about our plans
Cause you know that I'm da man
I make GOP legislators dance

Come on. oh. eee. gah!

GOP dreams to rule the world
Make a barefoot and pregnant girl
All end in rejection
So after introspection
We're turning our careers in another direction

Thanks to the Obama team
The GOP can't be seen as mean
Would I lie to you?
Or your boo?
I'm tellin' y'all what you have to do

Listen peeps and obey!
Become conservative today!
You may think we're villains
Yo we're just chillin'
Come on, let me hear you say
Listen peeps and obey!
You're a player, just play our way

The GOP can do a rap song
Time to get your vote on
Take some OxyContin and get that cranium rinsed!

For Sheezy it's off the heezey.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Barack's The President Now


TransGriot Note: Y'all knew I was gonna come strong with my first song rewrite for the '09. In honor of the inauguration of our 'Brother President' and the immense pride I feel about it, here's a rewrite of the classic McFadden and Whitehead song 'Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now'


Barack's The President Now

(sung to the tune of 'Ain't No Stopping Us Now' by McFadden and Whitehead



Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

The last eight years has really got me down.
And the Republicans have jacked this country around.
I know we've got, a long tough road to hoe,
But on the 20th, Bush must go.
But we won't let this mess hold us back,
We're getting our stuff together,
Getting our troops out of Iraq!
If you ever felt disenfranchised before,
I know you'll refuse to be disenfranchised anymore!

Don't you let neoconservatives,
Stand in your way!
I want y'all to listen, listen,
to every word I say, every word I say!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
I know, I know
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!
We got it.

You know Faux News and friends will push that negative vibe
And when things improve they'll all want to imbibe
Hatin' on him is the way they wanna go
Sarah Palin in 2012? Oh hell no
But we won't let this mess hold us back,
We're getting our stuff together,
Getting our troops out of Iraq!
If you ever felt disenfranchised before,
I know you'll refuse to be disenfranchised anymore!

Don't you let neoconservatives,
Stand in your way!
I want y'all to listen, listen,
to every word I say, every word I say!

Barack's the president now!
Yo Yo Yo
We're on the move!
We're moving, improving

Barack's the president now!
Moving improving moving improving
Barack's the president now!
I know things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
I know things really, really will improve

The GOP's lying
But I ain't buying

We're leaving the negative people
Way behind

Because our turn has finally come around

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

fade to finish...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Grandma Just Got Busted In A Drug Deal

TransGriot Note: It's time for another holiday song rewrite! This one was spawned by the news that Sherry Johnston, mother of Levi Johnston and soon to be grandmother of Levi and Bristol Palin's baby boy, was arrested by Alaska State Police in a drug investigation.

This situation was too irresistible not to put in song format, so fire up those iPod's and sing along with the rewritten holiday lyrics.





Grandma Just Got Busted In A Drug Deal
(sung to the tune of 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer' by the Irish Rovers)

Grandma just got busted in a drug deal
By Alaska state police before Christmas Eve
Because the other grandma is the governor
Doesn't mean that you'll get a reprieve

She'd been under investigation
For several months as we now know
She'd been selling Oxycontin,
Got busted as she stepped out in the snow.

Bailed her out before Christmas mornin,'
In Wasilla now she's back.
But next month grandma's got a court date
And the DA won't be cutting her any slack

Grandma just got busted in a drug deal
By Alaska state police before Christmas Eve
Because the other grandma is the governor
Doesn't mean that you'll get a reprieve

Now we're all concerned for Levi
He's probably not takin' this so well.
He's been working in the North Slope oil fields
And he's probably hollerin' 'what the hell?'


Bristol's had her baby shower
She's due any day now that's a fact
And we just can't help but wonder:
If Grandma Sarah thinks the situation's wacked?
(Yes, it's wacked)

Grandma just got busted in a drug deal
By Alaska state police before Christmas Eve
Because the other grandma is the governor
Doesn't mean that you'll get a reprieve

Grandma Sarah didn't call a press conference
But she took pains to enunciate
Through a government media spokesperson,
'This isn't a matter of Alaska state'.

So there it is my friends and neighbors.
A story as bizarre as it can be
It's a perfect holiday example
Of conservative family values and hypocrisy

Grandma just got busted in a drug deal
By Alaska state police before Christmas Eve
Because the other grandma is the governor
Doesn't mean that you'll get a reprieve
(Sing it, Sarah)

Grandma just got busted in a drug deal
By Alaska state police before Christmas Eve
Because the other grandma is the governor
Doesn't mean that you'll get a reprieve

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Don't Hate


An MKR poem


Don't hate
Because the world thinks it's great
That we have a Black president after a 200 year wait
With Michelle as his loving mate
And from the Oval Office he'll administrate

Don't hate
Because Obama can enunciate
His campaign was first-rate
Change was the theme Barack articulates
In January we'll have a prez that can communicate

Don't hate
Because America wants to repudiate
Our race-based tendency to segregate
And racism we need to obliterate
For y'all who wanna trip please emigrate

Don't hate
Because conservatism lies prostrate
You're the fools that chose to concentrate
On GLBT civil rights to eradicate
And the undemocratic agenda you pontificate

Don't hate
Because the world did celebrate
McCain and Palin's losing fate
The DC House Bush soon has to vacate
Our troops from Iraq we can extricate

Don't hate
Because 'We the people' gave them a mandate
It's time to stop bickering and cooperate
Now the Dems will get to legislate
To clean up the eight year mess we didn't create

Don't hate
Because with the planet we'll collaborate
On science and technology we'll innovate
Our children we'll recommit to educate
That's why Barack's the winning candidate

So don't hate

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I'm The Sidekick John McCain


TransGriot Note: Been a while since I've done one of my song rewrites. Got the idea for this one when I heard the latest attack on Obama concerning his Harvard education. This from someone mind you who graduated 894th out of 898 in his Naval Academy class.

Here's my latest rewrite, so enjoy.



I'm the Sidekick John McCain
(sung to the tune of 'If I Only Had A Brain)

I survived prison cell trauma
Not eloquent as Obama
And crashed too many planes
My scholastic record's spotty
And my attitude is snotty
'Cause I'm the sidekick John McCain

I stepped out on my first honey
For Cindy's Budweiser money
For that I have no shame
I'm conservative as can be
Supported the Bush policies
'Cause I'm the sidekick John McCain

My campaign is grossly failing
'Cause I selected Sarah Palin
For my VP running mate
I don't know economics
And my temper is atomic
'Cause I'm the sidekick John McCain

In this critical election
I expect massive rejection
'Cause Bush and I are the same
The working class gets slammed
And I want to bomb Iran
'Cause I'm the sidekick John McCain



Crossposted from the Bilerico Project

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Poetic Posts


TransGriot Note: I love creative writing, and from time to time I like writing short stories, novels and poetry.

Some of them I've posted on TransGriot, and since there are over 900 plus posts for you to peruse, thought I'd make it easy for y'all and consolidate the poetry links in one easy to find post.


photo and video-Maya Angelou reading her poem 'On The Pulse Of Morning' during the 1993 inauguration of President Bill Clinton.



Silly Rabbit


Ebony


Batty Boys


I Am She


Fracked Up


Don't Disrespect Me



They Don't Want No Sissy Church



Phenomenal Transwoman


Houston Blues


I Am A Houston Sistah

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Silly Rabbit

TransGriot Note: Was motivated to write this poem after seeing a young male wearing this anti gay slogan on a t-shirt.

An MKR Poem


Saw you on the street the other day
Wearing a shirt that was anti gay
It read, 'silly faggot, dicks are for chicks'
Thanks for the warning you're a bigoted prick

Did you know there are chicks
That don't like dicks?
And there are chicks
That possess dicks?

There are handsome Dicks
Who used to be chicks
And there are Dicks
Who are now cute chicks

So, silly rabbit
Are you in the habit
Of showing the world that in your brain
Ignorance, transphobia and homophobia reign?

And that you're immature
And insecure
In your sexuality
And gender identity?

Think about this silly rabbit, if you can
Did that shirt make you feel more like a man?
If hating gay and trans peeps makes you feel okay
You're a pathetic waste of DNA

You keep hatin' on peeps who are transgender or gay
We ain't gonna go away
'Tudes like yours cause us stress and strife
But won't keep us from living a quality life
Silly rabbit

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Ebony


TransGriot Note: It's been a while since I've been motivated to write a poem about something. I started writing the first draft of this one about Ebony Whitaker the day she was buried.

An MKR Poem


Ebony
Died violently
At age twenty
Because she was T

Tossed out at sixteen
Onto Memphis streets too mean
With pockets very lean
Because of her gender dream

So this lovely teen
To make her green
And fulfill her gender dream
Strut her stuff for sex fiends

Living a street life
Full of torment and strife
While evolving to be
Ebony

She died painfully and quick
At the hands of a horny trick
Out of hatred and pure meanness
'Cause he discovered she had a penis

No vagina between her legs
Was the reason he shot her dead
Thought that was enough justification
To facilitate her short life's termination

This beautiful young woman
The world didn't understand
That although she was born Rodney
She was never a man

Thank you HRC,
And Barney
Because you don't care about transgender me
There's no Ebony

To the Memphis media who refused to look
Inside their AP stylebook
Did these peeps even go to journalism school?
'Cause the coverage of Ebony and Tiffany definitely wasn't cool

And to the cowardly waste of DNA
Who callously took your life away
This monstrous crime will not stand
Justice for you we'll always demand

My dearest Ebony
Now your femme spirit's flying free
Wonder how your life would've turned out to be
With unconditional love from your family

Monday, July 14, 2008

GOP Golddigger


TransGriot Note: it's been a while since I composed a song rewrite for your pleasure. There was also a neat picture I found of an elderly McCain and his wife that I wanted to go with this post, but for some strange reason every time I tried to upload either that picture, one of McCain, or of Cindy, it returned a mysterious 'internal server error' response. Even changing the name of the photo file didn't allow it to be uploaded. Interestingly enough, I don't get that same 'internal server error' response when it comes to pictures of Barack and Michelle Obama. What's up with that?



Sung to the tune of Kanye West's 'Gold Digger'

He takes my money when I'm in need
Yea he's a trifflin' husband indeed
Oh he's a gold digga way over town
That digs on me

Chorus
(He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm Need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger(He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down

After Vietnam
Cheerleader had it going on
With truckloads of cash
Under her underarm
Cindy said "John, you rock!"
As she fell for his charm
His wife Carol prayed for his safety
From the Viet Cong
Dumped his first wife for Cindy
Yo homes, have you seen her?
Because Cindy's cash can help in the political arena
Cindy adopts a Bangladeshi kid
Bush used to ruin the 2K presidential bid
Ok you got ya kid I have to bring around my friends
I sold out to the Bushies for my career to extend
But I won the nomination, that's the bed I made
If I'm messing with this girl then I gotta get paid
You know why
It take too much to touch her
Cindy's makeup comes off in huge clusters
But without her my career would be lackluster
Don't care what y'all say yeah, I still love her


(He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm Need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger(He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down


14 years, 14 years Carol had your kids
Cindy's also got you for 18 years
John's payin' alimony for dissing her, dig?
His baby momma's car and crib ain't bigger than his
You see McCain on Meet the Press almost every Sunday
But he won't be driving off in a Hyundai
He was supposed to buy the presidency with her money
He went to the doctor and got a facelift with his honey
He walkin' around with a grin so sunny
Barack gonna wipe it off your face in November, sonny
If you're so in love why'd she get a prenup? Say it
SHE GOT A PRENUP, Yeaah
It's something that she felt she needed to have
Cause if you leave her dude she ain't gonna give you half
14 years, 14 years
Cindy didn't tell him she was adopting a kid.

He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm Need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger(He did me wrong)
McCain's a GOP gold digger (When I'm need)
Cindy made his bank account bigger
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down boy go head get down

You're a GOP gold digger and you got needs
McCain said she wears too much makeup and insulted her weave
Bailed out your broke campaign in your time of need
You publicly called her the C-word, damn homes she's peeved
But you peeps outside the beltway need to watch him
While half your check ends up putting gas in your Datsun
McCain got that presidential ambition look in his eyes
In November it'll be Obama taking the prize
With Michelle his only wife standing by his side
McCain's trying to win but his heart ain't right
How you dissed Carol, keep spinning, awight?
McCain you really make me hurl
Dumping your wife for a younger white girl

Get down boy go head get down
Get down boy go head get down
get down boy go head get down
get down boy go head
(can you play that back)


Cross posted to The Bilerico Project

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

They Hate Moni

TransGriot Note: I know I said a few days ago that the 'Hate on Haters' post would be the last time I wasted bandwidth on these WWBT clowns. But it has come to my attention that one of my WWBT haters went nuclear in their 'Attack Monica' campaign on her blog. Since I'm not even going to respond to her diatribe, I was inspired this morning to do one of my infamous song rewrites about this situation.

They Hate Moni
Sung to the tune of 'They Want Money' by Kool Moe Dee

I'm thrivin'
They’re hating on me
All the so called WWBT’s
While I’m kicking knowledge
They rant incessantly
And incoherently
No need to deny to me
You latte-drinking heifers don't like Moni
While screamin' and yellin' like crazed banshees
No I ain't got no time for you tricksters
But slide your number
And I might chat with ya
You calling me racist
You shouldn't of said that
You played yourself
And I know where your heads at
Jealous of you don't make me laugh
You tramps all want my autograph
Or wanna be me so bad maybe
But I ain't sweating you so-called ladies
Forget all the silly rumors you heard
Here's the deal so spread the word

Yo,
I’m laughin’ at you girlfriend
Yo,
More woman than you are
Yo,
Proud of my history
The WWBT’s
Naw, they hate Moni

And I can see 'em a mile away
And when they act up
I just smile and say
Back up off me
Smell the coffee
Keep screamin' and plottin'
You mental softies

Watchin' you fume from the second I diss ya
Hear racist bile in your careless whispers
I know the game it's old and lame
Peeps respect my name and it drives you insane
I’m livin’ life and that pisses you off, hon
You’re home alone while I’m having fun
WWBT’s are whacked, yeah I said that
It ain't fiction it's a plain fact
Intellectually hanging with me come on
Your brains are already too far gone
I’ve got style
I’ve got class
You WWBT’s are nothin’ but crass

Yo,
I’m laughing at you girlfriend
Yo,
More woman than you are
Yo,
Proud of my history
The WWBT’s
Naw, they hate Moni

The WWBT crew I'm givin' them fits
‘Cause this transsistah is mad legit
I don’t sell woof tickets or take no shh..
Whatever I post it’s getting hits
So listen ladies and take the hint
I’m not an intellectual wimp
Oops, got an interview be back in a flash
Is that your dentures I’m hearing gnash?
Tired of wasting precious bandwidth
Admit you’re bitter and deal with it
So they wanna hate on
The media master
Keep proving my points
You’re social disasters
Neocoochie? Don’t care if you have one
Sorry that nothing’s happening
In your bedrooms to make you grin
You girls keep trying to crash my party
One day you might become somebody

Yo,
I’m laughing at you girlfriend
Yo,
More woman than you are
Yo,
Proud of my history
The WWBT’s
Naw, they hate Moni

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Batty Boys



TransGriot Note: This one is dedicated to all my Jamaican brothers and sisters who are fighting to survive murderous anti-GLBT hatred there

An MKR poem

Batty boys
Antimen
Kill 'em haff dead for their wages of sin

Batty boys
Antimen
Hate speech hurled at us from Jamaican citizens

Batty boys
Antimen
Where's the 'One Love' for my GLBT friends?

Batty boys
Antimen
Jamaican GLBT peeps risking life and limb

Batty Boys
Antimen
Killed 'cause who you love is different from them

Batty boys
Antimen
Transpeeps beat down for being too feminine

Batty boys
Antimen
Don't want us on your island? You can have it, then

Batty boys
Antimen
Not visiting 'till all Jamaicans are respected citizens

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It's A Wonderful Trans Life

TransGriot Note: I was inspired to write this when I briefly flipped on the TV over the weekend and stumbled across one of my fave movies, It's A Wonderful Life. Hope you enjoy the little twist I gave it.

"Hello?"
"Hey Phyllis, it's The Boss."
"What's up?"
"I know you're rehearing at The Club for tonight's show, but I'm gonna need you to go back to Earth."
"What's going on?"
"You remember when you escorted Monica around Heaven during her out of body experience last year?"
"Yeah. She's a sweet kid."
"You did such a wonderful job during that time, we assigned you to be her permanent guardian angel."
"Thanks. So what's up, Boss?"
"She's feeling more than a little depressed about things lately. She's upset about a confluence of events in her life. While I know she's thinks too highly of herself to take her own life, I want to make sure she doesn't. I still have a lot of things I've prepared her to do on Earth that I need her to be around for to execute."
"So what do you need me to do?"
"Help her regain that sunny optimism of hers and her Christmas spirit for starters."
"When do you need me to leave?"
"How about in the next few minutes? I'll send you your briefing information about her current situation on the way down."
"Okay."

Monica sat at her computer desk and stared at the screen for a few hours, but the composition block for her TransGriot blog post was as empty as when she first sat down two hours before.
"This is useless. I might as well give it up for the night and see what movies Dawn rented," she said as she signed out of her blog and shut down her computer.

She exited her room and headed downstairs to the living room. She hooked a left into the kitchen to get herself some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She pulled a large mug out of the kitchen cabinet, made a beeline for the freezer and removed the ice cream container. She filled her mug and put the container back in the freezer before heading to the living room and setting it down on the small table next to the recliner. She then moved to the big screen TV to check out the latest pile of rental DVD’s on top of it. “Hmm, some of her usual anime stuff but some Christmas ones as well,” Monica thought as she perused the stack of DVD’s. “You’re Under Arrest Christmas Edition, Noir, A Diva’s Christmas and It’s A Wonderful Life.”

“I think I’ll start with It’s A Wonderful Life first before I get my Natsumi and Miyuki fix.” she remarked as she powered up the home theater system, opened the protective DVD box and placed it in the already opened DVD player tray before pressing play.

As that Christmas classic movie filled the screen, Monica started thinking about her own problems as she devoured her ice cream.
“I definitely feel George Bailey in this movie”, she said softly to herself as she finished the last of her ice cream and yawned. “Sometimes I wish I’d just been born a genetic female, then I wouldn’t have had all this drama in my life.”


“Are you sure about that?”
Monica looked over toward the couch where Dawn was sleeping. “I know I must be hallucinating. I thought I heard somebody say something.”
“You did.”
Monica turned her head to the sound of the voice and noted Phyllis Hyman’s shapely statuesque presence in the living room.
“Now I know I’m tripping. I gotta stop eating Blue Bell this late at night.”
“Yes, you do if you want to drop those ten pounds you’re always complaining about.”

Phyllis noted the confusion etched on Monica’s face and said, “No, this isn’t a dream. I’m here in the flesh, so to speak.”
“So to what do I owe this visit?”
“First, your grandmother says hello and told me to remind you to check on your Dad.”
‘Okay, will do.”
“Tyra and the gang at The Beauty Shop said hello as well.”
“Give ‘em my love as well. But back to my original question.”
“I’m your official guardian angel now. The Boss is concerned about you.”
”Because I’m depressed? I’ve been depressed before and He hasn’t sent my guardian angel to check on me in the flesh before.”
“Actually, He has. Those particular times you didn’t know it.”
“Oh, okay.”
‘Want some more ice cream before we get started?”
“Yeah, I’ll go get it,” Monica said as she prepared to get up from the recliner.
“Sit tight, Moni, I got this,” said Phyllis as she snapped her fingers. Monica’s empty mug was refilled while at the same time one appeared in Phyllis’ right hand complete with a spoon. She sampled the ice cream and said,” I see why you love this stuff.”
“It’s the bomb isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“I grew up on it. Reminds me of home when I eat it.”
Phyllis finished her ice cream and resumed her mission. “Look, I know you’ve been going through some rough times lately…”
“You got that right.”
“And Christmas doesn’t make that any easier. But you gotta snap out of it.”
“Pardon me for sounding like the Grinch doll that’s sitting on the mantel next to my Trinity, but bah humbug.”
“I know you’re disappointed over the ENDA and JCPS votes…”
“Disappointed is a mild way of putting it.”
“But you, I and The Boss know it’s gonna happen. You just gotta have faith it will.”
“Phyllis, I’m tired of somedays. I’m tired of being repeatedly cut out of the legislation we desperately need as a community. I’m sick of sellout idiots who don’t have half of my God-given intelligence calling me crazy, the n-word or worse when I try to tell the truth to the transgender community about the people they shill for or expose their part in screwing this community.”

She listened emphatically as Monica continued venting her frustration about the recent developments and some other drama in her life. ”I understand.”
“No Phyllis, you don’t. It’s crap. I try to do the right, moral and decent things in my life and they seem to go unappreciated and unrewarded. It’s not that I’m looking for glory in trying to pass these laws, it’s the right thing to do. When am I gonna catch a break? When are the bad guys in life gonna lose? When are my people gonna stop being killed, denigrated and disrespected? It’s enough to make me wish that I didn’t have the ‘transgender’ label in my life. Then I wouldn’t have all this drama.”
“You really think your life would be better if you‘d been born a genetic female?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
Phyllis paused for a few moments before she said, ““Want some more ice cream?”
“Yeah”
“This is your last one for the night,”
“Okay”
She snapped her fingers as both mugs refilled, then she said as she sat in the other recliner in the room, “Moni, were gonna watch a movie.”
“Which one?”
“Oh, I won’t need a DVD for this one,” she said as she sat down and pointed the remote at the TV

In an instant Monica was transfixed as she was suddenly transported back to a 60’s era Houston hospital watching a young African-American woman give birth. When the camera zoomed in on the wall calendar it read May 4 and she realized the woman was her mother. The gentleman standing next to her as the baby took its first breaths and she held it was her family doctor back in Houston.
“Congratulations, it’s a girl.”
She watched her mother’s face light up, exhausted but happy in the knowledge that she’d delivered a healthy baby girl.

Monica continued to watch the movie as events happened in her life, but on the flip side of the gender spectrum. She got to observe during the movie a conversation between three girls who hated and mercilessly teased her not only because of her intelligence and looks, but who her parents were. As her growth spurt kicked in and she towered over everyone in her 5th grade class it got worse.
“Now you get to feel my pain,“ said Phyllis.

Monica also got to watch a conversation between her parents as they discussed a junior high report card in which her math grades were lower than expected.
“You know she doesn’t like math.”
“I know that. But Monica has to learn that she can’t skate by on her good looks. She’s too smart for that,” said her mother.
“You’re right, but I think suspending her phone privileges for three weeks was too harsh.”
“Maybe, but you’ll thank me later when she graduates from college.


Speaking of college, the next scenes show Monica standing in front of the UC on the University of Houston campus wearing a green dress suit, black hose, green pumps and holding an ivy plant. As she’s being inspected by her big sisters two of her future sorors were discussing the line and Monica’s chances of going over.

“I think Too Tall will be an excellent addition to our chapter.”
“I can’t stand her.”
“Why? Because she has a 3.4 GPA?”
“No, because she’s a legacy. She thinks she’s all that because her daddy’s on the radio.”
“The people I talked to about Monica from her old high school love her. They say she’s always been a sweet kid without a pretentious bone in her body. She was a cheerleader, student council president, editor of the school newspaper and an all district volleyball player.”
“So? It still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stand her.”

I watched as she made Monica’s life on line hell, but she went over. She got her heart broken in college for the first time thanks to a UH football player. She was nearly date raped in another disastrous encounter She channeled that into graduating on time, serving in the sorority leadership ranks and upping her GPA to a 3.65. She also graduated from school with a psychology degree with a history minor. She’d been motivated to go into it after taking a human sexuality class her sophomore year and finding the transgender film fascinating.

Phyllis fast-forwarded it to the part where Monica has an office in the Med Center but is still single. She let her eavesdrop on a phone call in which she's being prodded by her mom to hurry up, get married and have some children before the first client enters her office for the day.

She paused the film after Monica said,” All this is doing is proving my point.”
“Yes, your life is turning out better, but what about the people’s lives who look at you as a role model?”

She showed one example of a young transsistah who was searching for any Internet blog or website that didn’t depict Black transwomen in a negative light.
“This girl stumbled across your Transsistahs-Transbrothas group on line. But since you're not a transwoman anymore, the group doesn’t get founded. Your blog and newspaper columns don’t exist either, which hundreds of people per day around the world read.”
“Yeah, I know that….”
“But you don’t know how many people you positively affect just by being you.”
“Hmm, you’ve given me something to think about.”
“God made all of us, even transpeople. You’re the only people on the planet who know what it’s like to be on both sides of the gender fence. That’s one quality that makes you special.”
“Too bad we don’t get treated that way.”
“One day, with your help, you will.”
Phyllis got up from the recliner and gave Monica a hug. “I’ve gotta get back and finish rehearsing for an upcoming show at The Club.’
“Who’s performing with you?”
“Aaliyah and Selena.”
“Wow, y’all have some interesting entertainment up there.”
“That we do. Hang in there Monica. Everything will work out and I’ll have your back.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Bye, Monica,” Phyllis said as she departed.
"Merry Christmas, Phyllis."
***
“Monica, I’m trying to sleep… Can you take that movie to your room?”
“Huh?” she said in a dreamy state.
“Turn it off or take that movie to your room, please.”
“Yeah, okay Dawn.”
Monica hit the remote and turned off the downstairs TV before heading to her room. She decided to flip on the TV and do a little channel surfing for something interesting. She gasped and chuckled when she discovered what the Christmas movie being broadcast that night was:

It’s A Wonderful Life.